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Chronic depression

Sutekidane

Sutekidane

macrumors 6502a
Original poster
Jan 26, 2005
936
2
I find myself becoming depressed and sad really easily the past couple months. I don't know what it is, I seem to have it all going for me. I live a sheltered life, with my parents. they pay my car, my insurance, my schooling, pretty much everything. I find myself spending the modest amount of money I make at work on things that make me happy. I then ending selling then as soon as I get bored of them, often losing a lot of money in the process. I've become too materialistic.

I know, I have my health, a boyfriend and parents that love me, and I should be happy... but I'm not. I sometimes cry myself to sleep, without any set thing to be sad about just sad in general.

A lot of times I'm just sad because I don't have anyone to talk to, anyone to hang out with, anyone to interact with. I'm alone most of the time it seems, and the times I make an effort to become better friends with someone, it never happens. At work I'm always cheery, outgoing, smiling all the time, and say hi to everyone, but no one ever asks me how I'm doing, they don't ask me if I want to hang out with them, anything.

Sometimes I blame my sadness on being gay... it has been a rough time for me, and although things are better now than they have been before, I'm still not happy.

Sorry for the long post, I guess I"m just venting, and sorry if I wasted anyones time.
 
Hmm. PM me with what you wrote above, because I want to tell you a story, and explain some things to you. Thanks-

-Will
 
I was the same way for the longest time. I had/have few friends and rarely get out. I spend most of my time with my girlfriend, and used to just feel terrible a lot for no apparent reason. Eventually I just started to see life differently and feel differently about things, and now I'm as happy as can be. Not really sure why, though.

I've sought help countless times between the ages of 14-19 and nothing ever helped. Then around the time I turned 20, I started to feel differently... better...

I guess I don't really have any advice other than to wait it out. I don't know how old you are, but if you are a teen, you are probably going through what I went through. I promise you I felt just as bad (maybe even worse) as you do. I used to just cry for no reason at night and for hours on end, terrifying my girlfriend because I had no reason for it and she could not help.

I honestly think you will start to feel better in time, but in the meantime, talking about it with others like you are now should help a bit, too.
 
kildraik said:
Clean up your diet (Orange-juice fasting, raw all organic diet), lose any pessemism, STAY AWAY FROM THE DOCTORS. you do not need drugs, as chronic depression is an internal conflict, and should be taken care of likewise. PM me to talk more if needed.
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That is absolute quack advice. While circumstantial factors may trigger depressive episodes or make them worse, the root cause is imbalance of neurotransmitter chemicals in the brain (serotonin, dopamine, endocanabinoids). It is not an 'internal conflict'.

What the original poster needs to stay away from is crap advice and pseudoscience like that.
 
Having a comfortable life doesn't mean you can't be depressed, and it shouldn't add any guilt to your depression (easy for me to say, I know).

Are you attending a college/university now? If so, please talk to a counselor about how you feel (yes, they work during the summer). Their job is to help students in their time of need, but they can't help you unless they know you need help.

If you feel alone, know there are always people here who will listen -- whether you need to post something about your life or your iMac, you have an entire world of people at your fingertips.

Others may PM you with support, or may tell you to PM them. Take advantage of us -- people on MR do much more listening than speaking, and we're ready to listen to you when you need to speak.
 
kildraik said:
STAY AWAY FROM THE DOCTORS.
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Massively disagree, your GP should be trained enough to offer you all kinds of services, not just pharmaceutical methods.

Your GP may have access to all sorts of advice that otherwise would not be available or apparent to you.

Depression, if it is proper "Depression" and the only way that can be diagnosed is with a visit to the Doctor. There is a difference, like when people say "I have the flu" but they just have a really bad cold, people can say "I've got depression" but they are just actually feeling a bit sad for a while.

I went to my GP a while ago and was diagnosed, all sorts of options were given to me and it helped enormously. Every now and then I have a bout where it's difficult to even get out of bed and I won't leave the house for days but it passes eventually and they are lasting less and less time.

Clinical Depression is a mental illness and as such should be treated by someone who has the education and training to do so. Go visit your GP, they may know the numbers of some recommended counsellors in your area who could help you express what you are trying to say - definitely a big help - but you must also remain vigilant in ensuring you take care of yourself.

It's time to start taking mental illness seriously, Depression is awful because you know you are depressed, it's like watching your life go to hell from a 3rd person's perspective and not being able to yell out "stop!!!" Go get some help, even if you're not clinically depressed you may find some solace that will help you out of your rut.
 
I have been feeling lonely recently- no real reason. Actually I know. I feel like no one really cares about me. Which I know is stupid because I see people who care about me all the time, but I feel...empty. Like I should be happy if you look at all the great stuff around me, but I feel so utterly alone. Like no one understands. And this terrifies me because I was really, really depressed about 3 years ago and it's a place I never want to go back to. This should be the happiest time of my life- I'm leaving for college! I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm hoping this is just sad to be leaving home depression and it will end without me having to go to a doctor or anything.
 
