Dating Dilemma

[devilot]

just target the girls who got plastered over the weekend and corner then after theyre 2 drunk 2 resist your charm.

I'm gonna assume you were being sarcastic, but just in case someone out there in the cyber world reads this and thinks to themselves that that sounds like a good idea?


That's acquaintance rape.

respect and understanding come later when a relationship develops (or not).

I disagree. If someone doesn't respect you from the beginning? That's bad news. Respect for another person? No, that should always be there.

I think perhaps you're looking in the wrong places. That's why you're getting girls with different priorities and interests that don't match yours. Don't change yourself to be someone you're not.

Yes. I really think the OP should re-read this and re-think where/ how he is meeting these women whom he has no real interest in (and vice versa). And of course, what he's looking for. A fun time? A fling? Or a more serious and committed relationship?

 

[itcheroni]

That's my problem, im too sweet and sincere and nice and smile too much...

<friends zone> (if that )

And don't forget modest.

 

[Kwyjibo]

That's my problem, im too sweet and sincere and nice and smile too much...

<friends zone> (if that )

Hmmm that sounds like an excuse ... maybe to you its a reason.

Eitherway is BS.

 

[rhagen]

No, this is called 'opinion'. And, mine is that you are plain wrong.



lol!

Your opinion of most college students not drinking is plain wrong. Sorry, but it is a fact. If anything you are the one that is ignorant to the fact that people at the age of 20 like to drink. I have known very few people who have never had a drink before and I know a lot of people.

Now back to the OP, just be your self. Maybe get a little more confident in your self. Confidence can go a long way with girls. Don't let the girls get you into the friend zone, you will know if she is interested in you or not. When you realize they aren't move on.

 

[Leareth]

I really do not want to be at schools you guys are at.

I went to two different universities. The majority of the people did not get stupidly drunk every weekend. Most people do not drink more than once a month or less.
The smoking rate here is less than 25%.

The only people who have the lifestype you guys advocate are the first year sorostitutes, and the jocks.

To the OP
there are lots of women out there who would find you attractive but you are looking in the wrong place for them - drunk parties are not it.
many of my friends met their significant other on the bus, at the line to the registrars office or even yes in the library.

 

[TequilaBoobs]

To the OP:
I'm curious as to why you vowed never to touch alcohol or cigarettes, especially since you've never tried either.

 

[prostuff1]

To the OP:
I'm curious as to why you vowed never to touch alcohol or cigarettes, especially since you've never tried either.

Maybe his parents put the fear of god into him?? I personally don't smoke and rarely drink. The reasons for smoking are longer then i care to list but the main crux of it stems from the fact that my grandfather died from smoking. I rarely drink and never to the point were i am incoherent and do stupid ****.

But seriously, the OP is looking in the wrong places. I am no expert on dating but being yourself is the key. If you don't respect yourself and like yourself then your kinda SOL.

 

[iris_failsafe]

I learned a lot about dating rading a guy called Doc Love on http//www.askmen.com (dating and relationship) the guy is very straight forward and has great insight... his columns are free so...

 

[true777]

This may sound superficial, but... try to look great! Try to dress stylish, have a good haircut, be groomed and self-confident -- and the "friends zone" will be gone in half a second! And the no alcohol and no drinking thing will in that light (i.e., on a hot, attractive, desirable guy) be pluses for you!

Because then you will be the hot and desirable guy who also happens to be a good person, and who is true to his convictions, doesn't lie, and has his s**t together = "perfect man"!!

Just be yourself, be confident about it... and have the look so you'll be viewed not as the wimpy idealist, but as the powerful purist!

And yes, do look for girls who are compatible and have similar values -- don't set up dates with random party girls. Be picky and take your time, and you'll end up with a fantastic relationship.

 

[rhagen]

I really do not want to be at schools you guys are at.

I went to two different universities. The majority of the people did not get stupidly drunk every weekend. Most people do not drink more than once a month or less.
The smoking rate here is less than 25%.

