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Am i a bad person?

crazycat

crazycat

macrumors 65816
Original poster
Dec 5, 2005
1,319
0
I have a friend of mine who cheats on his wife all the time, we go to bars pick up girls and are active in the dating world the only difference is he is married I am not. For some reason I don’t feel bad about it, it does not bother me I kinda like it since we are best friends since ever.

I know I am not a bad person, I go out of my way to help people and I don’t have evil thoughts in my head. I am always nice to people, I never wished people harm even thou some people I met should be harmed.

What do you guys think I was just thinking about it and would like a difference opinion from mine.
 
Am I a bad person? Part Deux?

You might be just by association. Did you attend his wedding? If so, you may have taken part in the promise that you'll uphold their wedding, to make sure your friend is on the straight and narrow. I would be saddened you knew of his activities and how it will affect his marriage. Are you really his friend?


Here's to the Crazy Ones ​
 
You certainly aren't helping to discourage his behavior, are you? I couldn't do it. I couldn't be a party to that. He will get caught, and when he does you will look pretty bad, too.
 
I'm not one who promotes cheating, nor do I condone it. Your friend is what I call a piece of ****, and if he were my brother in law, I'd take him out, get him drunk, and then crush his legs with a sledge hammer. Then I'd probably hid ehis corpse in a hollowed out tree.

You're an accomplice to this by not saying anything.

It's fine if you're going to f*** girls left and right (for the love of god use protection if you do) but when you PROMISE and commit to someone under the vow of marriage, you break everything that marriage was supposed to be.

Tell your friend to grow a pair of balls and call it off if he's going to sleep with other women. Otherwise, you've got as small of testicles as he does.

It honestly does not sound like you really do go out of your way to help others out, considering this will probably end your relationship with your friend if you tell his wife, which would be the right thing to do.
 
Lacero said:
Am I a bad person? Part Deux?

You might be just by association. Did you attend his wedding? If so, you may have taken part in the promise that you'll uphold their wedding, to make sure your friend is on the straight and narrow. I would be saddened you knew of his activities and how it will affect his marriage. Are you really his friend?


Here's to the Crazy Ones ​
Click to expand...

Ditto...If I had a friend doing this, I would beat the crap out of him. I just believe very strongly in marriage and faithfulness. You may feel like you don't know what to do since you aren't married, which is understandable.

2 things:

1. Don't use his actions as an example of how you are supposed to act in marriage.
2. Talk to him about this. He may not listen at first, but my true friends are the ones who don't blow sunshine at me, they are the ones that challenge me to improve in all areas.

crdean1 Edit:....and what e said.
 
Have no idea whether you're a bad person or not.

Let's confine the discussion to whether your behaviour with your friend is honorable or not.

Reading between the lines, I would say that you really don't like your friend's wife much at all. Scenario: She says "Why didn't you ever tell me about this, or at least tell him you weren't gonna go tomcatting with him?" Your answer at present would be "He's my friend, he's all I care about, and #$^@# you and your feelings." She'll hate your guts. However you may be just fine with that.

Hope there are no children.

Your choices would seem to be

- Keep clubbin' & rationalize that it won't do any harm because he'd do the same on his own anyway / his wife won't find out / his wife doesn't care / his wife is frigid (have I missed any?) --- but possibly along the way help your friend destroy his marriage (assuming that his marriage is of the conventional, promise to be monogamous variety)

- Tell your friend that you won't participate in his cheating anymore, but it's up to him to deal with his wife

- Actively campaign to him to clean up and to be honest with is wife

- Tell the wife yourself.

There are consequences to each choice, obviously, and many of them are unpleasant. You see, you have no obligation to act or not either way, but not acting is also a choice.

'Course knowing that my friend is a liar and a cheat somewhat colours the friendship for me, but that's just me. I wouldn't lend him any money, lets just say.

Now if there are children, he's not only cruising to hurt his wife (who presumably could survive a breakup, or a STD, or both) but also irrevocably harm the lives of the children. That's bad. If you are indifferent to that, then we can start talking about your overall moral postion.
 
