Help! I have a 15 year old *and* iChat!!

[HexMonkey]

After reading all these and thinking about it, ideally I'd like an app that would watch iChat and would allow it to run for a fixed amount of time (1 hour or 3 hours or whatever) each day. So, if she went in and out of it, it would just add up the times until the limit is hit.

Like my script in post 27?

 

[Doctor Q]

One method some parents use with those between-age kids (too young to be left totally on their own online, too old to need parents present whenever they are on the computer) is to keep the Internet-enabled computer in a public place such as the family room, not in the kid's bedroom. Just the fact that you are in the same room (over there on the sofa reading your Macworld magazine) keeps them from overusing or misusing the computer in the ways that worry parents the most (e.g., staying on all night, visiting totally unsuitable sites). Even if you aren't looking, your presence is felt.

Of course, if you want to watch TV and they want to play music without headphones, they'll need a computer elsewhere too!

Kids mature at a younger age than ever, and the good students I know at age 15 don't get into more than they can handle online. Sometimes a short but frank talk about online dangers is better than a ton of monitoring.

 

[Hoven]

Thats my thought, I mean how much dose she know about computers. As you don't have to know too much to get around most of the solutions suggested. I would tend to think that you could probably make an aplescript with out to much difficulty that as long as she is not to computer savvy should keep her a bay until tiger come out.

LOL. How funny would it be if in a month or so we get a thread asking how to disable some sort of parental blocking on ichat.

Good point! She's no programmer, but she's a natural at hacking what's available to do her bidding. I'm sure if she wanted, she could figure out a workaround. If she did, though, she'd tell me... just for bragging rights!

 

[Hoven]

Like my script in post 27?

Sorry, hadn't read that far yet (I am at work, after all! )
But so, YES, that's excellent! Thanks so very much. I'll plug this in this weekend and see if I can get it to go.

As an "ex" programmer, I really should learn to do more of this type of thing (Apple Scripting, UNIX PERL scripting, etc). Alas, I'm an old mainframe programmer who learned PL/I and C and then went "to the dark side" (aka management )

Thanks again!

 

[Hoven]

Master programmer HexMonkey has come through with another fine script!

If you use the script, I suggest that you give it an innocuous name such as ClipboardManager or KernelExec, as opposed to SneakyiChatMonitor or FunSuppressor.

Actually, I was thinking about calling it "iChat" and renaming iChat to something else.

 

[Hoven]

If you had reason to believe your 15 year old daughter were talking to strange 40 year old men who were offering to send her plane tickets to Florida, I think your concern would seem a little more reasonable to me...

But come on -- you admit yourself she's a good kid and keeps up stellar grades.[...]
She's talking with her friends, in a form of communication that is ubiquitous in their age group.

Yup, she's a GREAT kid. I've no complaints, really, none! And I know who she chats with (not perverted old men), because she shares that info with us (and we ask). So that's not a worry.

Time management skills are important, but at some age, they need to begin to become self-imposed. [...]

Yup, they do. And the truth is, sometimes I let her "learn her own lessons". In fact, I let her stay up and iChat, I go to sleep and I have no idea how late she was up. Good lessons (if a bit painful in the morning )

Bottom line... All I'd really like is for her to not use iChat while she's suppose to be doing her homework. After that, she iChat away! I don't really care if it's 10 minutes or 3 hours.

Interesting discussions, though!

 

[Hoven]

The easy way to block iChat [...]
Remote spying.. [...]
Other option.. [...] the firewall settings on your Mac at any point will restrict her use of the internet [...]

Phew! Dudes and Dudettes!
Did I say anything about spying or full blocking of iChat or the internet?
Nope, don't think so.
Just wanted to help the kid focus on "work before play" by having the kid not be on iChat while she's doing her homework.

Having said that, these are interesting methods, at least from a technical standpoint.

 

[Mord]

if she gets the work done why the hell cant she go on AIM?,

as for people saying internet use should be restricted it's a privilege, it's a tool just like a phone line is just like a library card is it's a super kick ass amazingly useful tool.

if you want to stop her using AIM while she's doing her homework ask her too don;t resort to pulling the plug, if you cant trust your daughter to do as you ask her there is something wrong with your realtionship

plus i use AIM/MSN to ask for help from friends and offer them help with there work, to use it in conjunction with your work can aid it, ask her to tell her friends to try not to distract her at work as i said to pull the plug will just piss her off.

I agree with jsw - parents have been limiting their kids access to communication since the beginning of time (phone, TV, cars, etc.). And somehow kids have grown into fairly well-adjusted individuals.

right...... well adjusted individuals, heck i'm not one of them and i'm a hell of allot better than most people

 

[Mr. G4]

Hmmm... not a bad idea if it's available on my LinkSys router. Although, ideally, i'd like not to have to be there to activate or deactivate it. I'd love to have it timed some how.

