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How much to spend on engagement ring?
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I wouldn't spend a dime on a diamond ring. Before you ask, yes I am engaged and have discussed the matter with my intended. Surprisingly enough, she agrees with me on all counts.
The whole concept of diamond engagement rings was invented by DeBeers back in the 1940s IIRC as a marketing campaign to bolster flagging sales. Coincidentally, as DeBeers controls most of the world's diamond trade, they get to artifically keep the cost of said stones (which are not nearly as rare as most people would think) inflated.
I remember when the benchmark used to be two months' salary. Others have already mentioned 10 weeks and three months as alternative guidelines. I'd just as soon put that much money toward things that are actually useful, like a house, furnishings, or even just sock it away to start up the nest egg instead of an overpriced trinket that serves no useful purpose other than to let a woman subtly advertise to the world how wealthy her man happens to be.
Thirdly, you'd think in this day and age that the idea of an engagement ring is grossly sexist. Why on earth I would want to cheapen my future wife by insinuating I need to purchase her pledge of marriage with a ring is beyond me. The notion therein insinuates that I'm reducing her status from my partner to my property. I think not.
If you're intent on buying a ring, you might do well to look into lab-created diamonds. They're chemically the same as mined diamonds (the carbon variety, not CZ or moissanite) and a fraction of the cost.
The whole concept of diamond engagement rings was invented by DeBeers back in the 1940s IIRC as a marketing campaign to bolster flagging sales. Coincidentally, as DeBeers controls most of the world's diamond trade, they get to artifically keep the cost of said stones (which are not nearly as rare as most people would think) inflated.
I remember when the benchmark used to be two months' salary. Others have already mentioned 10 weeks and three months as alternative guidelines. I'd just as soon put that much money toward things that are actually useful, like a house, furnishings, or even just sock it away to start up the nest egg instead of an overpriced trinket that serves no useful purpose other than to let a woman subtly advertise to the world how wealthy her man happens to be.
Thirdly, you'd think in this day and age that the idea of an engagement ring is grossly sexist. Why on earth I would want to cheapen my future wife by insinuating I need to purchase her pledge of marriage with a ring is beyond me. The notion therein insinuates that I'm reducing her status from my partner to my property. I think not.
If you're intent on buying a ring, you might do well to look into lab-created diamonds. They're chemically the same as mined diamonds (the carbon variety, not CZ or moissanite) and a fraction of the cost.
To answer your questions in detail: 3 months is ridiculous! It used to be two months when I got married (17 yrs ago). Some weird form of inflation I guess. Like I said earlier, I spend 1/2 a months (gross) salary and got a nice ring for that price.
Has she ever dropped any hints: admiring someone else's large stone, or perhaps commenting on it being too gaudy? That might give you some hints about price. Has she ever commented negatively about diamonds but said positive things about other stones?
Greg
Has she ever dropped any hints: admiring someone else's large stone, or perhaps commenting on it being too gaudy? That might give you some hints about price. Has she ever commented negatively about diamonds but said positive things about other stones?
Greg
Many things to say the least. Maybe later I will post some details.
On a different note, couples will do what works for them. FWIW, I've known many who have been married a long time and are very happy, yet they do not have any type of ring, engagement or wedding.
In Yoda speak: In marriage, a ring does not make.
Now for those couples who choose to exchange rings, that's fine. But definitely educate yourself on the industry and don't fall for the hype like blood diamonds, 3 months salary, and other concepts used to get you to pay more for the diamond. After all, it's just a rock!
Just wondering (no I'm not getting married anytime soon), if you're against engagement rings, how do you pull off the romantic "get on your knees and say "will you marry me?" without the ring?
