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F My Life

Abstract

Abstract

macrumors Penryn
Original poster
Dec 27, 2002
24,905
944
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http://www.fmylife.com/

It's basically a website for people to post something awful that happened to them during their day. Funniest website out there. Here are some classics:


Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML
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Today, me and my boyfriend were hooking up while watching a movie. Just as I was getting really into it, he told me to move my head. He couldn't see the television. FML
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Today, in school my shoulder was killing me from a softball injury. I went to the nurse's office and asked "Can I have some ice?" They responded with "Why, what happened to your face?" FML
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:D
 
Today, I told my boyfriend that I was afraid our future children would be fat and ugly. He reassured me, saying that he was sure our spawn would take on after him. FML
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Today, I kneeled down to tie my shoe and sneezed, nailing my face off of my knee and breaking my nose. FML
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Today, at physical therapy the girl next to me had a blue armband. I said "hey sweet ipod". She said, "actually i have diabetes." FML
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Damn it, I'm on Page 7 and I can't stop. :eek:
 
OMFG. so funny. i cant stop reading these haha. some of them i would feel so bad for the person

"Today, I dropped my 400 dollar iphone, that's been through toilets and 6 foot falls, on a walmart floor and shattered the screen. I managed, however, to catch the 2 dollar macaroni and cheese before it hit the ground. FML"
 
Some of those are brilliant! I may add a few of my own sometime.

Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
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Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML
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Today, to my delight I discover that there is security camera in the storage room at my work. The same room where, two days ago I masturbated. FML
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:D

D'D'D'OH!
 
soooo many good ones haha


"Today, when my boyfriend and I were lying in bed, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML"


"Today, I asked my mom how much she had set aside for college. She then looked and me as if I were crazy and said "Why the hell would I do anything like that?" FML"

"Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML"
 
HAHAHA! I can't stop reading and I'm really busy at work. :D

"Today, I told a girl I liked her. She replied, "Don't". FML"
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Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML
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Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response: "Lucky you." FML
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I wish most parents were like this one. But then again, the show wouldn't be that funny then...

Today, I told my mom I want to try out for American Idol. She responded with, "You don't take disappointment well." FML
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Oh so priceless, out of the mouth of children..

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the f^&k up!". FML
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one word OUCH! :eek:

Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad proceeded to warn me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML
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This is great stuff.

Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML
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Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy *******s'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
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Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
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I thought the OP was going to ask for relationship advice :eek:... rats.

Some of those are pretty funny. I can't recall that I've ever put my foot in it like that though...
 
Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Half way through the show the reported started talking about his girlfriend. The Fattest Man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 an have never had a girlfriend. FML
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Lollers
 
this site is awesome, thanks wasting about an hrs worth of my time..but on the bright side i feel better about myself..

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
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:eek:
 
Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
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Am I the only one thinking, "how is that bad?"

She didn't break up with him, she obviously intends to have sex with him again, and in the meantime she basically gave him free license to "research" and play with toys. Compared to most people on that site that guy has it made.

Sure it sucks to be told you're not good in bed, but when you have a girl helping you improve it's all good.

And thanks for finding yet another way for me to avoid doing real work...
 
some of these are messed up....some are depressing

Today, I finally reunited with a lot of old friends from school. It was great to see everyone grown up and hear the stories. At the end we decided to have a group photo for old times sake. They asked me to take the picture. FML
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edit this one is funny because its mac related:
Today, my friend sent me a link about a nine year old kid who wrote an iPhone app that gets 2000 downloads per week. I am a 28 year old software developer and have been failing to write an iPhone app for months. FM
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Oh goodness. I wake up and find that around 8 new ones have been posted. :p



Today, at a strategy session my manager displayed a flow chart of his employees. I wasn't included. Apparently I had been fired and they forgot to tell me. FML
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Actually, that kind of happened to someone I know recently....:eek:
 
Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML
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:eek:
 
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