Treat people with real value and honesty and you'll more than likely have people who want to spend time with you.

I don't know anyone who wants to be used.
 
When im down, I listen to david benoit's song jellybeans and chocolate. It gets me thumpin'. :eek:
 
You are not wasting time, but the one thing I always tend to caution people online about when they are seeking answers or advice like this online is that it is 100% ok, but also seek professional help. You'll thank yourself later.
I hope that things do turn out for you. I hope that you find a reason to enjoy life and do one thing each day that you enjoy, even if it means that you have to rearrange your day to do this.
 
well, to answer some questions, I just turned 20 in may. I have a healthy lifestyle, and I eat very well. I do listen to music all the time, and it does cheer me up a bit sometimes, but a lot of the times it makes me cry. I find that I don't have a social life, and I sometimes feel that the internet took it away from me and I get angry. As soon as I get home from wherever, the first thing I do is fire up my imac, check email, check mac rumors, and play everquest 2. Sometimes, I stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning browsing the web. every time I step away from my computer, I don't have anything to do, it seems like my life revolved around it. Right now I just have 2 friends and I hardly speak to them. I'm going to bed, the sleeping pills I took are working, thanks everyone.
 
Sutekidane said:
well, to answer some questions, I just turned 20 in may. I have a healthy lifestyle, and I eat very well. I do listen to music all the time, and it does cheer me up a bit sometimes, but a lot of the times it makes me cry. I find that I don't have a social life, and I sometimes feel that the internet took it away from me and I get angry. As soon as I get home from wherever, the first thing I do is fire up my imac, check email, check mac rumors, and play everquest 2. Sometimes, I stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning browsing the web. every time I step away from my computer, I don't have anything to do, it seems like my life revolved around it. Right now I just have 2 friends and I hardly speak to them. I'm going to bed, the sleeping pills I took are working, thanks everyone.
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That kinda summed up my life as well... Im 24 and have many of the same feelings as you. Everything was going well till about 8 months ago, my Mother died, and I had to move from NJ to VA with my Aunt away from the few friends I actually had. Now I kinda just mope around, and wish I could move back to NJ and have my old life back. I call my friend in NJ every night and talk for hours, and it's almost the only thing I look forward to, besides trips, back up there to visit. I too will head right to the computer and surf for a while as soon as I come home from somewhere, and stay up till all hours of the morning surfing the net. Somestimes I cry at night but I know it's because I miss my Mother, and my old life. So I kinda know how you feel, just mabye not to the same extent. Hope everything works out for you good luck...
 
Probably the best life-changing move I have made recently was selling my gaming computer. If Everquest is taking up too much of your time, sack it. It'll be hard at first, but if your social life is suffering because of gaming, you need to fix it. I sold my gaming computer and have moved on... I picked up the guitar and it has helped me get a lot of emotion out. It lets me sit back and chill, and have my mind focus on learning a new instrument instead of countless other depressing things I could be dwelling upon.

That said, what type of music do you listen to? A lot of people find that listening to happy music makes them happy. While it does make me happy, I find that depressing music helps the best when I'm in that state of mind. I'll sit down and listen to Damien Rice, Elliott Smith, and David Ford and I can really feel all the emotion that they put into their music. It helps...

With that said, I also saw a doctor a while back for depression, and for a while I was on anti-depressants... Eventually I got off of them, and while I find I am more easily saddened/put in a chill state of mind, it's not depression. I'd suggest seeing a doctor, but don't expect the meds to do all of the work. You have to make lifestyle changes as well.

Good luck, my friend
 
Capt Underpants said:
Probably the best life-changing move I have made recently was selling my gaming computer. If Everquest is taking up too much of your time, sack it. It'll be hard at first, but if your social life is suffering because of gaming, you need to fix it. I sold my gaming computer and have moved on... I picked up the guitar and it has helped me get a lot of emotion out. It lets me sit back and chill, and have my mind focus on learning a new instrument instead of countless other depressing things I could be dwelling upon.

That said, what type of music do you listen to? A lot of people find that listening to happy music makes them happy. While it does make me happy, I find that depressing music helps the best when I'm in that state of mind. I'll sit down and listen to Damien Rice, Elliott Smith, and David Ford and I can really feel all the emotion that they put into their music. It helps...

With that said, I also saw a doctor a while back for depression, and for a while I was on anti-depressants... Eventually I got off of them, and while I find I am more easily saddened/put in a chill state of mind, it's not depression. I'd suggest seeing a doctor, but don't expect the meds to do all of the work. You have to make lifestyle changes as well.

