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How to be Unique
- Thread starter Shaun.P
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Perhaps you should branch out your reading a bit. There really are other good subjects besides just macs...
Maybe being unique is not a great focus. It begs the question, unique from what or whom? Which then begs the question, why are you comparing yourself to them? I know it's a very human thing to do, but for me - it was one I had to get past. The less you compare yourself to others, and take it seriously, the better.
welshandrew said:He'd certainly be unique! Probably whilst being chased by the police!
But imagine the reaction of anyone who read his arrest record, they have to say: "Prisoner 115912 is one unique guy!"
Okay, FF47. Everyone finds them self at the same place you are at to one degree or another. I sure did, but not until I hit 29 or so. I dated someone I wanted to be more like. She was exciting to be around. We always did something when we were together. My day to day was work, eat, sleep and she pulled me out of that. Now here is the kicker - it didn't last a year! We wore each other out. She was trying to speed me up and I was trying to slow her down.FearFactor47 said:
About your hobbies, just get out there and try some things. Scuba diving, biking, community service, chess, paintball, even community economic development all have organizations dedicated to them. And don't be afraid of "grown-up" organizations. They need younger members to keep things going and most of them know it. The important thing is to meet people. Just
uniqueness is dead.
everyone, who thinks, that he is really unique did get something not quite right.
just try to do, whatever makes you happy, but don't do it because you think it's unique. that happiness dies as soon as you find out, that you are not the only one who is doing it.
great hobby: fly a kite once in a while!
EDIT: typos and grammar
everyone, who thinks, that he is really unique did get something not quite right.
just try to do, whatever makes you happy, but don't do it because you think it's unique. that happiness dies as soon as you find out, that you are not the only one who is doing it.
great hobby: fly a kite once in a while!
EDIT: typos and grammar
Being unique for unique's sake isn't unique at all. Aim for other goals and if uniqueness is a byproduct, then high fives all 'round.
Maybe your problem is you are comparing yourself to your friends and you find that you are very similar to your friends in your activities and interests.
I would say try to get into some different social groups. Find different friends(but obviously dont abandon your current ones) that do different stuff than your used to (hopefully legal stuff) and maybe some of their uniqueness will rub off on you.
Just please don't become emo.
I would say try to get into some different social groups. Find different friends(but obviously dont abandon your current ones) that do different stuff than your used to (hopefully legal stuff) and maybe some of their uniqueness will rub off on you.
Just please don't become emo.
FearFactor47 said:
No ... you're adolescent. And you're undergoing a normal trajectory of identity development.
We all question who we are at some point in our lives ... I think most of us made conscious decisions about who we wanted to become (whether we became that person or no).
You're in love, and that's wonderful, even if it's unrequited. It probably seems impossible from where you're sitting, but we all go through deep feelings of lack, deep feelings of simple need. Are you in love, or are you at a moment in your life when you need to need?
I guess I'm trying to say that it's normal to face everything around you and feel the crush of the individuality of the world and mistake it for the "ordinary" self. Yet with all of us amdist this crush of the individual it was you who felt enough to start this thread ...
Be sure that unique up on them.mactastic said:Copy another unique person~
Seriously.....well, semi-serious. You areunigue and may not have discovered it quite yet. Give it and yourself time to discover what's there inside you, already, rather than searching outside.
Hey guys,
I really do appreciate your advice, it makes sense and most of the people hear are much more experienced in life than I am.
There is more happening in my life, and I feel I should tell you. I need advice. What I've told here, is a small portion of a big picture.
