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Are you a DINK?

calderone

calderone

Cancelled
Original poster
Aug 28, 2009
3,743
352
(Dual Income no Kids)

I rarely create threads but as I approach 30 it is clear to me that I do not want children. My partner agrees and thus I feel we will be DINKs for life.

Don't get me wrong, I like the idea of kids, I hear the stories from those around me about how their kids have changed their lives. Of course, those stories are in between the points where they are complaining about their situation.

Thus far, the bad seems to outweigh the good from my perspective. Now to the parents it is likely not that way, those good moments erase the bad ones which is fantastic. For me though, why deal with the bad?

Which gets to the heart of it: I don't want the hassle. I enjoy my freedom, time, money and overall lifestyle. I can pursue my Masters, have a nice amount of free cash flow, pick up and go when I want, etc. It may sound selfish (it is do a degree, but I obviously share with my partner so I am not THAT selfish), but I simply do not think I want to enter into that kind of obligation.

That said, if we later change our mind, adoption will be the first (and likely only...) route we take, far too many children out there.

Anyhow, just wanted to sync with some other DINKs out there. When did you really know kids weren't for you? Do you forsee changing your position down the road?
 
We know quite a few people who've taken this path. Even some couples in their 40s. Mind you, we live in the middle of a city so it's more likely we'll encounter those who have avoided the family option. Why not, I say? When it comes down to it raising kids isn't for everyone.

As for me, well, I'm one half of a same-sex marriage, so it's rather unlikely.
 
My wife and I are in our early to mid 30s with no plans for kids. It's not that we don't like kids - we both sometimes babysit for our friends and enjoy being around them - but we're missing whatever that instinct is to have our own. We're also both only children, so you can imagine the level of pressure we get from our folks. The word selfish gets used from time to time, but in our opinion it'd be more selfish to have a kid if we're merely ambivalent about the idea.

We are discovering a bit of downside to this, and it's the big "what next?" question. Both of us are established in our careers, and we have another 30+ years until retirement. What do we do with ourselves until then? We're both feeling a bit of a hole there, and we're still trying to figure that part of our lives out. It's not merely a boredom thing - we travel, buy stupid toys, spend money to learn new skills/hobbies - typical DINK stuff. It's more of a vague feeling that we need to be doing something greater with ourselves - if that makes any sense. Obviously having kids is the standard solution to that problem, but as DINKs it leaves a gap, and we're still searching for whatever it is that will give us that sense of fulfillment.
 
And this is how Idiocracy becomes a pre-documentary. The ignorant have litters of kids, and the intelligent chose not to...
 
I don't think that's particularly fair. Loads of good intelligent people have kids too. It's all about what you want out of life.
 
Yup I am right there with you. Me and the wife are in our late 30's and have no plans what so ever of having kids. None, nada.

@dmr727, I know what you are feeling right now, we were the same way a few years ago, when a lot of our friends were having kids and doing the "family" thing if you will.

For us it passed. We have found a few couples who are in the same boat as us and those are the people we mainly hang around now and travel with.

We don't regret the fact we are not having kids. It is a choice we both made.
 
In our 50s. We knew almost immediately we didn't want kids. No regrets. We like kids (in general) and we've made an effort to stay in touch with the children of friends and family. I mean... really make an effort. Cards and small presents at birthday... small presents at the holidays. When we visit the friends and family we make sure we spend time with the kids. They all went stages when they didn't care about us - one way or another... but now that they are entering adulthood our patience has paid off and we are becoming friends with this younger generation.

There are some opportunities we have missed by decision. Parents of children have a social network that we don't share. However, we have created our own social networks - mostly through volunteering for non-profits.

The time you have for yourself (by being childless) should be taken up by doing something else - otherwise I think you may find you have lead an empty life in the end. But that's just my personal opinion, and does not necessarily apply to anyone else.

:)
 
MacDawg said:
If this is truly your view and not an attempt at humor, you have a very skewed and cynical perspective
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Except he's not that far off. Fertility tends to decrease the higher up the economic and intelligence ladders you go. The short answer is that the smart people are busy doing smart people things and making money and whatnot and know how to avail themselves of birth control.
 
CorvusCamenarum said:
Except he's not that far off. Fertility tends to decrease the higher up the economic and intelligence ladders you go. The short answer is that the smart people are busy doing smart people things and making money and whatnot and know how to avail themselves of birth control.
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Is that so....?

It's hard to take this seriously when you have used the word whatnot...:rolleyes:
 
snberk103 said:
The time you have for yourself (by being childless) should be taken up by doing something else - otherwise I think you may find you have lead an empty life in the end. But that's just my personal opinion, and does not necessarily apply to anyone else.

