Family

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by glocke12, Jun 12, 2008.

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How do you feel about your family (siblings/parents)?

  1. Love em...cant get enough of being around them. My life revolves around them.

    36 vote(s)
    44.4%
  2. Would rather be as far away as possible from any of them.

    10 vote(s)
    12.3%
  3. I keep in touch, and visit once every couple of years.

    14 vote(s)
    17.3%
  4. I keep in touch, and visit for major events (births, deaths, graduations, etc)

    21 vote(s)
    25.9%
  1. glocke12 macrumors 6502a

    glocke12

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2008
    #1
    Just curious how others feel about their family (brothers, sisters, parents). Ive got mixed feelings about mine. I dont mind seeing them at holidays and events like graduation, but overall they all really just cause me alot of stress and grief.
     
  2. iShater macrumors 604

    iShater

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2002
    Location:
    Chicagoland
    #2
    I love my family. I have some cousins that bug the hell out of me sometimes, but I forgive and forget easy.

    Saying that, my wife doesn't like my family. Or at least not her in-laws. :D

    Edit: in-laws here used to describe just my immediate family. She likes my aunts/cousins.
     
  3. Chundles macrumors G4

    Chundles

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2005
    #3
    Love 'em. They drive me absolutely insane most of the time and I wouldn't have it any other way. I know that despite our quarrels (my Mum and I communicate by screaming at each other a lot of the time - it's only taken the rest of the family 25 years to realise that the shouting doesn't imply any malice at all - we just say the same thing as each other but in different ways and only by shouting do we realise that we're actually in agreement) they will be there for me at the drop of a hat should I have to ask.
     
  4. redwarrior macrumors 603

    redwarrior

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2008
    Location:
    in the Dawg house
    #4
    I love my family, they are just like me, want to be left alone.

    My husband's family are very social, but they've learned, when they call, to just talk to him, and to me twice a year.

    Of course, all perceived rules fly out the window if a computer needs fixing.
     
  5. iShater macrumors 604

    iShater

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2002
    Location:
    Chicagoland
    #5
    My family attempt to talk to my wife, she manages to duck for cover when the calls come in. It has made things tense sometimes, cause I am very social and I chit-chat with my in-laws for hours! :eek:
     
  6. Melrose Suspended

    Melrose

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2007
    #6
    My family is very close, I think in relation to an extent because I have a small family. I only have one grandparent (grandmother) and then mom and dad - my brother is somewhat estranged and for no reason on our end hasn't visited my parents in almost two years.

    But the rest of us stick very close. My grandmother is going to be 90 this year, and still lives on her own. I go over and spend time with her playing cards (her favourite pastime). It'll be unimaginably hard to to take when she's gone... the rest of my grandparents I never saw, so she's the only one I've got.
     
  7. iShater macrumors 604

    iShater

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2002
    Location:
    Chicagoland
    #7
    ^^ That is awesome melrose. I totally miss my grandparents. I am named after my grandpa from my dad's side, but I never really met him (I was a baby when he passed away), but I remember the rest of the grandparents. My maternal ones passed away when I was a kid, and my grandma passed away a few years back.

    I wish yours many more years to come, and a lot of time for you to spend with her! :)
     
  8. JNB macrumors 604

    JNB

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2004
    Location:
    In a Hell predominately of my own making
    #8
    Family? I don't need no stinking family. Most of mine is dead, the remainder never try to get in touch. All in all, a win-win for me.
     
  9. mithrilfox macrumors regular

    mithrilfox

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2007
    Location:
    Japan
    #9
    Many people feel discouraged by others' cheery family situations. I just want to say that my family is more of a [dys]functional unit that allows us to better operate in the world.

    It's best to appreciate your family for what it is, and look at the good that there is in it. You can try to fight it, but it generally just turns out bad. If you focus on the good, it somehow just gets better!
     
  10. motulist macrumors 601

    motulist

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2003
    #10
    Gosh, I hope not. I have a relatively great family life, but judging your own life by comparing anything to other people's lives is an impossible fool's errand. Most people do that when they're young, but hopefully we all grow out of it.

    Firstly, there's no way to get any real idea of what another person's life is really like. Some people seem to have an amazing family life, but in reality there are all kinds of hidden undercurrents that no one on the outside sees. Same goes for talent, some people seem extremely naturally talented, but really they work tremendously hard to get to that level and stay there. Same goes for people that seem to have their life "together." Same goes for people that are happy, rich, etc. Just because it looks rosy from the outside doesn't mean that's how it really is.

    Secondly, of course some people do actually have certain things really good, but making comparisons is still a fool's errand because for everything that a person has better than most, there are tons of unrelated problems that you never even think of. If a person really does have a great family and is rich and talented, they'll also have their own problems like an eating disorder, a compulsion to overwork, a disease that you can't see, a close sibling that died in childhood, or whatever.

    There's absolutely no way to make any sort of reasonable comparison of how good your life is to anyone else's. You just gotta live the best life you can and be happy for other people whenever anyone else seems to have something good going on too.

    Exactly. Just try to make life as good as you can for yourself and those around you. Nothing else matters.
     
  11. cycocelica macrumors 68000

    cycocelica

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2005
    Location:
    Redmond, WA
    #11
    I love my family and love being around them but I can get enough of them. I miss them when I am at college and enjoy being home for the summer, but I like to get away too.
     
  12. yg17 macrumors G5

    yg17

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2004
    Location:
    St. Louis, MO
    #12
    Intermediate family is great. The rest, ehhh....we won't get into it.
     
