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Girlfriend cheated on me

PiP Dicatator said:
Honestly man if a girl cheats on you it is because she has found something in somebody else that she cant find in you. Most likely she has gotten bored with you a simple tip I can give is that falling into the I Love You lets hug, kiss and talk about our day routine is what kills relationships.

Women like to be kept on their toes you need to surprise them every once in a while. I don't mean by her flowers I mean do something crazy an unexpected.

Life is very boring when you fall into a routine and so are relationships. In my opinion humans are not built for monogamy but out social structure is based on it and most people just follow. If you do choose to follow the socially acceptable path of monogamy don't let it become monotonous.

Let me tell you some things I do with girls that differentiate me from any other men in their lives.

Sometimes instead of doing the cliched movie and dinner I will take her to crash a wedding. I tell her to dress nice and I just show up to a strangers wedding. I walk in eat their food and make it a fun night, it instils a sense of danger and risk taking something women love.

This is a stupid one but when its raining instead of sending under cover I grab her hand and run into the rain.

I mean yeh it sounds stupid but it sets you apart and it keeps her thinking.

Other things like don't tell her all your secrets. Women love mystery and suspense never tell her everything about you even if you have been with her for 10 years. Keep thing hidden and make sure she knows they are hidden.

You might say i am an idiot but at the end of the day if there is one thing I am an expert on in this world it is women.
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Thanks for your chicken soup advice... Moving on from catagorizing every women in to a single stereotype, let's try to look at women as individuals and stop essentializing them in to stereotypical roles. "Women like to..." is probably one of the crappiest statements I've heard used in locker room talk amongst guys. It's not an accurate model and if you actually believe in it, you're bound to get in to trouble because its a very surface level/ pop-culture interpretation.
 
It is not a chicken soup recipe its a few ideas on how to alter your personality slightly to better fit with what women in general find attractive. You can say that breaking down the characteristics that women find attractive in men is stereotyping.

It is a generalization but women as a whole are more emotionally based and men are logically based. That is a fact so if you appeal to emotion instead of logic you are appealing to what women want. if you make her feel a whole range of emotion she egts hooked to you.

You say we cant put people into groups, look at women's magazines everything in there is targeted to emotions. You cant say every woman likes this or that but you can say in general women don't find monotony interesting they find excitement interesting. They do so more than us because it appeals to their emotions just like soaps, romance novels, magazines............

Women are individuals and each individual woman has her preferences but as a whole women are emotionally based. Appeal to her emotions, toy with her emotions and if you call that stereotyping you have no idea what you are talking about.

It is all around us women are different to men and most men either try to appeal to women as if they were men or try to appeal to them the way some idiot on a romantic comedy does. They can get on the right wave length it is simple you appeal to her emotions. That is why i say to surprise them and keep them on their toes because it causes a rush of emotions and they thrive on it.
 
PiP Dicatator said:
It is not a chicken soup recipe its a few ideas on how to alter your personality slightly to better fit with what women in general find attractive. You can say that breaking down the characteristics that women find attractive in men is stereotyping.
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pop culture is just one factor... most of the things in women's magazines are attempting to socialize women with western white christian female values. which not all white christian females exibit. we can go back and forth on this ad nausem, but essentially, you can't say all women this and all women that. you can even say white women this white women that. how women behave and how men behave are affected by the variables of race, ethnicity, religion, culture, and degrees of western socialization. "Elle" and women's magazines in general are bad indicators for what women want. This stereotype that women are more emotional and men more logical is actually a by product of gender socialization in western society.

What you just said is probably pretty good indicator for what many men and women want in a westernized WASP culture. But it is by no means what all American women or men. That's pretty true based on both research and my own personal experiences.

I, personally, think when it comes to relationships, men are jus as irrational and emotional as women. We've just been socialized to hide it under the bullsh*t guise of logical stocism. And the the excitment and rush of adverturism in a relationship? In some respects, that's also a western cultural idealization. Even in the united states, if you actually get to know many women well, you will find differing opinions on that based on the previously mentioned factors of race, age, ethnicity, religion, culture... etc.

Another interesting note is that while american cutural imperialism has affected the way many countries look at themselves in cultural interaction, as far as I know, in the countries that I've been to the concept of romance and love still vary greatly. If you don't believe me, watch a Korean romantic drama and an American one and do a comparative study.
 
she cheated on me because thats what she finds to be exciting..she likes the "thrill" she probably did it because she felt and probably did it because she felt guilty about somethign she did earlier in the relationship...she was a ball of fire to say the least...however... i do like carbon motion's input a bit better...thank you carbon...she was a very demanding individual...and i got whati got ... as far as i know
 
well i am not going to argue this who knows I probably get women because I make good money.... wait is that a stereotype?

