Destination weddings - thoughts and opinions

[maflynn]

So I was wondering what people thought of destination weddings.

I'm not looking to have one, as my wife would be angry, if she found out that I was getting married

Seriously though, what are your thoughts. Has anyone been got married that way, or attended?

They seem pricey for the guests. I know someone who's planning one and the cost will be 200 dollars per person per night, not including airfare. Its all inclusive, so there's that.

Running the numbers - For a 6 night getaway you're looking at a cost of $2,400, a 4 night will be a tad cheaper at $1,600. Throw in airfare and needing to bring cash on hand and its something that can exceed $4,000 (5,000?) for a couple.

 

[Gutwrench]

My friends and I are much too old and wise. Most people I know would just go off and do it on their own. If we’re talking about a young couple...ain’t no way I’d go.

 

[maflynn]

My friends and I are much too old and wise. Most people I know would just go off and do it on their own. If we’re talking about a young couple...ain’t no way I’d go.

It just seems odd to me that a couple has an expectation that family and friends spend $4,000+ dollars to see them getting married. Granted it can be viewed as a vacation and I'm sure many people would love to vacation in Caribbean/Mexico/exotic location but at the heart of the it all, you're spending a lot of money to go to a wedding.

I'm incredibly introverted, though my post count seems to contradict that, but I'm one that shuns a lot of social gatherings. I'm saying this, because my perspective may not be the norm, hence my asking what others think.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

So I was wondering what people thought of destination weddings.

I'm not looking to have one, as my wife would be angry, if she found out that I was getting married

Seriously though, what are your thoughts. Has anyone been got married that way, or attended?

They seem pricey for the guests. I know someone who's planning one and the cost will be 200 dollars per person per night, not including airfare. Its all inclusive, so there's that.

Running the numbers - For a 6 night getaway you're looking at a cost of $2,400, a 4 night will be a tad cheaper at $1,600. Throw in airfare and needing to bring cash on hand and its something that can exceed $4,000 (5,000?) for a couple.

What do you mean by a "destination wedding"? That is not an expression with which I am familiar.

 

[maflynn]

What do you mean by a "destination wedding"? That is not an expression with which I am familiar.

What I mean by that, is a couple chooses to get married at an exotic location, say an island in the Caribbean and so the invited guests who attend must book a room, and airfare to travel to that location to witness and enjoy the marriage ceremony.

In my post, I used the example that guests are on the hook to spend 200 dollars a night per person at a specific resort where the couple is getting married. Its a weeklong get away, so the costs for a couple (400 a night) adds up very quickly.

Let me add, that I have no idea if there's an expectation to give the couple a wedding gift after spending 4,000+ to be at the wedding

 

[D.T.]

I know people that have done it - but (like us) they had very small guest lists, only very close friends and family who they carefully coordinated with in terms of costs, location, etc.

We had destination too ... it was across the street at the beach at sunrise

We had a small, extremely close friends/family wedding, we spent money on a well known photographer, had a massive brunch back at our house, fully catered (complete with cooking stations), hired this terrific local musician to play - then we bailed on the house, left everyone to stay for as long as they want, and we flew to the Barbados. So for some folks - especially those from OOT - it was very destination-ish, but without nearly as much cost.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

What I mean by that, is a couple chooses to get married at an exotic location, say an island in the Caribbean and so the invited guests who attend must book a room, and airfare to travel to that location to witness and enjoy the marriage ceremony.

In my post, I used the example that guests are on the hook to spend 200 dollars a night per person at a specific resort where the couple is getting married. Its a weeklong get away, so the costs for a couple (400 a night) adds up very quickly.

Let me add, that I have no idea if there's an expectation to give the couple a wedding gift after spending 4,000+ to be at the wedding

Oh, gosh.

Thanks for the explanation.

They are becoming fashionable for the sort of person who wants to make a "statement" of their wedding.

Yes, I agree with you - what an awful waste of time and money; a hideous concept.

Actually, I

My friends and I are much too old and wise. Most people I know would just go off and do it on their own. If we’re talking about a young couple...ain’t no way I’d go.

Agree completely.

It just seems odd to me that a couple has an expectation that family and friends spend $4,000+ dollars to see them getting married. Granted it can be viewed as a vacation and I'm sure many people would love to vacation in Caribbean/Mexico/exotic location but at the heart of the it all, you're spending a lot of money to go to a wedding.

