Help! I have a 15 year old *and* iChat!!

[lordmac]

Are you sure your daughter isn't just going to be able to easily get around any restrictions you put in place? Restrictions like that at home are nothing like restrictions at the workplace and I know I for sure wouldn't have any qualms about doing whatever it took to get around any measures like that my parent's put in place.

I also spent a LOT of time online chatting when I was younger and it didn't really do me any harm as it doesn't seem to be with your daughter so you might actually create more issues with her by trying to restrict her access so just be careful that you don't turn a good situation into a bad one, it doesn't take much to make a teen rebel.

Thats my thought, I mean how much dose she know about computers. As you don't have to know too much to get around most of the solutions suggested. I would tend to think that you could probably make an aplescript with out to much difficulty that as long as she is not to computer savvy should keep her a bay until tiger come out.

LOL. How funny would it be if in a month or so we get a thread asking how to disable some sort of parental blocking on ichat.

 

[HexMonkey]

Moral issues aside, you could use an AppleScript like the one below to limit the time iChat is open per day. It gives 2 warnings before time runs out, then quits iChat when time is up. It takes into account quitting/relaunching by using a cumulative time for the day. By changing the properties at the top of the script, you can set the time limit, when warnings appear etc.

To set it up, copy the following code and paste it into Script Editor (/Applications/AppleScript/Script Editor). Save it as an application, but make sure the "Stay open" option is on and the "Startup screen" option is off. Then in the Accounts pane of System Preferences, add it as a startup item.

Unfortunately it has a few limitations. Most importantly, it can be quit quite easily, but there may be a way to hide it from the Dock (although even if it is hidden, it can be quit from Activity Monitor, Terminal etc). It also only checks every 5 seconds (although you can change this), so it isn't extremely accurate, but this is only a minor problem. Finally, although I've done some testing, it might still have some bugs.

Here's the code:

--Set the following to customise the script:
property maxTimePerDay : 120 --number of minutes iChat can be open for per day
property firstWarning : 600 --a warning dialog will be displayed this number of seconds before iChat is quit
property firstWarningMessage : "You can run iChat for only 10 more minutes today."
property secondWarning : 30 --a warning dialog will be displayed this number of seconds before iChat is quit
property secondWarningMessage : "iChat will quit in 30 seconds."
property timeUpMessage : "You are out of time. iChat will now quit."
property updateInterval : 5 --The number of seconds between updates. A lower number provides more accuracy but is more processor intensive

--Internal variables used by the script:
property currentDate : 0
property timeCount : 0
property iChatOpenTime : 0
property warningStatus : 0 --0 = no warnings today, 1 = 1 warning, 2 = 2 warnings, 3 = time up

on idle
	set currDate to day of (current date)
	if (currDate is not equal to currentDate) then
		--Update the data and reset the minute counter
		set currentDate to currDate
		set timeCount to 0
		set iChatOpenTime to 0
		set warningStatus to 0
	end if
	
	tell application "System Events" to set iChatIsOpen to exists (first process whose name is "iChat") --Is iChat open?
	
	if iChatIsOpen and (iChatOpenTime is 0) then
		--iChat has just been opened
		set iChatOpenTime to time of (current date)
	else if not iChatIsOpen and (iChatOpenTime is not 0) then
		--iChat has just been quit
		set timeCount to timeCount + (time of (current date)) - iChatOpenTime
	else if iChatIsOpen then
		--iChat remains open
		set currentTimeCount to timeCount + (time of (current date)) - iChatOpenTime
		if warningStatus is 0 then
			--Check for first warning
			if currentTimeCount > (maxTimePerDay * 60 - firstWarning) then
				tell application "iChat" to display dialog firstWarningMessage buttons "OK" default button "OK" with icon caution
				set warningStatus to 1
			end if
		else if warningStatus is 1 then
			--Check for second warning
			if currentTimeCount > (maxTimePerDay * 60 - secondWarning) then
				tell application "iChat" to display dialog secondWarningMessage buttons "OK" default button "OK" with icon caution
				set warningStatus to 2
			end if
		else if warningStatus is 2 then
			--Check for time up
			if currentTimeCount > (maxTimePerDay * 60) then
				tell application "iChat"
					display dialog timeUpMessage buttons "OK" default button "OK" with icon stop
					set warningStatus to 3
					quit
				end tell
			end if
		else
			--Time is up, iChat shouldn't be open
			tell application "iChat"
				display dialog timeUpMessage buttons "OK" default button "OK" with icon stop
				quit
			end tell
		end if
	end if
	
	return updateInterval
end idle

 

[Doctor Q]

Master programmer HexMonkey has come through with another fine script!

