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Funny things your kids have said....
- Thread starter jsw
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Not my son but my nephew.
I took him to the National Gallery in London as I'm a keen artist. I wanted to show him my favorite artist (van Gogh). He saw sunflowers - cyprus trees - Grass with butterflies and then we came to the 'vincent's chair with pipe'. Me explaining that van Gogh only sold one picture in his life time unlike me etc etc and probably boring his pants off.
I said "This is my favorite picture by Vincent"
Nephew says very loudly "But its just a chair!!!"
I say "But this just a chair would cost about 50 million to buy".
Nephew says (again loudly) - "well its no wonder he hasn't sold many at those prices".
I took him to the National Gallery in London as I'm a keen artist. I wanted to show him my favorite artist (van Gogh). He saw sunflowers - cyprus trees - Grass with butterflies and then we came to the 'vincent's chair with pipe'. Me explaining that van Gogh only sold one picture in his life time unlike me etc etc and probably boring his pants off.
I said "This is my favorite picture by Vincent"
Nephew says very loudly "But its just a chair!!!"
I say "But this just a chair would cost about 50 million to buy".
Nephew says (again loudly) - "well its no wonder he hasn't sold many at those prices".
My daughter said "poon" instead of "spoon." This went on for weeks, maybe months, even though we kept repeating the correct pronunciation. No, no it's not poon, say spoon, spoon. She looked at me and said, "I can't say spoon, I can only say poon."
Another daughter was nearly five and had just started school. She came home one day and was very excited. "I know the difference between girls and boys" she said. She waited for my question, and then said proudly "Well, girls have booboos and boys have (she paused) armpits."
Another daughter was nearly five and had just started school. She came home one day and was very excited. "I know the difference between girls and boys" she said. She waited for my question, and then said proudly "Well, girls have booboos and boys have (she paused) armpits."
Haha I just wanted to say all these have been great so far. 
I'm not old enough to have kids of my own, but I can remember when I was younger, whenever anyone used to wish me Happy Birthday, I wouldn't know how to thank them, so I'd just wish them a Happy Birthday back.
I'm not old enough to have kids of my own, but I can remember when I was younger, whenever anyone used to wish me Happy Birthday, I wouldn't know how to thank them, so I'd just wish them a Happy Birthday back. 
Not my kid... rather my niece sort of little person thingie...
(I dunno if she's my "niece," she's the 2-year old daughter of my cousin).
Anway, if you ask her why she eats spinach she says very solemnly, "I eat spinach because it makes my poo poo feel better."
(I dunno if she's my "niece," she's the 2-year old daughter of my cousin).
Anway, if you ask her why she eats spinach she says very solemnly, "I eat spinach because it makes my poo poo feel better."
Me
I don't have kids as I'm 21. But I will share a humorous story from when I was little.
I was born profoundly deaf and received the cochlear implant at the young young age of 3 years. I already learned sign language pretty well, but voice was problematic until I got the cochlear implant, but I did well anyway feeling my parents' throats to know the right amount of vocal chords vibration to use. Anyway, I grew up a little bit. I think I was around 4 or 5, a year or two after having received the C.I. A really disfigured man was walking weird, so in my native sign language I duplicated his acts asking my father why he was like that. He hushed me and told me not to sign like that because it's obvious and may hurt his feelings.
Well, we went to a McDonalds a few days later, and there was this really fat person. My dad was like, please, keep your composure with sign language. I did, perfectly well. But remember, I also learned how to speak. For some reason I decided to shout really loudly "fat!" I promptly got the preaching from Dad about hurting others' feelings, to which I responded, "but I thought you meant for signs only."
A true classic, I think.
I don't have kids as I'm 21. But I will share a humorous story from when I was little.
I was born profoundly deaf and received the cochlear implant at the young young age of 3 years. I already learned sign language pretty well, but voice was problematic until I got the cochlear implant, but I did well anyway feeling my parents' throats to know the right amount of vocal chords vibration to use. Anyway, I grew up a little bit. I think I was around 4 or 5, a year or two after having received the C.I. A really disfigured man was walking weird, so in my native sign language I duplicated his acts asking my father why he was like that. He hushed me and told me not to sign like that because it's obvious and may hurt his feelings.
Well, we went to a McDonalds a few days later, and there was this really fat person. My dad was like, please, keep your composure with sign language. I did, perfectly well. But remember, I also learned how to speak. For some reason I decided to shout really loudly "fat!" I promptly got the preaching from Dad about hurting others' feelings, to which I responded, "but I thought you meant for signs only."
