OP, just by reading your comments, you seem to have a lot to say on a keyboard. I think you know how to communicate efficiently, and I think you just need to translate that into actual words. And think positively. Enjoy your life 
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How to be more of an extrovert at work?
- Thread starter Misskitty
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Hmmmm
In the US, can't speak for Canada, you aren't required to be an extrovert to get hired but in some professions it is surely helpful and Real Estate certainly is one of them. I assume you are still 33 and working for a large Real Estate firm where people are in their 40s and 50s and somehow that may be awesome or not. Then again working for a Real Estate firm doesn't mean you're selling Real Estate and that you're not required to really be face to face with customers. Whatever your former boss thought of you is in the past and frankly, who cares about anyone in your past who isn't part of your present? I would try to let that go because it seems like it affects you and it shouldn't. You're in a large Real Estate firm now and people can ask you anything. Roll with it.
With regards to whatever problem you think you have that you had previously gotten help with, I echo Shrink and say you should seek out this person or a new person and perhaps restart that relationship. Let it be the first of many on a new path.
Stop worrying about what people think of you, find the therapist that you once used and make an appointment (don't seek out this kind of therapy online) and if there is a chance that your online persona is anything like how you act in an office or offline in general, maybe dial it back just a bit. In truth, people probably think about you far less than you think. That's not meant to sound mean, it is just that if you think someone is thinking about you good or bad, they probably aren't. At least that is what I've learned recently. ;-)
You should go out though. You may never make a true friend but at least you'll get some sun on your face and you won't be sitting behind a computer all day & night.
I bet they don't even give it much of a thought.
In the US, can't speak for Canada, you aren't required to be an extrovert to get hired but in some professions it is surely helpful and Real Estate certainly is one of them. I assume you are still 33 and working for a large Real Estate firm where people are in their 40s and 50s and somehow that may be awesome or not. Then again working for a Real Estate firm doesn't mean you're selling Real Estate and that you're not required to really be face to face with customers. Whatever your former boss thought of you is in the past and frankly, who cares about anyone in your past who isn't part of your present? I would try to let that go because it seems like it affects you and it shouldn't. You're in a large Real Estate firm now and people can ask you anything. Roll with it.
With regards to whatever problem you think you have that you had previously gotten help with, I echo Shrink and say you should seek out this person or a new person and perhaps restart that relationship. Let it be the first of many on a new path.
Stop worrying about what people think of you, find the therapist that you once used and make an appointment (don't seek out this kind of therapy online) and if there is a chance that your online persona is anything like how you act in an office or offline in general, maybe dial it back just a bit. In truth, people probably think about you far less than you think. That's not meant to sound mean, it is just that if you think someone is thinking about you good or bad, they probably aren't. At least that is what I've learned recently. ;-)
You should go out though. You may never make a true friend but at least you'll get some sun on your face and you won't be sitting behind a computer all day & night.
I disagree with this advice. It's harmful for two reasons:
1) Many introverts feel that it is difficult to connect with others. They may feel that they have interests that aren't shared by others, they may feel uncomfortable sharing things about themselves, or they may feel that they're boring and have nothing to share. "I don't know what to talk about," or "I won't be able to carry a conversation" are the concerns I hear about most frequently.
This puts an expectation that the introvert must be the one to pull things out of themselves in order to have a conversation and be social. That's a lot of pressure for some people, and it's completely unnecessary.
2) By human nature, people generally love to talk about themselves but will grow bored if they can't participate in the conversation. Maybe you do have niche interests and hobbies that most people don't know and don't care about. If you can bring them up, that's great, but you won't necessarily find success through it.
I had a self-described antisocial mentor who once told me that he could have a conversation about anything, and then demonstrated it to me. We went through different people and he was always able to have long conversations with them. The rules are simple, and I've heard them repeated in different forms from different socialization guides: just get the other person talking. Ask questions, express interest, and if you can find common ground then make the connection, but never monopolize the conversation.