  13. CorvusCamenarum macrumors 65816

    CorvusCamenarum

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Location:
    Birmingham, AL
    #13
    What exactly is it I'm supposed to appreciate about a stepmother who abused me in unspeakable ways on a near-daily basis for over 10 years and a spineless father who knew full well what was going on yet was too much of a chicken***** to do anything to stop it? Not to mention every other member of that side of the family who was aware of what was going on but made sure I was kept quiet so as to keep the proverbial boat from rocking?

    I suppose the "good" is that she didn't manage to kill me. As far as I'm concerned, they can all drop dead in a most painful manner and I'll be only too happy to drop my pants on urinate on their respective graves when the times come.
     
  14. motulist macrumors 601

    motulist

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2003
    #14

    Not to excuse what your family did in any way, but perhaps it will help you let go of your anger and get over your past if you try to put yourself in their shoes.

    Usually parents who abuse their children were themselves abused when they were kids. Maybe your mom was abused really badly when she was a kid. Today at least these types of things are known about in the general population and we grow up with learning on tv that these things are terrible but we can get past them. But if this happened to your mom in the old days then maybe she was never able to deal with it, and when she had a family of her own it might've re-traumatized her, and seeing you as a child like she once was might've stirred up all that terrible trauma.

    And as for your father, it's likely he had a terrible childhood as well. A mentally healthy man would never get involved with a woman capable of such abuse, and a mentally healthy man certainly wouldn't be able to stand aside as his child was being abused. Seeing that stuff happen to you probably ripped up his guts inside like you have no idea.

    Again, I'm not excusing what they did in any way shape or form, but if you try to understand why your parents did the things they did, then maybe you can get past your terrible childhood, and maybe that will allow you to feel sorry for your parents and see the good in them that was buried so long ago, and which perhaps might still be waiting there to be uncovered.

    Just maybe.



    Disclaimer: I could be totally off-base, because I don't really know a single thing about you or your situation. So if I'm totally wrong about everything, please feel free to disregard my well-intended comment.
     
  15. Dagless macrumors Core

    Dagless

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2005
    Location:
    Fighting to stay in the EU
    #15
    I love my family. We're extremely close, they (since I've got work and have to look after everyone's houses) all go on a big holiday in the summer. Aunts and uncles, grandparents, cousins. Like a big mass exodus.

    I don't see much of my dad's brothers side. They didn't get on well as kids. Also my mum's brother is a long distance truck driver so he's never there too.

    It's great. My sister is one of my best friends, she's just like me only a few years younger. Where my friends let me down a lot, and since Caroline is down at university, my family are always there for me.
     
  16. CorvusCamenarum macrumors 65816

    CorvusCamenarum

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Location:
    Birmingham, AL
    #16
    What, they they knew what they were doing was wrong and didn't give a crap because it was more convenient? Thank you but no.

    There were three other children in the house, but I was the only one singled out. I'm supposing it had to do with the fact that I was the only male child, as well as the only one not hers. Given that she made it verbally clear on multiple occasions, usually in between "bicycle accidents" (read: beatings for using an incorrect amount of shampoo or something equally asinine) that I was "in the way", it's a reasonable conclusion.

    I'm sure it ripped him up so much that after all this time he still can't bring himself to at the very least say he's sorry he was too much of a whipped pansy to stand up for his own defenseless child.

    There is no understanding possible, no forgiveness, nothing. I could tell you things that were done to me that would chill you to the bone, and I have to live with the repercussions every single day. Some things just can't be made better, so I have to soldier on as best I can.
     
  17. Dagless macrumors Core

    Dagless

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2005
    Location:
    Fighting to stay in the EU
    #17
    I'll deny it if they ever found out but I kinda like Carolines family. They're all nutters and they're great for it. Her brothers and sister are good mates of mine. I think I'm quite lucky there since we'll be seeing a lot of each other in the future :D
     
  18. iShater macrumors 604

    iShater

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2002
    Location:
    Chicagoland
    #18
    Dude, it is like playing dodgeball. It definitely has helped me with my people skills to try to smooth things all over the place.

    CorvusCamenarum, I am very sorry to hear of your story. And I am sure nothing we say here can make it easier, or tries to little any of it. As you said, you have to soldier on, just make sure that when you have your own family, you give them your best, so that when they grow old, they have the best to remember YOU by.
     
  19. Queso macrumors G4

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2006
    #19
    My family are my husband, our dog, and a mother and son in the Alps who are far away but who we love dearly. And I wouldn't be without any one of them :)
     
  20. Melrose Suspended

    Melrose

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2007
    #20
    Thanks. :) She's mostly house-bound, due to arthritis (which is sad considering she used to be very active when I was little), but she's got cats to take care of and that kind of gives her a reason to get up in the morning.

    I'm very sorry to hear of your grandparents passing - I especially appreciate the stories that old folks have to share, and it's cool getting some family history from your elderly relatives!
     
  21. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2002
    Location:
    Location Location Location
    #21
    I love my family. Really.

    You can imagine how hard it has been to not see them for 3.5 years.
     
  22. iShater macrumors 604

    iShater

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2002
    Location:
    Chicagoland
    #22
    Thanks.

    I know a LOT of family history was lost when my grandma died, and unfortunately although I heard many great stories, I never wrote anything down.

    My dad passed away when I was in highschool, that was a tougher loss that is for sure.
     
  23. PlaceofDis macrumors Core

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2004
    #23
    my family and i are close, but certainly keep our distance. its worked out the best this way. my sister though is much much closer to my parents than myself.
     
  24. scotthayes macrumors 68000

    scotthayes

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2007
    Location:
    Birmingham, England
    #24
    not seen my mom for 32 years. As for the rest of my family, don't see them all that often. Most of them just bore the hell out of me.
     
  25. AdeFowler macrumors 68020

    AdeFowler

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2004
    Location:
    England
    #25
    I love my family too much if that's possible. I get terribly defensive about them and worry too much when they're late etc. :eek:
     

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