How do you deal with anger?

[King Mook Mook]

Hi,
I am just curious to see how people deal when they get angry. Personally, when I get angry (at someone or my Mac) I just take a few deep breaths in and if I am at my desk I squeeze my stress ball. If it's with a person I just try and defuse the situation and try and see things from their perspective. This usually helps me calm down and get chilled.

Also, I don't get angry very often, as I try to be cool, calm and collected. And if I am angry at someone they have probably insulted me or one of my friends. I try not to get angry about things like politics and other issues as then I am pretty good at seeing their side of the issue, and I find when I don't get andgry at them and just say a good argument it just annoyies them more (debater by birth ).

So there are actually two questions:
How do you deal with anger?
How often/easily do you get angry?

King Mook Mook

 

[roadbloc]

I used to have a real anger problem, often influenced by alcohol and drugs. I am currently on a rehab corse to get off the substances and I have learned how to just swallow up my anger.

I tend to pump my anger into my job, which is a musician and a producer.

You will find a lot of it comes from immaturity.

 

[spinnerlys]

I used to have a real anger problem, often influenced by alcohol and drugs. I am currently on a rehab corse to get off the substances and I have learned how to just swallow up my anger.

You will find a lot of it comes from immaturity.

Congratulations on being in rehab. It's sometimes tough, but it is worth it. I went 39 weeks (two kind of therapies in succession) and it made me drug free and take care of me in a better way (but I still have to learn).

But what made me answer your post was the anger swallowing comment.

It's not good to swallow anger, it builds up (I'm currently in the middle of a prolonged outburst of an even longer swallowing (sounds strange)) and will hit you unexpectedly.
If you're into sports use that to vent and feel more at tune with yourself, or find something else, but the anger has to get out, otherwise it will eat at you, and then a relapse is not as far away as you think.

I used to get angry often at the simplest things, I even hurt myself, but now I still get angry from time to time (due to me lacking in taking proper care of me some times) but it is not as bad as it was.

I have made the experience that sports is a proper venting mechanism, doesn't matter what sport (I played table tennis daily for some months).

Now I breathe to let go of the anger. Let go being the imperative.
But it is not always easy, and sometimes even contradicting, as proven by this post.

 

[iBlue]

It depends on the type of anger, why and where I might be when angered. Generally speaking I find myself pissed off by things rather often but I let it out quickly (a sentence or two, sometimes with choice swear words) and I'm over it. People who know me best know to just let me be angry for that half a minute because the next I'll just roll my eyes and be done with it. It's just what I need to do in order to get to a more constructive point.
I don't tend to hold grudges because that requires too much maintenance on my part and I don't often care enough, nor do I have the attention span.
It's my system. It works for me.

 

[tooz]

If i'm at home on my mac, or "studying", I will take a break, throw on some Jack Johnson, and have a good lie down, just trying to attack the problem from a different angle.

If I'm angry at a person, (while confronting them) I will just yell at them, if they yell back, I yell louder.





oh and if anybody says I need anger managment, I will turn, look at them and in a deep serious voice say, " This is my anger managment

 

[DoFoT9]

im furious right now. at a lot of little things that just keep going around in my mind and keep spiralling me into complete anger.

im in the 50%-85% anger area i think, i get angry quite often. i hate the fact that i do get angry. can anybody offer some tips? squeezing a ball or taking deep breaths doesnt really help me at all - normally makes me more furious.

being angry is frustrating in itself, and i often take it out on loved ones

tooz i like your style

 

[CarlisleUnited]

I punch the wall, the pain makes me forget I'm angry or just go for a run.

 

[King Mook Mook]

I punch the wall, the pain makes me forget I'm angry or just go for a run.

Yeah, I forgot that in my original post, sometimes if I am really pissed off I go for a run/cycle with some music and that helps calm me down.

One piece of advice I'll give is that you should never keep your anger bottled up otherwise you will explode and really get angry at someone, often a friend or family member and once that happens it really gets bad.

