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She's atheist as am I so point 3 is already take care of.
Be very careful of this.

She may not be an atheist like you think she is.

In Japan for example, many times you live by Shinto but you die Buddha. Of course there are other religions -- even western ones.

Point being, is that she may not be an atheist like you think she is.

Awesome post! :)

Bobber205 marriage is difficult when you are from the same culture. It increases exponentially who you marry someone from a different culture. This is especially true if either of you have not lived in the other's country. There are so many cultural variances to deal with. It's the little things that you don't realized until you are married.

While I wish you the best, this has the ear mark for not going well. Best. :)
 
If 1 is the case, get married in China first and then apply straight for a greencard for her in China. This is the fastest and least pain in the ass route.

Good advice.

you already are in the country legally if I recall (I skimmed through most of this thread since it was irrelevant).
No he is not in China and they still have to meet face to face.


Quite frankly OP, get to China — go study the language if nothing else. Live with your girl there and then return to the US — singly or as a couple depending how things worked out.
You'll be richer for the experience.
Besides since you know that Skype works well you will have no problems keeping in touch with family and friends in the US.
 

This is probably the post you need to be paying the most attention to. With all due respect to all others who posted what appears to be useful information, this is the guy who has clearly been through or is going through the process. Confirmed by the fact that he too splashes these personal accounts and questions on this very board.

That being said, there is one thing that rings through me like a dozen church bells. You're not as mature as you believe. Out of everything people had posted prior to puma's post it seems to me that your takeaway was how much she looks forward to marriage and how you accept the challenge of proving your love. As puma said, proving your love is not really the point. The INS typically would like to avoid allowing someone legal entry into this country who is not going to be (as puma put it) a public charge in America. In my own personal experience the process was less about proving our love and unity but proving that there was a place to live, income to support him, means for him to eventually support himself when his work visa was approved, and whether or not he was going to actually attempt to be an upstanding citizen.

Also, listen to those who are talking about learning her culture. Right when you mentioned that you believe supporting her family in their old age would be easier if there were a dual American salary I knew that you were seriously misguided.

I think you should be looking to take advantage of visitor Visas right now. I think the two of you need to get off Skype and start hopping on the planes. I think you need to go there as much as she needs to come here. Frankly, both of you need to see one another's world. You should know your assumed wife to be and that includes her culture. You don't have to emerge yourself in it, but you should understand her culture. A hot piece of ass isn't going to make for a lasting relationship on any level. Looking past that and finding out who this girl is will. 200,000 IMs won't prepare you for long term living. As open and honest as you are, you have things about you that won't come across online, as does she. If you truly believe that you want this and eventually get married then you'll slow your roll and take a step back.

This will be work and only you can decide if it is worth it.

@ puma, people voting posts down should not deter you from posting. The whole system is childish at best; don't let it bug you.
 
Good luck op, I've known a few people who've met online and had successful relationships despite being thousands of miles apart initially.

However I do think your jumping then gun a bit. You may meet in real life and find out your not meant to be together.

I'll bookmark this thread and check back to see if she's asked for money.:D
 
Good advice.


No he is not in China and they still have to meet face to face.


Quite frankly OP, get to China — go study the language if nothing else. Live with your girl there and then return to the US — singly or as a couple depending how things worked out.
You'll be richer for the experience.
Besides since you know that Skype works well you will have no problems keeping in touch with family and friends in the US.

Wouldn't that require me quitting my job and thus making the financial support of the immigration process harder?

But as for the other advice everyone has given so far, I really appreciate it. :D Lots of things to talk to her about this weekend.
 
....
@ puma, people voting posts down should not deter you from posting. The whole system is childish at best; don't let it bug you.

I'll bet you voted your own post negative.... :)

to the OP - lots of good advice. Note the recurring theme - go meet her (which you are doing) before moving this much further. It's weird, but sometimes the little things are as important as anything else. Are her hands the right temperature when you hold hands? Does she snore? Does she eat like a pig or a princess?

So go and spend some time with her. If it's "True Love" you can afford to be patient. I met my wife in 1970, but didn't get married until 1995. (of course that fact that we were still in grade school in 1970 explains why we didn't get married immediately....) Taking the time to build a strong friendship with someone who then becomes your spouse is not wasted time. In my experience the strongest marriages are ones where the couple are also best friends.

So, go and build that friendship face-to-face. Document everything. yadda yadda yadda ...
 
That would be a huge violation of her privacy.

Not going to happen. :p

Its not this girl is it? :D


Chinese Girl Offers To Sell Virginity To Buy iPhone
Robert Paul ReyesJuly 07, 2011
"The craze to own an Apple product in China gathered steam this week as one Chinese girl allegedly has offered to sell her virginity in exchange for an iPhone 4, barely days after news surfaced that a Chinese boy sold his kidney in exchange for an iPad 2."