I ask cuz personally I agree that engagement rings aren't necessary. A wedding ring would be sufficient, why buy an expensive engagement ring that would only last until the marriage itself? But I'd love to do that proposal thing, if you know what I mean. LOL
I ask cuz personally I agree that engagement rings aren't necessary. A wedding ring would be sufficient, why buy an expensive engagement ring that would only last until the marriage itself? But I'd love to do that proposal thing, if you know what I mean. LOL
I'd just get down on one knee and take both of her hands in yours and ask her to marry you - I don't think you need to be holding a ring to do this - in fact, not having a ring will keep her attention on you (hopefully) and not on the shiny bauble in your hand.
For the record, I'm not a fan of engagement rings, though I understand why some people like them. To the OP: Three months salary is ridiculous - spend what you can comfortably afford to spend, and talk to your girlfriend about it before hand so that you're both happy with the purchase.
Be cheap. Your marriage won't last anyway and you don't want your finance to develop unrealistic expectations.
I spent a week's salary and we're still going after 15 years.
Was married to a french/yankee....
She thought that an engagement ring was a waste of money!
Since you want an engagement ring and they say to spend 4 months salary?
Damn, how many months do you 'need' to spend on wedding bands??
I think that using a salary rule to purchase a ring is absurd. Go shopping, to the malls, and to independent jewelers where you live. Look at the cuts of the stones and fins something you like. Set a limit on the $$$'s you can AFFORD to spend!
If the cost of the ring determines your future marriage, I hate to say this, but your marriage will not last!
$1499
and the leo version
$3499
though now that i see this type i like them too, but they are only single stone
She thought that an engagement ring was a waste of money!
Since you want an engagement ring and they say to spend 4 months salary?
Damn, how many months do you 'need' to spend on wedding bands??
I think that using a salary rule to purchase a ring is absurd. Go shopping, to the malls, and to independent jewelers where you live. Look at the cuts of the stones and fins something you like. Set a limit on the $$$'s you can AFFORD to spend!
If the cost of the ring determines your future marriage, I hate to say this, but your marriage will not last!
LOL I didn't even notice the translucent apple logo
On spring break in Myrtle Beach I saw some of the cheap look alike diamond rings and I sure as hell couldn't tell the difference! I later found out some of the girls down there buy those to ward off boys lol
I would be very tempted to buy my future wife one of those lol.
Is it better to buy a bigger diamond thats not as "quality" ??? if i where wearing one I think that would size would be more important (hey they all think that anyway lol
)
I told my boyfriend, now fiance, to get me a ring that he thought was nice. But I warned him that he would have to get me a ring:
1) *if* I were to lose it, we wouldn't end up divorced because I lost something *that* expensive
2) I can still walk through poorer neighbourhoods with my finger intact
3) Not so expensive that the two of us could have taken a trip around the world for the amount of money.
4) A ring that he likes
5) A ring that I like
6) No one died to get me a piece of the diamond (ethical diamond if you want, increases the price a bit though)
So he got me a very cute ring, and it wasn't even a month's salary. I love the ring, and he loves the ring. It's not one of those traditional rings that everyone gets anyway (a smooth-surfaced ring with a diamond attached to the front).
The funny part is that I get soooo many compliments on an early ring he gave me: http://dvb.ie/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=DVB&Product_Code=S2586 (the photo doesn't do it any justice)
It's a $40 ring, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't get a compliment from a stranger. So it's not about how costly the ring is, it's about how unique it is! I still haven't seen anyone with a claddagh ring like this)
(And if you were ever to buy jewellry online, I can highly recommend allcladdagh.com The owner is SO nice! I asked him for a special favor when I ordered something, and did way more than expected! And that was with an order of about $50)
1) *if* I were to lose it, we wouldn't end up divorced because I lost something *that* expensive
2) I can still walk through poorer neighbourhoods with my finger intact
3) Not so expensive that the two of us could have taken a trip around the world for the amount of money.
4) A ring that he likes
5) A ring that I like
6) No one died to get me a piece of the diamond (ethical diamond if you want, increases the price a bit though)
So he got me a very cute ring, and it wasn't even a month's salary. I love the ring, and he loves the ring. It's not one of those traditional rings that everyone gets anyway (a smooth-surfaced ring with a diamond attached to the front).