Also, if you can avoid it try not to get angry at family because, and I speak from personal experience here, family rifts are hard to fix and people don't forget and forgive them easily.

King Mook Mook

 

[GfPQqmcRKUvP]

I get angry pretty often mostly because I play basketball every night. Even though it's just at school some of the games can get really competitive and I'll get angry at myself for missing shots I should make or my teammates for not trying hard enough.

How do I deal with it? Take and make the next shot or just win the game, hopefully.

 

[DoFoT9]

One piece of advice I'll give is that you should never keep your anger bottled up otherwise you will explode and really get angry at someone, often a friend or family member and once that happens it really gets bad.

Also, if you can avoid it try not to get angry at family because, and I speak from personal experience here, family rifts are hard to fix and people don't forget and forgive them easily.

King Mook Mook

that seems to be the general consensus of advice. its so hard not to do that though. the loved ones are the ones that you are most comfortable around and you can vent on easiest. can cause the biggest problems tho too i guess.

 

[spinnerlys]

I get angry pretty often mostly because I play basketball every night. Even though it's just at school some of the games can get really competitive and I'll get angry at myself for missing shots I should make or my teammates for not trying hard enough.

How do I deal with it? Take and make the next shot or just win the game, hopefully.

Is the game always about the winning or not (sometimes) just about the best you can play?

Because if playing basketball (the not winning and the teammates part) is making you angry, then you should find ways to vent it. How about communicating those feelings and thoughts with your mates and see what they feel and think?

 

[tooz]

im furious right now. at a lot of little things that just keep going around in my mind and keep spiralling me into complete anger.

im in the 50%-85% anger area i think, i get angry quite often. i hate the fact that i do get angry. can anybody offer some tips? squeezing a ball or taking deep breaths doesnt really help me at all - normally makes me more furious.

being angry is frustrating in itself, and i often take it out on loved ones

tooz i like your style

Best thing I find is to remove yourself from wherever you got angry. i.e. if you're angry at your workplace, get up and go outside and get some air.


Once you've removed yourself, I find it best to sit there and go through in my head why I'm angry, and look at the problem from another angle. Look at the big picture and work out if, in the big scheme of things, it's really worth the worry.


wow, that was really deep. Maybe I should write a book or something...

 

[DoFoT9]

Best thing I find is to remove yourself from wherever you got angry. i.e. if you're angry at your workplace, get up and go outside and get some air.


Once you've removed yourself, I find it best to sit there and go through in my head why I'm angry, and look at the problem from another angle. Look at the big picture and work out if, in the big scheme of things, it's really worth the worry.


wow, that was really deep. Maybe I should write a book or something...

very deep and quite informative mate - thankyou.

id say my anger is 50/50. 50% of the time is over little things, something somebody said (i take what people say pretty seriously because they will often mean it) the other 50% is serious things related to my career, self respect, respect for others and the way i treat them directly, money for getting to uni, uni in itself and quite a lot of other things.

i eventually do look at the whole thing eventually, but that is after i have hurt quite a few people around me. i wish there was a pause button.

 

[GfPQqmcRKUvP]

Is the game always about the winning or not (sometimes) just about the best you can play?

If we play well and we're just outmatched I won't get mad. I just have high expectations and am ultra-competitive, so it's nothing to be worried about.

How about communicating those feelings and thoughts with your mates and see what they feel and think?

I try to keep it in check because the things that are on my mind are, "Ted, play some f***** defense, sh**!". I play with a lot of people who I know so it's not like I'm like that around random people.

 

[King Mook Mook]

I wish there was a pause button.