It's an understatement to say that the Chinese are crazy over Apple products. Last year a 17-year-old Chinese boy sold his kidney to buy an iPad 2. Chairman Mao must be rolling over in his grave, his communist paradise has turned into a capitalist nightmare.

It's gratifying to see China move away from the discredited communist ideology, but it's horrifying to see that many young Chinese have embraced a materialistic caricature of democracy and freedom.

I would never take up this woman on her offer, even if she looked like a Chinese version of Angelina Jolie. It wouldn't do too much for my male ego knowing that while we were making love she wasn't thinking of my muscular physique, but of the many fine features of the Apple iPhone 4. When she achieved climax, she would probably cry out "Steve Jobs" instead of my name.

When the next version of the iPhone comes out the unnamed girl will no longer have her virginity to sell, she may have to go out on a lot of "dates" to afford the iPhone 5.

The case of the kid who sold his kidney to buy an iPad has been documented, unfortunately it really happened. But I hope that the Chinese girl was just kidding, or that a hacker posted the virginity offer as a malicious prank.
link


FWIW the article sounds like a complete joke.
 
Hi Bobber, I lived in China for several years and was engaged to a Chinese girl when roughly the same age as you are now. If I may offer any advice for your trip to China, it is that, as strange as it may sound, meeting this girl should not be the most important part of the trip. The most important part of your trip should be getting to know her parents as much as possible and telling them of your hopes for the relationship.

Why do I say that? Well, there has arguably never been any two consecutive generations that have had such profoundly different life experiences as your girlfriend's generation and that of her parents. Should you not have an excellent idea of the many reasons why I say that then you really need to in order to understand your fiancee's culture. Anyway, these two generations have been shaped by profoundly different cultures, and think, feel, behave and dream very differently. However, nothing in China is as important as family. These two generations are inextricably bound together not only by tradition, and not only by the duty to provide for the parents in old age, but by the way the older generation, whose life chances were stunted by national turmoil, have poured so much of their hopes, dreams and ambitions into the raising of their one child - the only child they may have been painfully restricted to. They have made enormous sacrifices for their children, and don't the children know it... Their children feel enormous obligations to them, and many Chinese 20-somethings desperately want to make their parents proud of them and that all those sacrifices were worthwhile. However, these 20-somethings, as I said, have profoundly different cultures, experiences and values, which causes a big problem for them.

In my experience, the response many of these young adults have is to effectively lead a double life: one for familial consumption, one for outside the family. In many cases this causes no problem; the young person's interests or opportunities change and not having told the parents has saved unnecessary conflict. However, when the two worlds collide the fallout can be spectacular. Seemingly, very often the young adult tries to present something as a fait accompli in the hopes that, since nothing can now be done about it, their parents can learn to accept it. However, that strategy is not always successful. My own engagement lasted about as long as a mayfly, as the news of this was apparently the first her parents had heard of our relationship, and her father - her well-connected, charming, cultured father whose home was decorated with souvenirs from all his many business trips to Europe - exploded with rage at the prospect of his daughter marrying a "white man" and maybe moving to Britain. Her mother told her she was betraying them. She crumbled. (Your girlfriend has assured you that her parents would be fine about her moving to America? Well, substitute Britain for America and that's exactly what mine told me!)

Later, my best friend's relationship with his girlfriend, who he had cohabited with for two years, collapsed, and he travelled to her hometown in a last-ditch attempt to patch things up. Her village, particularly her parents, was scandalised by the news of her relationship with a foreigner. I have friends who are successfully married to Chinese women (and who all live in China) but there are other, similar, tales I could tell.

Even if her parents accept the idea of your marriage, there are many other potentially huge obstacles. Please don't go into the relationship thinking that in their old age her parents will certainly be happy with a monthly cheque from America and frequent communication. In China normally both parents work all day, and taking care of the youngsters is predominantly done by the grandparents. Once Chinese people have retired, their dominant function in life is usually to raise their own grandchildren. Very often, they will expect to live with their married child in order to do this. By taking your fiancee to America you may be threatening to destroy their central purpose in life as they see it. Do not underestimate the potential ferocity of their reaction; do not underestimate the influence her parents may have on her; and do not underestimate the obligations she may have to her family. In Chinese culture, family dwarfs love in importance. And in China, what makes a fantastic boyfriend may be very different from what makes an acceptable husband.

Bottom line: you may know the dynamics of your relationship with this girl intimately well. But if you do not know the parents, you do not know the girl.

Of course, this is all based on generalisations, and no country I know of can so confound expectations as China. But, whatever you do, take things slowly and make getting to know her parents a priority. I hope your relationship is more successful than mine was, but please keep in mind these tips from one who's tried.
 
