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Dating Dilemma

C

CubaTBird

macrumors 68020
Original poster
Apr 18, 2004
2,135
0
Okay so here's the thing..

Recently I have been dating more frequently with university being out for the summer and what not. It seems that with every date I go on, I somehow feel as if I have "let the girl down" in some way during the date. To further explain this...

A.) I do not drink (never have, never will)
B.) Do not smoke (never have, never will)
C.) I don't lie about my age to anyone

So when the lady tells me a story about how she "got plastered over the weekend", I pretty much turn off because that's just not my idea of a good time. Now I try not to show it but then that leads to them getting put off too for some reason.

Ive asked a few of my friends about this and they say to get with any girl you pretty much have to lie just to "get with her". Is this really so? I mean im only 20 and when the subject of age comes up the ladies seem to be put off by my age with remarks like "oh but I thought you were older, say 24 or so."

I mean if im dating someone who is 23 should I say im 25 just to "have a chance"? I don't want to think so here.

It's kinda funny b/c I would think that girls would appreciate a guy that doesn't drink or gets plastered over the weekend but go fig. :eek:
 
You sound like you are trying to find a soulmate and the girls you are dating arent...
 
CubaTBird said:
Okay so here's the thing..

Recently I have been dating more frequently with university being out for the summer and what not. It seems that with every date I go on, I somehow feel as if I have "let the girl down" in some way during the date. To further explain this...

A.) I do not drink (never have, never will)
B.) Do not smoke (never have, never will)
C.) I don't lie about my age to anyone

So when the lady tells me a story about how she "got plastered over the weekend", I pretty much turn off because that's just not my idea of a good time. Now I try not to show it but then that leads to them getting put off too for some reason.

Ive asked a few of my friends about this and they say to get with any girl you pretty much have to lie just to "get with her". Is this really so? I mean im only 20 and when that subject comes up the ladies seem to be put off by my age with remarks like "oh but I thought you were older, say 24 or so."

I mean if Im dating someone who is 23 should I say im 25 just to "have a chance"? I don't want to think so here.

It's kinda funny b/c I would think that girls would appreciate a guy that doesn't drink or gets plastered over the weekend but go fig. :eek:
Click to expand...


i guess it depends on your MO. if you just want to get laid, then id advocate using some white lies. girls in your age bracket are about 1 year ahead of guys in maturity, studies have shown. in addition to that, older guys represent greater stability and wealth. dont worry, itll even out eventually as you get older,... i hope. just target the girls who got plastered over the weekend and corner then after theyre 2 drunk 2 resist your charm.
 
CubaTBird said:
Okay so here's the thing..

Recently I have been dating more frequently with university being out for the summer and what not. It seems that with every date I go on, I somehow feel as if I have "let the girl down" in some way during the date. To further explain this...

A.) I do not drink (never have, never will)
B.) Do not smoke (never have, never will)
C.) I don't lie about my age to anyone

So when the lady tells me a story about how she "got plastered over the weekend", I pretty much turn off because that's just not my idea of a good time. Now I try not to show it but then that leads to them getting put off too for some reason.

Ive asked a few of my friends about this and they say to get with any girl you pretty much have to lie just to "get with her". Is this really so? I mean im only 20 and when the subject of age comes up the ladies seem to be put off by my age with remarks like "oh but I thought you were older, say 24 or so."

I mean if im dating someone who is 23 should I say im 25 just to "have a chance"? I don't want to think so here.

It's kinda funny b/c I would think that girls would appreciate a guy that doesn't drink or gets plastered over the weekend but go fig. :eek:
Click to expand...

I'll be honest here- any girl who gets "plastered" over the weekend is a huge turn off to me.

If you are really just trying to get a little somethin somethin, lie about your age. If you are trying to find someone that is fun to be around and you arent trying to get in their pants, don't lie about your age. As for the drinking and smoking, good for you. Don't change that. I see no harm in saying that you don't drink. I know quite a few people in their twenties that don't.
 
CubaTBird said:
It's kinda funny b/c I would think that girls would appreciate a guy that doesn't drink or gets plastered over the weekend but go fig. :eek:
Click to expand...

Those women are all at church or the library. :eek:

Seriously, exactly where are you meeting these people? If your friends are trying to hook you up, be clear with what you find attractive and let them filter out the drunk floozies for you.

You could always try the online dating sites too. Although they too seem to be full of white lies.

P.S. The drinking thing wears off with age for most (hopefully). I was one of those plastered types "back in the day."
 
have you tried alcohol or are you a subscribed teetotaler? college age folk are at their most attractive (yes, flame me here pls) and some use alcohol to disinhibit them socially. nothing wrong with that. but thats coming from a fraternity member where alcohol was a prerequisite to get in.
 
