It's not shallow to want to date only people of your 'kind', ie slim, rich, childless, religion etc.
It is shallow to want to not date people of your kind, ie overweight, low income, parent.
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"Friends" that try to set you up
- Thread starter dukebound85
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It's not shallow to want to date only people of your 'kind', ie slim, rich, childless, religion etc.
It is shallow to want to not date people of your kind, ie overweight, low income, parent.
to the OP,
Maybe all your pretty girl friends think you are in the closet being as shallow as you are about how you think you look, and are setting you up with fat friends who don't mind that just to keep you safe, since to them they percieve that you don't want to come out.
I have had my share of beautiful female friends myself and I am in pretty good shape you know what I did? I tried to **** them rather than say OK hook me up with the chubby ones and was successful at that half the time if not I ****ed the chubby ones 😀
Maybe all your pretty girl friends think you are in the closet being as shallow as you are about how you think you look, and are setting you up with fat friends who don't mind that just to keep you safe, since to them they percieve that you don't want to come out.
I have had my share of beautiful female friends myself and I am in pretty good shape you know what I did? I tried to **** them rather than say OK hook me up with the chubby ones and was successful at that half the time if not I ****ed the chubby ones 😀
At least you two understand where I am coming from lol
Sorry but wtf?😕
Well I am not the type of guy that is just after hook ups and definitly not right away. Whoulda thunkit
It's that concept of chivalry that confounds the modern woman Duke they'll either think you are gay or really religious and I think that in your case they likely think you are gay if you factor in your slight narcissistic tendencies as hinted towards your physique by your original post. If a person really wants sex signals are too obscure compared to just "saying nice shoes wanna ****?"
I am narcissistic since I said I consider myself fit and decent looking? I can't have an opinion of myself?
And no, I am not gay nor do my friends think I am gay as I have had many past gf's around them in the past
This is more of a fact that my lady friends know
1) I just moved back and am single
2) Said I wouldn't mind getting in a relationship when they ask what my status is
3) They have single friends
4) That they must hook me up apparently with their single friends
Now I don't mind these dates but I wish a little more thought on "wonder if they would be compatible" would have been given.
Maybe I am wrong but I believe alot of my lady friends (who are getting engaged and married) want that for their friends so are just trying to get them in a relationship without thinking about chemistry. Doesnt help when we are all 25-26 years old
Mind you young Duke I said "slight Narcissistic" that doesn't necessarily define being gay of course but it does sometimes seem to be perceived as such by those who believe the stereotype--perhaps to some of your female friends (who rely on those silly signals rather than apply directness) you gave off a "gay vibe" as it were. I am not saying you are gay of course but you do exhibit those basic stereotypical traits the way you explain the situation and that may indeed be how some of your female friends actually see you you may be giving off false signals that you are not openly aware of.
sushi
Moderator emeritus
That is very true.
The Japanese have an interesting expression. Marry a beautiful woman and in three days you are tired of her. Marry an ugly woman and in three days you are used to her.
There is a lot of truth in that statement.
Agree. I think that it is important to have shared interests.
However, shared interests can develop over time as you explore each others interests and hobbies, and don't need to be there at the outset necessarily.
My opinion of the Japanese just dropped a few points. This has to be the silliest statement I've read in a while.
I'm with you man. If I'm not sexually attracted to a woman (which, whether people like it or not, involves the woman's physical traits quite a bit), there isn't much point in attempting to force a relationship. Its not shallow to desire a relationship with someone that you are attracted to and being attracted to someone definitely involves physical and non-physical factors.
ltldrummerboy
macrumors 68000
I think two ingredients for love (let's please not define love, at least in this thread) are physical attraction and common interests. Of course these aren't the only ingredients, but they are both very important.
The issue isn't that dukebound85 is lumping all unattractive (however he perceives this) women into the "don't wanna date" category, it's that his friends are setting him up with women he isn't interested in. The most telling part of this entire thread is that the title has the word "friends" in parentheses.
Your "friends" have a poor track record of selecting people that grab your attention; that much has been established. Sounds to me like you've done fine in the past without blind dates, so why would that have changed?
The issue isn't that dukebound85 is lumping all unattractive (however he perceives this) women into the "don't wanna date" category, it's that his friends are setting him up with women he isn't interested in. The most telling part of this entire thread is that the title has the word "friends" in parentheses.
Your "friends" have a poor track record of selecting people that grab your attention; that much has been established. Sounds to me like you've done fine in the past without blind dates, so why would that have changed?
leekohler
macrumors G5
Haha! Now that was just mean. 🙂
I think I understand why "friends" is in quotes. If my friends started setting me up with people I wasn't attracted to or interested in, I'd be wondering how much they really knew me.
stonyc
macrumors 65816
Yeah, seriously... what was with the hate towards duke?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be physically attracted to someone. If I were you duke, just ask them to stop trying to set you up... you know what you want, might be more fun to just do it yourself? 🙂
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be physically attracted to someone. If I were you duke, just ask them to stop trying to set you up... you know what you want, might be more fun to just do it yourself? 🙂
leekohler
macrumors G5
That's what I would do too. I'd very nicely state, "I don't think you guys understand what kind of person I'm attracted to, so I think I'll just do this on my own. But thank you for caring enough to do it."
There's nothing wrong with that.
dXTC
macrumors 68020
(raises hand)
I fully understand the concepts presented by Duke and others here, but from the opposite point of view.