Things in my life are the best they have ever been, and also the worst. If that makes any sense. I have around 5 really good friends, and before I haven't really had friends. I have an easy part time job with good hours with a relaxed atmosphere. I have a nice car etc etc. I am gay and have told these 5 friends and they are all great with it, it doesn't bother them. On the other hand, I am in love with a straight guy and it's destroying me. I love everything about him, he seems perfect. He is cool, laidback and reserved, kind and descent, however it seems difficult to get to know him. His life seems perfect (girlfriend, gets on with parents, doing a course they love, has older siblings (will talk about how this relates to me later)). He has cool hobbies which aren't popular (extreme sports). I haven't felt this way about anyone. I find myself wanting to be like him. I don't know if it's because if I act like him, or do stuff the same as him, my life might seem 'perfect' too. This is obviously a stupid idea, but maybe I think it unconciously. Or maybe on the other hand, I find myself trying to be like him in the hopes that he will like me because we are similar and we will get on better. I have accepted the fact that nothing can ever happen between us, but I would like to become really good friends with him. But I don't know if I'm the kind of person he wants as a friend. He seems pretty closed, I get the impression he is one of those 'work collegues are work collegues' people. i.e. you can't be good friends with people you work with. I disagree with this however. This is one of the things depressing me. This guy. He isn't drop dead gorgeous, but I like him for who he is.
The second thing is a bit weird (if the above wasn't weird lol). I have always wanted an older brother or sister. I have two younger brothers (much much younger (like 14 years a difference - I'm the eldest)). I would like an older brother or sister to...I dunno... talk to have a bond that goes above friendship. Someone who will always be there, no matter what. I had a dream about having an older brother recently and it has made me realise how much I would like one. In the dream, the brother I had was like 21. I went up to him and said, 'I need to tell you something'. And he replied, 'Ok, no problem, you can always tell me anything'. And he smiled. I said 'Oh, it doesn't matter, I'll tell you later". The dream ended, but I know what I was thinking of telling him in the dream. I was going to tell him I was gay. For some reason in the dream, (although I didn't tell him), I knew he was going to be excellent with it. I don't think I have had a dream that conveyed so much emotion. Most of the things that stand out in my dreams are what physically happens in the dream, but in this dream, my feelings were so detailed. I felt so happy and joyful, knowing that I had this person in my life who I knew I was gay and that I knew they cared for me so much. I could sense such a strong bond between us which I knew could never be broken. He was my brother. When I woke up from the dream I thought a lot. I can never have an older brother. It's impossible. I then though some more. I then realised that I don't have one straight guy friend. Out of the 5 close friends I mentioned, 4 are female and 1 is male (although gay). I feel this is an aspect of my life missing. I feel this relates to the guy I am in love with. Am I in love with him, or the idea of having a straight friend who accepts me for who I am, and who I feel very close to? This point never occurred to me until I had this dream. I do have a father figure in my life, and he does (along with my mum) know I'm gay, however I do not feel comfortable talking to them about it, and don't think I ever will). Do you think I actually do love this guy or do I just want a straight guy friend? Does anyone else yearn for an older sibling?
Thirdly, I do not get on with my parents. We just don't get on. They talk to me like dirt, ask loads of questions and we just don't have a relationship. I don't feel close to them. I would like for this to change but it seems when I do make an effort and they make an effort it doesn't take long for things to go back to the way they were.
Fourthly, I am at Uni and seriously dislike it. I am a shy person and made one 'friend' (would call them more of a collegue) at Uni. I hate Uni, it's cold, formal... horrible. I am going back (going into my second year studying maths) at the end of this month in the hopes that things will change. I have changed a lot since I was last there so hopefully things around me will change too.
Fifthly, I hate being alone these days. I feel a constant need to be around friends, going to the cinema, out for a drink etc etc. I can't stand my own company. One day by myself and I start to think too much. All the points (one, two, three and four) all get on top of me and I start analysing everything. When I'm in people's company I don't think about that sort of stuff and I come across as happy. But I am not really happy. When I'm alone, I feel really alone as if there is no hope or any point in doing anything because I have no plans. I usually feel like this on Sundays. Last Sunday I spent most of the day in bed, thinking about stuff, cried slightly (not much though)
These 5 things depress me greatly. I don't know what to do with things. I feel a mess. One of my friends suggested that I am that depressed I should go to a doctor. But I don't want to tell a stranger how I'm feeling. (Edit: this is a bit hypocritical as I'm telling a bunch of strangers how I feel on a forum. But sitting down one to one with someone, explaining how you feel is much more difficult that posting it on a forum). I don't want the chance of going on medication. I don't wanna be spaced out or something and the medication - it just seems as if some people never get off it. I just feel I need a new approach to things, some insightful advice etc.
