Dating Dilemma

[NEENAHBOY]

I'm in the same boat, bud. A, B, C, completely true, and girls who talk about getting plastered over the weekend make me lose respect.

I'm 19, and I don't like the idea of dating for fun. I'll date when I'm seriously looking for marriage; and since I can't honestly support a wife right now, and all the girls in my age bracket are very into "cool" and "hot" guys...meh.

I'll wait till I find a girl that can appreciate a maybe cute (I've been told that I'm not bad looking but I really have no idea how girls percieve me ), smart nerd that can support her and respects her. If I have to wait until the girls around me get older before I get a girlfriend, well, so be it.


If it is about confidence, I'm doomed, as Asperger's Syndrome grants me the inability to read body language Or I'll just wait until I find someone who appreciates me anyhow.

Wow, this is me to a tee. Even the Asperger's. Spooky.

 

[the vj]

Okay so here's the thing..

Recently I have been dating more frequently with university being out for the summer and what not. It seems that with every date I go on, I somehow feel as if I have "let the girl down" in some way during the date. To further explain this...

A.) I do not drink (never have, never will)
B.) Do not smoke (never have, never will)
C.) I don't lie about my age to anyone

So when the lady tells me a story about how she "got plastered over the weekend", I pretty much turn off because that's just not my idea of a good time. Now I try not to show it but then that leads to them getting put off too for some reason.

Ive asked a few of my friends about this and they say to get with any girl you pretty much have to lie just to "get with her". Is this really so? I mean im only 20 and when the subject of age comes up the ladies seem to be put off by my age with remarks like "oh but I thought you were older, say 24 or so."

I mean if im dating someone who is 23 should I say im 25 just to "have a chance"? I don't want to think so here.

It's kinda funny b/c I would think that girls would appreciate a guy that doesn't drink or gets plastered over the weekend but go fig.

You are just growing up and you are dealing with "do the right thing" as a kid or "do the right thing" as an adult. Adults just do not get too complicate it and focus on the objective as long no one is hurted in the way.

On the other hand you are giving too much importance to those "differences" later own you will wish there was the big differences in life. If you do not deal with that you won't be able to have a relationship with anyone because we al all different.

The smoking part bothers me big time but drinking or not drinking is childish and the age range is way more childish. I am 32 and I have hooked up with girls as young as 20 and old as 42 as well, there were hot, smart, nice and so on.

Just be funny, be relaxed because more important than the differences is how you, as a man, deal with them, that shows integrity, confidence and is such turn on no matter what age you are.

Remember you are growing up as well and dating is tricky and complex. But do as I told you, build up the man inyourself around confidence and good vibes and you are all set.

 

[wPod]

Ok, interesting read, sorry if other people commented on some of this but there are a few things that need to get said.

Recently I have been dating more frequently with university being out for the summer and what not. It seems that with every date I go on, I somehow feel as if I have "let the girl down" in some way during the date. To further explain this...

grow some nuts! other people said have confidence, thats the same thing. girls like confidence. if you are worried or let down during a date, girls will be able to tell and they date will go downhill.

A.) I do not drink (never have, never will)
B.) Do not smoke (never have, never will)
C.) I don't lie about my age to anyone

join a monastery. at least there you will get to talk to nuns, and you should have a lot in common.

So when the lady tells me a story about how she "got plastered over the weekend", I pretty much turn off because that's just not my idea of a good time. Now I try not to show it but then that leads to them getting put off too for some reason.

do what you like to do. meet girls that like to do the same things. then you wont have to listen to stories about girls getting plastered.

Ive asked a few of my friends about this and they say to get with any girl you pretty much have to lie just to "get with her". Is this really so?

easiest way to get a girl in bed for a one night stand, lie. but it will never work if you want to actually date the girl for any actual amount of time.

I mean im only 20 and when the subject of age comes up the ladies seem to be put off by my age with remarks like "oh but I thought you were older, say 24 or so."

I mean if im dating someone who is 23 should I say im 25 just to "have a chance"? I don't want to think so here.

youre 20. in most states its legal to date girls that are 17! why are you going for older women? enjoy them young while you can.

It's kinda funny b/c I would think that girls would appreciate a guy that doesn't drink or gets plastered over the weekend but go fig.

girls like guys with similar interests. if girls get plastered they like guys that get plastered. you must be hanging out with the wrong group if everyone you are around likes to get plastered and you dont.

the best thing though, dont try to 'get with a girl' go have fun with your friends, meet girls. have fun with them (all the time being yourself and being confident!) then if things work out youll end up dating one and that will be much better than trying to meet and immediately date.

 

[nateDEEZY]

girls like guys with similar interests. if girls get plastered they like guys that get plastered. you must be hanging out with the wrong group if everyone you are around likes to get plastered and you dont.

Eh not always, It depends soley on the individual. Me and my best friend don't drink, while a lot of our friends like to party get drunk/smoke etc. My best friend is a hell of a lot more social than I am and we never felt uncomfortable or never made it a big deal at those kind of parties that we didn't drink. I mean sure we don't share that common interest, getting "plastared" but we have a hell of a lot of other things we have common in. But I mean if it is a big deal to you and you're not able to handle yourself in those situations comfortably, then the relationship probably wouldn't work out if you can't enjoy yourself at a party with her.

Women don't secretly find men who don't drink/smoke unattractive. Depending on the type of girl, and the way you let it off that you don't drink/smoke some may mistake it as you trying to be superior or whatever...(and if they take it that way I don't think you want to be with them anyways!) Just don't make it a big deal, play it down.

Anyways though... It doesn't look like you're trying to meet a girl at a party or something, because most of the time they'll have a little alcohol in them.. So I don't know what to say about that!

 

[savar]

This thread is hilarious...the number of people who advocate lying is off the chart! My personal advice is never lie...because you never know, you might end up liking her and then the fact that you lied means the whole relationship is based on false pretenses.

(Not to mention that lying is already a bad thing by itself.)

Plus I can't think of too many scenarios where a confident guy can't get girls without lying.

But yeah as others have said, you need to find somebody into the same stuff as you. Honestly if I met you (I'm a guy, but I'm just making an example), and you didn't have any funny "one time when I was drinking with my buddies" stories at your age, I would arch my brow skeptically. Most girls who like to party are going to do the same. It puts you behind the 8 ball with girls like that (or people like that in general), who are going to assume you're a loser and you don't like going out and being social. It doesn't mean you are any of those things, but nobody knows for sure unless you express yourself.

Also, don't listen to any of that "girls just want..." rubbish. As in "girls just want a guy who's honest" or "girls just want a bad boy" or yada yada yada. There are 3.5-4.0 billion women in this world. Just like dudes, they don't all want the same thing either. Some girls love muscles, some girls love really skinny guys, some girls don't care about physique, and some girls specifically love really average builds. A muscley guy wouldn't have a chance with a girl who wants a skinny guy, and a guy with 6-pack abs is at a disadvantage if the girl thinks beer bellies are cute -- and yes girls do exist that like beer bellies. The proportion isn't always 50/50, but if you live in a populated area you will eventually find somebody who likes what you're bringing to the table.

This is, in fact, why so many seemingly undeserving guys get such such great girls. It's not a matter of rich/funny/tan/muscular/etc that gets girls, it's giving that particular girl exactly what she's looking for.

If all else fails, read Tucker Max stories.

 

[Edandlindz28]

Move to Utah.