Do you hold open a door for the next person coming?

HarryPot

macrumors 6502a
Original poster
Sep 5, 2009
934
359
This morning at the cafe me and another man arrived at the same time to the door. He offered me to go first, but I simply opened the door (outwards) and held it open for him. I'm 26 and he was in his 50-60s, so it just felt the right thing to do.

Anyways, in the time I opened the door a group of three kids (18?) were coming, one guy and two girls, and they were just behind. Normally I don't mind opening the door for the next person coming, so I kept the door open, but this kids just simply didn't even look my way. The guy even went in before letting the girls thru.

When none of them even gave a nod looking at me as to say thank you I simply said "Your welcome!". The funniest part was the offended look of one of the girls.:p

Is common courtesy just no longer expected? This is sadly not the first time something like this happens to me or to someone near me. Tho I must agree many people do say "thank you", but normally just the older ones.
 

mobilehaathi

macrumors G3
Aug 19, 2008
9,347
6,217
The Anthropocene
I will actively open a door for the obviously infirm and people with large loads. Notice I don't say 'old folks' or women.

This is to be distinguished from holding back a door for someone who is coming behind me, which I do always.
 

ucfgrad93

macrumors P6
Aug 17, 2007
17,540
8,165
Colorado
I usually hold open doors for people that are entering at the same time as me or are following close behind me.
 

GoCubsGo

macrumors Nehalem
Feb 19, 2005
35,743
141
Without hesitation. It is common courtesy. I recently held a door open for a man I met which (in his words) "spooked him" because it was unladylike. I will continue to hold doors open for anyone, well except him as I don't suspect I'll have another opportunity. :D
 

Tomorrow

macrumors 604
Mar 2, 2008
7,116
1,246
Always a day away
I'll hold the door for anyone coming up behind me, but I agree - a simple "thank you" goes a long way with me, and I often don't hear it. It's very disappointing.
 

Raid

macrumors 68020
Feb 18, 2003
2,144
3,927
Toronto
I generally hold doors open as a courtesy. I will say though that there's extra consideration for cold winter months; such as holding a outside door shouldn't extend beyond a few seconds that may cause the indoor patrons discomfort, and the person coming into the warm space always has the "right of way". :D
 

DeltaMac

macrumors G3
Jul 30, 2003
9,535
2,303
Delaware
IMHO - you choose to respond in the way that you are brought up - living your life in the best way that you know. One of those should include having good manners - including opening doors for others, as the situation permits. I appreciate a "thank you", but I don't ever expect that - not these days, and I definitely have no interest in training a stranger on the spot....
But, if my small favor rubs off on someone else, and they open a door for someone next time, then my small place in the scheme of things is secure.
My good manners won't allow me to let a door slam in your face, but that doesn't prevent you from offering a small "thanks" - or even a slight nod of the head. But - I don't need it (and you sure do!)
Maybe those teens will remember the NEXT time, eh?
 

Scepticalscribe

macrumors Sandy Bridge
Jul 29, 2008
45,554
30,760
The Far Horizon
Yes. I'll always hold a door open for someone coming fairly close behind behind me (or towards me - if they are about to exit a door I am about to enter).
 

Mr. McMac

Suspended
Dec 21, 2009
2,969
341
Far away from liberals
I'm always aware of my surroundings. That said, I always hold the door open for anyone behind me, or in front if they're coming my way. It's a matter of common courtesy.
 
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Septembersrain

Contributor
Dec 14, 2013
3,362
3,717
Texas
I've noticed this trend of complete rudeness. Children now are becoming very self-entitled. I am worried about our future honestly. It's crazy how it seems like each generation is progressively degrading....

Perhaps I'm being cynical but having worked in retail and the food industry, I feel like I've seen some of the worst of it.
 

Scott M

macrumors regular
Nov 25, 2009
197
5
Milton Keynes
I do open doors for people behind me or coming through the other side. Feels really rude not to. I do it for everyone.

If they're behind me, I usually just swing the door open/hold it open as I'm going in, as opposed to standing there holding the door, so they can just walk in after me, so effectively, I'm still in front.

Having said that, there's one situation at work where, there are 5 doors to go through to get from the entrance to the building to the office I work in. When the people directly behind me are going to the same office as me, I effectively have to open the door for them several times, and they have to say thank you several times, it's a bit awkward. What's the right thing to do in that situation? It's more awkward when I'm the one having to say thank you 5 times, lol.
 