I am also unhappy with my personality. I have discussed this a few posts ago. I just wanna be a bit more 'calm'. A bit more introverted, and thoughful and reserved. Get some new hobbies so I have something to do in my life and start liking who I am a bit more. Because right now, I don't like who I am.
I want to thank those of you for following this thread and reading this post in particular. I hope you can offer me some advice. I don't know if lots of people feel the same way I feel, or maybe I am majorly depressed. I hope I'm not. Give me your advice and comments - they are greatly appreciated.
Thanks a lot,
S
I really do appreciate your advice, it makes sense and most of the people hear are much more experienced in life than I am.
There is more happening in my life, and I feel I should tell you. I need advice. What I've told here, is a small portion of a big picture.
Things in my life are the best they have ever been, and also the worst. If that makes any sense. I have around 5 really good friends, and before I haven't really had friends. I have an easy part time job with good hours with a relaxed atmosphere. I have a nice car etc etc. I am gay and have told these 5 friends and they are all great with it, it doesn't bother them. On the other hand, I am in love with a straight guy and it's destroying me. I love everything about him, he seems perfect. He is cool, laidback and reserved, kind and descent, however it seems difficult to get to know him. His life seems perfect (girlfriend, gets on with parents, doing a course they love, has older siblings (will talk about how this relates to me later)). He has cool hobbies which aren't popular (extreme sports). I haven't felt this way about anyone. I find myself wanting to be like him. I don't know if it's because if I act like him, or do stuff the same as him, my life might seem 'perfect' too. This is obviously a stupid idea, but maybe I think it unconciously. Or maybe on the other hand, I find myself trying to be like him in the hopes that he will like me because we are similar and we will get on better. I have accepted the fact that nothing can ever happen between us, but I would like to become really good friends with him. But I don't know if I'm the kind of person he wants as a friend. He seems pretty closed, I get the impression he is one of those 'work collegues are work collegues' people. i.e. you can't be good friends with people you work with. I disagree with this however. This is one of the things depressing me. This guy. He isn't drop dead gorgeous, but I like him for who he is.
The second thing is a bit weird (if the above wasn't weird lol). I have always wanted an older brother or sister. I have two younger brothers (much much younger (like 14 years a difference - I'm the eldest)). I would like an older brother or sister to...I dunno... talk to have a bond that goes above friendship. Someone who will always be there, no matter what. I had a dream about having an older brother recently and it has made me realise how much I would like one. In the dream, the brother I had was like 21. I went up to him and said, 'I need to tell you something'. And he replied, 'Ok, no problem, you can always tell me anything'. And he smiled. I said 'Oh, it doesn't matter, I'll tell you later". The dream ended, but I know what I was thinking of telling him in the dream. I was going to tell him I was gay. For some reason in the dream, (although I didn't tell him), I knew he was going to be excellent with it. I don't think I have had a dream that conveyed so much emotion. Most of the things that stand out in my dreams are what physically happens in the dream, but in this dream, my feelings were so detailed. I felt so happy and joyful, knowing that I had this person in my life who I knew I was gay and that I knew they cared for me so much. I could sense such a strong bond between us which I knew could never be broken. He was my brother. When I woke up from the dream I thought a lot. I can never have an older brother. It's impossible. I then though some more. I then realised that I don't have one straight guy friend. Out of the 5 close friends I mentioned, 4 are female and 1 is male (although gay). I feel this is an aspect of my life missing. I feel this relates to the guy I am in love with. Am I in love with him, or the idea of having a straight friend who accepts me for who I am, and who I feel very close to? This point never occurred to me until I had this dream. I do have a father figure in my life, and he does (along with my mum) know I'm gay, however I do not feel comfortable talking to them about it, and don't think I ever will). Do you think I actually do love this guy or do I just want a straight guy friend? Does anyone else yearn for an older sibling?
Thirdly, I do not get on with my parents. We just don't get on. They talk to me like dirt, ask loads of questions and we just don't have a relationship. I don't feel close to them. I would like for this to change but it seems when I do make an effort and they make an effort it doesn't take long for things to go back to the way they were.