Don't we all.... I mean you wish that you could just go back in time and change the things that you've done. I mean now when you look back you think "how could I have done that or said that?" Things that look stupid and idiotic now, and things you really regret, weather it be the people who you trusted, or those who you didn't, or those who you insulted, left behind, and hurt. Sad thing is life doesn't come with a rewind button and you only get one chance to do things right.
That's why we should always think through or actions and that's what I tell myself if I consider myself getting angry at someone. How we only get one chance to do things right, so we should make the best of it.
[/deep]
King Mook Mook

 

[DoFoT9]

Don't we all.... I mean you wish that you could just go back in time and change the things that you've done. I mean now when you look back you think "how could I have done that or said that?" Things that look stupid and idiotic now, and things you really regret, weather it be the people who you trusted, or those who you didn't, or those who you insulted, left behind, and hurt. Sad thing is life doesn't come with a rewind button and you only get one chance to do things right.
That's why we should always think through or actions and that's what I tell myself if I consider myself getting angry at someone. How we only get one chance to do things right, so we should make the best of it.
[/deep]
King Mook Mook

thats a good realisation to have - knowing that you cant rewind. i have those all the time. i think how can i possibly do that to my friends and family (and esp gf), but i just keep doing it..

id like to think that the people around me dont understand whats going on, i feel so misunderstood and i think thats part of the rage.

it really is time for a change though, i just dont know how to do it. it almost feels like changing who i am might make me a completely different (and less attractive) person, even WRT rage. if i stop being angry, maybe i need to stop caring? the implications of that would be disastrous.

anyway.

 

[maflynn]

I'm not sure.

I can flare up in a moment of anger, but it quickly dies down. Let me rephrase that. Not anger but frustration, say someone driving 20 miles an hour in a 40mph zone because he/she is talking on their cell phone. That will cause me to get a bit piqued but in the scope of things, I cannot say I get really angry and the emotion passes pretty quickly.

I think I only get angry rarely, though when you have throw children into the equation that may cause anger issues a lot more often

 

[GoCubsGo]

Meh it's likely that I cry. I rarely find myself angry and if I am angry it lasts about 3 minutes.

 

[miniConvert]

I don't often get angry, but the most likely outcome when I do is that I'll say a few things in my head and then take a deep breath and move on. I rarely enter into arguments unless particularly riled as I don't think I'm 'quick enough' to argue effectively most of the time; my strongest 'points' often only come into my mind in retrospect, at which point the moment has passed.

Sometimes I do get frustrated and throw/slam things. Don't think I've ever actually broken anything through anger/frustration, and I don't think the odd rage blackout is a real concern

I believe anger can often be constructive if used appropriately, and infrequently.

 

[Keniff]

How do you deal with anger?

Build a bridge and get over it...

 

[Abstract]

Anger? Perhaps frustrated, but sometimes anger and frustration can be taken as synonyms. I get frustrated, which means I'm a bit angry. In that case, I just swear a few times. It's funny though, because when I'm playing Mario Kart Wii, and I lose against the computer due to some really frustrating situation in the game, I have pounded the table near me with my fist. After that, it's OK.

 

[-aggie-]

I get angry when people are inconsiderate. I'm mainly a nice person and strive for the Golden Rule. I also try to see the other side and have no problem with being wrong. I just don't try to purposely be mean to someone. However, I find that none of that seems to apply back to me for some/many people. My reaction is to stuff it or let it out later in one big explosion.

 

[designgeek]

1. Poorly
2. Frequently



jk, oddly I'm much more focused when I'm mad. I'm very good at being subtly angry and I actually enjoy it to some extent.

 

[DoFoT9]

1. Poorly
2. Frequently



jk, oddly I'm much more focused when I'm mad. I'm very good at being subtly angry and I actually enjoy it to some extent.

Its not very subtle on fb, I can tell you that much

 

[Gregg2]

The poll:
I don't think the percentages match the descriptions very well. If someone is angry for one hour out of every four, that's a whole lot of anger, but, at 25%, it's "very rarely" (If I recall correctly.)

Wouldn't it be better to cast it in terms of how many times in a day, a week, or a month? Man, if you're really angry about something each day, that's a problem.