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I 100% would trust myself over the cops to get lost property back to its owner.

List "lost iPhone" on Craigslist and see if anyone tries to get it.

maybe (although I kinda hope they don't) Apple/service provider will give you the owner's name if you provide the serial/MEID etc.

There are ways.

I found a laptop once and got it back to its owner within hours.

There is no need to deal w/ bureaucracy if you're well-intentioned but you have to count on the owner to be astute enough to use these avenues.

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Let's hope for your sake you're not in California - http://www.shouselaw.com/appropriation-lost-property.html

Most state "finders" statutes are like this

"You are not required to go to extremes to identify and contact the owner. But the law says you must make a reasonable attempt to do so."

courts are pretty lenient on what a "Reasonable effort" is.
 
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