A true classic, I think.
When I was around 3.. I said "perfect" as "persect". I'd be talking and I would say, "Well grandma, that's persect!". She would reply, "You mean perfect." I would say, "That's what I said! Persect!". The convo would go on with my grandma saying "you said 'persect', but it's really 'perfect'". And I would disagree, thinking that I pronounced it right.
When I was around 3.. I said "perfect" as "persect". I'd be talking and I would say, "Well grandma, that's persect!". She would reply, "You mean perfect." I would say, "That's what I said! Persect!". The convo would go on with my grandma saying "you said 'persect', but it's really 'perfect'". And I would disagree, thinking that I pronounced it right.
That story matches really well with your sig.
That story matches really well with your sig.
Well, yes it does.
I didn't even notice that when posting.... but that is why my sig's like it is.
My son will be 2 this July and he still isn't talking a whole lot. He can say a few words and babbles off something only he knows what he is saying. He recently had tubes put in his ears (what a nightmare!) and he has learned a few more words. It worries me, but then I think of his "personality." He has *always* been the type of kid who loves to figure things out for himself, he doesn't want any help. He loves to play off to himself. Don't get me wrong, he *loves* other kids, but he would much rather go off by himself. . So the things he does makes it hundred times funnier, because he is typically a quiet child.
The other day I was sitting on my couch watching some Dora (the lovely part about having children is you don't get to watch your lifetime movies or soap operas) and Zak was opening and shutting the storm door. I let him do that everyday because I can watch him through the fireplace. The phone rang and I was talking to my husband on the phone and all of a sudden I hear a knock on the door. I didn't think anything of it since he was playing over there. All of a sudden I hear a "hey!" and about 10 more knocks. I ran over there and he looked at my like I was the slowest person alive. He had locked himself outside! I said "honey, what were you doing?" He looked at me and pointed towards the door and said "Stuck!" It cracked me up!!
It's so crazy how children can say or do the funniest things, and not even realize they are doing it.
The other day I was sitting on my couch watching some Dora (the lovely part about having children is you don't get to watch your lifetime movies or soap operas) and Zak was opening and shutting the storm door. I let him do that everyday because I can watch him through the fireplace. The phone rang and I was talking to my husband on the phone and all of a sudden I hear a knock on the door. I didn't think anything of it since he was playing over there. All of a sudden I hear a "hey!" and about 10 more knocks. I ran over there and he looked at my like I was the slowest person alive. He had locked himself outside! I said "honey, what were you doing?" He looked at me and pointed towards the door and said "Stuck!" It cracked me up!!
It's so crazy how children can say or do the funniest things, and not even realize they are doing it.
Well my kids are 3 and 1 now, the one year old doesn't say much but she's a flippin' goof. Big ole' goofy squinting smile whenever she's proud of herself, of course it doesn't help that she has her upper and lower two front teeth and then has the next one over for top and bottom only on the left so she's lopsided right now.
Sadly (or maybe not) most of the best latest sayings from my 3 year old revolve around poop...
The older one, as a by product of potty training is very proud of her poop. Since day care encourages independence and she's been learning to wipe herself after going potty, I asked one day out of idle curiosity who wipes her when she goes poop at school. She told me "I don't poop at school, no one wants to see my poop there!"
A few days after an accident when she was having fun with flatulence she had one that had a little more than just gas behind it she was telling me about the incident. "I was trying to toot and the poop just popped out like a baloon!" Doesn't sound as funny when typed but the expression and hand gestures that accompanied it were priceless.
And my final poop story of the day. A couple of days ago as my wife was getting them ready for school and changing the youngest one's diaper our eldest asked what color the poop was and my wife told her "brown and green." Of course she replied "God made me with muscles and my sister with green poop!"
Sadly (or maybe not) most of the best latest sayings from my 3 year old revolve around poop...
The older one, as a by product of potty training is very proud of her poop. Since day care encourages independence and she's been learning to wipe herself after going potty, I asked one day out of idle curiosity who wipes her when she goes poop at school. She told me "I don't poop at school, no one wants to see my poop there!"
A few days after an accident when she was having fun with flatulence she had one that had a little more than just gas behind it she was telling me about the incident. "I was trying to toot and the poop just popped out like a baloon!" Doesn't sound as funny when typed but the expression and hand gestures that accompanied it were priceless.