If you use the script, I suggest that you give it an innocuous name such as ClipboardManager or KernelExec, as opposed to SneakyiChatMonitor or FunSuppressor.

 

[ravenvii]

Wow, that's an insanely cool AppleScript work, HexMonkey... I have an inkling of how much AppleScript can do, but that's still insanely cool...

I'm no code monkey though... wonder if Automator can do that? That'd be, again, insanely cool!

 

[Platform]

That script was really cool, look's like it would work well as well (unless the people it is meant for know's a bit, but normally it is not for those people)
Great job

 

[Xapplimatic]

How to block iChat...

The easy way to block iChat at a computer is to remove administrative status from her account in System Preferences, then enable the lock on user access to networking preferences (sharing pane) after you go into Sharing and engage the built-in FireWall (removing any reference to iChat or AIM from the list of exempted ports)....

Now for remote control, you can do a similar move (as was mentioned) to the router if her computer is in a different location so you don't have to interrupt her to enable or disable the port)..

Remote spying.. just make up a different user name for yourself, and use the official AIM client program enabling the option which allows you to log-in anonymous (or "shadowed") or whatever it is so that she can't see you log in so you can monitor wether or not she is online or not (provided you know every iChat account name she may be using that is--lol).

Other options: Control the situation directly using Apple Remote Desktop. You can use it (I think) to actually quit the application and to check on what she is doing from any other Mac on the same network.

Limit access to iChat so her account can not access it without your password override using the current OS. Go into the Accounts pane of System Prefs, and downgrade her account to "limited access".. simply enable only the programs you want her using.. Make sure iChat isn't in the list.. to get a normal Finder with unlimited access to all programs temporarily, she would have to obtain your password first.

Other option.. if you have two macs and both have wireless cards.. You can plug the internet directly into your Mac, and use internet connection sharing (Sharing pref pane, last tab for Internet) to reroute the ethernet LAN connection from your cable or DSL modem to a wireless network broadcast by your Mac's airport card to hers. In this way, the firewall settings on your Mac at any point will restrict her use of the internet (or you can collapse the network entirely by turning sharing off so she has no network access during certain hours).. for advanced power users, you could probably setup a cron-script/job to schedule times when your mac turns the firewall port on and off. I tried writing an Apple Script once to do a very similar thing, but couldn't figure out what the order and variable names were. I think AppleScript doesn't have that much control over system prefs. I could be wrong.

 

[Xapplimatic]

Moral issues aside, you could use an AppleScript like the one below to limit the time iChat is open per day. . .
Unfortunately it has a few limitations. Most importantly, it can be quit quite easily, but there may be a way to hide it from the Dock (although even if it is hidden, it can be quit from Activity Monitor, Terminal etc). It also only checks every 5 seconds (although you can change this), so it isn't extremely accurate, but this is only a minor problem. Finally, although I've done some testing, it might still have some bugs.

Try this and see if it works..

Open System Prefernces.
Open the Accounts pane.
Select the daughter's account.
Select the startup items list.
Add your neutrally-named Apple script "disk space manager" to the list.
Check the box that says "hidden" on the left of it.
Select Security tab.
Disallow the daughter to have admin privileges.
Then apply the setting that restricts the daughter to not be able to open system preferences..(without your admin password that is, lol)
and voila... it's stealthly hidden, non-overridable except by application monitor I think..

 

[HexMonkey]

Check the box that says "hidden" on the left of it.

Unfortunately this doesn't work. If you choose to make an application hidden on login, it just hides its windows, but its icon still remains in the Dock. Since the script won't have any windows anyway, it won't make a difference.

 

[apple_iBoy]

If you had reason to believe your 15 year old daughter were talking to strange 40 year old men who were offering to send her plane tickets to Florida, I think your concern would seem a little more reasonable to me...

But come on -- you admit yourself she's a good kid and keeps up stellar grades. She's talking with her friends, in a form of communication that is ubiquitous in their age group. Time management skills are important, but at some age, they need to begin to become self-imposed. I know 15 is 15 and not full adulthood, but come on! Next year she'll be driving a car. The year after, she'll be applying to colleges.

"Oh sorry, Peggy Sue, I'd love to chat more about whether we want to go to Amherst or Bryn Mawr, but my mom says my computer time is up."

"OMG!! You have time limits on the comp?????"

