Our comparisons aren't stupid. In either case, you're "stealing stuff in real life." Software is just as real as an iPhone. Just because one is a physical item that you can hold and the other is information in a computer, they're still both real products, and stealing either of them is illegal. Just because something is easy to steal doesn't mean you're entitled to take it. Yes, you can steal software, and true, you might not get caught. There's lots of things in life that you COULD do, but that doesn't mean they're all legal or right. You're justifying it by saying that it's easy and you won't get caught, so that makes it ok. If that's what makes you feel good about it and helps you sleep at night, go for it. I do hope that someday people like you get caught, though. Maybe it would knock your attitude down by a notch or two.
By the way, as for stupid comparisons...eating steak at your mom's house isn't stealing. Unless she finds you obnoxious and refuses to feed you, but you go and take the steak anyways. Then you're stealing from her, which would also be wrong. But you seem to have a misguided sense of right and wrong, so you probably wouldn't care.