Good luck, my friend
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The guitar idea might be a good one. I barely play eq2 as is though, and when I do play it's only for about an hour or so. School has me pretty bummed out too, graphic design isn't all it's cracked up to be. I guess I just have too much going on, and it's affecting my attitude. As far as music, I listen to Korean music only. I got introduced to it in high school, and I still love it to this day. I'm currently learning korean, but I just love and enjoy listening to the way it sounds and making my own decisions to what the words mean. If I feel sad I'll listen to some Jo Sung Mo or Lee Soo Young, maybe some Nell... If I'm feeling active I'll listen to some Lazybone, TRAX, Moon Hee Jun, or Jaurim.
 
I'm with the person that said STAY AWAY FROM THE DOCTORS.... please dont make it your FIRST port of call. It isn't a bad thing to go to the doctors but there is a huge bias toward drugs... you need to think carefully first.
 
Start anew.

Social interaction and positive relationships will always make you happy. Get a job, join some sort of organization of club, take up some hobbies (like learning how to play the guitar). Fill up your life with various activities and events that force you to get off the computer, leave the house and interact with other people. There will always be someone willing to talk to you. You just have to get out there and find them.

How old are you?
 
****ing bollocks, isn't it?

Only good people get depressed. Good people feel that they're not good enough, always blaming themselves before blaming others. You know, you don't have to be great all the time. Perfectionism is a dull existence. :p

Set yourself reasonable standards. You can't be perfect all the time but don't punish yourself for being gay or other silly things. It's a difficult set of circumstances... just try not to isolate yourself. Try and find something to keep yourself interested like posted before. Exercise is great for keeping the mind focused.

That's all I can think of.
 
I think that anyone hear that believes that medixal help "isn't the first port of call" is providing some very dangerous advice, depression in any form is not something you can just think your way through or control by diet. Like previously mentioned chemical imbalances in the brain of neurotransmitters can be a cause, but there are many other reasons....

I personally would advise you to speak to a doctor, or some other medical professional, explain everything you've told us and more... If you don't believe drugs are the way forward then thats fine, and with the right help they're not even needed in most cases. Your doctor will describe all of the courses of action you could take, and it could/will make all the difference to you.

I wish you luck in whichever decision you take.

Cheers
 
You're definitely not alone. Looking at the list of people offering advice, many of us here share your state. I am a bit like yourself and I found going on Prozac really helped. It helped me feel more comfortable in social situations. Mainly, I didn't feel terrible about things other people didn't feel terrible about. Although, if you don't want to go the medicinal route try:

Exercise: this is really key. You can never go wrong exercising and you'll be surprised how much it effects your mood and mental state.

At least go talk to a therapist. A good one will help you figure out things that may be bothering you that you are not aware of. Again, if it's free, there's no harm in trying this.

Diet also is a factor, like exercise.

And now the most difficult part. Here is a quote from Ravelstein, "Associate with the best people you can find; read the best books; live with mighty; but learn to be happy alone." It's difficult but I think it's true for people like us.
 
Sorry for digging up this thread but I really appreciate the advice everyone. I've been going through some things with a certain friend, and it's really taking a toll on the way I feel all the time. It seems like all my friends just dump me, they forget about me and move on.

I don't know what it is... I mean, I thought things were going well, but then they get busy with all sorts of things. I wish I could be that busy.
 
********.

You know what it is. Don't pretend to be innocent of what you've done to other people. You make it seem as if it all happens for no reason. People don't dump you--they run after you've dumped on them.
 
bousozoku said:
********.

You know what it is. Don't pretend to be innocent of what you've done to other people. You make it seem as if it all happens for no reason. People don't dump you--they run after you've dumped on them.
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Do you know this Sutekidane in real life? I would hope so, after making that remark.
 
bousozoku said:
********.

You know what it is. Don't pretend to be innocent of what you've done to other people. You make it seem as if it all happens for no reason. People don't dump you--they run after you've dumped on them.
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What the hell kind of comment is that? :mad:

BakedBeans said:
I'm with the person that said STAY AWAY FROM THE DOCTORS.... please dont make it your FIRST port of call. It isn't a bad thing to go to the doctors but there is a huge bias toward drugs... you need to think carefully first.
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I might not be here if I'd listened to that kind of advice. I was massively depressed and contemplating (though not planning) suicide. Anti-depressants were the thing that rescued me from the black place I was in, and keep me level-headed even now.

Sure, diet, exercise and all that help. But when you're really down and can't get yourself out of it, you do need to see a doctor -- before things get worse. Sutekidane, please take my word for it, it's the best thing you could do for yourself.

BTW, I thought I was "happy" too. A lot of what you describe sounds like me back then. I had lots of friends and family too, yet I was stuck in "withdrawal" behaviors like vegging in front of the TV or the computer. So your feelings are not at all abnormal or paradoxical.

And your friends may be busy, or ignoring you, or maybe that's just the way you see it. Sometimes your judgment is affected when you're depressed. I can't really tell you what's happening between you and your friends, of course, but you might not be in a position to evaluate things clearly right now, feeling the way you do. Or perhaps they don't know how much you need them right now. Maybe if you could get someone to sit down with you long enough to confide in them what you're going through...?
 
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