I'm an FA; it's an acronym for Fat Admirer. This means I am strongly attracted to larger ladies. (I try to refrain from using numbers to describe my tastes, but if you must know a range I consider attractive, start with Lindsay Hollister and stop with Darlene Cates.)
Like the OP, I could have a thin female friend, but it's very unlikely to advance beyond that. Thin women just don't "rev my engine", so to speak.
In my experience, personality and presentation can indeed be a factor in overall attractiveness. I've dated some BBWs ("big beautiful women") that, while not particularly beautiful in facial features or body shape, were fun-loving and enjoyed some of the same things I did. And to be sure, I met a few super-cute ones along the way that turned out to be real "witches with a capital B".
I consider myself lucky to have married a decently-proportioned, nice-looking woman with good levels of humor and common sense. If not, I would probably be stuck in the same situation as the OP, with everyone introducing me to their fat friend/sister/cousin/co-worker-- just because they know of my preference. Heck, the ones that know I'm married already say, "Hey, dude, I saw this chick at Wal-Mart the other day and immediately thought of you." If I were single, it would just get worse.
I fully understand the concepts presented by Duke and others here, but from the opposite point of view.
I'm an FA; it's an acronym for Fat Admirer. This means I am strongly attracted to larger ladies. (I try to refrain from using numbers to describe my tastes, but if you must know a range I consider attractive, start with Lindsay Hollister and stop with Darlene Cates.)
Like the OP, I could have a thin female friend, but it's very unlikely to advance beyond that. Thin women just don't "rev my engine", so to speak.
In my experience, personality and presentation can indeed be a factor in overall attractiveness. I've dated some BBWs ("big beautiful women") that, while not particularly beautiful in facial features or body shape, were fun-loving and enjoyed some of the same things I did. And to be sure, I met a few super-cute ones along the way that turned out to be real "witches with a capital B".
I consider myself lucky to have married a decently-proportioned, nice-looking woman with good levels of humor and common sense. If not, I would probably be stuck in the same situation as the OP, with everyone introducing me to their fat friend/sister/cousin/co-worker-- just because they know of my preference. Heck, the ones that know I'm married already say, "Hey, dude, I saw this chick at Wal-Mart the other day and immediately thought of you." If I were single, it would just get worse.
TuffLuffJimmy
macrumors G3
There is nothing shallow about it. People are so quick to judge, but it's human nature to want a partner who is fit and healthy, especially if you yourself are fit and healthy.
My advice (and I didn't bother to read the thread) is to join some sort of club that does activities you like, Duke, and meet people there.
It's either that one or there is the one they don't state publicly "marry an ugly one and get used to it--because you can always molest a prettier one on the crowded train into Tokyo"
Macky-Mac
macrumors 601
Alas, having your friends try to set you up with totally inappropriate matches is one of the realities of dating
of course he should only be expected to date somebody he thinks he's attracted to.......but expressing dismay that your friends aren't sending you a steady supply of italian super models may fetch a bit of what Lee describes as "crap" 😉
or just say "is this one as much of a fat piggie as that last one? don't you know any hot chicks you can send my way? or are they all fat cows?"......that'll probably get the "friends" to stop trying to set you up 😛
LOL no doubt Duke is too polite to follow this extremely effective suggestion
of course he should only be expected to date somebody he thinks he's attracted to.......but expressing dismay that your friends aren't sending you a steady supply of italian super models may fetch a bit of what Lee describes as "crap" 😉
or just say "is this one as much of a fat piggie as that last one? don't you know any hot chicks you can send my way? or are they all fat cows?"......that'll probably get the "friends" to stop trying to set you up 😛
LOL no doubt Duke is too polite to follow this extremely effective suggestion
sushi
Moderator emeritus
Curious as to what points you are referring to.
I'm glad someone understands the concept. 🙂
Snort! 😀
Yes, the Japanese have their perverts just like the US, Europe, and the rest of the world.
The root of the expression came from years ago when arranged marriages were prevalent.
wvuwhat
macrumors 65816
So pawn them off on me? I'm o.k. with thicker girls, because I don't have a preference. I'm in D.C. now, but would head out to CO.
However, I know what you're going through. After breaking up with my ex who was a legit 9, my "girlfriends" tried to set me up with 3's and 4's. I know I'm going to get the "shallow" tag, but once you're used to prime rib you don't want to go back to skirt steak.
I apologize ladies.
Honestly, if I were in your position, I'd go out with them, treat them to dinner and actually give them a chance. Previous to my ex, I was dating someone that wasn't up to my "friend's standards," much less mine, but I had the greatest time with her and honestly would have been happier with her if we married than my "hot" ex.
Honestly man, give em' a chance. As I get older and more mature, I realize looks aren't everything. This is coming from a guy that used to have strict standards.
Krafty
macrumors 601
Apparently you've never met me. I'd never get bored of a beautiful asian. Sucks that 90% of my few friends are asian and they're all taken. I really want to visit Tokyo or HK. Then again, I'm 20 and never had a GF, so I wouldn't know what getting into a relationship would feel like in the first place.
And there's always Seoul. Man, they got some sexy Koreans there.
leekohler
macrumors G5
Krafty
macrumors 601
I'm content. Still a virgin too so... at least I don't have any STDs..
Heheheh.
Eh.....