I think part of it is access too--it's somewhat hard to tip a dishwasher or even a chef since they are away from you and are not easily accessible so the tip ends up basically being a waiter/server one, even if you meant it more for the chef perhaps because the food was so amazing, but not much else was that amazing.
Bollocks. You write the tip in on the receipt. I can't remember the last time I handed cash to anybody at a restaurant. Being "accessible" has nothing to do with it.
No, you don't tip them because they are female - you tip them because they do a job that can be unpleasant, and yes, it is your own personal mess that is being cleaned.
If this is the standard, then the US is WAY off.
We tip parking valets, yet there's nothing unpleasant or messy about parking your own car. We tip delivery drivers, yet there's nothing unpleasant or messy about picking up dinner from a drive thru. The same can be said of barbers, hairdressers, cab drivers, etc. And it's customary to tip all of them.
HOWEVER - there are plenty of other services people perform where they do an unpleasant job cleaning up your personal mess, and they don't get tips: janitors, busboys, dishwashers, dry cleaners, gardeners, etc.
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