It's beautiful advice for an introvert. All you have to do is pay attention, asking questions or offering brief commentary, and your conversation partner will handle the rest. Compared to steering the conversation yourself, it requires very little energy.
OP, just by reading your comments, you seem to have a lot to say on a keyboard. I think you know how to communicate efficiently, and I think you just need to translate that into actual words. And think positively. Enjoy your life
True, but i just dont like being around big crowds. If I could, i would be alone everyday.
And this was the case when i was unemployed for 6 months. I had very minimal people face to face interaction. Everyone i talked to was on the internet. So im sure that didnt help the cause.
Play to your strengths. That's really the key to being a good extrovert.
Playing to your strengths puts you at ease, and makes you more confident, so engaging other people becomes less stressful.
Playing to your strengths puts you at ease, and makes you more confident, so engaging other people becomes less stressful.
I agree.
I have another annual company work party to attend this Friday after work and so not wanting to go (especially seeing that its after work hours). *sigh* But I have to go.
MissKitty,
Wow, what a wonderfully engaging post and thread, nice work.
I can relate to much of what you've said.
I have no idea if any of the following will be of use to you, but here's a few thoughts from my own experience.
WRITER: You sound like a writer to me. You've demonstrated an ability at it here, and writers are often observers much more than participants. Being a somewhat reclusive writer is obviously a different experience than being the life of the party around the water cooler, but it does provide an opportunity to communicate with far more people on a much deeper level than most real world conversations can often accomplish.
Some of us are born with both feet on the ground, fully immersed in the middle of the social experience.
Others of us are born a hundred feet off the ground, which can be a lonely experience sometimes, but that distance from the action can also provide a breathtaking perspective often not available to those on the ground.
And some of us are born in orbit around the planet, the great sages and the insane.
NATURE: I've spent years in nature by myself, and have learned something I find useful. We all need to bond and merge with something, but it doesn't always have to be other people. Our fellow humans are cool, but actually we're all pretty darn boring compared to the glorious wonder of the larger natural world. When I'm in the woods the mad hatter social rat race we humans can be so obsessed with just doesn't feel that important. Armadillos seem more interesting, and yes, I'm serious.
AGE: Social issues can be much more pressing, confusing and problematic in our teens and twenties, a time when the peer group can be a dictatorship of sorts. I don't know your age, but if you're young, just wait, and it will likely all matter far less before long.
Good luck, and keep writing!
Wow, what a wonderfully engaging post and thread, nice work.
I can relate to much of what you've said.
I have no idea if any of the following will be of use to you, but here's a few thoughts from my own experience.
WRITER: You sound like a writer to me. You've demonstrated an ability at it here, and writers are often observers much more than participants. Being a somewhat reclusive writer is obviously a different experience than being the life of the party around the water cooler, but it does provide an opportunity to communicate with far more people on a much deeper level than most real world conversations can often accomplish.
Some of us are born with both feet on the ground, fully immersed in the middle of the social experience.
Others of us are born a hundred feet off the ground, which can be a lonely experience sometimes, but that distance from the action can also provide a breathtaking perspective often not available to those on the ground.
And some of us are born in orbit around the planet, the great sages and the insane.
NATURE: I've spent years in nature by myself, and have learned something I find useful. We all need to bond and merge with something, but it doesn't always have to be other people. Our fellow humans are cool, but actually we're all pretty darn boring compared to the glorious wonder of the larger natural world. When I'm in the woods the mad hatter social rat race we humans can be so obsessed with just doesn't feel that important. Armadillos seem more interesting, and yes, I'm serious.
AGE: Social issues can be much more pressing, confusing and problematic in our teens and twenties, a time when the peer group can be a dictatorship of sorts. I don't know your age, but if you're young, just wait, and it will likely all matter far less before long.
Good luck, and keep writing!
Thanks Felasco for the advice and everyone else.
