I don't blame him for that, I blame him for not seeing past that.
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"Friends" that try to set you up
- Thread starter dukebound85
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I don't blame him for that, I blame him for not seeing past that.
Honestly I get very tired of seeing people both online and offline take such offense when someone declares they don't want to date significantly overweight people. What is the point of dating anyway? I suppose it is to eventually find someone you can spend the rest of your life with, perhaps raise children with. When taking this into consideration, do you want a husband/wife whom in the short term most likely can't engage in some of your favorite extracurricular activities (if you're like me it can include but not be limited to mountain climbing, long distance hiking, etc. etc.), as well as you don't find physically attractive? Like it or not, physical attraction is an important thing (although certainly not the most important thing), and chances are a significant difference in your body weight and theirs will indicate a stark difference in activities the two of you engage in. How often do you see obese couples? Often. What about fit and trim couples? Often. Common interest is relationship chemistry.
What about in the long term where in 20 years they are more than certainly going to reap the negative health effects of a lifetime carrying significant body fat? Do you really want to almost certainly outlive your spouse by 20 years?
There are more facets to a relationship than just being a 'beautiful person inside'. Many people consider significant weight gain (BMI's >30) to be indicative of a character flaw, someone who lacks the self-respect to correctly maintain their person. And please don't tell me that some people can't help but be fat due to their genetics. Don't worry, I know that there is a genetic predisposition to weight gain, but do some research. Only recently are people significantly overweight in society as it was far more rare in the past. The human animal can't change that quickly on the genetic level. Get out and move your body, eat salads with fat free dressing, lower your portion size and fat/carbohydrate intake. I've seen enough episodes of the Biggest Loser to know weight loss can happen. Hell, I lost 25lbs myself to get back into the best shape of my life.
Perhaps in short what I'm trying to say is that there's nothing wrong with having standards, Duke. And I'd like to see how many of the "omg, you're so shallow" crowd are overweight themselves (probably a great percentage) or actually practice what they preach and have an notably overweight significant other.
What about in the long term where in 20 years they are more than certainly going to reap the negative health effects of a lifetime carrying significant body fat? Do you really want to almost certainly outlive your spouse by 20 years?
There are more facets to a relationship than just being a 'beautiful person inside'. Many people consider significant weight gain (BMI's >30) to be indicative of a character flaw, someone who lacks the self-respect to correctly maintain their person. And please don't tell me that some people can't help but be fat due to their genetics. Don't worry, I know that there is a genetic predisposition to weight gain, but do some research. Only recently are people significantly overweight in society as it was far more rare in the past. The human animal can't change that quickly on the genetic level. Get out and move your body, eat salads with fat free dressing, lower your portion size and fat/carbohydrate intake. I've seen enough episodes of the Biggest Loser to know weight loss can happen. Hell, I lost 25lbs myself to get back into the best shape of my life.
Perhaps in short what I'm trying to say is that there's nothing wrong with having standards, Duke. And I'd like to see how many of the "omg, you're so shallow" crowd are overweight themselves (probably a great percentage) or actually practice what they preach and have an notably overweight significant other.
There is nothing wrong with stratifying the market to find the type of person that you want. We all do it. However, there are many issues with relying outside beauty as a criteria.
As they say love is blind but marriage is a real eye opener.
Anyhow, dukebound85, be careful for what you wish for, because you might just get it.
As they say love is blind but marriage is a real eye opener.
Anyhow, dukebound85, be careful for what you wish for, because you might just get it.
Well said.
never tell your female friends you're looking for somebody to date.....or they'll find somebody who's looking for a date
it's your own fault for still being eligible! anyway, they're all sure you'll "change" once you meet the right girl
And it could be worse, they could refuse to introduce you to any of their friends out of fear their friends would be insulted
Word. Most are off-market. I don't mind girls that are, ooh, a bit portly, and have several as good friends - but I would never consider someone as potential wife/serious relationship material unless there was a level of physical attraction, which is natural, not shallow. People that say guys are shallow for wanting an attractive girl never turn the equation around. Society wouldn't demonize a girl for saying she doesn't like chunky dudes.
It's rare to find a girl these days that's not tarty, not ditzy, and not heavy. Then again, girls that are smart and athletic or thin and single have an independent streak (or at least so I've noticed) and therefore you'd have a harder time trying to nail one down anyway.
