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"Friends" that try to set you up

dukebound85

dukebound85

macrumors Core
Original poster
Jul 17, 2005
19,217
4,341
5045 feet above sea level
Some of my lady friends are trying to set me up as they know I am single and back in CO......

I do have an issue though.

Why is it that the majority of my girl friends are trying to set me up with girls that they should know that I do not find attractive at all? I consider myself a fit, decent looking dude and yet so far, most of the girls that they are trying to hook me up with are, how can I say it kindly, overweight and not have cute faces? I mean to the point that it is evident we don't participate in the same activities....

Sure they are nice and all but really, if my friends want to hook me up with someone, I would like to be physically attracted to her and be able to relate to shared activities.

Makes me question what type of friends I have that are trying to hook me up with their single not-cute obese friends for the mere fact that I am currently not seeing anyone.

I am in no rush to date though wouldn't mind it but seriously, I am not going to date whomever for the fact that I am "single"

Anyone have similar experiences?
 
Ann P said:
So what was the point of this thread, besides being admittedly shallow?
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It is not shallow to want to date someone
1) You find attractive
2) That is able to do the same activities I can

Be friends with fine, but when they introduce me as a potential "bf" to their friend with romantic interests, why?
 
Ann P said:
So what was the point of this thread, besides being admittedly shallow?
Click to expand...

It's no different from when a girl tells a guy she does not find him attractive due to him being skinny or having ginger hair for example. Some people do not find overweight physically attractive.
 
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For one thing most attractive girls are rarely single unless they have major problems in other areas. Depends on age too though.

Another thing is that you should try to get into their friends' shoes for a second. Attractive women will have no problems finding a date and they won't be pestering their friends with helping them do so. Obviously the opposite with women less attractive. In other words, your friends are probably asked by these more often to help such girls find a date. And that's where you come in.

This happened to me a few times too so don't be too upset. Or be firm with your friends and tell them firmly about the type of woman you are looking for.
 
Don't overlook other attributes such as character, personality, intelligence, etc.

Remember, external beauty is only skin deep and can complicate relationships at times.
 
they think you're a nice person and they think these girls are nice too.....so they think they you should meet......maybe make a "nice" couple lol

what? you think your friends should think you're too hot to date their friends?
 
When a friend sets two people up together, they really should set people up who are around the same level of attractiveness, and have personalities that she/he genuinely believes will match. If that's not the case, then perhaps the friend is better friends with the other friend, or is just not thinking.

What dukebound said was blunt, but absolutely fair IMO, especially as a blind set-up. Just because two people are single, and both get along with a mutual friend, does not mean they will get along, or are compatible.

Try getting a male friend to set you up with a female friend he knows. I guarantee appearance will be considered as well.
 
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sushi said:
Don't overlook other attributes such as character, personality, intelligence, etc.

Remember, external beauty is only skin deep and can complicate relationships at times.
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Oh I know and I value those traits greatly. However, I would like to be physically attracted to the lady if I would date her and be able to enjoy shared activities

Macky-Mac said:
they think you're a nice person and they think these girls are nice too.....so they think they you should meet......maybe make a "nice" couple lol
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I have no issue having and making new nice friends.

However, I also will not date any single girl just because they are single and I am single. We can be great friends, sure, but for me, I need to at least have a physical attraction in the relationship and would hope my friends realized that before trying to set me up with their single friends.
what? you think your friends should think you're too hot to date their friends?
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No, I think my friends should try and set me up with a woman who is able to enjoy the same things as I. When her activities consist of alot of things not considered "active" in my book and it shows physically, it won't work regardless of how nice she is.

Lifestyles don't mesh and my friends should know that lol

Owell
 
Freakin' hot chicks! They think that dudes will do anything for them. Screw that! I always spite them when they expect something. Even if all they want is for me to check them out, I will not! I'll look away on purpose. Don't fall into that bull. Hot chicks love to play mind games. At least the majority of the ones I've co across. Be aware of those types. Ugh!
 
Dukey- you are right, and you should not feel bad about the way you feel about these "set-ups". Being attracted to someone physically is just as valid as being attracted to them emotionally.

Compatibility involves many factors. Good for you for staying true to yourself. You will find yourself that lady you're looking for. Take your time and don't force it.

And your friends are just trying to help.
 