And my final poop story of the day. A couple of days ago as my wife was getting them ready for school and changing the youngest one's diaper our eldest asked what color the poop was and my wife told her "brown and green." Of course she replied "God made me with muscles and my sister with green poop!"
No kids yet, but freeny's story reminded me of something that my younger brother Todd did when he was a little kid.
My aunt Sherry was visiting, and we had gone out to eat dinner at a restaurant. All was going well when a very large woman passed our table on her way to the restroom, and Todd cried out, "Look at that fat lady!" I'm not sure, but I think he may have repeated it to make sure that no one missed out on the sight.
Well, it got away with Sherry, and she couldn't stop giggling. It didn't help that Todd was repeatedly asking her, "What is it, Shewwy? What's wrong? What is it?"
A few minutes passed, and Sherry had mostly regained her composure, when the lady emerged from the restroom, and Todd cried out, "Here she comes again!"
That made my day. Now I gotta cleanup over my lap! Love this thread. I cannot recall any funny things my son said when he was young, nor my daughter.
However, I do recall 2 things my daughter did - actions - that made me laugh hysterically - One of them I felt bad because it made her sad.
My daughter, Kristin, at the age of 3 1/2 used to sometimes sleepwalk or just become adventerous around our old apartment. I usually sleep light until middle of the night when I'm totally crashed.
One of these adventures, she woke up in the middle of the night while I was studying for an accounting exam my second semester. She really was sleepwalking, and was trying to goto the bathroom. Now usually she walked into our ensuite bathroom because it was closer to her bedroom door, which was beside a storage closet just on the opposite side of our bedroom door (outside of the room). The storage closet also kept the kitty litter. Out of the blue I hear a tinkle of water being poured into something - kinda like falling in a bucket/floor. I wondered what is she doing? I remembered another incident just the previous week (I'll tell you all about that one), and thought OH NO! I run out of the bed, tracking down the sound, only to find her half asleep - eyes still closed, squatting and PEEING in the KITTY litter :O I didn't know what to do or say because I didn't want her to fall into the litter. I says " Are you ok?". She says "yeah I'm just going pee, can you close the door peese?". I'm like " you know your peeing in the kitty litter, not the toilet right?!" , "She says " Daddy I think you're walking in sleep, go back to bed" ... I'm like 'yeah, time to goto bed' I just wondered what she used as TP.
A week earlier, one of the few days my wife was sleeping well with my son brewing in the woom at 5mths, I woke up to water pouring in the sink and hearing my daughter talking. At first I thought she must be playing with her teddy bear. My wife jumps out of bed and runs to the bathroom. I'm still half asleep (really enjoying sleep, really), and she comes back into the room trying so hard not to laugh. Wakes me up and when I get into the bathroom I see my daughter holding a bowl, full of water - sink was too - and her pet Finch submerged. She says to me " Daddy, I can't wake up Suzie!" Man did I wake up sharp right then! "I says what happened, sweetie" she replied " I woke up to give her a bath. And I rinsed her off in the bowl, and she fell asleep. Now I can't wake her up?" Right at that moment I swear I blurted out a sneeze, ran into the room and started laughing hysterically! She had no concept of death until that night. I felt bad that the bird drowned and couldn't fly away as its wings were clipped. I went back in the bathroom after regaining my composure, and after my wife explained that Suzie's dead. And you should've seen that look of innocence stolen with the tears running down her face. I felt really bad. But at discovering what happened I laughed SOOO hard.
Prom1: thats a horrible story. But I'm a bird lover.
My own story: My cousin who is about 8-ish (maybe 6 or 7- shes really tall) was getting her pictures with her family and she kept squinting, when asked why she was squinting she said she was allergic to the flash
When I was young my father used to call me "Nee'-da" which roughly translates to "little sh*t" (but in an endearing way... I just can't think of it, like a little trouble maker) so when I first started Pre-K the teacher was trying to get all the kids to play together and she asked me my name and I told her it was Nee'-da (they all knew what it meant)
My niece was around 3 when the cheese wiz commercials were on and back then it was ok to eat all that nasty stuff, so if anyone remembers teh commercials it does "cheese wiz adds personality, personality" so my niece would ask "can I have personality on my broccoli"
My own story: My cousin who is about 8-ish (maybe 6 or 7- shes really tall) was getting her pictures with her family and she kept squinting, when asked why she was squinting she said she was allergic to the flash
When I was young my father used to call me "Nee'-da" which roughly translates to "little sh*t" (but in an endearing way... I just can't think of it, like a little trouble maker) so when I first started Pre-K the teacher was trying to get all the kids to play together and she asked me my name and I told her it was Nee'-da (they all knew what it meant)
My niece was around 3 when the cheese wiz commercials were on and back then it was ok to eat all that nasty stuff, so if anyone remembers teh commercials it does "cheese wiz adds personality, personality" so my niece would ask "can I have personality on my broccoli"
Awwww. Now that is so sad for the little girl, but kind of funny anyway. I'd have probably laughed about it too.
