Sometimes the simple answer is the best answer. I think in general you'd get more traction with your input if you did more than just post it as a lowercase one-liner though, lol.
I ended up picking up an SN850X, found a good sale and bought it for $15 more than a 1TB SN770, so definitely worth it in that regard. And of course, as soon as I formatted it and gave 'er a test:
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Darned impressive numbers, maxing out the USB4 link for sure. Apple and macOS really just like the WD nvme controllers. Which brings me to what I've discovered is incompatible about the Samsung (and potentially the Hynix drive as well, though as we've discussed it's not confirmed whether I truly tested it with the latest firmware or not).
Yeah, no luck with the firmware, but what I have figured out is why it hates the Samsung drive especially. It all has to do with power state management...which macOS is not doing a great job with. It appears to be going into a low power state when not in use. Naturally, the writes "wake" the drive up, but then it returns to the low power state and the reads absolutely suffer.
AmorphousDiskMark loads the drive differently, and keeps it in the high power operating state. Blackmagic and regular use just don't put the drive in a high enough power / activity state for reads to perform where they should.