My take on the launch.
Hi I'm Tim and my bonus is at risk if you don't buy something innovative from us. We are very, very innovative. I can't stress that enough. Constantly innovating.
For the love of God, would you people on Intel Macs please upgrade.
We've improved the M3 Pro chip, but not as much as the M3 Max chip. Why? Have you seen our prices on M3 Max.
The new MacBook has a long list of great features, identical to everything in a M1 or M2, but we will go through them anyway, just to sound like something has changed. That's why we decided to launch it in black. Black is a colour never used before in a laptop computer and we are excited to give you this option. To help make the decision easier for you we have coated the new black Mac in a special nano technology that will hide fingerprints right up to the point your credit card clears and you get it home. So even if you own a perfectly fine M1 or M2, now you will be missing out on a colour choice and something compelling to use your Apple polishing cloth on. How's that for innovation.
The new M3 chip opens a world of new possibilities of what you can do with it - like all these things you will never do with it.
You can also play games on the M3 with our new GPU performance, just like on your gaming PC from five years ago and what's more you can use your new Mac to play one of four games. We've never played games at Apple, because we are all older driven executives who have spent a lifetime focussed on climbing the career ladder but I'm sure its good if you are into that kind of thing. Frankly, my biggest preoccupation this past three months has been losing weight so I can fit in these ridiculous clothes they picked out for me. I now list that as my hobby.
Hi I'm another presenter and I will say it again. Will you Intel people please buy a Mac. I mean we've got a chart here that says 4x. What else do we have to do for crying out loud. Just buy a new Mac.
For those of you on Intel iMac's I am going to definitely not mention the screen size of the new M3 iMac, while mentioning how pretty everything looks on it and how expansive the desktop is, without again, mentioning the actual screen size. Look! It comes in pretty colours!
Well that's another show done. Now excuse me while I innovate some spin around our last quarter results, because at Apple we never stop innovating. It's what we do and will always do, as long as we want executive bonuses and a house extension. So just go and buy something and innovate.