Well i can see how some might see me as a bad person and i know i will get some replys that i will not like. I never met his wife, and i did not attend the weading i had to undergo an operation. I ask him to stop a few times but it seems my comments are not going to him, we are a close group of friends about 10 of us who go out and party and hold parties in our places. If i tell him wife then the friendship with him will end and most likely effect the others.

I dont see myself as being bad, i just cant make the connection of me saying nothing and me being bad. I would say the same thing as some of you said about me if i did not know me but i cant say it in my case.

Lacero: I have not read the thread but i am sure going to.

grapes911: I agree :\
 
crazycat said:
we are a close group of friends about 10 of us who go out and party and hold parties in our places. If i tell him wife then the friendship with him will end and most likely effect the others.

I dont see myself as being bad, i just cant make the connection of me saying nothing and me being bad. I would say the same thing as some of you said about me if i did not know me but i cant say it in my case.
Click to expand...

You and the group are enablers -- you are making it easy for the scum husband to cheat. The group even provides the private venue...

Hmmm. OK, you seem to be saying if it was anybody else that did nothing, you might find them bad, but because it's you , there are extenuating circumstances that mean you can't see your actions (or lack of them) as being spineless and uncaring. OK -- thats one view.

Let me get this again -- the group thows a party at someones place and invites the husband and his nookie of the moment to have some private dirtyness, away from the public eye?

Nice. :(

Too bad you can't make the connection.
 
CanadaRAM said:
You and the group are enablers -- you are making it easy for the scum husband to cheat. The group even provides the private venue...

Hmmm. OK, you seem to be saying if it was anybody else that did nothing, you might find them bad, but because it's you , there are extenuating circumstances that mean you can't see your actions (or lack of them) as being spineless and uncaring. OK -- thats one view.

Let me get this again -- the group thows a party at someones place and invites the husband and his nookie of the moment to have some private dirtyness, away from the public eye?

Nice. :(

Too bad you can't make the connection.
Click to expand...


Agreed. This is an entirely bad situation. If you really are someone who looks out for the benefit of your fellow human being, then perhaps you should actually, well, meet his wife, and then suggest to him that he's a piece of ****. Then, if he doesn't do anything about his behavior tell her.

No, wait, scratch that. You should tell her anyway, because if you don't, and he either continues and doesn't get caught, or he stops and doesn't tell ehr, it's still there.

Just because a piece of information is omitted doesn't mean it's not a lie. You are fueling the fire by letting this go.

A good human being wouldn't tolerate such abuse.
 
Just because your best friend is a scumbag doesn't mean you are.

These days friends last longer than wives, unless you really care about her -- you'd be destroying your relationship with him if you turn him in.

It's all up to you.

But it is a little odd that he has never brought her to meet you.
 
Dont Hurt Me said:
Not much respect for someone cheating on his wife, why be married in the first place?Not much respect for someone helping him either.
Click to expand...

There is a difference between someone helping and someone doing nothing.

Example:

Person A is fighting with person B, the fight is bloody. Person C gives person A a hammer to use on person B, person C is a bad person. Me i am person D the guy who is at the end of the bar enjoying his drink is out of the way. When you look at this picture most people are D's and maybe 1-2 E's who try to stop the fight.
 
crazycat said:
There is a difference between someone helping and someone doing nothing.

Example:

Person A is fighting with person B, the fight is bloody. Person C gives person A a hammer to use on person B, person C is a bad person. Me i am person D the guy who is at the end of the bar enjoying his drink is out of the way. When you look at this picture most people are D's and maybe 1-2 E's who try to stop the fight.
Click to expand...
Hmm. That just sounds like rationalizing to me.

I agree w/ CanadaRAM.
You and the group are enablers...
Click to expand...
Perhaps that's a more accurate description than 'helping someone cheat'-- you are 'enabling.'
 
It's not really a fight, is it? If it was a fight then both parties would know that they were in a fight. The wife doesn't know there's a fight and has no way of defending herself.
 
Your a horrible horrible person! :p ;)

Ok, if I was in your position, I would tell your friend my morals... personally, I dont want to have friend that cheats on his wife. Therefore, you tell him that he needs to stop. If he doesn't, stop going to bars with him, he may not be a good friend in the future.

That just my 2 cents...
 
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