The funny part is that I get soooo many compliments on an early ring he gave me: http://dvb.ie/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=DVB&Product_Code=S2586 (the photo doesn't do it any justice)
It's a $40 ring, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't get a compliment from a stranger. So it's not about how costly the ring is, it's about how unique it is! I still haven't seen anyone with a claddagh ring like this)
(And if you were ever to buy jewellry online, I can highly recommend allcladdagh.com The owner is SO nice! I asked him for a special favor when I ordered something, and did way more than expected! And that was with an order of about $50)
Have you ever talked to her about marriage?
Before I got engaged, we talked about everything, kids, house, money, religion, work, etc. and was walking in with no surprises. When we went out, I would stop by jewelry stores for various things, watches, gift ideas, etc., ultimately passing by the engagement ring counter.
Stop in front of the counter and look at them. Start pointing things out that you like and she will DEFINITELY point out what she likes. You'll find out pretty quickly what she has in mind. Then go from there.
I spent a lot 15 years ago when I got engaged. At the time it was probably 4 months salary for me, but I was living home at the time. She was recently getting it cleaned and the guy asked her if she had it appraised recently. Needless to say, his estimate was approx. 4x more than what I bought it for.
Certain ladies find that ring to be a source of pride, if your lucky enough to have one that doesn't care, great, but do the legwork and get her something close to what she wants. She will be wearing that ring for the rest of her life (hopefully). If not, you'll be buying another one when you are in better financial shape down the road.
Talk to parents or friends and see if you can't connect with someone, or find a local jewelry store and get an education so you don't get ripped off. You spend hours looking at the latest Mac spec's, spend a few hours and get a diamond education. Armed with an education, you'll be much better prepared to negotiate.
Good luck, and don't tell ANYONE what your doing if you truly want it to be a surprise. Good news is hard to keep quiet.
Before I got engaged, we talked about everything, kids, house, money, religion, work, etc. and was walking in with no surprises. When we went out, I would stop by jewelry stores for various things, watches, gift ideas, etc., ultimately passing by the engagement ring counter.
Stop in front of the counter and look at them. Start pointing things out that you like and she will DEFINITELY point out what she likes. You'll find out pretty quickly what she has in mind. Then go from there.
I spent a lot 15 years ago when I got engaged. At the time it was probably 4 months salary for me, but I was living home at the time. She was recently getting it cleaned and the guy asked her if she had it appraised recently. Needless to say, his estimate was approx. 4x more than what I bought it for.
Certain ladies find that ring to be a source of pride, if your lucky enough to have one that doesn't care, great, but do the legwork and get her something close to what she wants. She will be wearing that ring for the rest of her life (hopefully). If not, you'll be buying another one when you are in better financial shape down the road.
Talk to parents or friends and see if you can't connect with someone, or find a local jewelry store and get an education so you don't get ripped off. You spend hours looking at the latest Mac spec's, spend a few hours and get a diamond education. Armed with an education, you'll be much better prepared to negotiate.
Good luck, and don't tell ANYONE what your doing if you truly want it to be a surprise. Good news is hard to keep quiet.
You should propose, give her a ring, and get married A.S.A.P, like in 10 days. This way, she will put the diamond ring away, and hopefully wear the new gold ring.
She'll never know you gave her a plastic ring that way.
She'll never know you gave her a plastic ring that way.
wow where to start this update....so many posts i need to comment on, let me look back down the list and start where i left off
ravenvii: Shes getting a ring, we're not officially engaged until she has a ring (this is both of our opinions)
majordude: im hoping for a good 60-70 years...
DesignerOnMac: umm, you need to pay closer attention to the thread i have no idea what you are talking about...
adamzx3: i add that translucent apple logo to all my chic avatars to make them more macish
Spritey: thats pretty much the rules we got, but i dont particularly care for that ring (you are certainly welcome to your opinion), and i would be dead if i bought her a 40 dollar ring
pilotError:
and about 5 people know how my proposing is going down, none of which will tell her, hopefully...
