BREAKING: Apple’s Foldable iPhone Will Fold Your Wallet in Half Too
By an Apple Apologist Who Just Mortgaged Their House for a Preorder
Cupertino, CA — In a bold move, Apple has announced its next revolution in extracting money from your bank account mobile technology: the foldable iPhone. Officially dubbed the
iPhone Flex (Your Budget), it promises to bend in half—just like your financial stability.
“People have been begging for innovation,” said Apple’s VP of Bending Physics, Chad Curve. “So we took the iPhone, doubled it over, and quadrupled the price. You're welcome.”
Starting at
$2,000, the iPhone Flex costs more than a MacBook Pro, a vacation to Italy, or your dignity. But don’t worry—it
does come in four colors you’ll immediately cover with a $99 FineWoven Pro case.
Features Nobody Asked For, But Will Defend Online
- OLED Infinity Flex Display that folds with all the grace of a wet tortilla
- “Crease OS”: A new version of iOS 19 that’s fully optimized to utilize a new Dynamic Isthmus and pretend the crease doesn’t exist
- Triple Hinge Engineered by NASA (probably) for that perfectly satisfying crackling sound
- AppleCare+ Fold Edition, just $899/year in case your $2,000 phone decides to become two $1,000 halves
Financing Options Include:
- Selling a kidney (or a gently used Tesla)
- Taking out a second mortgage through Goldman Sachs: “It’s just 64 easy payments of $31.25!”
- Trade-in your current iPhone 16 Pro Max for a $147 credit and a participation trophy
Competitive Landscape
Sure, Samsung’s been making foldables for years, but Apple waited until the tech matured (and by “matured” we mean “cost more”). While Galaxy Fold users are still figuring out how to open theirs without causing a pixel implosion, Apple fans are preparing to camp outside stores to experience
the most expensive phone ever made.
Apple’s Official Statement:
“At Apple, we don’t follow trends—we
perfect them. Then we price them as if they’re plated in unicorn tears.”
Critics may laugh, but let’s be honest—you’re still going to buy one. Because deep down, you
need that dopamine hit from unfolding your phone like it’s a futuristic pop tart. Just don’t drop it—unless you’ve already emotionally detached from money.
Stay tuned for next year’s model: the
iPhone Origami Pro Max Ultra. It folds
twice. So does your credit score.