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Atheist "wedding"

My wife and I are both not too fond of the general Judeo-christian way of doing business.

We found a Unitarian Church and minister who openly and enthusiastically agreed to do a non-traditional service. We had two rules: do not one single time mention anything that is in any way specific to one religion (God, Jesus, Mohammed, etc.), and allow us to write our own vows/dedications.

This worked perfectly.

For those in our family who still believe an invisible man lives in the sky and will punish them when they are naughty, the service and the event SEEMED an awful lot like the "normal" Christian/Jewish/etc. wedding, but in actuality it was designed and had meaning specifically for us. Most people didn't even notice the difference, or curious lack of crosses/bibles/hocus pocus. Everyone did, however, say it was lovely. At least some of them probably meant it.

We didn't do it to decieve anyone, but we did feel that it was best for our families (who are very faith-oriented) who had supplied us with generous financial assistance, despite turning it down. We liked our little ceremony. Totally cool, totally custom, and not too off-putting or confusing to those with less imagination.

Here are some ideas:

1. Instead of reading pre-cooked vows, write your own.
2. Use inspiring readings from non-religious books during the ceremony.
3. Use symbols that have positive meaning but NOT religious overtones.
4. Make your own programs, place settings, etc. with personal messages that are still inspiring and personal but do not have religious overtones.
5. As far as getting someone to marry you, that is pretty easy. A surprisingly large number of people want to get married without religious influences.

Best wishes! I'm not an athiest because I like to pick fights, and this whole wedding thing worked out well for everyone, even those people who just don't get it.
 
Both of my cousins got married relatively recently (in the last few years), neither in a church. One was married in his wife's parents' backyard (very large, pretty backyard, and a tent was put up and stuff) and the other was married on the shore of Lake Tahoe (up in the Sierras, also very pretty for those who don't know it).

If you are gonna do somewhere outdoors though make sure you either have a tent or are quite confident of good weather :p
 
Xfujinon said:
My wife and I are both not too fond of the general Judeo-christian way of doing business.

We found a Unitarian Church and minister who openly and enthusiastically agreed to do a non-traditional service. We had two rules: do not one single time mention anything that is in any way specific to one religion (God, Jesus, Mohammed, etc.), and allow us to write our own vows/dedications.

This worked perfectly.

For those in our family who still believe an invisible man lives in the sky and will punish them when they are naughty, the service and the event SEEMED an awful lot like the "normal" Christian/Jewish/etc. wedding, but in actuality it was designed and had meaning specifically for us. Most people didn't even notice the difference, or curious lack of crosses/bibles/hocus pocus. Everyone did, however, say it was lovely. At least some of them probably meant it.

We didn't do it to decieve anyone, but we did feel that it was best for our families (who are very faith-oriented) who had supplied us with generous financial assistance, despite turning it down. We liked our little ceremony. Totally cool, totally custom, and not too off-putting or confusing to those with less imagination.

Here are some ideas:

1. Instead of reading pre-cooked vows, write your own.
2. Use inspiring readings from non-religious books during the ceremony.
3. Use symbols that have positive meaning but NOT religious overtones.
4. Make your own programs, place settings, etc. with personal messages that are still inspiring and personal but do not have religious overtones.
5. As far as getting someone to marry you, that is pretty easy. A surprisingly large number of people want to get married without religious influences.

Best wishes! I'm not an athiest because I like to pick fights, and this whole wedding thing worked out well for everyone, even those people who just don't get it.
Click to expand...

Very cool, and very helpful. I have a ways to go before I actually do get married, but this is good advice and I'll be thinking about these things as those times grow nearer.
 
oblomow said:
Hear hear! That's what we did. Although we couldn't marry for free, since it
was a tuesday. (generally only monday mornings are free in the NL), we only had a short ceremony at the town hall, had a great dinner with close family and went of to Portugal. Hiking, dining and enjoying port.
Click to expand...

I love Portugal! Greatest place on earth!

SLC
 
Big-TDI-Guy said:
A a Pasta factory or on a Pirate ship.

That's what I would do. ;)
Click to expand...

I'm going with the Pasta Factory as I am concerned the ship would rock too much and make me lose my footing. I can't dance, hell I hardly walk a straight line sober ... I don't need to be on another ship. :D

So which factory and what pasta? Meatballs ok too?
 
Marriage is such a palaver.

There should be a form on the internet for this kind of thing. Just tick the marriage 'Yes' box and it's all done, then off down the pub.
 
It is a requirement of the Cult of Apple that any marriages, barmitsfas, birthday parties, Christmas celebrations etc. must be held in a Apple Approved area.