Well today is another annual party at work (taking place after hours), and yesterday I told my boss that Im opting out and he was okay with it. I just said the truth, which is that im going to be seeing my nephews tonight and spending time with them. If I had the choice between that and work related stuff, sorry but its a no brainer for me. Family always comes first. I love spending time with my nephews and i never turn that down.
But i didnt get off so easy. I was scheduled to help setup balloons and stuff blah (which I wasnt told nothing about until yesterday). So when i was chatting with another person from another office, and they said "youre going tommorow to the party right?" I said no. She was like what?!!! And wasnt impressed. I told her the same thing, im seeing my nephews and every oppurtunity that i get to spend time with them i never turn down. And she was trying to make me feel bad, she was like "hmmm interesting...thats not good" Then im like "why isnt it good?" Shes like "well for one, its always good to go to these things because you get to know people". I just rolled my eyes and was like " i know, but there will be more of these down the line and i just went to the last two events recently in the past couple months" (Quite frankly, I couldnt give a **** about these company events.
So she said that it would still be great if I at least went for an hour to help her blow balloons and setup the venue cause she didnt want to have to do it all herself. I said sure ill do that, no problem. So im taking off a couple hours early to drive all the way downtown, pay $8 for parking to help her for an hour. Its better than nothing at least.
Dont know why shes making me feel resentment for not going. Geez. Like I said, family comes first sorry. If you really want me to go, then make these events DURING work hours, not after. Sorry but after work i just want to go home, change out of my clothes and relax. The day is done. I dont want to be hanging out mingling with others in an overly packed and loud lounge.
Well today is another annual party at work (taking place after hours), and yesterday I told my boss that Im opting out and he was okay with it. I just said the truth, which is that im going to be seeing my nephews tonight and spending time with them. If I had the choice between that and work related stuff, sorry but its a no brainer for me. Family always comes first. I love spending time with my nephews and i never turn that down.
But i didnt get off so easy. I was scheduled to help setup balloons and stuff blah (which I wasnt told nothing about until yesterday). So when i was chatting with another person from another office, and they said "youre going tommorow to the party right?" I said no. She was like what?!!! And wasnt impressed. I told her the same thing, im seeing my nephews and every oppurtunity that i get to spend time with them i never turn down. And she was trying to make me feel bad, she was like "hmmm interesting...thats not good" Then im like "why isnt it good?" Shes like "well for one, its always good to go to these things because you get to know people". I just rolled my eyes and was like " i know, but there will be more of these down the line and i just went to the last two events recently in the past couple months" (Quite frankly, I couldnt give a **** about these company events.
So she said that it would still be great if I at least went for an hour to help her blow balloons and setup the venue cause she didnt want to have to do it all herself. I said sure ill do that, no problem. So im taking off a couple hours early to drive all the way downtown, pay $8 for parking to help her for an hour. Its better than nothing at least.
Dont know why shes making me feel resentment for not going. Geez. Like I said, family comes first sorry. If you really want me to go, then make these events DURING work hours, not after. Sorry but after work i just want to go home, change out of my clothes and relax. The day is done. I dont want to be hanging out mingling with others in an overly packed and loud lounge.
$8 for parking? I would've told her to jump in the lake. You're losing 2 hours pay plus gas and parking because she made you feel guilty?
Sorry to go 'Dad' on you: you worry about what you think if yourself and never mind what 'they' think.
And you're right, family comes first.
No no I dont lose the pay, if I did I wouldnt be doing this. It gives me an excuse to get out of the office early, so ill accept that. She just better damn appreciate me doing this for her. I really didnt appreciate her questioning my decision yesterday. "Cause you get to know people" puh leeez, like everyone doesnt already know that? So generic and by the book.
Not to sound cheap but dont you agree that its lame that we have to park for parking when we go to these work events? It should be reimbursed to us. The worst part about it is that i have to deal with rush hour downtown traffic just to get there.