Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to your house...
Nock Nock?
(Who's there?)
The chicken!
^.^
To get to your house...
Nock Nock?
(Who's there?)
The chicken!
^.^
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Corny Jokes and One Liners
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I was in the supermarket queueing at the checkout with two full trollies when I noticed a little old Grannie standing behind me holding a single pint of milk.
She confirmed that was all she had to pay for, so I did the decent thing.
I told her to f^^k off to another till as I was going to be ages.
She confirmed that was all she had to pay for, so I did the decent thing.
I told her to f^^k off to another till as I was going to be ages.
two tomatoes were walking together, when one started to lag behind. The other one squashed it and said "ketchup!"
what? you wanted a corny one
what? you wanted a corny one
An accusative walked into a bar.
"Shouldn't you be with the ablative?" says the barman.
Only people who've studied Latin will get that
"Shouldn't you be with the ablative?" says the barman.
Only people who've studied Latin will get that
"We don't serve your kind here." The bar-tender said. A faster than light Neutrino walks into a bar...
Another alternative I like is:
"We don't serve your kind in here", the bartender said.
A time traveller walks into a bar.
Three corny jokes on the same topic, in a row....
I'll think of the proper witty closing comment later and add it when I write this reply.
I'll think of the proper witty closing comment later and add it when I write this reply.
Now take my wife.
Please.
(R.I.P. Rodney)
Nope - Heney Youngman.
Rodney couldn't "get no respect".
Some great Steven Wright stuff :
I owed my friend George $25. For about three weeks I owed it to him. The whole time I had the money on me -- he didn't know it. Walking through New York City, 2:30 in the morning and got held up. He said, "Gimme all your money." I said, "Wait a minute." I said, "George, here's the 25 dollars I owe you." The thief took a thousand dollars out of his own money and he gave it to George. At gunpoint he made me borrow a thousand dollars from George.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.
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Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny.
I owed my friend George $25. For about three weeks I owed it to him. The whole time I had the money on me -- he didn't know it. Walking through New York City, 2:30 in the morning and got held up. He said, "Gimme all your money." I said, "Wait a minute." I said, "George, here's the 25 dollars I owe you." The thief took a thousand dollars out of his own money and he gave it to George. At gunpoint he made me borrow a thousand dollars from George.
--------
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
------------
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.
------------
Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny.
Two stolen from some better comedians than me...
They laughed at me when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now! -- Bob Monkhouse
I used to think the human brain was the most fascinating part of the body. Then I realized, well, look what's telling me that. -- Emo Phillips
They laughed at me when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now! -- Bob Monkhouse
I used to think the human brain was the most fascinating part of the body. Then I realized, well, look what's telling me that. -- Emo Phillips
Women are like a hurricane, at first warm wet and wild and in the end they take your house and your car and leave you with nothing.