"I know, life sux! :/ TTYL!!"​

In a couple very short years down the road, she will probably be off on her own and able to decide if she wants to sit down and study or go out and do all manner of naughty things, without the benefit of your loving oversight. Wouldn't it be best if she learns some self-discipline now? You certainly don't want her to go from being a straight-A high school kid to a C- first semester freshman when she discovers she can engage in iChatting (or some other even less appealing pastime) all the live-long night in her dorm.

What's the worst that can happen here? Let her talk to her friends! Let her be a little sleepy during her mock trial interview! Let her get that B- on her Latin midterm! Let her have those dark bags under her eyes for the day of the big Box Social! She'll learn a good lesson, all on her own!

And then, I predict she'll turn into the kind of college student I was -- the type of person who re-discovers the joys of getting a good night's sleep, and taking leisurely naps on sunny days in the quad, and realizing that it's okay to turn off the computer once in awhile.

 

[jaseone]

I just thought of something, even though that script provided is really nifty all it handles is iChat so couldn't she easily just download Adium or one of the other many IM clients? As far as I know you don't need Admin access unless you want to put it in the global Applications folder.

Not to mention using Java applets and the like online through a browser, remember even though she might not be technical savvy enough to come up with these ideas I'm sure someone within her circle of friends is.

 

[emw]

Pissy parents. If my parents did this to me I'd have a carnary. First because they couldn't do it and second it ruins the "circle of trust".

Maybe you should spend more time learning to spell and less time chatting (carnary?)

I agree with jsw - parents have been limiting their kids access to communication since the beginning of time (phone, TV, cars, etc.). And somehow kids have grown into fairly well-adjusted individuals.

 

[iindigo]

Ah, the assumed rights of the young.

Internet access at home is not a right. It's a privilege. Parents pay for it. They can restrict it (well if they know how... ). Life sucks.

Hah... the day that happens I'll whip out eBay and start payin for my internet myself Let them take it away then...

 

[iindigo]

I agree with jsw - parents have been limiting their kids access to communication since the beginning of time (phone, TV, cars, etc.). And somehow kids have grown into fairly well-adjusted individuals.

Yes, I understand that, but when there's no reason, why? So many parents are like, "OMG my kid just talked to someone!!! The world's ending!! I must destroy their communication before I self-destruct!!!" when their kids are on the honor roll with straight A+'s - It just doesn't make sense. Maybe it's some sort of power thing, or maybe parents get a rush off of limiting their kids... I dunno.

 

[superfunkomatic]

Hmmm... not a bad idea if it's available on my LinkSys router. Although, ideally, i'd like not to have to be there to activate or deactivate it. I'd love to have it timed some how.

But I'll check the setup pages on the router.
Thanks!

yes, the linksys router wrt45g ( a wireless router) and i think a lot of their others has a package to limit login time, application times, etc. so if you want your child to be able to surf the web and ichat/icq, whatever - you can limit the times that the router is open to those types of communication.

check out -
http://www.linksys.com/pcsvc/info.asp

 

[xsedrinam]

At the risk of my completely destroying her "social life" (her words ), I'd like to know if there is some way to control iChat's "up time", (time of day, or total time per day, or not-with-other-apps-running, or whatever).
Thanks!

Hi Hoven,
This "other side" of the issue comment may draw some fire from some, but, as a parent with a 17 year old and a 19 year old now in the States attending college, we've been through this issue. We had the best results with sitting down with both of them (back when they were both at home) and making a pact.
1-They would have their homework and chores completed first, before they got online.
2-They would not view porn and would get one of us if they had trouble with an invasion of pop up windows
3-They would only chat with friends they knew and block out any trolls or uninvited guests.
4-They would not allow their online time to negatively influence their schedule (rest) or other commitments.

Some will probably see this as naive, but the establisment of mutual trust released us from the need of wanting to "control" in a negative sense, and it gave them a sense of freedom with responsibiity. Our son is now a senior in high school. He hardly has time for anything else what with his school commitments. Sure, he periodically goes online, but it's with open doors and not nearly as much as when he was 15. Our concerns with "immediately fixing" a percieved problem were dissolved over time as our kids learned to manage their "herding and socializing" needs by taking responsibility and initiative based on a mutual trust and agreement.

Perhaps you've already gone this route; but if not, I would think establishing some straight up, mutual trust and making a commitment to that trust would be more constructive than having to resort to investigative and controlling efforts. Good luck.
X

 

[jsw]

Yes, I understand that, but when there's no reason, why? So many parents are like, "OMG my kid just talked to someone!!! The world's ending!! I must destroy their communication before I self-destruct!!!" when their kids are on the honor roll with straight A+'s - It just doesn't make sense. Maybe it's some sort of power thing, or maybe parents get a rush off of limiting their kids... I dunno.