Fourthly, I am at Uni and seriously dislike it. I am a shy person and made one 'friend' (would call them more of a collegue) at Uni. I hate Uni, it's cold, formal... horrible. I am going back (going into my second year studying maths) at the end of this month in the hopes that things will change. I have changed a lot since I was last there so hopefully things around me will change too.
Fifthly, I hate being alone these days. I feel a constant need to be around friends, going to the cinema, out for a drink etc etc. I can't stand my own company. One day by myself and I start to think too much. All the points (one, two, three and four) all get on top of me and I start analysing everything. When I'm in people's company I don't think about that sort of stuff and I come across as happy. But I am not really happy. When I'm alone, I feel really alone as if there is no hope or any point in doing anything because I have no plans. I usually feel like this on Sundays. Last Sunday I spent most of the day in bed, thinking about stuff, cried slightly (not much though)
These 5 things depress me greatly. I don't know what to do with things. I feel a mess. One of my friends suggested that I am that depressed I should go to a doctor. But I don't want to tell a stranger how I'm feeling. (Edit: this is a bit hypocritical as I'm telling a bunch of strangers how I feel on a forum. But sitting down one to one with someone, explaining how you feel is much more difficult that posting it on a forum). I don't want the chance of going on medication. I don't wanna be spaced out or something and the medication - it just seems as if some people never get off it. I just feel I need a new approach to things, some insightful advice etc.
I am also unhappy with my personality. I have discussed this a few posts ago. I just wanna be a bit more 'calm'. A bit more introverted, and thoughful and reserved. Get some new hobbies so I have something to do in my life and start liking who I am a bit more. Because right now, I don't like who I am.
I want to thank those of you for following this thread and reading this post in particular. I hope you can offer me some advice. I don't know if lots of people feel the same way I feel, or maybe I am majorly depressed. I hope I'm not. Give me your advice and comments - they are greatly appreciated.
Thanks a lot,
S
FearFactor47 said:
I have felt the same way, entirely. It's a hard thought to get rid of, but it eventually numbs over. I use things like computers and sports to sorta "distract" myself from the rigors of normal life.
and as for "that person"? well, it still can't work....
(she moved)
i suggest better living through chemestry. Contact your local pusher or doctor... ask for some fun new stuff. Then go outside.
Don't force yourself to be someone you aren't. Nor take up hobbies that truly don't interest you just to be cool. Just be yourself and stop worrying about things and you'll have more fun.
I would, however, suggest some kind of physical activity as something to help take up your time. You'll feel better about yourself by just exercising and getting out more.
EDIT: Just read your more lengthy post. You have a lot going on, obviously. I think you would benefit from talking to someone you can confide in. Your Uni probably can help there. I also think (just my opinion) that if you're not happy at your school, you should definitely look into something else. Good luck with it all!!!
I would, however, suggest some kind of physical activity as something to help take up your time. You'll feel better about yourself by just exercising and getting out more.
EDIT: Just read your more lengthy post. You have a lot going on, obviously. I think you would benefit from talking to someone you can confide in. Your Uni probably can help there. I also think (just my opinion) that if you're not happy at your school, you should definitely look into something else. Good luck with it all!!!
Your a man, and your gay. Most of your freinds are women, and your one close male freind is also gay. You have trouble spending time with yourself. And you long for an older close brotherly relationship. Essentially a masculine love, one that you can express honestly and received equally, is what your looking for. This almost seems like a desire for a romantic relationship, but it is somthing else altogether. You are looking for a sense of connection or flow that you can share with another person that is non sexual. And your inner consciousness is craving it from a male, probably to help stimulate your own masculinity to assist the formation of your ego(personality) into adulthood, and more accurately stronger selfhood. This growth of your inner male may be stunted because of the distance you keep, (and not with out reason it seems), from other older males, and males in general. Deep down you sense this missing piece and it aggravates your consciouness into restlessness. You've almost made this other guy into your tyler durten of sorts. Thats not exactly healthy, but it is entirely understandable.
I would recomend journaling, or drawing or pick up an instrument. some artisitic activity that you force yourself to do for atleast an hour everyday. This will get you in the habit of being able to spend time with your self. And after a while you'll begin to enjoy the activity for its own sake, and as a result you'll start to see that it is fun and enjoyable to spend time alone because of what it allows you to do and how it makes you feel, and acompanying pride that it brings.