HarryPot

macrumors 6502a
Original poster
Sep 5, 2009
934
359
Nice to see Mac users have manners!:)

Without hesitation. It is common courtesy. I recently held a door open for a man I met which (in his words) "spooked him" because it was unladylike. I will continue to hold doors open for anyone, well except him as I don't suspect I'll have another opportunity. :D
Haha, what a rude man. I normally appreciate even more when a woman holds open a door for me. I normally just say you first, but if she insists I just say thanks and go thru.

I will actively open a door for the obviously infirm and people with large loads. Notice I don't say 'old folks' or women.

This is to be distinguished from holding back a door for someone who is coming behind me, which I do always.
You don't open the door for women?!:D

This is a topic that once was brought to me by an old lady in a very interesting manner. I was sited in the subway and no more spaces were available, a lady in her 70s enters and stands besides me. So I offer her my seat.

The horror, she got really upset. This was Belgium, so I didn't understood a thing she was yelling to me, but the guy to my side said that the lady really had the hots for me.;)

I usually like it better when girls let me be the gentleman, but I've learned one has to be careful just how much a gentleman one can be.
 

firedept

macrumors 603
Jul 8, 2011
5,606
454
Somewhere!
Always and it does not matter who it is. Even if they are a short distance away, especially for mothers with children and people with arms full.
 

HarryPot

macrumors 6502a
Original poster
Sep 5, 2009
934
359
Having said that, there's one situation at work where, there are 5 doors to go through to get from the entrance to the building to the office I work in. When the people directly behind me are going to the same office as me, I effectively have to open the door for them several times, and they have to say thank you several times, it's a bit awkward. What's the right thing to do in that situation? It's more awkward when I'm the one having to say thank you 5 times, lol.
It is a little awkward. If you know them maybe a little small talk. If they are strangers I guess there is no way around it. Try and get there first so they go thru the most awkward part. And if they don't say thank you in the first door just slam the second in their face.:D
 

Arran

macrumors 601
Mar 7, 2008
4,353
2,725
Atlanta, USA
...so I kept the door open, but this kids just simply didn't even look my way...
Many kids are brought up to be competitive rather than cooperative. Being first is everything. So when a stranger helps them they just don't know how to react.

I'll hold the door for anyone coming up behind me...
I will too, but if they're more than 10 paces behind I now ignore them and proceed. Reason: Some folks get agitated if you hold the door and wait for them. It puts them under an unwelcome obligation to hurry up (because they're keeping you waiting). So I just let them dawdle. They're happier that way and some could use the exercise of opening the door by themselves. :)
 

LostSoul80

macrumors 68020
Jan 25, 2009
2,133
6
If the girl is hot, I'll go as far as to offer her a drink.

I usually close the door behind me otherwise, making sure to hurt others' feelings.
 

Arran

macrumors 601
Mar 7, 2008
4,353
2,725
Atlanta, USA
... It's more awkward when I'm the one having to say thank you 5 times, lol.
Five doors is a lot. Most I have is three. Thank-you on the first. Some minor verbal acknowledgement on the second and maybe a nonverbal on the third.

Not sure what I'd do with another two doors. Stop and tie my shoelaces maybe? :)
 

HarryPot

macrumors 6502a
Original poster
Sep 5, 2009
934
359
Well it helps to think of them as women rather than girls.;)
I hope I'm not being misinterpreted. I date my girls 18+:D.

No really, I guess it is the movies. English is not my native language, and it seems everyone calls a woman a girl in the movies, so maybe I use girl when I should use woman instead.
 

mobilehaathi

macrumors G3
Aug 19, 2008
9,347
6,217
The Anthropocene
No really, I guess it is the movies. English is not my native language, and it seems everyone calls a woman a girl in the movies, so maybe I use girl when I should use woman instead.
Using 'girl' to refer to a woman tends to infantilize the person, which is not all together uncommon in this culture.
 

velocityg4

macrumors 601
Dec 19, 2004
4,604
1,186
Georgia
If someone arrives at the door at the same time I will hold it open for them. If I'm going through and I see someone closing in on the door I'll give the door a knock so it stays open for them. However, I won't hold a door open if I have to just stand there and wait for them to approach that's just awkward for everyone, only a doorman is supposed to do that. Unless the situation warrants it where I know someone will have difficulty with the door, such as arms full, then I will wait to keep the door open.

Door Opening Etiquette
 

maflynn

Moderator
Staff member
May 3, 2009
63,853
30,369
Boston
Of course, its common courtesy. If someone is behind me or coming in from the other direction I'll hold it open.

I rate this along the lines as please, thank you and your welcome - you know basic civilities that make life a bit more pleasurable for everyone. I also tend to get up from the bus/subway/trolly if I see an elderly person getting on.

Perhaps I'm from an older generation but being courteous was instilled into me at an early age.