LoL

Anyway well ok she finds cheating exciting maybe she had little excitement with you or maybe it wore out. I mean I do not know you or her so I can not really say anything with certainty. I just know when i ask a woman why she cheats she always says the same thing.... she is bored with her BF and cheating is exciting

Honestly I do not think humans are meant for monogamy I mean it seem unnatural. People look for monogamy because they are engineered to think that way.

Anyway

Bottom line is I have my views I think they are right and they have worked very well for me. You are not going to change them nor am I going to change yours so this argument is futile.
 
PiP Dicatator said:
well i am not going to argue this who knows I probably get women because I make good money.... wait is that a stereotype?

LoL

Anyway well ok she finds cheating exciting maybe she had little excitement with you or maybe it wore out. I mean I do not know you or her so I can not really say anything with certainty. I just know when i ask a woman why she cheats she always says the same thing.... she is bored with her BF and cheating is exciting

Honestly I do not think humans are meant for monogamy I mean it seem unnatural. People look for monogamy because they are engineered to think that way.

Anyway

Bottom line is I have my views I think they are right and they have worked very well for me. You are not going to change them nor am I going to change yours so this argument is futile.
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your advice was well thought out and very well researched from life experience no doubt..jsut not so encouraging when i feel like total **** but thank you :)
 
PiP Dicatator said:
Life is very boring when you fall into a routine and so are relationships.
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Exactly. Get stuck in a rut and it's doomed.

This is a stupid one but when its raining instead of sending under cover I grab her hand and run into the rain.
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This one works very well if that includes a kiss in a downpour. Try it, it's amazing!

But yes, women like to kept on their toes. I guess men like it too (I know I do). I'm not sure I'd crash a wedding, though
 
PiP Dicatator said:
well i am not going to argue this who knows I probably get women because I make good money.... wait is that a stereotype?

Bottom line is I have my views I think they are right and they have worked very well for me. You are not going to change them nor am I going to change yours so this argument is futile.
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Falling for someone shouldn't have to be an act. If you're not a spontenous person, you're not spontenous person; pretending to be one to keep a girl is ridiculous. Unless of course, your motivation is to get ass much ass as possible.

If you're motivated by sex, then I guess your theory works. But not all men and women are motivated by sex. So, you have to account for the fact that the world isn't filled with people just like you.

but yeah i agree, this line of argument is pointless.

EDIT: actually as I give this some thought, your advice is pretty good for the OP as it is for the most part true for the demographic. It's just the way you framed it, soudned like all women in the world comform to these rules ...which is the only point that I was disagreeing with. In dealing with many many "American" women though, it's pretty good advice. It's probably good advice for women trying to get/ keep american men too...

I probably only protest because I've hit a batch of nice girls who want commitment from me ... that and I keep thinking of this french girl and this korean in london and shanghai respectively, I once dated. But, those cases are probably out of the context and needs of the OP, so I'm stretching.
 
carbonmotion said:
Falling for someone shouldn't have to be an act. If you're not a spontenous person, you're not spontenous person; pretending to be one to keep a girl is ridiculous. Unless of course, your motivation is to get ass much ass as possible.
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Hopefully, it's a source of inspiration to be more spontaneous :)

Sometimes I'll spend more time researching things to do, to impress a girl, but then I'm glad I did, because I enjoyed those activities too.
 
MarkCollette said:
Hopefully, it's a source of inspiration to be more spontaneous :)

Sometimes I'll spend more time researching things to do, to impress a girl, but then I'm glad I did, because I enjoyed those activities too.
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Once during an internship in shanghai, I meet this amazing girl from Korea and we took a 5000 mile train ride to tibet together on a whime. Needless to say, that ended any future prospects of future intership with that company. ever. fortunately, i wasn't going in to that field anyways.

but yeah, those weeks were an adventure that i'd never forget. we had nearly no pre-planning for the trip. To add to that she didn't speak english well and I spoke no korean, so we talked to each other in chinese which was awkward because neither of us were too good at it.
 