Parents would much rather not have to deal with this. However, there is a parental responsibility to ensure that your kids aren't talking to people they shouldn't be talking to, are doing their homework, aren't spoiled, etc. The only time you will ever appreciate this is when you are a parent and wish that instead of being the one responsible for monitoring everything you were instead the one whining because, God forbid, you can't iChat eight hours a day.

It's not like Hoven wants to remove iChat capability. He wants to limit it to a reasonable amount of time.

 

[jsw]

Hah... the day that happens I'll whip out eBay and start payin for my internet myself Let them take it away then...

From eBay's site:

1. A Special Note About Children.

Children (persons under the age of 18) are not eligible to use the Site unsupervised and we ask that children do not submit any personal information to us. If you are under the age of 18, you may only use this Site in conjunction with and under the supervision of your parents or guardians.

So, how are you going to pay for it? And, also, how will you convince your cable or DSL provider to provide service to a minor without your parents' consent?

 

[jaseone]

And, also, how will you convince your cable or DSL provider to provide service to a minor without your parents' consent?

Easy just hack into your neighbour's wireless.

 

[iindigo]

From eBay's site:
So, how are you going to pay for it? And, also, how will you convince your cable or DSL provider to provide service to a minor without your parents' consent?

I have a bank account with a debit card that I keep a small amount in all the time, enough to pay for eBay fees. Also, last time I paid them, I paid about $16.00 extra. Because of that, I actually have some credit until that extra $16.00 is used up.

Also, my father has given me permission to eBay, in fact he did nearly a year ago.

And, I can simply give my earned money to my father to pay for our current cable internet service, and he'll recognize I paid for it and count it as "mine" and will not cut it off in any way (I've actually talked to him about this; same goes if I paid for the cable TV).

I actually HAVE taken the time to think this out, and actually have a system going. I'm not quite as dumb as you might think I am.

 

[jsw]

I have a bank account with a debit card that I keep a small amount in all the time, enough to pay for eBay fees. Also, last time I paid them, I paid about $16.00 extra. Because of that, I actually have some credit until that extra $16.00 is used up.

Also, my father has given me permission to eBay, in fact he did nearly a year ago.

And, I can simply give my earned money to my father to pay for our current cable internet service, and he'll recognize I paid for it and count it as "mine" and will not cut it off in any way (I've actually talked to him about this; same goes if I paid for the cable TV).

I actually HAVE taken the time to think this out, and actually have a system going. I'm not quite as dumb as you might think I am.

I don't think you're dumb at all. My point was simply that, if your parents decided to remove your network access, you're out of luck. And, paid for or not, your father can still monitor your use. I'm not saying he will, only that he has the legal right to do so.

 

[MOFS]

Hi all!
Well, here's the skinny...
I have, at home, the combination of a 15 year old daughter, an eMac and iChat. She uses the eMac for schoolwork, but alas (as you may have guessed), she is also always on iChat!

When I complain, she say "But I have my away message up!". Of course, that doesn't keep her friends from chatting or her from responding.

At the risk of my completely destroying her "social life" (her words ), I'd like to know if there is some way to control iChat's "up time", (time of day, or total time per day, or not-with-other-apps-running, or whatever).

Thanks!
PS. And for the record, am am also using standard, low-tech parenting techniques, but still... a Mac system solution would be a good addition to my toolbox.

Theres actually a simpler way of limiting her time on iChat, if you're using AOL. On AOL there's a way to limit the screenname to a specific time on the Internet per day (say, 1 hour). That way you can limit iChat use to that length of time, because AOL would simply sign itself off. This way can't even be circumvented by going on IE!

 

[varmit]

Her friends talk to her because iChat away messages don't bob up when people IM your daughter because they are using AIM. I suggest getting her the AIM client from AOL, at which point her away message will be shown to people on her buddy list. Its a bug in iChat that hasn't be fixed and its really annoying when poeple IM me, then as later why I didn't respond. I tell them that iChat doesn't auto respond with my away message, at which point they start to think I'm shaddy and don't talk to people.

 

[xyian]

I think talking is the best method

I think the person who sat their kids down and laid down some groundwork before letting them loose did the best thing. I think if you establish trust with your kids they may learn to understand the concept of honor and living up to expectations. I think if you challenge a kid(especially any American) then you are asking for rebellion and they will find a way to work around it. It is inherent in our country. After all, isn't this how this country was started?