GavinTing: yeah i think shes planing on wearing that engagement ring forever, so that isnt going to work out very well, thanks though
__
anyway we looked at rings online for a bit tonight, decided about 1500 was the price range we're shooting for, either single stone or multi stone, going to go to the mall sometime and try some on to get an idea how they fit her hand, that will be fun im excited
we have a pretty good independent company here locally that has 4-5 stores just in this area, might get it from them, but they dont have a website really so we'll have to go check those out
ravenvii: Shes getting a ring, we're not officially engaged until she has a ring (this is both of our opinions)
majordude: im hoping for a good 60-70 years...
DesignerOnMac: umm, you need to pay closer attention to the thread i have no idea what you are talking about...
adamzx3: i add that translucent apple logo to all my chic avatars to make them more macish
Spritey: thats pretty much the rules we got, but i dont particularly care for that ring (you are certainly welcome to your opinion), and i would be dead if i bought her a 40 dollar ring
pilotError:
only every day, 3 kids, i even know their names...house is a work in progress (saving money to build on a piece of land that i have, which is coming along well i might add)
and about 5 people know how my proposing is going down, none of which will tell her, hopefully...
GavinTing: yeah i think shes planing on wearing that engagement ring forever, so that isnt going to work out very well, thanks though
__
anyway we looked at rings online for a bit tonight, decided about 1500 was the price range we're shooting for, either single stone or multi stone, going to go to the mall sometime and try some on to get an idea how they fit her hand, that will be fun im excited
we have a pretty good independent company here locally that has 4-5 stores just in this area, might get it from them, but they dont have a website really so we'll have to go check those out
Don't spend too much on it. This way, when you can't bear the idea of selling it and having it end up on someone else's finger, their happiness a grim substitute for your own, a reminder of sharpnel and shattered dreams, and you cast it into the lake at the exact spot where you proposed one year later, you're not back there in a week with a wetsuit.
Incidentally, I know where you can get a ring, cheap. I'll even sell you the snorkel...
Incidentally, I know where you can get a ring, cheap. I'll even sell you the snorkel...
Spritey: thats pretty much the rules we got, but i dont particularly care for that ring (you are certainly welcome to your opinion), and i would be dead if i bought her a 40 dollar ring
----
Hehe ops, I forgot to mention that my point wasn't exactly to get her *that* ring (yeah, $40 silver ring isn't exactly engagement material ), but if you get her something a little out of the ordinary she's guaranteed to get comments and appraisals from other people. And a lot of times out of the ordinary doesn't mean a big rock in front, it might mean a small diamond gracefully encircled in white gold.
ANyway, that's my 5 cents!
----
Hehe ops
, I forgot to mention that my point wasn't exactly to get her *that* ring (yeah, $40 silver ring isn't exactly engagement material ), but if you get her something a little out of the ordinary she's guaranteed to get comments and appraisals from other people. And a lot of times out of the ordinary doesn't mean a big rock in front, it might mean a small diamond gracefully encircled in white gold.ANyway, that's my 5 cents!
Spritey: thats pretty much the rules we got, but i dont particularly care for that ring (you are certainly welcome to your opinion), and i would be dead if i bought her a 40 dollar ring
----
Hehe ops
ANyway, that's my 5 cents!
i understood, i just dont really care for that ring...at all.. lol
sorryA friend of mine (Japanese male) asked a US Person (3rd generation Japanese female) who works here in Japan, the following during a normal evening out:
"Would you like to live in Japan?"
And she understood his meaning, and said yes. They've been happily married for about 10 years now.
No, he did not give her a ring, nor get down on one knee. But she understood.
It is pointless to spend a lot of money on a ring if the couple really care for each other. My current girlfriend understood this completely. She knew better than to ask for a ring that costs a couple thousand dollars because I would view such an expense as an extravagance.
