Casual / Semi-Casual Relationship stories/experiences?

[samiwas]

And I thought rocket science was complicated

Hahaha...rocket science has nothing on the science of dating. There are just too many little unknown rules that each person has.

 

[AP_piano295]

The thing is, when you sign up for a relationship, you're all signing up for a casual one to start, regardless of what you want to do in the long term.

You see this is what worries me, this often seems to not be the case (at least with most of the girls i've met / relationships I've seen). A-lot of people have this disturbing way of going from nothing to full on committed relationship in just a few weeks time.

I don't know if it's societal or what but I feel like it's very hard to find something between committed future focused relationship and "I just want to get in your pants".

Maybe I'm just meeting the wrong people

 

[Andeavor]

You see this is what worries me, this often seems to not be the case (at least with most of the girls i've met / relationships I've seen). A-lot of people have this disturbing way of going from nothing to full on committed relationship in just a few weeks time.

I don't know if it's societal or what but I feel like it's very hard to find something between committed future focused relationship and "I just want to get in your pants".

Maybe I'm just meeting the wrong people

Most people are afraid of being alone that's why they immediately jump from one serious relationship to another. I've seen it with most of my friends and especially mys sister, who's done it for 15 straight years. She called it quits with her last boyfriend right after she met her current one and within the year he moved in with her. Fortunately, they're both at a stage where they're settling down as far as a career couple can do.

Casual relationships are still a new thing to society. People were used to go right into a committed relationship and anything casual was either outside of the marriage or otherwise regarded as bad.

We have to re-educate ourselves on relationships and the various degrees of commitment, the old social rules just don't apply anymore. You should not feel bad when a girl doesn't want to pursue a casual relationship (which is almost always a sign of insecurity) but be upfront about it. It will take patience but I'm sure - no, I hope - there are a couple of girls that would like the same casual things you seek - independence with some spontaneous quality time moments.

 

[OutThere]

Maybe it's the girls I pick, or some effect I have on them, or it's key to the female psyche, but nearly every casual long term hookup I've had has ended with an "I can't do this anymore, date me or we're done but I don't want to be done so just date me". Usually some drama/tears/hooking up then I'd either commit or leave. Not really the original intention at all. Not fun.

I think the only way it can really work is if she sets the terms from the outset. Junior year of college I had a girl who would text me at 2am, in no uncertain terms, to come over and.....deliver. She knew exactly what she wanted and I enjoyed it. Not all that fulfilling in the end. Sounds like an ideal, but left me feeling a bit used.

Ultimately I'm not sold on the practicality of a long term friend-with-benefits. I think a lot of what mscriv said should be well considered.

 

[AP_piano295]

Ultimately I'm not sold on the practicality of a long term friend-with-benefits. I think a lot of what mscriv said should be well considered.

Agreed to an extent and I said in another post that "friends with benefits" isn't exactly what I'm looking for.

But the average relationship I see tends to rapidly become very committed and future focused. (The future becomes a serious consideration almost immediately )

There has to be a relationship in between (just sex) and (where will we be 10 years from now). But I guess I'm not seeing many of them.