If a replacement component is installed and that disables the device, then the component - and by association the person that supplied or installed it - is at fault.
I hear what you're trying to say, but a part working for a time and then failing due to incorrect installation, regardless of the cause, was never installed correctly. You can say it was a deliberate attempt by Apple to disable 3. party components although plenty of other gray market installed components work, it was clear to me they really never considered this possibility and the invalid pairing was triggered with a software update. The is 100% the fault of the service provider offering services they were not qualified to provide.
The automotive analogy is TERRIBLE. First, I completely disagree that people should be allowed to modify their car to perform outside the specs of the EPA certified ones. Second, the analogy is terrible because cars are historically analog devices.

Being able to replace whole systems that are bolt on, like a water pump, is very different than say repairing the cars computer. Still, the car analogy, as bad as it is, is changing. Cars today are much less serviceable today than the past and only going to become more so as we transition to non-ICE alternatives.
Your coffee maker... A subsidized coffee maker financed by the sale of pods (environmental disaster) is clearly a choice that is unappealing to some, in the same way an Xbox or Playstation (subsidized devices) using cryptographic lock-in is also unappealing. I own a Delonghi bean-to-cup espresso machine ($5000 starting cost but I've owned it now for 7 years and had it repaired once), because I cannot stand the thought of buying pods or what have you from vendor X and disposing or 'recycling' of it. I want to choose the beans and throw out only compostable grounds. There are choices for people that want choice, they should apply that mindset to purchasing electronics, although it will basically mean they'll have high-maintenance electronics (read Linux).
The reason - if you wanted to allow user repair you should have avoided a world of miniturization. SoC designs are your mortal enemy. Software bundled with hardware should tell you, no, we don't want you futzing around and we didn't plan on it. I write software and work with SoC hardware professionally. It is difficult to write good software and I promise you that while we attempt to write completely robust software, nobody has ever suggested I should account for the possibility that someone has replaced a component incorrectly, with a faulty component, or fake component. Well, not entirely true, but not in a direct, first priority way. I'll tell you, in my business, I can't imagine someone thinking that was a good idea, but you know, some guy trying to save a buck might just do it and complain subsequently that we were trying to lock him out and we're just trying to make the thing work without bugs.