I'm incredibly introverted, though my post count seems to contradict that, but I'm one that shuns a lot of social gatherings. I'm saying this, because my perspective may not be the norm, hence my asking what others think.

My post count contradicts this, too, but, as it happens, I am pretty introverted, too, and detest lavish and extravagant weddings, and am not much of a fan of parties or social gatherings.

Private, and quiet, is my preference for weddings, and - in this sort of situation - I would simply decline the invitation and send my regrets.

A wedding that lasts a day is bad enough, but to think of spending a fortune to pass a week in such company strikes me as an excessive ask on the part of the Happy Couple. Marriage as performance. No thanks.

 

[scubachap]

Vodafone recently did an ad here in the UK which captures what everyone I know thinks of them...

 

[dk001]

So I was wondering what people thought of destination weddings.

I'm not looking to have one, as my wife would be angry, if she found out that I was getting married

Seriously though, what are your thoughts. Has anyone been got married that way, or attended?

They seem pricey for the guests. I know someone who's planning one and the cost will be 200 dollars per person per night, not including airfare. Its all inclusive, so there's that.

Running the numbers - For a 6 night getaway you're looking at a cost of $2,400, a 4 night will be a tad cheaper at $1,600. Throw in airfare and needing to bring cash on hand and its something that can exceed $4,000 (5,000?) for a couple.

You could always make is vow renewal

Friends did this - Bermuda. They loved it.

 

[decafjava]

This happened to me twice.

Not my own weddings but invited to distant destinations.

Well not that distant, one was in Alicante the other in Cyprus. Both former dorm roommates.

Both expected us to pay for airfare etc. to the city. However my Spanish friend's family arranged free rooms for us (in an apartment owned by them or local friends) while the others expected us to pay hotel etc.

Guess which wedding I attended.

 

[TPadden]

I offered my daughter a wedding or a new car; they drove to the courthouse.

Tom

 

[bbednarz]

Me and my girlfriend have talked about this. I think weddings in general are incredibly dumb and watching all of my friends drop thousands on their weddings is wild. I am very happy my girlfriend isn't pushy with it. She's actually less interested in marriage than I am (her parents went through a nasty divorce). Our plan is to go away and just do it on our own at some point here, but were in no rush. I think most people that have destination weddings don't expect everyone to attend. I think a lot of times it is just the people in the wedding and close family that attend.

There is very low likelyhood I would ever travel to a destination wedding for someone else though. Just too hard to justify the costs involved.

 

[Tomorrow]

In my post, I used the example that guests are on the hook to spend 200 dollars a night per person at a specific resort where the couple is getting married. Its a weeklong get away, so the costs for a couple (400 a night) adds up very quickly.

My biggest question is, why would you be required to stay a whole week? The ceremony is ostensibly only one day, tops.

To your original question - no, not even for my closest relative, not even for the best friend I've ever had in my life, would I go to a destination wedding, and I would be put off by any expectation for me to (1) fund my own trip, lodging, or meals, or (2) use up any of my vacation time to go.

 

[AustinIllini]

Ugh, I dunno. Sometimes it feels like a lot of undue expense for guests. I've been to one and it was very expensive.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

My biggest question is, why would you be required to stay a whole week? The ceremony is ostensibly only one day, tops.

To your original question - no, not even for my closest relative, not even for the best friend I've ever had in my life, would I go to a destination wedding, and I would be put off by any expectation for me to (1) fund my own trip, lodging, or meals, or (2) use up any of my vacation time to go.

Pretty much my thoughts, as well.

 

[Huntn]

It just seems odd to me that a couple has an expectation that family and friends spend $4,000+ dollars to see them getting married. Granted it can be viewed as a vacation and I'm sure many people would love to vacation in Caribbean/Mexico/exotic location but at the heart of the it all, you're spending a lot of money to go to a wedding.

I'm incredibly introverted, though my post count seems to contradict that, but I'm one that shuns a lot of social gatherings. I'm saying this, because my perspective may not be the norm, hence my asking what others think.

We have friends who on her second marriage, they were flying to Vegas and expected family to attend. She’s on her third marriage. Some kids of friends married in Maui, now divorcing. We did not attend either wedding.