I think if you just have a reasonable chat with her and allow both of you to air out your own sides and then come to a conclusion as to how you can both be happy then there's no reason why she won't respect what you're asking for. [keeping in mind that your 15 year old is a reasonable and non-rebellious person]

 

[Hoven]

Went in today to checked this thread...
Woah! I had no idea I would open up a discussion on Parenting and Rights vs Permissions.
Well, way to many to quote, but basically...

Are you sure your daughter isn't just going to be able to easily get around any restrictions you put in place? [...] just be careful that you don't turn a good situation into a bad one, it doesn't take much to make a teen rebel.

Ah, the assumed rights of the young.
Internet access at home is not a right. It's a privilege. Parents pay for it. They can restrict it (well if they know how... ). Life sucks.

Pissy parents. If my parents did this to me I'd have a carnary. First because they couldn't do it and second it ruins the "circle of trust".

Pissy? Pissy? Cool, I don't think I've ever been called pissy...

[...]Being a 15-year old with iChat, email, forums, etc., I must say, please don't limit her iChatting other than separate accounts. It really hurts me deeply when I cannot talk to my friends online, etc. I'm guessing she feels the same way[...]

Well, For those who are young, keep in mind that Parenting (at least, responsible Parenting) doesn't mean letting your kids do whatever they want. It means helping them make good choices when they can't or won't do it themselves. That's how you grow to be well adjusted responsible adults. Our job is to teach and protect. Trust me, you'll be there one day too (I can still hear myself say "I won't do that to my kids..." Yeah, right! )

Oh, and the "trust" issue. That goes both ways. I "trust" that she'll get her work done and take care of her health (ie, get some sleep and not stay up too late chatting). When she doesn't, I need to step in and help her do what we both know is best (she just doesn't like it... but that's OK, she doesn't have to).

OK, off my Parenting soap-box and back to the technical!

Add an entry to your cron scheduler file which changes the permissions of the iChat executable at various times of the day (using the Unix 'chmod' command). That way you can automatically make iTunes executable or not at predefined times.

Here's a snapshot of my LinkSys router setup (showing the possibilities)...

Yah, these seem viable. I still haven't had a chance to bring up the Linksys router controls yet.

After reading all these and thinking about it, ideally I'd like an app that would watch iChat and would allow it to run for a fixed amount of time (1 hour or 3 hours or whatever) each day. So, if she went in and out of it, it would just add up the times until the limit is hit. Basically, I'd like not to have to enable/disable.

Well, I'll ponder these and see what I can come up with (or wait for Tiger).

Thanks to all!

 

[maxterpiece]

responsibility

I personally believe that it is always better to teach someone to make a decision for him or herself than to just obstruct their way from making that bad decision. A 15 year old straight 'A' student is smart and mature enough to understand your concern if you are honest with her. You also need to be willing to listen to her side. If you understand what makes her love chatting so much then that might transform your perception of the situation.

Growing up (I'm 23 now), I trusted my parents and would come to them with any problems that I was having. If they ever betrayed me by doing something like blocking my IM time (I wasn't an avid IMer, but if I was...), I would have gone to any length to get around that. It would seem like they were completely disrespecting my ability to make the best decision for myself. If they, on the other hand, came in and talked to me and asked whether I really thought spending so much time on IM was productive, I would have understood. If I still couldn't avoid IMing and couldn't control myself I would voluntarily allow them to ban me.

In response to everyone who is saying, "tough luck", and, "you don't pay for it so you don't have any rights," I have a few things to say. Yes, it is true that the parents have the right to restrict your internet in any way they like, but this rather impertinent to the issue. The issue is whether it is best for the girl, not whether the parent is morally allowed to do it.

I know a lot of straight 'A' high school students who have had big time problems in college standing up to peer pressure, managing their time and just finding out who they are and what they want to do with their lives. This is because they had their life structured out for them by parents who were, not to sound harsh, overbearing. They came to college and there was no more simple equation laid out for success. They had the freedom to make their own decisions and since they never had been given the responsibility to consider the implications of poor decisions, they went out and had a blast and their grades suffered big-time. By the same logic, they didn't know how to look within themselves for what they wanted.

I hate to lecture since I've never been a parent and I can't say I know what kind of parent hoven is, but I have had parents, and i thank them for helping me learn to think for myself and take responsibility for my actions. IT has made me a happier and more stable person. I don't want this to sound like I'm yelling at Hoven, it's more like I'm standing up for what the younger folks on this messageboard are saying.