The only people who have the lifestype you guys advocate are the first year sorostitutes, and the jocks.

To the OP
there are lots of women out there who would find you attractive but you are looking in the wrong place for them - drunk parties are not it.
many of my friends met their significant other on the bus, at the line to the registrars office or even yes in the library.

You live in Canada. If you went to colleges in California you will see what we are talking about.

True777 is right on the money also. All about confidence. Confidence is one of the most attractive things to girls. Don't walk about and feel sorry for your self because you are the nice guy. Be the nice guy that is confident in who he is.

 

[GFLPraxis]

Okay so here's the thing..

Recently I have been dating more frequently with university being out for the summer and what not. It seems that with every date I go on, I somehow feel as if I have "let the girl down" in some way during the date. To further explain this...

A.) I do not drink (never have, never will)
B.) Do not smoke (never have, never will)
C.) I don't lie about my age to anyone

So when the lady tells me a story about how she "got plastered over the weekend", I pretty much turn off because that's just not my idea of a good time. Now I try not to show it but then that leads to them getting put off too for some reason.

Ive asked a few of my friends about this and they say to get with any girl you pretty much have to lie just to "get with her". Is this really so? I mean im only 20 and when the subject of age comes up the ladies seem to be put off by my age with remarks like "oh but I thought you were older, say 24 or so."

I mean if im dating someone who is 23 should I say im 25 just to "have a chance"? I don't want to think so here.

It's kinda funny b/c I would think that girls would appreciate a guy that doesn't drink or gets plastered over the weekend but go fig.

I'm in the same boat, bud. A, B, C, completely true, and girls who talk about getting plastered over the weekend make me lose respect.

I'm 19, and I don't like the idea of dating for fun. I'll date when I'm seriously looking for marriage; and since I can't honestly support a wife right now, and all the girls in my age bracket are very into "cool" and "hot" guys...meh.

I'll wait till I find a girl that can appreciate a maybe cute (I've been told that I'm not bad looking but I really have no idea how girls percieve me ), smart nerd that can support her and respects her. If I have to wait until the girls around me get older before I get a girlfriend, well, so be it.


If it is about confidence, I'm doomed, as Asperger's Syndrome grants me the inability to read body language Or I'll just wait until I find someone who appreciates me anyhow.

 

[GFLPraxis]

To the OP:
I'm curious as to why you vowed never to touch alcohol or cigarettes, especially since you've never tried either.

I'm fine with drinking, but I was brought up taught to moderate myself (Italian mom . People who get drunk just make themselves look stupid. It's not fun; it's embarrassing, it's a health risk, and it has absolutely no advantage other than temporarily making you into an idiot who enjoys himself but may do something he'd regret.

My dad was a smoker, recently quit. Smokers are gross, my apologies to any smokers here, but it is seriously disgusting. The smell gets everywhere, and it is an expensive addiction, with absolutely no purpose.

Before someone points out me being underage, I lived in Holland for two years and have been to Italy many times. No drinking age in any of those places. I'm currently in the U.S..

 

[66217]

My dad was a smoker, recently quit. Smokers are gross, my apologies to any smokers here, but it is seriously disgusting. The smell gets everywhere, and it is an expensive addiction, with absolutely no purpose.

I totally agree here. Smoking is one of the stupidest things someone can make.
The first time I had a cigarette it was disgusting, (in fact, I made it because I was under the influence of alcohol ), so I related the cigarette to the hangover and promised myself never to smoke again.

As for alcohol, I think that if you moderate the way you drink, drinking is something that can be good. You can always enjoy a beer or a drink when talking with some friends, or when in a wedding, etc.

 

[TequilaBoobs]

I'm fine with drinking, but I was brought up taught to moderate myself (Italian mom . People who get drunk just make themselves look stupid. It's not fun; it's embarrassing, it's a health risk, and it has absolutely no advantage other than temporarily making you into an idiot who enjoys himself but may do something he'd regret.