Imo, unless you are paying for guests transportation and hotel costs, it is completely selfish to think that your family can afford or should afford to take a couple days off from work and fly to your wedding. Get married at home, Honeymoon or redo your wedding ceremony at your dream location.

 

[0388631]

I think it would make sense if it were for immediate family and you paid for most of the expenses or let people know in advance. As for marriage health... Live together or something close to it for a year or two before tying the knot. Most people I know who've had great marriages dated and were engaged for several years (3-8) before choosing to marry their significant other. No idea what people do now.

 

[Huntn]

I think it would make sense if it were for immediate family and you paid for most of the expenses or let people know in advance. As for marriage health... Live together or something close to it for a year or two before tying the knot. Most people I know who've had great marriages dated and were engaged for several years (3-8) before choosing to marry their significant other. No idea what people do now.

Not always a guarantee. My brother lived his girlfriend for 6 years, got marred and divorsed a year after that. Still, I think it is good to live together and be intimate in advance of marriage.

 

[0388631]

Not always a guarantee. My brother lived his girlfriend for 6 years, got marred and divorsed a year after that. Still, I think it is good to live together and be intimate in advance of marriage.

No intimacy beforehand? That could spell trouble. Also, you're from Minnesota and both of you are from a different era from today's young people who have sex within an hour of meeting, I'm guessing.

Intimacy and not living together seem to be the root causes of relationship failures of people I've spoken to. Anything past that and well into a marriage is usually a breakdown of communications and one party not being happy for such and such reasons.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

I offered my daughter a wedding or a new car; they drove to the courthouse.

Tom

Great story: I know a couple who discussed whether they should treat themselves to a cruise, or to a splendid, stunning handmade wooden (walnut) staircase, in their lovely (architect designed) house.

They took the sensible view that while the cruise would be nice, it would be over - and consigned to memory - once they had docked, whereas the beautiful staircase (and it is beautiful) would last forever, or, for at least as long as the house does.

 

[maflynn]

My biggest question is, why would you be required to stay a whole week? The ceremony is ostensibly only one day, tops.

I believe the minimum stay may be set to 4 nights, which obviously is less then the 6 nights, and I suppose you could find your own arrangements (not used the selected resort) to save more money and/or reduce the time. Nonetheless the fact remains you're laying out a significant amount of money as a guest.

is completely selfish to think that your family can afford or should afford to take a couple days off from work and fly to your wedding

The people I know aren't selfish, she's generous to a fault but yet to expect others to drop thousands of dollars...

 

[GumaRodak]

Destination wedding is for someone who is prioritizing trends over friends....
Or if you and your firneds, family etc ...have spare money

 

[Scepticalscribe]

The people I know aren't selfish, she's generous to a fault but yet to expect others to drop thousands of dollars...

Heedless, perhaps, and possibly self-absorbed and oblivious to the financial (and time) situation of others.

Expecting others to "drop" - or spend - thousands on a wedding - as well as assuming that they will happily choose to spend several days there as well - is an ask too much, in my opinion.

And this applies especially in a country such as the US, where annual leave is quite parsimonious, (whereas leave in Europe tends to be a lot more generous), to expect people to sacrifice a number of days of a limited annual leave to attend a wedding is asking an awful lot.

Personally, I would not attend such an event, and would instead send my regrets.

 

[senseless]

There's an old Bette Davis movie called "The Catered Affair" that comes to mind.

 

[Huntn]

No intimacy beforehand? That could spell trouble. Also, you're from Minnesota and both of you are from a different era from today's young people who have sex within an hour of meeting, I'm guessing.

Intimacy and not living together seem to be the root causes of relationship failures of people I've spoken to. Anything past that and well into a marriage is usually a breakdown of communications and one party not being happy for such and such reasons.

Intimacy regardless of living together or not if there is an intent to take the relationship to marriage.
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I believe the minimum stay may be set to 4 nights, which obviously is less then the 6 nights, and I suppose you could find your own arrangements (not used the selected resort) to save more money and/or reduce the time. Nonetheless the fact remains you're laying out a significant amount of money as a guest.


The people I know aren't selfish, she's generous to a fault but yet to expect others to drop thousands of dollars...

I guess she can be generous, but not considerate?