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Corny Jokes and One Liners

I was in the supermarket queueing at the checkout with two full trollies when I noticed a little old Grannie standing behind me holding a single pint of milk.
She confirmed that was all she had to pay for, so I did the decent thing.
I told her to f^^k off to another till as I was going to be ages.
 
two tomatoes were walking together, when one started to lag behind. The other one squashed it and said "ketchup!"
what? you wanted a corny one 😀
 
An accusative walked into a bar.
"Shouldn't you be with the ablative?" says the barman.

Only people who've studied Latin will get that 😛
 
Three corny jokes on the same topic, in a row.... 😀

I'll think of the proper witty closing comment later and add it when I write this reply.
 
Under SOPA/PIPA rules, if you illegally download a Michael Jackson song, you'll get 4 years more than his doctor did for supposedly killing him.
 
I bought a DVD last night, it was so blurry I had to watch it with one eye closed... It must be a pirate.
 
Some great Steven Wright stuff :

I owed my friend George $25. For about three weeks I owed it to him. The whole time I had the money on me -- he didn't know it. Walking through New York City, 2:30 in the morning and got held up. He said, "Gimme all your money." I said, "Wait a minute." I said, "George, here's the 25 dollars I owe you." The thief took a thousand dollars out of his own money and he gave it to George. At gunpoint he made me borrow a thousand dollars from George.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

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There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.

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Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny.
 
Two stolen from some better comedians than me...

They laughed at me when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now! -- Bob Monkhouse

I used to think the human brain was the most fascinating part of the body. Then I realized, well, look what's telling me that. -- Emo Phillips
 
“Women are like a hurricane, at first warm wet and wild and in the end they take your house and your car and leave you with nothing.”
 
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