My dad was a smoker, recently quit. Smokers are gross, my apologies to any smokers here, but it is seriously disgusting. The smell gets everywhere, and it is an expensive addiction, with absolutely no purpose.

Before someone points out me being underage, I lived in Holland for two years and have been to Italy many times. No drinking age in any of those places. I'm currently in the U.S..

try a glass of wine and tell me the buzz isn't good. and wine in moderation is speculated to have health benefits.

since you lived in holland did u try any of the smokey treats in amstdm? the smell is much better and the buzz is really good.

 

[GFLPraxis]

try a glass of wine and tell me the buzz isn't good. and wine in moderation is speculated to have health benefits.

since you lived in holland did u try any of the smokey treats in amstdm? the smell is much better and the buzz is really good.

Oh, I love having a glass of wine with dinner.

I just think that getting actually drunk is retarded. I don't like taking risks for a 'buzz'. A glass of wine is great. Getting intoxicated is not. It's dangerous because you make decisions you otherwise would not. It's embarrassing because you act stupid in front of people you know. It has legit health risks and you wake up the next morning regretting it because of the hangover. It has zero benefits in life and way too many downsides.

A glass of wine at dinner, on the other hand, has small health benefits and few downsides. Italians (at least my family) tend to be very healthy and long lived and they down alcohol with every meal; but they rarely if ever get drunk (it's an embarrassment to your entire family to be drunk in public in Italy).

And no, didn't try any of the marijuana. Same reasoning; no benefits in my life, potential downsides (health and even if no health effects there is employment in the U.S. on drug tests) and I don't want to worry about addiction.

 

[epiphany]

That's my problem, im too sweet and sincere and nice and smile too much...

<friends zone> (if that )

Hmmm. After reading this whole thread, it occurred to me that perhaps the real problem is no one likes to be judged, and frankly, you're judging the women. You're also judging yourself, apparently, given the 'too' appended to the above.

There is no problem with your not drinking or smoking or whatever. But, if you indicate verbally or non-verbally that you don't approve of something or someone, it's likely they're going to try to reject you first.

That said, I agree with those who have said you shouldn't drop your values, and should hang out in places where people with similar values might congregate. Could be church, but could also be service organizations, activity groups, coffee houses...

 

[jamesi]

Okay so here's the thing..


A.) I do not drink (never have, never will)




uh-huh

 

[epiphany]

Your opinion of most college students not drinking is plain wrong. Sorry, but it is a fact.

I think the problem is that you said 99.9% of attractive women in college drink. That isn't fact. That's saying you can't be attractive and non-drinking."

 

[SamIchi]

This may sound superficial, but... try to look great! Try to dress stylish, have a good haircut, be groomed and self-confident -- and the "friends zone" will be gone in half a second! And the no alcohol and no drinking thing will in that light (i.e., on a hot, attractive, desirable guy) be pluses for you!

Because then you will be the hot and desirable guy who also happens to be a good person, and who is true to his convictions, doesn't lie, and has his s**t together = "perfect man"!!

Just be yourself, be confident about it... and have the look so you'll be viewed not as the wimpy idealist, but as the powerful purist!

And yes, do look for girls who are compatible and have similar values -- don't set up dates with random party girls. Be picky and take your time, and you'll end up with a fantastic relationship.

I say dress the way you want. You dress superficially, you'll get a superficial girl. Maybe that's what some want, but it doesn't sound like what the OP wants. Of course there's nothing wrong with dressing up nicely sometimes. But all the time you just look like you are trying too hard.

To the OP:
I'm curious as to why you vowed never to touch alcohol or cigarettes, especially since you've never tried either.

Why would anyone even consider smoking cigarettes? That's totally retarded. No benefits, tastes/smells like crap, and expensive. The only reason people do it is because of peer pressure and addiction. Drinking on the other hand, you get a good tasting beverage (if properly made) and relaxes you. Of course I'm talking in moderation.

