Another Pathetic Cry For Help

[Legolamb]

It sounds like she's playing you. Maybe she is doing it consciously, maybe not. Whatever. It is clear you are allowing her to manipulate you. Run, do not walk away. People who really like each other and want to be in the same degree of relationship don't behave like this. As they say, "she's just not all that into you".

You say you like to believe that you are in control. Sorry to be harsh, but you cannot be in control where someone else's feelings are involved. That's part of the deal of being in relationships. If you are in need of being "in control" don't aim for any satisfying relationship. Actually, if you need to constantly feel on top of life in general, aim low, set few goals for yourself, and avoid challenges.

Oh, and the confidence thing. It doesn't mater what you look like; it's what do. It comes from how you handle hurdles and fears with a certain amount of grace. You really can't just look in the mirror and intone "I'm the man, I'm the man" and expect it to be real. People can spend years struggling until they get what they want, and sometimes even struggle is enough and you gotta go into a different flow. How'd you like to build a great company and lose total control due to company politics. Would you be able to pull a Jobs, buy another company, turn that into a success and then regain control of your first "love"? I know some pretty powerful CEO's and politicians. Every one of them admit to uncertainty at various points; none of them ever try for "total control" because they know it's an illusion that they can't afford.

So, have fun in NY. Allow NY to work its magic. Get yourself to the Apple Store at least. Fill your days and nights up with things you'd never do in Spain.

Sorry for the rant, but I mean well.

 

[Legolamb]

Bottom line: men and women think differently. They (women) don't think the way we do. Rational vs. irrational....

Don't have the time, but I'm sooooo looking forward to shooting you down on this one day, Wild Bill. You're gonna be running to Annie Oakley for cover when we fembots go after you.

 

[yojitani]

Hey Patmian212,

I was wondering what happened to you after you came to the board asking for some advice about depression. I've a feeling the two are linked. You seem like a mature 18 y/o, so you really should not feel any shame about seeing a counselor. You coming here asking for advice is really not all that different in a sense, except that you can talk face-to-face to someone and you have more opportunities to clarify your thoughts (not to mention the fact that you are getting a mixed bag of responses here!). Going to a counselor is not like it is in the movies... there's nothing to be intimidated by. You might try contacting a professional first on your own and talk to him/her about how to approach your mother about getting some help. I don't know, you could even tell your mother that you aren't sure about your future and have some anxiety about it but can't talk to her about it?? some excuse?

Anyway, directly to this situation. I once dated someone recovering from an eating disorder and as I guess you know the disorder is just the tip of the iceberg of a bunch of more complex emotional issues. My guess would be that the ambiguity of your relationship with her has something to do with her own problems. That could be good or bad. However, it seems to me that you don't have much to lose here. If you were totally upfront about your feelings and she rejected you, it doesn't sound like the possible loss of friendship is at issue, right? Why not try to get some conclusion to this relationship one way or another then? If you tell her everything you've told us and she rejects you, then you know where you stand as much as it will hurt (and DAMN, you're going to Madrid where there are more than enough wonderful women!). And if she lets you know a bit more about what's going on with her, then great, you know where you stand.

YT

 

[zblaxberg]

You sound like a mature kid with a good head on his shoulders. You'll do fine out there. Don't let this baggage drag you down.

I have to agree. To the OP I have had a very similar event happen to me so I can honestly say I know how you feel. I'm still trying to get over this girl and I stayed up till 5am two weeks ago writing a letter to her saying how I would treat her if she were my gf and wasn't hooking up with this other guy. She really liked it, at the time and now...she's basically forgetting I ever existed. I've hooked up with her too and thats the thing. She's stuck between two guys and I can't have all the bulls#*t. It's not worth wasting my teenage years just wishing this girl will come to me. I'm going to senior week in ocean city next week. She's going to Chicago with 3 of her gf's and she tends to randomly hook up a lot. I'm really pissed cuz she won't talk to me and if the OP wants someone to talk to who has gone through a very similar occasion, PM me sometime.

There are good days and bad days. Sometimes life sucks but don't waste it over some girl who isn't realistically worth it. Chin up soldier, just let it go.

EDIT: I'm 18 too so we're not so different you and I.