But I'll check the setup pages on the router.
Thanks!

You can set the time that the computer can access to the internet on your router in Access Restriction.

 

[Hoven]

Yes, I understand that, but when there's no reason, why? So many parents are like, "OMG my kid just talked to someone!!! The world's ending!! I must destroy their communication before I self-destruct!!!" when their kids are on the honor roll with straight A+'s - It just doesn't make sense. Maybe it's some sort of power thing, or maybe parents get a rush off of limiting their kids... I dunno.

This makes me smile, 'cause, yes, this is how it seems from a teens point of view. But honestly, not understanding the reason or not agreeing with the reason isn't the same thing as "no reason".

I suppose there are those control freaks out there who need to micro-manage their kids. Me, I've no time nor taste for it. I don't think kids would grow up very self sufficient if you did... they'd never know how to make decisions for themselves. Me, I'm juuuust trying to help her to focus a bit.

As she says (sung to the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb)
"I am A D D D D, A D D, A D D, I am A D D... oh look, at tree!"

 

[Hoven]

Hi Hoven,
This "other side" of the issue comment may draw some fire from some, but, as a parent with a 17 year old and a 19 year old now in the States attending college, we've been through this issue. We had the best results with sitting down with both of them [...]
Some will probably see this as naive, but the establisment of mutual trust released us from the need of wanting to "control" in a negative sense, and it gave them a sense of freedom with responsibiity. [...]
Perhaps you've already gone this route; [...] Good luck.
X

Yup, I have indeed done these things. Remember my first post though... No tech soltions and tech solution. We do the normal parenting... I just assumed I'd just get tech solutions in this forum.

Honestly, I'm quite proud of my daughter! She gets all "A's", is very talented and heavily involved in musical theater, and her Youth Group (and dance classes and voice lessons and much much more than I was ever involved in when I was 15), is the first to welcome new kids [is very inclusive], etc.

I really didn't anticiapte starting such a long, interesting thread about parenting But here we are.
And, oh, so we don't stray too far from the Mac basis for this forum, she's loves our eMac and even bought herself a patch that reads "Geek"! That's my girl!

 

[Hoven]

Parents would much rather not have to deal with this. However, there is a parental responsibility to ensure that your kids aren't talking to people they shouldn't be talking to, are doing their homework, aren't spoiled, etc. The only time you will ever appreciate this is when you are a parent and wish that instead of being the one responsible for monitoring everything you were instead the one whining because, God forbid, you can't iChat eight hours a day.

It's not like Hoven wants to remove iChat capability. He wants to limit it to a reasonable amount of time.

BINGO! Well said.

 

[Hoven]

Her friends talk to her because iChat away messages don't bob up when people IM your daughter because they are using AIM. [...]

No way?!? Really? I don't think either of us realized that.
So iChat doesn't display an away message to AIM users (which I'm guessing most of her friends are using).

Hmmm... I'll have to run that by her and see if she knows.

 

[emw]

This makes me smile, 'cause, yes, this is how it seems from a teens point of view. But honestly, not understanding the reason or not agreeing with the reason isn't the same thing as "no reason".

Unfortunately, it becomes impossible to argue this point. Those that are kids or have never had kids won't understand what it's like being a parent, and those who are parents will never understand what it's like being a kid in today's day and age.

As a parent, I can tell you that many times I've found myself doing things that I'd promised myself I'd never do as a parent. The whole "because I said so" argument has been used, much to my dismay. I've had to deal with my kids mouthing off, being stubborn, acting out in public, etc. And the oldest is only 4.

But in the end, parents can only do what they feel is best for their children. Sometimes that's not what the kids want - kids always think they're prepared for more than parents think they are (and to some degree, they're right). But in the end, it's the parents job to make kids lives miserable. I mean, make sure that they're safe, responsible, polite, not spoiled, etc.

The other problem is, we've used all the arguments. The whole "don't you trust me" discussion falls somewhat on deaf ears - we used that same argument when we were younger, even when we knew full well we would be doing something we shouldn't. So forgive us if we know you well enough to understand you're not always above board with your discussions.

 

[Hoven]

if she gets the work done why the hell cant she go on AIM?,

as for people saying internet use should be restricted it's a privilege, it's a tool just like a phone line is just like a library card is it's a super kick ass amazingly useful tool.[...]

Yes, exactly! IF she gets her work done.
Otherwise, I've no issue at all.

And, oh yeah, the IM, Phone Text Messaging, Google... the whole Mass-Communication-Ultimate-In-Democratic Internet thing while using a Macintosh is kick ass. I agree.

