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circles with people my boyfriend was in contact with

T

TAJOST

macrumors newbie
Original poster
Oct 10, 2016
3
0
usa
I need some help please.
Are these contacts in the circles those that we have been in contact with or who have contacted us?

My boyfriend swears he is not in contact with this certain woman, but she is always one of the names in the circles, and most of the time the first one. He swears that he doesn't call her, that it is she who keeps calling him.

How does this function work. If you don't answer the call or message would her name still be there?

Can someone please help shed some light on this for me

Thank you so much
 
He can delete her contact info from his friends and also block her number so she doesn't call him. Suggest doing that and see what he says
 
i have done that :) and given him instructions to do so :( a few times now over the past few months. hopefully he will. Do you happen to know if the circles show people that have contacted him or those that he has contacted?

I am trying to give him the benefit of doubt, then I am thinking that perhaps it is the people that he has been most in contact with since buying the ipad. things just don't seem to be adding up.
 
both really.....if someone contacts you then if the settings allow it will add them to your contacts.......this works as well if he contacted her....but it all depends on how the contact settings are set.
 
So a few red flags here, and they aren't exactly from your boyfriend. Speaking as someone who's had jealous girlfriends as well as cheating girlfriends:

A.) You have access to his iPad. This means that either he's giving you access, or you're able to sneak and access it. Regardless, it means he's not exactly hiding anything, because either he's opening the iPad for you, or leaving his iPad without a passcode or touch ID lock.

B.) You've mentioned your issue with this girl to him before, and he still has her as a contact. This makes it seem more like this is a friend of his that you have a problem with because she's a female, as it doesn't make sense that he'd keep her as a normal contact in his phone.

C.) If he was cheating on you, the girl he's cheating on you with wouldn't be in his iPad under her actual name, with a pic, and kept in his recents. Someone who cheats is smarter than that, and keeps their devices clean and locked down - just in case.

D.) You say things like "give him the benefit of the doubt", yet here you are on a message board trying to bust him in what you believe is a lie. Either he's the worlds worst liar, or you're just overly jealous. Either way, you don't trust him, which says a lot about your relationship.

I'd recommend figuring out your actual motives in this, then sit down and discuss your relationship with the other person in it - your boyfriend - rather than a bunch of anonymous people on the internet.
 
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Mr_Killjoy said:
So a few red flags here, and they aren't exactly from your boyfriend. Speaking as someone who's had jealous girlfriends as well as cheating girlfriends:

A.) You have access to his iPad. This means that either he's giving you access, or you're able to sneak and access it. Regardless, it means he's not exactly hiding anything, because either he's opening the iPad for you, or leaving his iPad without a passcode or touch ID lock.

B.) You've mentioned your issue with this girl to him before, and he still has her as a contact. This makes it seem more like this is a friend of his that you have a problem with because she's a female, as it doesn't make sense that he'd keep her as a normal contact in his phone.

C.) If he was cheating on you, the girl he's cheating on you with wouldn't be in his iPad under her actual name, with a pic, and kept in his recents. Someone who cheats is smarter than that, and keeps their devices clean and locked down - just in case.

D.) You say things like "give him the benefit of the doubt", yet here you are on a message board trying to bust him in what you believe is a lie. Either he's the worlds worst liar, or you're just overly jealous. Either way, you don't trust him, which says a lot about your relationship.

I'd recommend figuring out your actual motives in this, then sit down and discuss your relationship with the other person in it - your boyfriend - rather than a bunch of anonymous people on the internet.
Click to expand...


I ended my engagement because me ex fiance couldnt get these through her hear. A girl I had know for 10 years, that was engaged and lived 4 states away was too big of an issue for her to handle.
 
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Mr_Killjoy said:
So a few red flags here, and they aren't exactly from your boyfriend. Speaking as someone who's had jealous girlfriends as well as cheating girlfriends:

A.) You have access to his iPad. This means that either he's giving you access, or you're able to sneak and access it. Regardless, it means he's not exactly hiding anything, because either he's opening the iPad for you, or leaving his iPad without a passcode or touch ID lock.

B.) You've mentioned your issue with this girl to him before, and he still has her as a contact. This makes it seem more like this is a friend of his that you have a problem with because she's a female, as it doesn't make sense that he'd keep her as a normal contact in his phone.

C.) If he was cheating on you, the girl he's cheating on you with wouldn't be in his iPad under her actual name, with a pic, and kept in his recents. Someone who cheats is smarter than that, and keeps their devices clean and locked down - just in case.

D.) You say things like "give him the benefit of the doubt", yet here you are on a message board trying to bust him in what you believe is a lie. Either he's the worlds worst liar, or you're just overly jealous. Either way, you don't trust him, which says a lot about your relationship.

I'd recommend figuring out your actual motives in this, then sit down and discuss your relationship with the other person in it - your boyfriend - rather than a bunch of anonymous people on the internet.
Click to expand...
You are absolutely right. Someone who cheats wouldn't give sb. access to his/her device. I cheated on a previous girlfriend a couple of time and I did everything to hide it from her. This includes locking my device, not giving it to her when she asked and even remotely locking my devices.

Now, I am done with that behavior. And my girlfriend knows my passcode and can look up everything she wants. Of course I have private things on my iPhone. But nothing that would trouble our relationship in regard to trust.