In your wedding you must also use 16GB iPhone 3Gs instead of rings.

:D
 
My parents took a bus to the registry office, wearing clothes bought from a charity shop, They met up with a few of their close friends there then took the bus home again.

I'd do the same myself but I've no intention to marry.
 
raggedjimmi said:
which is considered a religious event.
Click to expand...

It isn't. In the western world people were getting married long before Christianity ever started. It wasn't until the 16th Century that Religion realised it could cash in by butting its ugly head into the marriage business.

Marriage and the Catholic Church or Church of England or whatever western religion you think of - are nothing to do with one another. The 16th to 18th Century saw these religions latch onto Marriage to gain power and control over people.

In the UK - from 1752 to 1836 you could ONLY get married in a Church. That, fortunately, was ended with the Marriage act of 1836 which instigated the 'civil' marriage alternative to church marriage.

Thought I'd just nip that commonly held misconception in the bud there.

My Mum remarried in the Forest of Dean in the UK - in it's old parlimentary building - it was a great day. Civil ceremony in the hall, then some drinks - meanwhile, elves came out, totally rearranged the hall, and we went back in for a big lunch, with speeches from the old speaker of the house's spot.

'Offspring of the bride' is an unusual thing to be, but I thought I'd represent the thoughts of my sadly departed grandfather in offering his blessing via me as proxy. Given that she gave birth to me, my opening line "I have known the bride for most of my life..." went down well ;)

Doug
 
oblomow said:
Hear hear! That's what we did. Although we couldn't marry for free, since it
was a tuesday. (generally only monday mornings are free in the NL), we only had a short ceremony at the town hall, had a great dinner with close family and went of to Portugal. Hiking, dining and enjoying port.
Click to expand...

Did you like Portugal? :)
 
I've always wanted to get married on a tall breezy cliff overlooking an ocean, near sunset. I dunno why. :eek: I fear some guests would get vertigo, though.

So that's my suggestion to you. :) It's prohibitively expensive to fly all your guests out to the coast, but it would be outrageously beautiful.
 
If I ever succeed in building myself a manbot™ and then marry him, it'd be nice to do it on a lake or something similar. A marsh ... even. :D Manbot™ needs to be built first.
 
My sister was married to her husband by a judge (they were legally married earlier in the day by the judge but he came and did the ceremony too).
 
EricNau said:
Because marriage is first and foremost a legally recognized contract, despite what the Bible thumpers would like you to believe.

Just look at the definition of marriage:

New Oxford American Dictionary - "1 the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife. [2] a similar long-term relationship between partners of the same sex."

Merriam-Webster - "1 a (1): the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law (2): the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage."

Cambridge Dictionaries - "a legally accepted relationship between a woman and a man in which they live as husband and wife."​

Do you see religion mentioned? ...at all?

Ancient Romans were holding secular weddings long before organized religion decided it was their duty to do so.


Back to the original question... Friends of mine held their afternoon wedding in a very nice, formal restaurant's banquet hall, with a captain officiating the ceremony. It was very nice, having the look and feel of a traditional wedding without the interjection of religion.
Click to expand...

Not to ignite a big debate, or to take the thread down... but it hurts to see these definitions for those of us in the GLBT community.... I was in a committed relationship for over 12 years with a man that I truly loved...

Using the 1st definition... all we wanted was to have equal rights under the law....

But like you, back to the original question.... have heard tales of ship captains doing the same on some cruises...

Shame is that for those that don't want religion as part of a marriage, city hall seems to be the only choice... .
 
I know it's cheesy, but we did Vegas.

There's something there for everyone, and a lot of options for the non-religious.
We did the Flamingo. They had a package that included, ceremony by the waterfalls (non-religious version; we wrote our own vows), photos, video, pianist bouquet and corsage and a junior suite, all for $800. We sent out emails to our friends and family to let them know and told them they're on their own.

About twenty people showed up, afterwards we went Margaritaville in the hotel for food and drinks. We then said bye to the older folk and and went casino hopping until the next morning. It was a blast. My friends won a ton of money and got comped a suite at the Four Seasons, so we spent the next day at the pool there all by ourselves drinking Dom and being waited on hand and foot. The next morning, when we were about to leave for Cabo, an envelope was delivered to our room with loads of cash in it from our friends, from their winnings. it covered all our expenses for the time in Vegas including the ceremony. It couldn't have been more perfect and easy.

Cabo was amazing.
 
just do what her mother says....it'll make the rest of your married life way easier! :D
 
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