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Got in trouble at work and need to deflect the backlash. What should I do now?
- Thread starter Misskitty
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If it was me, I would call a meeting with the boss or just walk in and say how you reacted to me not going to a golf event made me feel uncomfortable. In this day in age, I think it's more important for people to respect each other and move forward powerfully in business. I'm not okay with how our conversation went and I am committed to getting this resolved asap. I am not coming to the golf event. What needs to be done to restore integrity to our working relationship?
And leave it at that. You can hear what he has to say and have a conversation about it. I wouldn't lie though. I would have said straight up I'm not interested in golfing sorry and if he persists you can say I'll take a day or two to think about it but right now it's not my thing. At least this way if you do decide to go, you have made a compromise to do something you don't want and on your own time. Rather than just going along with something and no one knows how you feel. Just be powerful in who you are and everything will work out.
And leave it at that. You can hear what he has to say and have a conversation about it. I wouldn't lie though. I would have said straight up I'm not interested in golfing sorry and if he persists you can say I'll take a day or two to think about it but right now it's not my thing. At least this way if you do decide to go, you have made a compromise to do something you don't want and on your own time. Rather than just going along with something and no one knows how you feel. Just be powerful in who you are and everything will work out.
Perhaps but is it unreasonable, to require (explicitly or implied) to attend something outside of the work hours?
I have to work weekends, and that's fine, but don't expect me to use my precious free time to attend a golf tournament. My free time is that, mine.
It's probably too late now, but there was a 3rd option. Consider this a template and modify it for the next event you get invited to.
Accept the invitation, and express how excited you are to be trying something new.
Hit as many golf balls as possible into the trees/shrubs/water .... especially the water. The point is to lose them - irretrievably. Use up all of your golf balls and then your partners' supply. Be cheerful - and don't get grumpy.
This will slow down the whole event, and eventually your group will grind to a halt. The grumpier your group gets, the cheerier you should get. Enjoy yourself.
Eventually you will be debriefed. Tell your boss you had a really good time, and while normally you would have liked to participate in the next golf event - you are so obviously horrible at golf perhaps it's better if you volunteer to sit out future events - for the good of the company of course.
You will get brownie points for participating - and you will never have to golf again. j
If it's a hockey game, make them explain the off-sides rule over and over. And then make sure you're off-side as often as possible regardless. If it's baseball forget to tag the base between pitches, or when running the bases.
Just be horrible at everything... cheerfully. Have a great time being incompetent. It might take a few events.... but I think you'll find your 'family commitments' excuse will start to work.
Accept the invitation, and express how excited you are to be trying something new.
Hit as many golf balls as possible into the trees/shrubs/water .... especially the water. The point is to lose them - irretrievably. Use up all of your golf balls and then your partners' supply. Be cheerful - and don't get grumpy.
This will slow down the whole event, and eventually your group will grind to a halt. The grumpier your group gets, the cheerier you should get. Enjoy yourself.
Eventually you will be debriefed. Tell your boss you had a really good time, and while normally you would have liked to participate in the next golf event - you are so obviously horrible at golf perhaps it's better if you volunteer to sit out future events - for the good of the company of course.
You will get brownie points for participating - and you will never have to golf again. j
If it's a hockey game, make them explain the off-sides rule over and over. And then make sure you're off-side as often as possible regardless. If it's baseball forget to tag the base between pitches, or when running the bases.
Just be horrible at everything... cheerfully. Have a great time being incompetent. It might take a few events.... but I think you'll find your 'family commitments' excuse will start to work.
Welcome to the world of bosses. Others have rightly pointed out there will be negative consequences to your actions.
What I don't see enough people doing is defending your actions.
IMNSHO an employee in good standing who does their work well should be allowed to make the adult decision to not attend a social event if they don't want to. Why? It's none of my business and definitely not your boss' business.
The people upbraiding you are probably middle managers too and they don't like you threatening their perceived power over their employees. Masters don't like it when servants make adult decisions, they want children to behave.
And if your boss has to confront you about it, that means he/she sees you as a child.
It sucks; it's real and it's stupid.
What I don't see enough people doing is defending your actions.