:)
Click to expand...

Hey, you. Yes, YOU. Get out of my head. There's only room for me in there.


:p

SandboxGeneral said:
Hmmmm... guess I'm a SINK. :p
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Yep, but I'm actually a SRINK now. Separated Retirement Income No Kids.

CorvusCamenarum said:
Except he's not that far off. Fertility tends to decrease the higher up the economic and intelligence ladders you go. The short answer is that the smart people are busy doing smart people things and making money and whatnot and know how to avail themselves of birth control.
Click to expand...

And the others keep popping-out fodder for the bottom of the pyramid. ;)
 
MacDawg said:
If this is truly your view and not an attempt at humor, you have a very skewed and cynical perspective
Click to expand...

Well in some sense it's true. Instead of children being born into good income families with max opportunity to achieve, children are being born into families without as any opportunities or encouragement for intellectual development.
 
CorvusCamenarum said:
Except he's not that far off. Fertility tends to decrease the higher up the economic and intelligence ladders you go. The short answer is that the smart people are busy doing smart people things and making money and whatnot and know how to avail themselves of birth control.
Click to expand...

I don't think richer people are less fertile and 'whatnot'. Being smart has nothing to do with wanting to have kids; if you already are making good money, deciding if you want kids becomes an issue of wanting one not supporting. Also, the richest & smartest people in the world have kids ;)


As for DINKs' you should consider before the female is 35 years old to decide if you truly don't want kids made by you. If you are 100% sure the only option is adopting then you have your lifetime to think about the decision.
 
eric/ said:
Well in some sense it's true. Instead of children being born into good income families with max opportunity to achieve, children are being born into families without as any opportunities or encouragement for intellectual development.
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Depends on where you live. In the US kids born into lower income families tend to stay at that income strata, and vice versa for kids born into higher income families. It's the middle income kids who end up being upwardly mobile, and conversely downwardly as well.

I've only seen results based on the Canadian experience, but the model suggests that in a social democracy kids born into lower income families have a much greater opportunity for upward mobility as they become adults. That's because a good education is available to all kids - and not just the ones who got lucky enough to be born into a family with money.

It is an interesting personal observation that when Americans are getting to know each other in a social setting one of the 1st things they establish is where they went to school and who do you know in common those school years, and for Canadians (after we talk about the weather) it's where we grew up, and who do we know in common from there.
 
SandboxGeneral said:
Hmmmm... guess I'm a SINK. :p
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Well I'm a SIOK (single income one kid) and I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm 37 and my daughter is 10. We planned to have a child and decided to just have one. She means the world to me and my wife. I struggle to remind myself what life was like before she came along.
I have friends with no kids and yes I do envy there freedom to do what they want when they want. But give it a few more years and we will get some independence back but still have a lovely daughter. The best of both worlds.
I agree with other posters here though, if you are not committed to the idea of being a parent then don't. It is a full time job which you can not call in sick or book a holiday!
 
CorvusCamenarum said:
Except he's not that far off. Fertility tends to decrease the higher up the economic and intelligence ladders you go. The short answer is that the smart people are busy doing smart people things and making money and whatnot and know how to avail themselves of birth control.
Click to expand...

eric/ said:
Well in some sense it's true. Instead of children being born into good income families with max opportunity to achieve, children are being born into families without as any opportunities or encouragement for intellectual development.
Click to expand...

Seems my concept carries water. MacDawg?
 
We have chosen the DINK route for an early retirement. No kids = plenty of disposable income. We put away at least 20% of our net income each year.
 
Jagardn said:
We have chosen the DINK route for an early retirement. No kids = plenty of disposable income. We put away at least 20% of our net income each year.
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Same here, but we'll probably have kids eventually. In our second year of marriage, our goal is 10% gross towards retirement and ~18-20% gross towards paying off our house (10 year paydown goal).

I do feel that she's going to change her mind in time.
 
I'm sorry to offend.

But in my experience, intelligent people do what is their best interest. Conceiving 1.7 children only to have them consume your time, money, and sanity for at LEAST 18 years (more like 25 by the standards of today) is simply not the intelligent thing to do. Just my opinion.
 
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dmr727 said:
...The word selfish gets used from time to time, but in our opinion it'd be more selfish to have a kid if we're merely ambivalent about the idea...
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IMO it's unbelievably selfish of your families to pressure you to have kids for their sakes, or because they think they know best in regard to how you should live your lives.

I'm married and have a son, and am very happy with my choice to be a parent, but I can easily see how someone can also live a happy and fulfilling life without children.
 
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