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Help with a girl

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TSE

TSE

macrumors 601
Original poster
Jun 25, 2007
4,092
3,740
St. Paul, Minnesota
Girl i just met invited me over to her place. Said her roommate is gone all night. told me she wants to have sex. 19 year old virgin here. Made out with girls but nothing more. Panic attacks all day, throwing up now. Cant drink, as Im on accutane. havent had anxiety this bad for almost 2 years. Trying to do my breathing techniques i learned when i had severe anxety in high school..

help what did you guys do your first time is this norrmal?
 
You're not ready. Your first time brings on nerves but not like you describe. Tell her that and if she bugs out then tell her to stop being a whore and find a girl worthy of you.
 
I wouldn't have sex with a girl I just met....

If she is that way with you, she is that way with others. Not attractive and not a great foundation. Not to mention, risky as hell.


If you don't care about the above, just be sure to use a rubber

As far as is your reaction normal....I would say no. I know I wasn't puking or freaking out about it but then again, my first time was with my steady gf.
 
jessica. said:
You're not ready. Your first time brings on nerves but not like you describe. Tell her that and if she bugs out then tell her to stop being a whore and find a girl worthy of you.
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ive discussed this with friends and they are all pushing me to. im just afraid ill never be ready because im already 19. had a few good relationships however.
 
TSE said:
ive discussed this with friends and they are all pushing me to. im just afraid ill never be ready because im already 19. had a few good relationships however.
Click to expand...

19 isn't old. Just relax and those aren't friends if they don't care about your well being. Let them stick their dick in whoever. Save it for someone who matters and who doesn't make you break out in panic attacks.
 
jessica. said:
You're not ready. Your first time brings on nerves but not like you describe. Tell her that and if she bugs out then tell her to stop being a whore and find a girl worthy of you.
Click to expand...

I'm hoping you're joking. Because a young woman is direct about her sexuality...you call her a whore!! If a guy said he wanted to sleep with a young woman...that would be OK?? But if a young woman is direct about her sexual desires...she's a whore!!??


WOW!!

Please tell me you were kidding...


TSE said:
Girl i just met invited me over to her place. Said her roommate is gone all night. told me she wants to have sex. 19 year old virgin here. Made out with girls but nothing more. Panic attacks all day, throwing up now. Cant drink, as Im on accutane. havent had anxiety this bad for almost 2 years. Trying to do my breathing techniques i learned when i had severe anxety in high school..

help what did you guys do your first time is this norrmal?
Click to expand...

Saying that you learned some breathing techniques suggests to me thst you might have had some therapy in the past. If so, you might want to re-connect with your therapist.

Understand, I am not responding to what you should do about the situation with the young lady. I'm suggesting that you need to a bit more work on coping with the panic attacks in general.
 
jessica. said:
19 isn't old. Just relax and those aren't friends if they don't care about your well being. Let them stick their dick in whoever. Save it for someone who matters and who doesn't make you break out in panic attacks.
Click to expand...

ok. thanks jessica, mobilehaathi, duke... i wont go tonight. di you think i should revisit my psychologist to talk about this issue or is it just an immaturity thing?
 
You have other issues to work out before sex. You need to get your panic attacks under control first. Find a relaxing hobby and meet some better people.
 
MacNut said:
You have other issues to work out before sex. You need to get your panic attacks under control first. Find a relaxing hobby and meet some better people.
Click to expand...

Honestly this will sound really corny but you guys really pushed me to get professional help when my parents kept on trying to ignore the issue when my anxiety problems were severe. i dont know if i could have turned it around if it werent for you guys since nobody i knew understood or would listen to me.

these past two years of college have been extremely pleasant with a lot of fun and my anxiety problems 95 percent under control. for some reason whenever i get intimate with a girl or about to, as in this case, and sex is inevitable, i freak. im fine with my body too, as i go swimming all the time and normally walk around the dorms in my boxers late at night.

i appreciate your guys help tremendously. but do you think this is related to my anxiety problems or do you think im just not ready for sex yet?
 
TSE said:
Honestly this will sound really corny but you guys really pushed me to get professional help when my parents kept on trying to ignore the issue when my anxiety problems were severe. i dont know if i could have turned it around if it werent for you guys since nobody i knew understood or would listen to me.

these past two years of college have been extremely pleasant with a lot of fun and my anxiety problems 95 percent under control. for some reason whenever i get intimate with a girl or about to, as in this case, and sex is inevitable, i freak. im fine with my body too, as i go swimming all the time and normally walk around the dorms in my boxers late at night.

i appreciate your guys help tremendously. but do you think this is related to my anxiety problems or do you think im just not ready for sex yet?
Click to expand...
I think it is your body telling you that you are still to immature for sex. You are just not ready. Plus you don't want to be pushed into it.
 