The book The maiden King, or Iron John, Both by Robert Bly, might provide some insight for you as you explore and experience more emotions as you continue to grow, shape, change, and ferment who you are.
I would recommend also seeing counselor or someone in that role, I've done it at times. It helps alot, If you find one your comfortable with, you can explore so much and let your self find out alot because of the security of the company, especialy if you dont exactly trust yourself yet.
If you want to become unique, take the risks you always feel like taking, (as long as they do not have the potential to harm yourself or others, or are invole anything that could be negatively habit forming.) Expariment with going outside your comfort zone. Theres nothing inauthentic in exploring the world just for sake of find new things you might enjoy about it.
Take a vaction over spring break, by yourself, to a place you thought of going before.
Just my thoughts....
But I understand the feelings I think. If I am right about the connection and its root, then it is completely valid to want it and feel strong desire for it. You can find it but you'll have to start listening to your self for guidance. You often time dont hear it in your head, it comes from in chest and in the belly.
I would recomend journaling, or drawing or pick up an instrument. some artisitic activity that you force yourself to do for atleast an hour everyday. This will get you in the habit of being able to spend time with your self. And after a while you'll begin to enjoy the activity for its own sake, and as a result you'll start to see that it is fun and enjoyable to spend time alone because of what it allows you to do and how it makes you feel, and acompanying pride that it brings.
The book The maiden King, or Iron John, Both by Robert Bly, might provide some insight for you as you explore and experience more emotions as you continue to grow, shape, change, and ferment who you are.
I would recommend also seeing counselor or someone in that role, I've done it at times. It helps alot, If you find one your comfortable with, you can explore so much and let your self find out alot because of the security of the company, especialy if you dont exactly trust yourself yet.
If you want to become unique, take the risks you always feel like taking, (as long as they do not have the potential to harm yourself or others, or are invole anything that could be negatively habit forming.) Expariment with going outside your comfort zone. Theres nothing inauthentic in exploring the world just for sake of find new things you might enjoy about it.
Take a vaction over spring break, by yourself, to a place you thought of going before.
Just my thoughts....
But I understand the feelings I think. If I am right about the connection and its root, then it is completely valid to want it and feel strong desire for it. You can find it but you'll have to start listening to your self for guidance. You often time dont hear it in your head, it comes from in chest and in the belly.
im going to drop my 2 cents in here..
it has been said time after time, "you cannot appreciate/love someone else until you are happy with yourself".. don't think that getting into a serious relationship with someone is going to fix your problems. in fact, because you are already depressed and sad, you will probably appear desperate to the other person and that other person will most likely want you out of their life because your a loser. so what do you do..?
you bust out...
you gotta put yourself out there, people do not come to you (at least in my experience thus far in this life of mine )... you say you dislike Uni.. how come? im sure there are ton of on campus clubs/organizations/frats you could consider looking into where you will meet tons of people who are probably just as interested in the things you are interested in. you cannot go into life with the mindset of people meeting your "minimum requirements".. ie they must have this, that and the other.. you just won't meet people like that.. get to know everyone and anyone around you.. whether it be at or school or work. to put limits on yourself is messed up..
my folks, they keep tellin' me "now see son, you needa' focus on school and all those clubs your in are a waste of time... its the grades son thats whats going to get you the job... pay attention to me.. i know bla blah".. now see i totally ignore this.. why? because they aren't in my school, they don't comprehend the social environment because they never went to college at my age in the US.. they went later.. when they were much older. i still go to the on campus clubs because i know its right, i feel its right. regardless of what they say. you basically have to stick to your guns and just do it.
i wouldn't have met the cool people i now know if i listened to my folks.
in the end i have been meeting some really great people. put social, physical orientations aside and just get out there! you will be surprised at how many people are interested in the things you are interested. it just takes some effort. and for you to say "oh maybe they won't like me" is messed up because they don't even know you.. chances are Uni people are just dying to meet other new people.. your true "identity" will then come out.
its all there man, on a silver platter and your holding back. don't.