I apparently liked to watch bad TV(well it was the early 90s) and make correlations with people I met. Once in K-mart I called a guy "Magic Johnson" apparently he looked a lot like him.
Then I once called a fat guy, "Norm!" hahaha
I once questioned a bigger black lady "Why are you chocolate?"
and I guess at an Apple bee's like place in Florida I grab a waitresses uh breast.
also to the talking late thing my brother didn't say a single word for a really long time I guess (sorry I don't know ages) and since he was about 5 we haven't got the kid to shut up. He has classic little brother syndrome and loves everything i like (even though he is like 15 now) and tells me about apple rumors, and hockey stats I know. I still have to put up with it
Then I once called a fat guy, "Norm!" hahaha
I once questioned a bigger black lady "Why are you chocolate?"
and I guess at an Apple bee's like place in Florida I grab a waitresses uh breast.
also to the talking late thing my brother didn't say a single word for a really long time I guess (sorry I don't know ages) and since he was about 5 we haven't got the kid to shut up. He has classic little brother syndrome and loves everything i like (even though he is like 15 now) and tells me about apple rumors, and hockey stats I know. I still have to put up with it
When I was young, I used to surprise people with my intelligence of knowing songs words. seriously young, like 3-4. I would sing Elvis to Tupac, obviously more Elvis then Tupac but anyway. One time a song saying "Damn" came on and I sang right through the words, it was cute. So cute my mom couldn't get over it and punish me it was funny
Also, I have a friends named Laura who has a now 5 year old Neice, though 3 at the time. She used to call Laura Wowuh, so me and others that knew about it used to tease the little girl(the neice) and she would call us by our names. Naturally, we all had R's!
I was Gweg, he was Ewic, and we had an A-wun!
haha She was sooo cute. I miss the Hamblens now
it was funnyAlso, I have a friends named Laura who has a now 5 year old Neice, though 3 at the time. She used to call Laura Wowuh, so me and others that knew about it used to tease the little girl(the neice) and she would call us by our names. Naturally, we all had R's!
I was Gweg, he was Ewic, and we had an A-wun!
haha She was sooo cute. I miss the Hamblens now
Years ago, we had friends with a little girl named Suzy, about 3 years old. They never NEVER got a babysitter, they would bring her EveryWhere, even places where it was not appropriate.
When it was their anniversary, the husband made dinner reservations at the best, fanciest restaurant in town. They arrived with their daughter in tow. The maitre d' gave them some looks, but since they had reservations, he seated them with a few sideways glances, but no comments.
After they were seated, they got settled in. The waiter gave them their menus, and came back a few minutes later. When the waiter returned and started taking their orders, the maitre d' passed by while seating more customers at a nearby table.
At this point, little Suzy pointed to the maitre d' and said in a loud, clear voice so everyone could hear her: "That guy is an ASSH*LE".
I guess she learned that one from Daddy LOL.
When it was their anniversary, the husband made dinner reservations at the best, fanciest restaurant in town. They arrived with their daughter in tow. The maitre d' gave them some looks, but since they had reservations, he seated them with a few sideways glances, but no comments.
After they were seated, they got settled in. The waiter gave them their menus, and came back a few minutes later. When the waiter returned and started taking their orders, the maitre d' passed by while seating more customers at a nearby table.
At this point, little Suzy pointed to the maitre d' and said in a loud, clear voice so everyone could hear her: "That guy is an ASSH*LE".
I guess she learned that one from Daddy LOL.
A very discerning child, well ahead of her years.
A welcome thread resurrection. I had missed this one upon my sign-up.
Thanks.
A welcome thread resurrection. I had missed this one upon my sign-up.
Thanks.
I had to run out to the store the other day and my nephew decided he had to come with me. He had on new sneakers. As we exited the store, a lady commented on his new sneakers. My nephew proceeded to hock up a huge loogie and spit right in front of her. I couldn't help but laugh. The expression on the ladies face was priceless.