TSE said:
Honestly this will sound really corny but you guys really pushed me to get professional help when my parents kept on trying to ignore the issue when my anxiety problems were severe. i dont know if i could have turned it around if it werent for you guys since nobody i knew understood or would listen to me.
Click to expand...

There is absolutely nothing corny about it. I'm glad to hear you're doing better!

TSE said:
but do you think this is related to my anxiety problems or do you think im just not ready for sex yet?
Click to expand...

I don't think the two are unrelated. I think being unready and faced with such a blunt proposition exacerbated your anxiety issues.
 
Some people treat having sex like it's a sport. That's not a good way to begin.

You don't sound like that kind of person. Work on having a healthy relationship with someone and you'll find that the whole nervous freak-out will not interfere when/if the situation naturally occurs when you're ready.

Age has nothing to do with it. You don't have an expiration date. :)

And your pushy friends are acting like d*bags.
 
u prolly have anxiety cause u think your gonna perform bad wich prolly will happen or that ur still a virgin at 19 and your friends arent but man you could a got some fly ***** tonight but now your stuck on macrumors. anyways i thought ***** was the most unachievable thing at first i would shake or panic everytime it was about to go down and bail out but after i did i was like wtf was i thinking before and that this sex thing is the bomb
 
Shrink said:
I'm hoping you're joking. Because a young woman is direct about her sexuality...you call her a whore!! If a guy said he wanted to sleep with a young woman...that would be OK?? But if a young woman is direct about her sexual desires...she's a whore!!??


WOW!!

Please tell me you were kidding...
Click to expand...
About calling her a whore? Yes. Calm down tiger. ;)
However, I'm not kidding when I say that this kid needs not to involve himself in any experience that is causing such physical despair. On the subject of the girl, it is just fine if she wants to give it up whenever and to whomever, but the least she could do is understand who she is trying to bump uglies with. It is not like this kid has shown himself to be the poster child for stability. She may not really be a whore for being direct with her sexuality, but she doesn't need to be insensitive to her sexual conquests. You're free to disagree.

----------
RoastingPig said:
u prolly have anxiety cause u think your gonna perform bad wich prolly will happen or that ur still a virgin at 19 and your friends arent but man you could a got some fly ***** tonight but now your stuck on macrumors. anyways i thought ***** was the most unachievable thing at first i would shake or panic everytime it was about to go down and bail out but after i did i was like wtf was i thinking before and that this sex thing is the bomb
Click to expand...

Oh dear, where to begin.
 
Sex advice? You have certainly come to the right place! Be careful of losing your virginity to this girl because a friend of mine told me a new girl will be coming on to you in the summer and you probably want to wait for the new one because she will have bigger breasts, a tighter pooper and doesn't get tired as quickly as the current one does.
 
jessica. said:
About calling her a whore? Yes. Calm down tiger. ;)
However, I'm not kidding when I say that this kid needs not to involve himself in any experience that is causing such physical despair. On the subject of the girl, it is just fine if she wants to give it up whenever and to whomever, but the least she could do is understand who she is trying to bump uglies with. It is not like this kid has shown himself to be the poster child for stability. She may not really be a whore for being direct with her sexuality, but she doesn't need to be insensitive to her sexual conquests. You're free to disagree.
Click to expand...


Sorry if I over reacted...glad you were using the word sarcastically.:eek:

About her understanding about the young man with whom she was dealing...if she had any idea of his emotional situation, certainly her behavior was ill considered. It is, I suppose, possible that she didn't know the young man was as sensitive and anxious as he apparently is.

That she should be aware of who she is inviting to engage in sexual activity...if she enjoys casual sex (not going to discuss whether casual sex is desirable or not here), then she is not aware of her potential partners personality.

Fundimentally, I have no real argument with your ideas quoted above.:D
 
If you vomit on this girl I think that would be worse than finishing in 10 seconds. You might want to wait this out a little. I going slow with a girl you care about and who cares about you is your best bet. Don't run over there to have sex, get to know a girl and it will happen.
 
dukebound85 said:
If she is that way with you, she is that way with others. Not attractive and not a great foundation. Not to mention, risky as hell.
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OP, there is great wisdom in dukebound85's advice here. Tap the brakes just a bit and take your time.

Oh, and don't worry about not being able to have alcohol. Not only is it a bad idea, you shouldn't need it. If you're that nervous going into a venture (sexual or not), that's your brain's way of telling you it's not a good idea. Drinking can numb that sense. Best not to engage, IMO.

TSE said:
di you think i should revisit my psychologist to talk about this issue or is it just an immaturity thing?
Click to expand...

No, if anything it's a maturity thing. Doesn't sound to me like there's anything wrong with you - you aren't ready, or at least you're not ready to be with her. There's nothing wrong with that.

I wish I had better advice to give you than this, but here it goes: there's much, much more to a happy and healthy sex life than notches in your bedpost. Try not to worry too much about it.
 
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