 

[rhagen]

I think the problem is that you said 99.9% of attractive women in college drink. That isn't fact. That's saying you can't be attractive and non-drinking."

I was just speaking for me personally. 99.9% of the 10/10 girls that I have known and grew up with all go to parties and drink. I went to a big highschool our graduation class had 802. I didn't drink at all in highschool never had 1 drink until i was 21. I hung out with different types of groups in highschool. The jocks, the popular, the AP kids, the computer geeks. Each group partied and drank regularly. So I am just stating what i observed. I never said 99.9% of the attractive women in college drink was a fact but for me it is true. I do go to a party school.

Trust me I rarely drink but it seems I am one of a few in college who rather be the DD then drink.


When people say smoking i refer to it has smoking weed. Why would anyone smoke cigs nowadays haha.

 

[Abstract]

No, this is called 'opinion'. And, mine is that you are plain wrong.

I've been to uni for 7 years and counting, and am now doing a PhD. This was spread over 2 countries. Trust me, you're wrong. 99.9% may be a hyperbole, but the percentage of drinkers who get wasted sometimes is rather high. It may happen on a very infrequent basis, but it happens.

You live in Canada. If you went to colleges in California you will see what we are talking about.

I'm sorry, but even if he went to Canada, I disagree, being a Canadian. He's right in that the majority of students don't get stupidly drunk "every" weekend, and that most students don't smoke, but I find it hard to be believe that most students don't drink more than once a month. I have seen the same stat, but I've seen some other weird stats that I also fail to believe.

lol!

And I didn't even suggest a good smack in the face once in a while.

Okay so here's the thing..


A.) I do not drink (never have, never will)

uh-huh

Yep, he's definitely free to new experiences. No matter the girls dig him.

 

[discodave]

I've been to uni for 7 years and counting, and am now doing a PhD. This was spread over 2 countries. Trust me, you're wrong. 99.9% may be a hyperbole, but the percentage of drinkers who get wasted sometimes is rather high. It may happen on a very infrequent basis, but it happens.

I've been away for a while but this just really irritates me. It doesn't matter how long you've been to university for. I could say I've been for longer but that is completely not the point. The point is, that this is my opinion. In my experience, which is the only thing we can all talk about as individuals, the majority of people at my university do not get wasted on a frequent basis. Your and rhagen's experience might be slightly different. End of.

 

[BigPrince]

To OP: Only if your were a girl, we would get along so well.

I have similar problems.

 

[MarkCollette]

It's completely possible to party where other people party, while simply not imbibing alcohol, and not making an issue of it, and leaving at the hour when only wasted people are left.

Just keep your eyes open for the girls who are left to watch the purses and drinks, while their friends dance. They are probably the designated drivers (because they don't feel the need to drink, like you), and might be a little bored being ditched by their friends, and would probably appreciate some nice company. They've probably been approached by every scum sucking bastard there, so don't wait for any sign from them. Just go, and remember not to be lecherous, and you'll be fine.

Where I live, in Calgary, we have these mini-festivals either on a park island, or on some streets they shut down from traffic. I think that environment is ideal for meeting nice girls. Might want to see if they have something like that where you're at.

Also, think of places where moms and daughters go together. Believe it or not, most mom's are happy to see a nice young man hit on their daughter, right in front of them. It shows that you both value family. Assuming you do it with the proper respect

 

[aloofman]

This is really not as big a problem as you imagine it to be. A first date is really just to find out if there's some spark there. If it turns out that you're incompatible, just be thankful you found out early on, then move on. It's OK to not want a second date with someone if you're not feeling it.

Don't pretend to be someone you're not, no matter who is watching. It only creates more problems for you down the road. It's also tiring. If you have to pretend you're a party animal, you'll attract the wrong women.