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The above post is excellent.

We'll be talking about this tonight.

Her mother has already expressed approval and what sounded like "enjoys" the idea of her daughter being in America.

The relationship between her parents seems a little complicated. I know some but I do want to know more. I do know they do not live together and it was an arranged marriage (as was very common back then).

As for her personality, he parents have for years told her that she doesn't need to work or have a career. That she should just get married to whoever she can find and have a baby already.

That's the last thing she's wanted to do. She has expressed fears to me many times that once her parents meet me they'll push us to get married too quickly.

I have no fears talking to her about this. I know it'll be a good productive conversation. I hope she can not crumble under the stress. She's strong enough to buck tradition so far by leaving her small farming town to go to a big city and start a career. Hopefully she's strong enough for this next big step.
 
Of course, this is all based on generalisations, and no country I know of can so confound expectations as China.
Highlight mine.

Well except: Japan, Korea, Taiwan, PI, Thailand, etc. :D


The above post is excellent.

We'll be talking about this tonight. <snip>
Talk is nice, but meeting her will be best to know for sure.

Both ways mind you. Not just you going to China but her coming to the US.
 
Highlight mine.

Well except: Japan, Korea, Taiwan, PI, Thailand, etc. :D



Talk is nice, but meeting her will be best to know for sure.

Both ways mind you. Not just you going to China but her coming to the US.

Of course we're going to meet. :p
 
Why haven't you addressed all of the very real advice people have given you?

You learning her language yet?

I also would bet heavily on the fact her parents do not know a single thing about you. There is no way oldskool Chinese parents are totally cool with their daughter marrying some random foreigner off the internet and shuffling off to America...until you've spoken with her parents over Skype, I'd be weary of anything she tells you about her parents approval of your "relationship".

FYI, my wife said not one word to her parents about me for probably the first nine months we were dating.
 
Why haven't you addressed all of the very real advice people have given you?

You learning her language yet?

I also would bet heavily on the fact her parents do not know a single thing about you. There is no way oldskool Chinese parents are totally cool with their daughter marrying some random foreigner off the internet and shuffling off to America...until you've spoken with her parents over Skype, I'd be weary of anything she tells you about her parents approval of your "relationship".

FYI, my wife said not one word to her parents about me for probably the first nine months we were dating.

I told her my concerns about her parents lack of knowledge about 3 months in. The next day, she told her mother (who lives nearby).
 
Let me ask something personal.

Up front, I apologize if this is too personal and that you don't want to answer.

Why not date / marry a Chinese-American?
 
She's strong enough to buck tradition so far by leaving her small farming town to go to a big city and start a career
Sorry, but I do not agree that this is bucking tradition at all. A huge number of Chinese leave rural farming areas and their families to work in big cities. It all comes down to supporting their family and their parents again...

My girlfriend is Chinese. We met when I was on a tour of the Country in April 2010. I have since been back twice and I have met and lived with her family who have welcomed me with open arms. I hope to be going back again in October and after that we will try to get her a tourist Visa to visit the UK so she can spend time with my family and get real experience of my World. I know it has been said again and again in this thread, but I will also say you should get out there. Meet her and her family, see where she lives, spend time in her hometown, meet her friends and so on. In other words, you have built a very successful online relationship with this woman and I am sure that has helped you to get to know each other very well, so now it is time to move that forwards and build an offline relationship too

You do not need to leave your job to spend time with her. Just go for a two week break first and see how things go...

I hope it will be everything you want

Sean :)
 
Let me ask something personal.

Up front, I apologize if this is too personal and that you don't want to answer.

Why not date / marry a Chinese-American?

That seems beside the point. Who's to say he wouldn't? Seems to me he's enamoured with this woman in particular, regardless of where she lives or where she's from. Certainly if the woman already lived in America then he may not be asking for the same advice, but she doesn't, so such a "what if" or "why not" isn't relevant to the discussion anymore.
 
You do not need to leave your job to spend time with her. Just go for a two week break first and see how things go...

I hope it will be everything you want

Sean :)

That's the plan. Going at the earliest date humanly possible. Unfortunately have to wait on passport to come in (few weeks from now) and then get my Visa. hoping for October!

As for dating a Chinese-American, I'd be totally up for that as well. :p Ever since I was a young teenager, I wanted to be with someone from a different country.
 
As for dating a Chinese-American, I'd be totally up for that as well. :p
Good to see.

Ever since I was a young teenager, I wanted to be with someone from a different country.
I completely understand.

Suggestion, when you visit her this fall, think about job opportunities if you where to move there. It's a good way to understand the culture by living there. Plus it gives you time for the paperwork.

Now get cracking on her language! Every phrase will help. :)
 
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