I have never tried alcohol. And I don't want to. It has nothing to do with my religion or anything, I just don't want to get involved with it. All I ask from women is respect and understanding.. Is that to much to ask for? :eek:
 
I think perhaps you're looking in the wrong places. That's why you're getting girls with different priorities and interests that don't match yours. Don't change yourself to be someone you're not. What would happen if you ended up meeting someone else that was as willing to be someone they're not. It would be a nightmare to end up married in that situation. Unfortunately, many people have gone that far. Look elsewhere is my best suggestion.
 
girls want fun. if you're too serious about everything they think you're not fun.
girls want a little mystery and adventure. when you tell them right away you're so straight forward and the good guy you end up in the "friends" box, not in the "exciting guy that i could love" box.
respect and understanding come later when a relationship develops (or not). in the beginning it's about fun, even superfiscial fun.
so the task is to not tell them immediately that you're not drinking and be funny and interesting. if the girls need to get hammerd to have fun then stay away from them. people often drunk are mostly boring anyway.
 
If you wanna get laid, lie all you want.

If you want something serious, there's no need to please your date. That's the point of it. To find out what kind of person they are. If it doesn't work out, not a big deal. There are plenty of women that don't smoke or drink. You've just hit a rough patch of dates. Or just lookin in the wrong spots.
 
Wow, look at all these people who are bagging on drinkers..... I don't drink that much but a few games of beer pong can bring some epic times in ones life. If you want a girl who doesn't drink and doesn't smoke who is good looking and around your age of 20.... good luck my friend.
 
Ive heard that the only way to really fall in love with someone is if you can love her flaws as well...

Well I dont know were you live, but I have a lot of Asian female friends and they are share more your type of values, the ones I know the ones that drink will mostly drink one beer.

But like the Familiar Feeling song says
"I never doubted it
Whats for you will not pass you by
I never questioned it
It was decided before I asked why
Its all there ever was"

So I would say just date and someday it will come, probably look elsewhere for girls...
 
rhagen said:
Wow, look at all these people who are bagging on drinkers..... I don't drink that much but a few games of beer pong can bring some epic times in ones life. If you want a girl who doesn't drink and doesn't smoke who is good looking and around your age of 20.... good luck my friend.
Click to expand...

That is quite possibly the most ignorant statement I have heard all week.

andiwm2003 said:
...girls want fun. if you're too serious about everything they think you're not fun.
girls want a little mystery and adventure. when you tell them right away you're so straight forward and the good guy you end up in the "friends" box, not in the "exciting guy that i could love" box.
respect and understanding come later when a relationship develops (or not). in the beginning it's about fun, even superfiscial fun.
so the task is to not tell them immediately that you're not drinking and be funny and interesting. if the girls need to get hammerd to have fun then stay away from them. people often drunk are mostly boring anyway.
Click to expand...

It's not as simple as that. Not ALL girls require excitement in the initial stages of a relationship. Moreover, excitement doesn't have to involve the things that you mentioned. I would always be true to myself when dating anyone and wouldn't try and hide the fact that I don't smoke or drink.

I was actually in a similar situation to the OP at an even younger age. Yet, I managed to find a gorgeous girl who doesn't require alcohol or cigarettes or drugs to have a 'good time'. We still together after 5 years. I'd like to believe that my initial honesty played a part in that.

So, I would say to the OP that you don't have to hide your true self as it will only cause problems if you do meet the right girl. Be patient and keep looking. :)

David
 
different strokes for different folks...

i guess you just need to get the right folk to give you the right stoke!

(no pun intended :D)
 
discodave said:
That is quite possibly the most ignorant statement I have heard all week.
Click to expand...

How because I am stating a fact. The college towns I am around 99.9% of the attractive women are drinking, smoking, or parting. I go to San Diego State, been to USC, UCSD, UCLA, and others to hang out with friends and it seems like this is the case everywhere. Not sure if you are or have been to college. Lots of drinking does occur there.

Most guys/girls in this age group drink, it is the way it is. For advice for the OP, I would say just hang out in the library, coffee shops, and stir up some conversations there. You might have better luck then going to parties to find your type of girl. You are young so don't worry about finding the perfect one just play it day by day and you never know you might just find the right one.
 
I'm not sure which is more boring, people who talk about how drunk they got, or people who insist on not drinking at all.

That said, I've met maybe two people in my whole life who don't drink, but don't really make an issue of it, and are quite fun to be around. So it is possible.
 
I'll repeat what most people have said: You're dating the wrong girls.

I actually end up with the opposite situation. Most girls I have gone out with recently have been light drinkers and non smokers. I really don't care about that. I do have other vices, though, that I wish they shared.

By the way, good job for living to your convictions. It's very sexy, and the right girl(s) for you will agree.
 
You sound like a very sweet and sincere guy, Cuba. Stick to your convictions, don't lie about your age (that will ALWAYS come back to you) and you'll meet a nice girl who you have something in common with, soon. :)
 
rhagen said:
How because I am stating a fact. The college towns I am around 99.9% of the attractive women are drinking, smoking, or parting
Click to expand...

No, this is called 'opinion'. And, mine is that you are plain wrong.

Abstract said:
Pick up a bad habit. You're too straight arrow. Not smoking is fine, but you don't drink, either? Not even a little bit?

Have you considered stealing or gambling?
Click to expand...

lol! :eek:
 
macmama said:
You sound like a very sweet and sincere guy, Cuba. Stick to your convictions, don't lie about your age (that will ALWAYS come back to you) and you'll meet a nice girl who you have something in common with, soon. :)
Click to expand...

That's my problem, im too sweet and sincere and nice and smile too much... :eek:

<friends zone> (if that :eek: )
 
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