So... My visit to the Apple Store proved to be a waste of everybody's time. I was offered two options: (1) to send my AirPods Pros in for "repairs" (meaning the tech would flash them with an older firmware), which would take about a week, or (2) to just deal with the lousy noise cancellation until Apple issues a firmware update, whenever that might be. Between the service call and the store visit, I'm out about 2 hours of my time, only to learn that the info on Macrumors is just as if not more reliable than what's coming out of Apple these days. As an IT professional, I know how bad the situation must be for Apple to not be providing an estimated date for the firmware update; that means they haven't gotten to the root of the problem or the proposed solution comes with risks that require extensive testing.