 

[rueyeet]

Maybe it's some sort of power thing, or maybe parents get a rush off of limiting their kids... I dunno.

Too many times, kids feel like their parents have control issues or "get a rush" from establishing even reasonable limits simply because the kids want to do whatever they want, whenever they want to. In this case, it seems like Hoven just wants her daughter to concentrate on her homework while she's doing it, and save the chatting for when she's done; and then to go to bed at a decent hour instead of trading chatting for sleep. Granted, the daughter is getting A's, but these are not unreasonable things to ask.

I know a lot of straight 'A' high school students who have had big time problems in college standing up to peer pressure, managing their time and just finding out who they are and what they want to do with their lives. This is because they had their life structured out for them by parents who were, not to sound harsh, overbearing. They came to college and there was no more simple equation laid out for success.

Yeah, well, my parents never made me do my homework, so when I got to college, I literally had no idea how to study. And where I'd gotten away with not doing any studying or homework from grades 1-12 and still brought home A's, I couldn't get away with that in college. I never did pick up the discipline, and wished my parents had been a little more determined--or myself, a little less stubborn about it.

Your parents aren't out to ruin your fun or lord it over you or any of that other crap: they're just people trying to do the best for their kid, whom they love, and who didn't come with any instruction manuals.

 

[apple_iBoy]

Hoven, you sound like a pretty cool cat.

 

[dotdotdot]

No way?!? Really? I don't think either of us realized that.
So iChat doesn't display an away message to AIM users (which I'm guessing most of her friends are using).

Hmmm... I'll have to run that by her and see if she knows.

No, I think it does, but differently.

There is a feature in AIM to make away messages appear ONLY in your profile for security reasons and I think thats what iChat does... could be wrong...

 

[emw]

Your parents aren't out to ruin your fun or lord it over you or any of that other crap: they're just people trying to do the best for their kid, whom they love, and who didn't come with any instruction manuals.

Well said. Of all the things they hand out at the hospital, a users guide isn't one of them.

 

[Hoven]

[...]As a parent, I can tell you that many times I've found myself doing things that I'd promised myself I'd never do as a parent. The whole "because I said so" argument has been used, much to my dismay. I've had to deal with my kids mouthing off, being stubborn, acting out in public, etc. And the oldest is only 4.[...]

FOUR! OK, that one caught me off guard and made me laugh. And here I was picturing teens like my own.

To your point about trust....
There's "trust", and then there's "trust, but verify". If you just blindly trust but never verify, how can intervene if there's trouble?

There a saying that goes, "You can't manage what you can't measure". It's sorta, kinda like that.

 

[Hoven]

[...]Yeah, well, my parents never made me do my homework, so when I got to college, I literally had no idea how to study. And where I'd gotten away with not doing any studying or homework from grades 1-12 and still brought home A's, I couldn't get away with that in college. I never did pick up the discipline, and wished my parents had been a little more determined--or myself, a little less stubborn about it.

OK, that's wierd. That's something I could have written, verbatim, about myself (well, except the bringing home "A's")! Boy, I wish I had learned to study before I hit college!
Hmmm... so I'm not the only one, huh?

 

[emw]

To your point about trust....
There's "trust", and then there's "trust, but verify". If you just blindly trust but never verify, how can intervene if there's trouble?

There a saying that goes, "You can't manage what you can't measure". It's sorta, kinda like that.

Good point - trust is something that is earned. And I don't want to imply that we can't trust our kids (I sure hope that's not the case as mine get older) - just that we know the tricks and will be a little cautious at times.

As rueyeet says, we love our kids. We really do.

 

[Hoven]

Hoven, you sound like a pretty cool cat.

Why, thank you.
I think my daughter agrees... at least, she's not embarrased to have me around when she's with her friends. That's good, right!?

 

[vwcruisn]

uggg pleaaaase turn off the comic sans

 

[Mord]

yes exactly IF she gets her work done.
Otherwise, I've no issue at all.

And, oh yeah, the IM, Phone Text Messaging, Google... the whole Mass-Communication-Ultimate-In-Democratic Internet thing while using a Macintosh

if she gets her work done then whats the problem with being on AIM at the time?, i don't see why you dont trust her enough to balance her work and social life, it's a skill she will need in later life, advise her yes but to restrict her is way overkill

Good point - trust is something that is earned. And I don't want to imply that we can't trust our kids (I sure hope that's not the case as mine get older) - just that we know the tricks and will be a little cautious at times.

As rueyeet says, we love our kids. We really do.

i think trust should be given until a reason not to is presented, what would if you never trust your kid in the first place how will they ever earn your trust.