I agree with Lee, there's nothing wrong with what you've said. It could be that you're friends do think you'll like these girls, or that they don't actually know any other single girls to set you up with...although the latter is probably not the case. Either way, they're just trying to help. Try and drop hints as to the type of girl you're looking for, or just tell them straight out.

RawBert said:
Freakin' hot chicks! They think that dudes will do anything for them. Screw that! I always spite them when they expect something.
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How's that working out for ya big man?
 
dukebound85 said:
2) That is able to do the same activities I can
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Yup. I can only relate to this! My first few girlfriends were good looking but were all slightly overweight since our lifestyles didn't mesh. I don't mind watching films and going to restaurants but when that's (mostly) all you do... nah! It's adventure or bust. Or ideally both.

Maybe (seeing that I don't know you personally or anything) your friends are trying to set you up with people they think are the long-term type. Maybe they want you to settle down?
 
To the kid saying that it's hard to find a hot girl because they're usually taken ... you don't get out much do you? :rolleyes:

OP, I think you should date who you want but get your head out of your ass when it comes to things like weight and activity. Do you know for certain that these girls can't do whatever it is that you do?

Your friends probably mean well and they probably know that you've been single for a very long time. Maybe they just want to find variety because they don't know what you want. When's the last time you had a date? (no need to answer, it's just part of the point).
 
I agree with the OP! Im only attracted to certain types of people, and only than that person pretty much has to share SOME of my interests or else its a no go...

The whole point of dating (to me) is to find someone you are physically and mentally attracted to, and have fun being with. If none of these criteria are not met than my time and the persons time im with at the moment is being wasted.


dukebound85 said:
It is not shallow to want to date someone
1) You find attractive
2) That is able to do the same activities I can

Be friends with fine, but when they introduce me as a potential "bf" to their friend with romantic interests, why?
Click to expand...
 
jessica. said:
OP, I think you should date who you want but get your head out of your ass when it comes to things like weight and activity. Do you know for certain that these girls can't do whatever it is that you do?
Click to expand...

Yea, when we talk about what we do for fun it becomes very evident
Your friends probably mean well and they probably know that you've been single for a very long time.
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I haven't been single for a very long time and yes, of course they mean well
Maybe they just want to find variety because they don't know what you want. When's the last time you had a date? (no need to answer, it's just part of the point).
Click to expand...

I am no stranger to dating and that could very well be the case in regards to variety
 
RawBert said:
Freakin' hot chicks! They think that dudes will do anything for them. Screw that! I always spite them when they expect something. Even if all they want is for me to check them out, I will not! I'll look away on purpose. Don't fall into that bull. Hot chicks love to play mind games. At least the majority of the ones I've co across. Be aware of those types. Ugh!
Click to expand...

Apparently, immature male highschool nerds also like to play mind-games. ;)
 
Synchromesh said:
For one thing most attractive girls are rarely single unless they have major problems in other areas.
Click to expand...

Owch - I'm a single girl :p Therefore either unattractive or messed up? :eek:

They could be out of shape and still able to do whatever activities you like (what is it you do?)

You can be overweight and unfit, but you can also be overweight and a lot fitter than you look. I've been both. They might be interested in doing some of these things with you. The reason I eventually moved my lard arse down to the gym was because there were tonnes of things I wanted to do, just didn't think I could.

But overall, I wouldn't go on dates with anyone I found unattractive either. There's the possibility you'll end up liking her once you get to know her, but if you don't then it's just going to make the girl feel worse, especially if she isn't comfortable with her weight.
 
Invite one of your lady friends and the blind date out on a double-date. Go mountain bike riding on trails, kayaking, and running in the park. Perhaps that will help to demonstrate to your friends what your expectations are.

And yeah, beauty is only skin deep. For the record I don't like skinny, tall, long-legged women but I have a few as friends. You just have to get to know them.
 
The last few gals that i have really liked it wasn't an instant attraction. For instance the last girl i fell for, when i first saw her i thought she looked nice but didn't feel anything more for her. It was only after spending time with her that the feelings grew.

Personality will always win you over :)
 
Count yourself lucky that you have friends that think you are a 'catch'.

I don't even have any friends that think I am a 'catch' and try to set me up with their friends. We go out and I do not get introduced. :eek: That is embarrassing. Having to introduce yourself always.
 
Men are wired for instant physical attraction more than women are. Don't blame dukebound85 for that.
 
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