IMNSHO an employee in good standing who does their work well should be allowed to make the adult decision to not attend a social event if they don't want to. Why? It's none of my business and definitely not your boss' business.
The people upbraiding you are probably middle managers too and they don't like you threatening their perceived power over their employees. Masters don't like it when servants make adult decisions, they want children to behave.
And if your boss has to confront you about it, that means he/she sees you as a child.
It sucks; it's real and it's stupid.
It's not fair to oblige an employee to attend a purely social event after work hours. However, the line between what's considered social and work-related is often blurry in the business world. For example, if your boss truly believes that the company would benefit by your attendance, the request may be acceptable. (Questioning you regarding your stated reason for not attending isn't, but neither is lying outright.)
In any case, what you do should depend on your expectations about continuing to work for the company and being promoted. Fair or not, this episode will probably affect your future there. If that doesn't bother you, do what makes you feel better. If it does, consider attending for part of the event.
A first world problem for sure. Better though than having to save your children from beheaded by ISIS or having ebola in some sorry village where your job is cleaning snakes.
These people would be absolutely thrilled to have a fun social time and would not care if they couldn't hit a golf ball (few can).
This is about the whiniest thing I have ever read. Waaaa, waaaa. No pity. Your boss is probably trying to help you out actually, to get you in a happier place.
Get some perspective and love life. You are wasting it and that is not acceptable.
These people would be absolutely thrilled to have a fun social time and would not care if they couldn't hit a golf ball (few can).
This is about the whiniest thing I have ever read. Waaaa, waaaa. No pity. Your boss is probably trying to help you out actually, to get you in a happier place.
Get some perspective and love life. You are wasting it and that is not acceptable.
Well, a first world problem, to be sure; however, something this sort of thing of a nuisance for those who don't much care for the idea of social gatherings and the work world intersecting, and in situations where boundaries between work and non-work may be a bit porous
..
For my part, while I dislike work events that masquerade as social ones, I tend to deal with this by not treating it as a social event; instead, I view it as a work event with a social aspect, and treat it accordingly.
For my part, while I dislike work events that masquerade as social ones, I tend to deal with this by not treating it as a social event; instead, I view it as a work event with a social aspect, and treat it accordingly.
If you're new, go to the events you are invited to and make yourself known.
Soon enough you will have a decent track record and can start ditching this stuff.
Also OP on the one hand I think your boss is being a dick by being so persistent. (On principle I'd not turn up). However I suppose it would be annoying to have people backing out of these events last minute. Don't commit in the first place.
Soon enough you will have a decent track record and can start ditching this stuff.
Also OP on the one hand I think your boss is being a dick by being so persistent. (On principle I'd not turn up). However I suppose it would be annoying to have people backing out of these events last minute. Don't commit in the first place.
This is the laziest response I have seen to a post in a long time. You could pretty much copy and paste this in every thread on this forum. The entire forum is about 1st world problems.
Do you get it?
I think that I'd tell him that you have other plans but will cancel them and golf if he can't find a replacement. You would appreciate him finding a replacement for you but understand if he isn't able to do so. You might also tell him that you appreciate the additional pay for the time while golfing.
You committed to going. There is a possibility that he's having trouble filling the positions needed and doesn't want his department to look bad at the event with lax participation.
Try and think about it from his side and see if you can figure out a win/win situation.
You committed to going. There is a possibility that he's having trouble filling the positions needed and doesn't want his department to look bad at the event with lax participation.
Try and think about it from his side and see if you can figure out a win/win situation.
Lots of suggestions about how to attend and make the event suck.
How about just go and try to have as good a time as possible?
You might meet someone you really get on well with. And if you don't at least your boss will think of you as more of a team player.
When you were at school you sometimes had to do events in the evenings and weekends. Work is no different.
I'm sure the world of Warcraft will survive without you for the afternoon.
How about just go and try to have as good a time as possible?
You might meet someone you really get on well with. And if you don't at least your boss will think of you as more of a team player.
When you were at school you sometimes had to do events in the evenings and weekends. Work is no different.
I'm sure the world of Warcraft will survive without you for the afternoon.
This is a rude response to a serious problem. The OP is dealing with some serious stuff there, and I think her boss is wrong to require this extra work.