When it was time to make the purchase I thought she wanted a ring for a couple hundred dollars. To my surprise she was happy with one that I paid only $12 for at WalMart by her suggestion. I later replaced it with a $100 ring ordered through Amazon.
When it was time to make the purchase I thought she wanted a ring for a couple hundred dollars. To my surprise she was happy with one that I paid only $12 for at WalMart by her suggestion. I later replaced it with a $100 ring ordered through Amazon.
a few suggestions
My wife and I talked about it beforehand, and we decided to ask each other at the same time. We also decided that a big engagement ring didn't make sense for us. We are of the mind that would spend that money on other things. For example, what if the cash both decided to take the cash that you'd spent on a big old ring and donate it to a charity of some sort? That's a lasting legacy of your union, as well. Anyway, we also decided to design our rings. We made a drawing of 3 interlocked rings (kind of like the olympics) that represent the interlocking of self, other, and community in our commitment. My parents are jewelers, so they crafted the rings from sterling silver. I think both of them were probably under $20 in materials. Our rings are dear to us, I think in part, because we designed them. We had an engagement ceremony a few weeks later where we each wrote something up and asked the other (she went first; I was too nervous!!). It was really wonderful.
I know this process isn't everyone's idea of gettin' ready to get hitched, but I mention it to underscore the fact that these days you can write your own way. Some will want to be very traditional, and some will want to break the mold. I think both are fine, and I would suggest talking with your bride-to-be about as much of it as you are comfortable. The results can be surprising, and freeing.
Oh, and my folks are really good jewelers who could design you a ring set. If you are interested in talking with them, just PM me (shameless plug!, but appropriate [I think]).
My wife and I talked about it beforehand, and we decided to ask each other at the same time. We also decided that a big engagement ring didn't make sense for us. We are of the mind that would spend that money on other things. For example, what if the cash both decided to take the cash that you'd spent on a big old ring and donate it to a charity of some sort? That's a lasting legacy of your union, as well. Anyway, we also decided to design our rings. We made a drawing of 3 interlocked rings (kind of like the olympics) that represent the interlocking of self, other, and community in our commitment. My parents are jewelers, so they crafted the rings from sterling silver. I think both of them were probably under $20 in materials. Our rings are dear to us, I think in part, because we designed them. We had an engagement ceremony a few weeks later where we each wrote something up and asked the other (she went first; I was too nervous!!). It was really wonderful.
I know this process isn't everyone's idea of gettin' ready to get hitched, but I mention it to underscore the fact that these days you can write your own way. Some will want to be very traditional, and some will want to break the mold. I think both are fine, and I would suggest talking with your bride-to-be about as much of it as you are comfortable. The results can be surprising, and freeing.
Oh, and my folks are really good jewelers who could design you a ring set. If you are interested in talking with them, just PM me (shameless plug!, but appropriate [I think]).
I like your idea! Very cool!
Reminds me of this story. I forget which famous and rich American business man gave his wife a homemade ring made from coke bottle tops. He melted the bottle tops down, then fashioned a ring from the soft metal using a mold of some sort. It was all he could afford. They were dirt poor at the time.
Many years later, he was very wealthy. So he decided to buy his wife a nice engagement ring and wedding band that cost many thousands of dollars. When he gave it to her, she politely said no thank you as she preferred the original ring because of the meaning behind it.
Now that is a class act!
But definitely educate yourself on the industry and don't fall for the hype like blood diamonds, 3 months salary, and other concepts used to get you to pay more for the diamond. After all, it's just a rock!
I can forget the "3 months salary" thing, but what about the "blood diamond" thing. I looked at the brilliantearth.com link that someone posted, and it sounds great. Is there another way to guarantee that my diamond is "conflict free" without paying out the ass for it?
Take into account the type of person I am: Today, me and the food co-op (that I'm Prez of) had a booth at a somewhat big, local event about environmental sustainability and products that help you leave a smaller footprint (eg: solar powered water, water saver shower heads, bikes with small electric motors, organic and Fair Trade foods, etc).
I would really really like a diamond to be conflict free.