Help - I'm Screwed!

Discussion in 'iPhone' started by dmweinst, Jul 2, 2010.

  1. dmweinst macrumors newbie

    Jul 5, 2007
    I'm really beside myself. I've had a new iPhone 4 for over a week now and I can't seem to get several of the most talked about features to work. Can somebody help me?

    Grip of Death - I am gripping my phone till my fingers are blue and I can't seem to get the phone to drop a call while I'm actually talking to someone. Sure I can hold the phone out in front of me and squeeze the life out of it and watch the signal bars bounce up and down when I'm dialing numbers for no apparent reason. But since I've had it, try as I might, I just can't get the thing to drop an actual phone call to an actual person.

    Finger of Death - This one really has me puzzled. I'm trying to figure out how I can hold the phone in such a way that I can put my finger on the black line while i'm holding it up to my ear and get the damn thing to actually hang up on someone. I've tried having my phone calls in front of a mirror but I'm a lefty so I have to reach around the back of my head and line my finger up with that little sucker. It's a nightmare.

    Because of the catastrophic failure of these essential features I actually had to endure a 2 hour conference call without interruption. And the voice quality was so good I could actually hear the meaningless drivel as if the person was in the same room! I wanted to die.

    I know, I know ... part of the problem is that I was stupid enough to buy one of those silly bumpers because I actually wanted one instead of getting one for free by lying on the floor of the Apple store in the fetal position and screaming "conspiracy" at the top of my lungs.

    And now all my friends are making fun of me telling me that there's nothing wrong with the phone - I just don't know how to use it properly.

    I understand that in Japan, people are using vienna sausages to operate the touch screens on their iPhones in cold weather. I'm wondering if I should scotch tape one to the side of my phone so I can hold it in any position and guarantee that I will never be able to make another call.

    Can anyone help me?
  2. rotobadger macrumors 65816


    Sep 18, 2007
  3. MICHAELSD macrumors 68040


    Jul 13, 2008
    Try dropping your iPhone during a call next time.
  4. JonBorichef macrumors regular


    Jun 16, 2010
    Roseville, CA
    Why the big fuss? If the phone works fine consider yourself lucky and enjoy it!

  5. GoCubsGo macrumors Nehalem


    Feb 19, 2005
    You need a hobby. It's a nice night, go outside and play.
  6. kernkraft macrumors 68020


    Jun 25, 2009
    I agree that you need help, but I'm not going to. I just want to point out a thing. The sausages that you refer was a mildly amusing press release from Korea. I have been to the Far East and I haven't seen people using that for any similar reason. I think that was just a stupid phase for a few stupid young people.

    About your phone - don't worry, yours is designed poorly too. One day you will get some calls dropping.
  7. Knowlege Bomb macrumors 603

    Knowlege Bomb

    Feb 14, 2008
    Madison, WI
    God this saying really needs to...... waitasecond.... :p

    I thought this was pretty amusing. Good way to finish off my work week. Thanks OP!
  8. Dgpsx7 macrumors member

    Apr 13, 2010
    the last paragraph with the vienna sausages really made me crack up.

    Thank you.
  9. iPhoneHome macrumors 6502

    Jul 8, 2007
    Yea, im having trouble getting these features to turn on as well. I had a call last for 3 hours yesterday with no drops!!! Can you believe that nonsense? This was supposed to be an iPhone 4...I just might be taking it back.

    This is what really set me over the top:

    I was putting the phone in a Chuck Norris headlock and it managed to get over 2500 kpbs down using the app. What kind of bullbutter is this? Let's start a revolution.
  10. dmweinst thread starter macrumors newbie

    Jul 5, 2007
    Starting a support group ...

    Here's the website:
  11. makefunnyfaces macrumors 6502a

    Jun 12, 2010
    West Virginia
    Nice to see a little comic relief. So many complaints these days. :rolleyes:
  12. chrono1081 macrumors 604


    Jan 26, 2008
    Isla Nublar
    I lol'd at this.

    @ OP: I sympathize, my phone has the EXACT same problems! So does everyone elses phone I know :p
  13. ARF900 macrumors 65816


    Oct 30, 2009
  14. rhett7660 macrumors G4


    Jan 9, 2008
    Sunny, Southern California
    I think it is time for a class action law suit and I think you should take it back for working like it is supposed to. Something tells me you are a troll and the only reason you are on here is to bait people in use less arguments and debates...... TROLL!! :D
  15. Cottonsworth macrumors regular

    May 11, 2008
    Ha, I bet lots of people clicked on this just by the title of the thread.
  16. Consultant macrumors G5


    Jun 27, 2007
    LOL. Good one OP.

    Sounds like you are completely screwed!
  17. Warbrain macrumors 603


    Jun 28, 2004
    Chicago, IL
    *golf clap*

    Congrats, you've gotten the point across. Now prepare for the moaners to come and attack.
  18. deeddawg macrumors 604

    Jun 14, 2010
  19. Fernandez21 macrumors 601


    Jun 16, 2010
    I don't know what your talking about, but on mine those features work perfectly, drop data and phone service everytime! You're probably holding it wrong. Quit your whining and return the phone if its not dropping calls like you want. :p
  20. krnboy503 macrumors regular

    Feb 1, 2008
    Thought your dog ate your phone or something... I was wrong. -_-;
  21. darngooddesign macrumors G3

    Jul 4, 2007
    Atlanta, GA
    Nope its the people who have no problems accusing those who do of lying.

    I have problems with my phone but I believe others do not.

    I always wondered about the term death grip. I just have to hold mine tight enough not to drop it for the signal to drop. I thought it perhaps meant gripping the phone regularly kills the signal.
  22. Sean4123 macrumors 6502

    Sep 4, 2009
    Why the hell would he do that? Try dropping ANY phone other than those stupid Nextel Rubber phone and SEE WHAT HAPPENS. has officially been taken over by ridiculous Apple haters.
  23. Sean4123 macrumors 6502

    Sep 4, 2009
    I disagree completely. Being one of those on here that really and truly DOES NOT have ANY issues with my iPhone, I can tell you that whenever I mention this, I am deemed a liar and need to PROVE IT by the whiners.

    I realize people are having issues. What I don't get, for the life of me, is why these people don't just go buy a bumper or case, or just take the damn thing back. It is pretty obvious to me that a case is necessary for protection alone on this new model.

    People drop their phones made out of glass, and then complain that it is apples fault. Get a case!

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