Wirelessly posted (iPhone: Mozilla/5.0 (iPhone; U; CPU iPhone OS 3_0 like Mac OS X; en-us) AppleWebKit/528.11 (KHTML, like Gecko) Version/3.1.1 Mobile/7A238j Safari/525.20)
My sister did the same exact thing when she was little!
balamw said:That's not so bad. My oldest couldn't say "truck" for a long time and replaced the "tr" sound with an "f". So a fire truck became a fire f*ck for a few months.joepunk said:So, here's a story my stepmother told me of what her daughter said. She (the daughter) could not pronounce the letter "L" and one time in public she pointed to a clock and said "C*ck"
B
My sister did the same exact thing when she was little!
Ah, this reminds me of a story I heard the other day. As I recall, my future sister-in-law's friend was off babysitting for a friend of hers. As they were sitting on the couch watching the T.V. a commercial for Viagra comes on. Afterwards, he looks up at her and asks "What's reptile disfunction?"
My daughter is 5, and she doesn't quite understand the difference between the words city and world. She thinks that whenever we travel to a different city (or even another part of the city) that we're in a different world.
We figured this out one afternoon when we were driving to visit family. We live in the foothills of Salt Lake City, a fair bit higher than the downtown area. We had snow at our house, but as we were passing through the downtown area she looked out the window and said "wow, there's no snow in this world".
Maybe you had to be there?
Last fall when we were leaving for vacation I decided to teach her about highway signs and how I know where to go to get to our destination.
She then told me to look for the sign that said vacation, and turn off on that road.
SLC
We figured this out one afternoon when we were driving to visit family. We live in the foothills of Salt Lake City, a fair bit higher than the downtown area. We had snow at our house, but as we were passing through the downtown area she looked out the window and said "wow, there's no snow in this world".
Maybe you had to be there?
Last fall when we were leaving for vacation I decided to teach her about highway signs and how I know where to go to get to our destination.
She then told me to look for the sign that said vacation, and turn off on that road.
SLC
Just discovered this thread. Priceless stuff. Here's two off color ones, but very funny.
When my sister was about 3 years old she saw the family dog get an erection and started asking questions. So my mom and dad explained in very simple term that boys and girls have different "parts" and used correct terminology so she wouldn't get confused by slang terms. The next sunday morning after service my father goes to pick her up from her sunday school/daycare class. None of the female workers in the room will look him in the eye and they are holding back giggles. He asked my sister if anything was wrong and she exclaimed, "daddy, I told the teachers that God made you a boy and you have beautiful pink penis!" As you can imagine my father never picked her up from sunday school again.
Okay here's my favorite of all time. A good friend of our's son, as all boys do, really "discovered" his penis at around age 4-5 and was spending a lot of time with it, not masturbation, just play. His single mother wanted to meet the issue head on and ensure that he understood proper boundaries. She sat him down and had a thorough talk with him about how our bodies are natural and it is normal to explore things, but that doing so is a private matter and we do not do so in front of or around other people. "Do you understand?" she asked. He replied, "Yes ma'm, would you please leave then?" I laughed until I cried when she first told us that story.
When my sister was about 3 years old she saw the family dog get an erection and started asking questions. So my mom and dad explained in very simple term that boys and girls have different "parts" and used correct terminology so she wouldn't get confused by slang terms. The next sunday morning after service my father goes to pick her up from her sunday school/daycare class. None of the female workers in the room will look him in the eye and they are holding back giggles. He asked my sister if anything was wrong and she exclaimed, "daddy, I told the teachers that God made you a boy and you have beautiful pink penis!" As you can imagine my father never picked her up from sunday school again.
Okay here's my favorite of all time. A good friend of our's son, as all boys do, really "discovered" his penis at around age 4-5 and was spending a lot of time with it, not masturbation, just play. His single mother wanted to meet the issue head on and ensure that he understood proper boundaries. She sat him down and had a thorough talk with him about how our bodies are natural and it is normal to explore things, but that doing so is a private matter and we do not do so in front of or around other people. "Do you understand?" she asked. He replied, "Yes ma'm, would you please leave then?"
I laughed until I cried when she first told us that story.
My granddaughter recently got a little sister.
After my wife and I hadn't seen them for a week or so, we asked our older granddaughter, "How's your little sister? Is she getting bigger?"
"No, she's getting smaller and smaller."
After my wife and I hadn't seen them for a week or so, we asked our older granddaughter, "How's your little sister? Is she getting bigger?"
"No, she's getting smaller and smaller."