TheDance511 said:
I play in a rock band..Guitar/Sing..And my band was doing a local show (Detroit).... My girlfriend was in the audience in the front and we were to maybe our 5th song when i loked down at the audience to see her Kissing some guy.. I immediatley had a sinking feeling and played very badly for the rest of the show...i didnt even want to play i jsut wanted to jump down there and break it up...my question is should i dump her i cant make up my mind i am only 18 and i think i lvoe her..would it be unreasonable of me to dump her for making a mistake am i over reacting? I dont know what to do.. please help?
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That just plain sucks. Ask yourself if you liked the feeling in your stomach because you will definatly feel it many more times if you keep her. If I was in that possition it would be a no brainer. I would completly ignore her. She would be 100% dead to me. Dosen't mean that you won't have feelings for her. Shutting her out now will hurt alot, but looking ahead and making good choices now will define your character. You will benefit from future relationships because you have set boundries for youself and the person your involved with. Think of this as a learning curve. I firmly belive that a person is measured by their moral convictions. Morality is the only thing that sets us apart from animals. Just because you "love" your dog dosen't mean he "loves" you back. Good luck to you. Hope you will make he right choice.


Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.
Oscar Wilde
 
Well I live in Australia but an if Italian heritige and I spend 6 months out of a year in Europe. Generally it is the same deal over there but women are friendlier over there. You don't get the closed off stranger danger barrier with women.

Man I disagree dating is an act nobody reveals their true selves. Relationships get dull because the first you months are a lie and after a while you see the true person and they never live up.

Anyway that begin said I know some people are not spontaneous but what makes up out personalities?

A collection of memorise true or imagined. So if by 20 I am not spontaneous all it means is I haven't had the life experience or motivation to allow me to develop that quality. Now does that mean at 20 it is over I can continue to grow and adapt?

He should change his personality for the better if it is not working for him he should tweak it a little not much but just enough.

Anyway we all have our masks, our dating mask, our relationship mask, our friendship mask we are never our true selves when dealing with people. People I like wolves they exploit weaknesses in my line of work I can show any weakness but like everybody I do have them..... it is something I hide to better myself

carbonmotion said:
Falling for someone shouldn't have to be an act. If you're not a spontenous person, you're not spontenous person; pretending to be one to keep a girl is ridiculous. Unless of course, your motivation is to get ass much ass as possible.

If you're motivated by sex, then I guess your theory works. But not all men and women are motivated by sex. So, you have to account for the fact that the world isn't filled with people just like you.

but yeah i agree, this line of argument is pointless.

EDIT: actually as I give this some thought, your advice is pretty good for the OP as it is for the most part true for the demographic. It's just the way you framed it, soudned like all women in the world comform to these rules ...which is the only point that I was disagreeing with. In dealing with many many "American" women though, it's pretty good advice. It's probably good advice for women trying to get/ keep american men too...

I probably only protest because I've hit a batch of nice girls who want commitment from me ... that and I keep thinking of this french girl and this korean in london and shanghai respectively, I once dated. But, those cases are probably out of the context and needs of the OP, so I'm stretching.
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PiP Dicatator said:
Well I live in Australia but an if Italian heritige and I spend 6 months out of a year in Europe. Generally it is the same deal over there but women are friendlier over there. You don't get the closed off stranger danger barrier with women.

Man I disagree dating is an act nobody reveals their true selves. Relationships get dull because the first you months are a lie and after a while you see the true person and they never live up.

Anyway that begin said I know some people are not spontaneous but what makes up out personalities?

A collection of memorise true or imagined. So if by 20 I am not spontaneous all it means is I haven't had the life experience or motivation to allow me to develop that quality. Now does that mean at 20 it is over I can continue to grow and adapt?

He should change his personality for the better if it is not working for him he should tweak it a little not much but just enough.

Anyway we all have our masks, our dating mask, our relationship mask, our friendship mask we are never our true selves when dealing with people. People I like wolves they exploit weaknesses in my line of work I can show any weakness but like everybody I do have them..... it is something I hide to better myself
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yo that was really hard to read.
 
the markets had a strange day being presidents day in American an all so i only got 2 hours sleep in the past 48 hours excuse the misspelled words
 
America is very different you could almost split each state up into different personalities and they have a lot more racism. We don't have as much racism and people are more laid back but all in all we watch most;y American TV so its the same thing.

I like New York better than here but Europe is by far the best.
 
Sorry to hear :(.

Do as others said. Talk to her. If the story doesn't make sense, or if she indeed cheated on you, it's time to jump ship for good. NEVER go back if you leave.
 
thanks for all your words of wisdom....i am talking to a new girl now...maybe somethign will happen who knows?

P.S. my ex's new bf is a **** he is an *** hole..hes like the guy that when you go to the store if there was an old lady with like 1 item and you had like 8574 items hed tell her to **** herself... (even though he would have everyright to go before her seeing as he was there first) but its jsut the idea ..jsut omg... ok im done with my little rant... :p

:D ....I am doing a microsoft office certification test here soon...wish me luck...maybe i can use my superior abilities in word to get a new gf:D
 
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