My friends!
All these rumors and fantastic predictions/imaginings/expectations are all fun and cool, but wouldn't you like to have a break and read an epic story? A story so epic! Let's begin...
In the year 2029, a machine intelligence called MicroNet has dominated much of the cell phone market, leaving only destruction and impracticality in it's wake. But there are small pockets of resistance all over the world who live only to fight a new nightmare... the war against the Zunes.
The survivors called it Judgement Day.
MicroNet, in an attempt to defeat the resistance before it even began, sent out a Zune into the past to stop the iPhone from even being created. But the resistance also sent out a lone warrior to protect the future from the past. The question is.... which one will get there first?
Steve Jobs "wtf is that thing???"
Kyle Reese "It's a Zune! Part media player, part terminator!"
Steve Jobs "You mean-"
Kyle Reese "Yes! It's all real! I'm actually Kyle Reese, not Michael Bein!"
Steve Jobs "Holy $#!@! Now what do we do? Can't we just talk to them, tell them that we can work competitively together in order to-"
Kyle Reese "No! It can't be bargained with! It can't be reasoned with! And it absolutely will not-"
Steve Jobs "Yeah I saw the movie, it'll kill me."
Kyle Reese "Sure. But I'm here to make sure you invent this...." [shows iPhone]
Steve Jobs "Awesome! It has too many features though, I better split it up to the whole thing over a period of uh.. hm, 4 years sounds about right."
Kyle Reese "Whatever! Just make it! ..... uh oh! Get down!"
.....
Steve Jobs "OMG did it just walk by us??"
Kyle Reese "No that's just a regular terminator I'm trying to avoid. They have infra red.... they hunt best at night."
Steve Jobs "So what does this "Zune" just float around or something?"
Kyle Reese "It looks like a man. But on the inside it's a-"
Steve Jobs "Heavily armoured battle chasis, I remember the movie."
Kyle Reese "No no, it's just a media player on the inside."
Meanwhile...... back at Apple HQ
Zune: I'm a friend of Steve Jobs, I was told he was here, could I see him please?
Front desk: Uh I'm sorry, he's out in a meeting... I think? I really don't know, sir. You can come back later, there's a bench over there if you want to wait.
Zune: I'll be back.
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!! DUDUN DUN DUDUN!!!!!! DUDUN DUN DUDUN!!!!