The only advice I can give is to enjoy singleness while you can and be content. Desperate people attract a certain type of person in return. Be content being single, and it's amazing how people come into your life.
I think this boils down to how you value a relationship. To me it seems as though you find yourself pretty awesome and that's quite all right. However, it also seems that you're a bit into yourself in the wrong way as well. Do you value a relationship? By putting quote marks around friends tells me that you don't even value them. Maybe it's time to just tell your "friends" that you're over them setting you up.
I appreciate being attracted to others, to me you just don't seem to see past that. I think it's been said that you should go on an active date and see what happens. Who knows, maybe the girl just doesn't have anyone to be active with.
I appreciate being attracted to others, to me you just don't seem to see past that. I think it's been said that you should go on an active date and see what happens. Who knows, maybe the girl just doesn't have anyone to be active with.
You realize you're basically calling all the single girls unattractive, right?
That's quite the assumption... probably also depends on location. Where I am, a lot of people don't get married until their mid-30's... and a lot of people never get married at all. There are always plenty of attractive people around who don't necessarily have "issues".
Even in areas where most people are married by 25, there are always people coming out of relationships, etc.
And you have to be reasonable in your definition of attractive. If you only consider supermodels attractive, yeah, you're going to have a lot of trouble finding single women who are worth spending time with.
My guess is that your girl friends figure (as do I) that if all you're interested in is finding someone attractive enough to meet your standards, you could find that on your own; after all, glancing across the room at a person would tell you all you need to know about how attractive you think they are, as long as you're only looking at whether they're thin and cute.
No, your friends are trying to point out to you that some young lady is a very charming person who is worthy of your time and attention, and that you might not otherwise realize that because you took one quick look and wouldn't give her the time of day.
That's the point of setting up people you know - assuming you know both people, you already know whether the two people might share some sort of compatibility beyond a cursory physical attraction. People don't generally have a problem identifying such people without help.
Fixed?
Ha, possibly
This ^ It'll weed out those who really do have sedentary lifestyles and don't want anything more. And for the whole not finding them attractive thing, their personality may well change that.
And before anyone leaps on me, I did go out with a guy whose BMI put him in the obese range, and I went out with him when I was thin. He was lovely though.
Dukebound said he wants to date a girl he's attracted tonot necessarily an attractive girl. Also, he never said he thought personality wasn't important. He just didn't feel attracted to these girls, and yet he gets all these reminders as though he doesn't realize this.
I still don't see anything wrong with this, and think this thread has become way too sensitive. Would you want to date someone you felt unattracted to? No, me neither. That does not mean I need to date models only, but there has to be some level of physical attraction.
Personally, I can date girls who are skinny, or a bit 'thick'. I just need to like her face and smile. Someone who can laugh at totally inappropriate jokes is good too.
I still don't see anything wrong with this, and think this thread has become way too sensitive. Would you want to date someone you felt unattracted to? No, me neither. That does not mean I need to date models only, but there has to be some level of physical attraction.
Personally, I can date girls who are skinny, or a bit 'thick'. I just need to like her face and smile. Someone who can laugh at totally inappropriate jokes is good too.
Dukebound said he wants to date a girl he's attracted tonot necessarily an attractive girl. Also, he never said he thought personality wasn't important. He just didn't feel attracted to these girls, and yet he gets all these reminders as though he doesn't realize this.
I still don't see anything wrong with this, and think this thread has become way too sensitive. Would you want to date someone you felt unattracted to? No, me neither. That does not mean I need to date models only, but there has to be some level of physical attraction.
Personally, I can date girls who are skinny, or a bit 'thick'. I just need to like her face and smile. Someone who can laugh at totally inappropriate jokes is good too.
Exactly. I think Duke is taking a lot of crap here from people who have misunderstood him. There's no reason he should go out with anyone he's not attracted to. That doesn't make him shallow. It makes him honest.
While I agree, the point a lot of people are trying to make here is that physical attraction can grow as you spend more time with someone. Only going out once and not giving it more time isn't going to let that happen, if there is any chance of it.
However, if you have nothing in common with the people you date, that doesn't work either. That seems to be more his concern.
And if he doesn't feel like it's worth pursuing after one date, why should he feel compelled to go out with the person again? Out of the goodness of his heart? I'm sorry, but I've been on plenty of one-time dates and knew right away if I wanted to continue to see that person.
