Comical?
My comments are about the launch to date which has been underwhelming, and I gave some reasons for it. But lets go over your points.
1) Yes, the AW has been on sale for 3 months and Apple still hasn't said anything about sales. If you are going compare the original iPhone to the AW, Apple announce sales thought the quarter. Why is Apple so mum?
2) Yes, people would laugh at the original iPhone specs today BECAUSE they laughed about them back then. The killer feature of the original iPhone was it's screen. It's processor was nothing to impress. And certainly it's wireless capability was a step back with only 2G EDGE. (Original iPad was criticized for being too heavy, which it was).
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Do you really believe the stuff you write. I'm as big an Apple fan as any and been so for almost as long as Apple has existed. But my ego is not invested in Apple's success. Where I see stink I'll pinch my nose for all to see. (I am BTW financially invested in Apple's success with it being 10% of my portfolio). The Apple Watch and launch TO DATE is plainly not a robust one to anyone who isn't wearing blinders.
Regarding 1) Apple said back in October that they weren't going to release sales figures and report it in "Other." You don't report sales of a major product category in "Other." Why is everyone surprised that they are sticking to their word?
My guess is that they know it isn't going to be a barn burner, but that they plan to stick with it over the long term (or at least a few generations) since they see potential in the category. It's an accessory, not a primary device. Do we judge a department store based on how many bracelets they sell? Specifically, it is an iPhone accessory for now. Therefore don't be surprised to see future launches tied to the iPhone release. We are in the 3 month "lull" before the new iPhone launch, which will bring millions of people into Apple Stores, followed by the holiday rush. I would not be surprised at all to see some more band options before the end of the year, along with a renewed marketing push this October. It probably won't sell in the stratospheric predictions that analysts were predicting (that you'll notice I said were unrealistic all along), but it will still bring in more revenue than the Apple TV and other accessories.
Apple is still first and foremost an iPhone seller. They likely have at least a year and maybe 2 more years of decent sales growth with the iPhone. Then, along with the rest of the industry, they'll face a saturated market and replacement-rate sales. That's where Samsung is now. Apple Watch won't be the "next big thing" that propels them to stratospheric growth, but I don't think it was intended to be, either.
If we are realistic, there is definitely potential for the Apple Watch, particularly the Sport, to be the preferred "second" Apple device, much like the iPod Shuffle was in its heyday. The biggest complaint I hear from people are that it doesn't have a standalone GPS, and thus it isn't "independent" enough to take on a run. Apple can fix that with a "fitness band" that incorporates a GPS and serves as an add-on. For all we know they are working on that now.
I like the Apple Watch but was realistic about it from the start. It hasn't changed my life, but I didn't expect it to. It is handy, and the steel version in particular is pretty nice looking with the right bands. I don't use apps all that much, but notifications are nice. Can they get 10% of iPhone buyers to purchase one regularly (or to buy new bands, etc.)? Perhaps eventually. If so, it would be as big as the Mac.
Watch 2. 