it has been said time after time, "you cannot appreciate/love someone else until you are happy with yourself".. don't think that getting into a serious relationship with someone is going to fix your problems. in fact, because you are already depressed and sad, you will probably appear desperate to the other person and that other person will most likely want you out of their life because your a loser. so what do you do..?
you bust out...
you gotta put yourself out there, people do not come to you (at least in my experience thus far in this life of mine
)... you say you dislike Uni.. how come? im sure there are ton of on campus clubs/organizations/frats you could consider looking into where you will meet tons of people who are probably just as interested in the things you are interested in. you cannot go into life with the mindset of people meeting your "minimum requirements".. ie they must have this, that and the other.. you just won't meet people like that.. get to know everyone and anyone around you.. whether it be at or school or work. to put limits on yourself is messed up..my folks, they keep tellin' me "now see son, you needa' focus on school and all those clubs your in are a waste of time... its the grades son thats whats going to get you the job... pay attention to me.. i know bla blah".. now see i totally ignore this.. why? because they aren't in my school, they don't comprehend the social environment because they never went to college at my age in the US.. they went later.. when they were much older. i still go to the on campus clubs because i know its right, i feel its right. regardless of what they say. you basically have to stick to your guns and just do it.
i wouldn't have met the cool people i now know if i listened to my folks.
in the end i have been meeting some really great people. put social, physical orientations aside and just get out there! you will be surprised at how many people are interested in the things you are interested. it just takes some effort. and for you to say "oh maybe they won't like me" is messed up because they don't even know you.. chances are Uni people are just dying to meet other new people.. your true "identity" will then come out.
its all there man, on a silver platter and your holding back. don't.
I'll join Cloud9 and suggest that you talk to someone.
I had a good friend with some issues that eventually got out of control (in her mind), and a few sessions talking things through with a counsellor really helped her. She hasn't looked back since, and is a completely different person. The issues were put into perspective, and even just getting anothers view of why she was feeling that way made the problems shrink to manageable proportions, and ultimately be dealt with.
Uni might have a welfare service that might be able to help. Feeling like this will affect your college experience (it already is), and that's what college welfare services are for.
I had a good friend with some issues that eventually got out of control (in her mind), and a few sessions talking things through with a counsellor really helped her. She hasn't looked back since, and is a completely different person. The issues were put into perspective, and even just getting anothers view of why she was feeling that way made the problems shrink to manageable proportions, and ultimately be dealt with.
Uni might have a welfare service that might be able to help. Feeling like this will affect your college experience (it already is), and that's what college welfare services are for.
Talk to someone. There has to be some sort of gay support group where you are. It seems to me that you have issues regarding acceptance of your lifestyle, yours and others'.
Many people feel the way do. You're not alone. Don't bother trying to be what you think others want you to be. Be who and what you are. You actually are unique in many ways, you just haven't figured out what they are yet.
As for older brothers, I have three and you can have your pick of them. I really do want to sympathize with you, but I think the best advice I can give is "Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with things!"
Good luck, although you probably don't need it...
Many people feel the way do. You're not alone. Don't bother trying to be what you think others want you to be. Be who and what you are. You actually are unique in many ways, you just haven't figured out what they are yet.
As for older brothers, I have three and you can have your pick of them. I really do want to sympathize with you, but I think the best advice I can give is "Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with things!"
Good luck, although you probably don't need it...
Get a Video game system, ideal a Handheld(so you can have it with you more) and play it when you get bored..it helps keep you mind on something.
As for being Unique..simply make your own choices, don't let other people's choice impact your choices, say a group of people are using FireFox(this is just an example, i doubt this type of thing will ever happen) don't use FF because they do, but also don't not use FF because they are(IE just to make yourself seem like a rebel) Do things based on what you want to do, other choices should have little to no impact on your choices.
I hope that was clear..it might not be.
As for being Unique..simply make your own choices, don't let other people's choice impact your choices, say a group of people are using FireFox(this is just an example, i doubt this type of thing will ever happen) don't use FF because they do, but also don't not use FF because they are(IE just to make yourself seem like a rebel) Do things based on what you want to do, other choices should have little to no impact on your choices.
I hope that was clear..it might not be.