Sidebar Sidebar
Become a MacRumors Supporter for $50/year with no ads, ability to filter front page stories, and private forums.

Got any funny jokes?

A photon goes to a hotel. The manager asks if it needs help with its bag. The photon answers, "No thanks. I'm traveling light."
 
Ohhhh Kayyyy.....

2 Farmers talking in the field. The subject of Donkeys crops up...

F1 " I am looking for a Donkey! "
F2 " I have one for sale! "
F1 " How much? "
F2 " £200 "

Money changes hands and it is agreed the animal will be delivered the following day. A week passes and no Donkey arrives. The two farmers meet in town...

F1 " I paid you for a Donkey. Where is it? "
F2 " It died! "
F1 " Can I have my money back then please? "
F2 " Hmmm. Cannot do that. I spent it all! "
F1 " Right! Drop the carcass off at my yard. I will raffle it off "

The following day a dead Donkey appears in F1's yard. A month passes and the two meet again in the local market...

F2 " How did you get on with that raffle? "
F1 " Brilliant. I sold almost 500 tickets at £2 a throw! "
F2 " J**** H Chr***! Did no one complain??? "



F1. " Yeah! The winner. So I gave him his £2 back!!!!!!! "


Regards.

Z
 
Here's an old, old joke... It's an R-rated joke, but I've clean it up as much as possible.

A hot widow placed an ad in the local paper that said anyone who can climb to the top of a greased flag pole gets to...eh hem... her. Those to who fail will suffer the consequences. The next day, 3 boys arrive at her house for the contest.

The first boy climbs half way up and slips back down. The widow asks him, "What does your father do for a living." The boy answered, "He's a butcher." She told him to take out his johnson and she chopped it off with a butcher's knife.

The second boy climb 3/4 of the way up before sliding down. Again, the widow asked what his father does for a living. "He's a tailor," the boy answered. So she cut off his johnson with a pair of scissors.

The third boy climbs nearly to the top, but slips down as well. Once more she asked about his father's job. The boy replied, "He's a lollipop maker. What are you gonna do? Lick it off?"
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: OLDCODGER and 0002378
20597974.jpg
 
Did you hear about the schizophrenic who has alzheimer's? The voice in his head kept saying, "why don't you remember me?"
 
How do you teach two Italians to swim?

Put them in the pool and tell them to have a conversation.

​
How do you teach two Italians to be world-class swimming champions?

Put them in the pool and tell them to have an argument.
​
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: 0002378
What's the difference between a ship and a woman ?

A ship cuts through the water. A woman waters through the cut.
[doublepost=1517523119][/doublepost]
ActionableMango said:
How do you teach two Italians to swim?

Put them in the pool and tell them to have a conversation.
Click to expand...

ROFL, nice one ! I live with an Italian person and yes, she could swim effortlessly while talking :D

Just need to get her angry about something. I've noticed that anger really brings out the hand gestures.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: ActionableMango
You must log in or register to reply here.
Register on MacRumors! This sidebar will go away, and you'll see fewer ads.
Top Bottom
Back