From my current standpoint I'd advise to talk about your issues. If you can not work them out, split up. Life is too short for unhappy times. And there are literally billions of other people on this earth.
 
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Thares said:
And there are literally billions of other people on this earth.
Click to expand...

True, but how many of those people are viable relationship partners? If you're heterosexual that cuts the total population roughly in half right there. Then narrowing it down to an appropriate age range. Then narrow it down to the number of those people who are actually looking/available. Then narrow it it down to the ones who are in a close enough geographical proximity that you're likely to encounter them.

But even so, it's not worth staying with someone who you don't trust or who doesn't trust you. That will NEVER result in longterm happiness.
 
joeblow7777 said:
True, but how many of those people are viable relationship partners? If you're heterosexual that cuts the total population roughly in half right there. Then narrowing it down to an appropriate age range. Then narrow it down to the number of those people who are actually looking/available. Then narrow it it down to the ones who are in a close enough geographical proximity that you're likely to encounter them.

But even so, it's not worth staying with someone who you don't trust or who doesn't trust you. That will NEVER result in longterm happiness.
Click to expand...
So, we have a population of around 7,5 billion? Half of them is the other sex, so that is 50%.
Around 5% is LGBT, leaves 47,5% available
Of that 47,5% around 10% is in your age-group, down to 4,75%
Around 44% is single, that cuts it to 2,09%
An estimated 26.2% of people over 18 years have a mental disorder. Let's assume they need to work on their problems before getting involved, and you're left with a mere 1,54% of the population.
To build a good relation and maintain it, proximity is advisable. Let's assume you live in a big city, say New York, 8,5 million people so that about 0,113% of the earth population. Multiplied by the 1,54% and you're left with 0.00174% of in a large city like New York that is available for a relationship.

Man, it's a miracle an old ugly fart like me, living in a tiny country got such a nice young woman to marry me out of her own free will and initiative!!!!
:D :D :D :D
 
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alecgold said:
So, we have a population of around 7,5 billion? Half of them is the other sex, so that is 50%.
Around 5% is LGBT, leaves 47,5% available
Of that 47,5% around 10% is in your age-group, down to 4,75%
Around 44% is single, that cuts it to 2,09%
An estimated 26.2% of people over 18 years have a mental disorder. Let's assume they need to work on their problems before getting involved, and you're left with a mere 1,54% of the population.
To build a good relation and maintain it, proximity is advisable. Let's assume you live in a big city, say New York, 8,5 million people so that about 0,113%*1,54% of the earth and you're left with 0.00174% of the population that is available for a relationship.

Man, it's a miracle an old ugly fart like me got such a nice young woman to marry me out of free will!
:D :D :D :D
Click to expand...

Seriously! Finding true love is hard!! It really is amazing that anyone manages.
 
And it gets a whole lot worse if you are part of the LGBT population.
How do they do it?
 
OK, so before you go off on the deep-end, why don't you check the phone bill, get her number write it down, check the phone bill. If the phone bill shows longer than a minute he picked up and they talked.

I'm about to give you some real relationship advice, it took me a while to get it but hopefully I can speed up the process for you.

If you have to worry about the other person like this, it's not a good relationship, time to move on, all you are doing is causing undue stress and deceasing your life expectancy by worrying about it.

If you cannot trust your partner fully and it's been longer than a few months, you need to walk away. When you find the right person you'll tell them your deepest darkest secrets before you thought you were ready to tell them.


I think a huge problem is that everyone believes in the fairytale that life is not full of heartache and pain, that the first person you meet will be your last, or they want instant gratification desperately wanting to hang on.

The truth of the matter, dating is the trial period to see if you really want to spend the rest of your life with *this* person. A lot of people don't wait long enough to figure this out.
 
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I'm not sure you want to be taking relationship advice and how tech works from a tech forum .

More bad than good will come of it.

Talk to him instead of making assumptions based on how circles works.
 
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I'm not sure how some of the Mail circles get there. I have one woman I have no idea who she is. All the others are people I do email frequently, except her. All I can think of is some mailing list I'm on she's a frequent sender and I'm just deleting the emails as they come in.
 
Mercaptan said:
She's talking about an older feature of iOS that showed contacts that you've iMessaged or called recently when you double-tapped the home button to get to the app switching screen. Which of course creates an awkward moment if she suspects that he's talking to his ex.

http://mashable.com/2014/09/18/ios-8-contacts-privacy/#9sIvf_ZQukq8
Click to expand...


Ah thanks I forgot about that feature, funny even after I know what op is now talking about I went back and read it and she isn't very clear about what she was talking about

Thanks
 
TheAppleFairy said:
Ah thanks I forgot about that feature, funny even after I know what op is now talking about I went back and read it and she isn't very clear about what she was talking about

Thanks
Click to expand...

Yeah, it's super confusing because the feature doesn't really have a name, the boyfriend doesn't have a name, and the ex doesn't have a name either.
 
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Or do like I do with my husband. Stop checking his phone. Let him have his privacy, allow him to associate with females as friends and co workers. And know that this climate of trust makes a healthy ecosystem for mutual caring and love. People cheat usually because they are unfulfilled, curious or unsure of their standing. Being paranoid, invading privacy, accusing and trying to block them from social situations solves none of those. It's manipulative and controlling...

...And a bit of a pet peeve of mine :) also, wasn't that like 2 iOS's ago?
 
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