Record a conversation with her about the issue. If she still refuses to pay take her to Small Claims Court. Judge Judy will lay the smack down on her/
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How to deal with someone who won't pay you back...
- Thread starter timerollson
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Oh yeah she would Judge judy is so interesting to watch. I remember her saying the "The quickest way to destroy a friendship is to loan them money"
[doublepost=1514752009][/doublepost]If this person was a true friend they wouldn't have taken your money like that. People need their money. This happened to me last week. I loaned my friend 60.00 and she haven't paid back. I need money, I don't have anything now, but she promised to pay me on her payday. She haven't called or anything. She's no type of friend at all. I really want to curse her out.I should be asleep right now but I just can't seem to get some shut eye. It's been this way the entire weekend. I lent some money out to my best friend with the agreement that I'd be paid back the following day. It's now three days later and she seems to be making up excuses as to why she hasn't transferred the amount. Mind you, all of these excuses I've debunked. [Note to anyone trying to say they're delayed at an airport, flight statuses can be checked online.]
I don't want to come off as an ******* but I need the money back by the end of the day because I have other financial obligations and I refuse to be late on them. My fault for making the assumption that she'd stick to her word. I didn't have any previous experiences with her that would make me question the decision to give her a loan. It wasn't a gift. Otherwise, I would've stated it was. I don't know if I am more upset that my money is gone or that she lied to me.
So how do I go about getting my funds returned and is it even worth it to call her out on the lie? I've called and texted her and each time, it's a different excuse.
P.S. I know this is a lesson learned but I never expected my BF to be so irresponsible and disrespectful of my time and money. I'm just pissed. I don't know what to think of our friendship after this ordeal.
I'll offer a slightly different perspective on this.
Early last summer, after I had been offered an extremely good job working abroad in a different continent, it transpired that there would be a considerable delay in reimbursing me for my stratospheric medical expenses (to do with preparations for taking this job) but that I would be expected to pay for hotel accommodation etc for a week upfront until my actual contract kicked in, and even then, I would be paid (very handsomely) but a month in arrears.
An attempt to arrange an advance on my salary was also refused.
This unwelcome news broke two days before I was due to depart; in horror, I contacted a former colleague - a retired army officer - with whom I had worked - and worked well - in another continent - whose contract had finished and requested a very generous loan from him.
I will never forget his immediate and gratifying response; "of course, when do you need it?" He had just had a double hip operation, needed to see his specialist that very day for post-op consultations, in the capital, then proceeded to take the train home, phoned me, visited his bank, and drove to meet me in my home "you're packing" (I was) "you don't have time to come in to meet me" - to deliver the cash - a considerable sum - in person - balancing himself on two crutches.
He knew that I would be away for months, - two continents away - and I agreed to reimburse him on my first home leave.
When I did finally meet up with him, - three months later - he apologised for not having emailed me - it is a challenging spot, as he well knew - but explained that he didn't wish me to think that he was chasing me for repayment.
Anyway, on my return on leave, I phoned him, took him out to afternoon tea - which we both enjoyed - in a classy old city centre Victorian hotel, gave him a bottle of Meursault (an excellent white Burgundy wine) as a thank you gift, and repaid him in full, my gratitude knowing no bounds.
His loan enabled me to meet financial demands made on me - in a challenging, testing and difficult environment for the first month of my posting.
Early last summer, after I had been offered an extremely good job working abroad in a different continent, it transpired that there would be a considerable delay in reimbursing me for my stratospheric medical expenses (to do with preparations for taking this job) but that I would be expected to pay for hotel accommodation etc for a week upfront until my actual contract kicked in, and even then, I would be paid (very handsomely) but a month in arrears.
An attempt to arrange an advance on my salary was also refused.
This unwelcome news broke two days before I was due to depart; in horror, I contacted a former colleague - a retired army officer - with whom I had worked - and worked well - in another continent - whose contract had finished and requested a very generous loan from him.
I will never forget his immediate and gratifying response; "of course, when do you need it?" He had just had a double hip operation, needed to see his specialist that very day for post-op consultations, in the capital, then proceeded to take the train home, phoned me, visited his bank, and drove to meet me in my home "you're packing" (I was) "you don't have time to come in to meet me" - to deliver the cash - a considerable sum - in person - balancing himself on two crutches.
He knew that I would be away for months, - two continents away - and I agreed to reimburse him on my first home leave.
When I did finally meet up with him, - three months later - he apologised for not having emailed me - it is a challenging spot, as he well knew - but explained that he didn't wish me to think that he was chasing me for repayment.
Anyway, on my return on leave, I phoned him, took him out to afternoon tea - which we both enjoyed - in a classy old city centre Victorian hotel, gave him a bottle of Meursault (an excellent white Burgundy wine) as a thank you gift, and repaid him in full, my gratitude knowing no bounds.
His loan enabled me to meet financial demands made on me - in a challenging, testing and difficult environment for the first month of my posting.
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I’ve never lent money out but have been asked. Obviously I’ve given a mate the odd tenner but if you don’t get things like that back it’s no big deal. I’ve not lent any large sums out.
My brother sold his house to buy his dream business 2 years ago. Everybody warned him it didn’t sound completely safe but he knew best. Within 8 months he lost everything, so £200k of his own money. Our Mum lent him £10k to get him back on his feet and paid him to do work on her house (£7k). She’ll never get the money back and he fell out with her over which company she used to hire a skip from! They haven’t spoken since April despite Mum texting him often. It’s so pathetic and in the mean time she’s paid another £5k of his debts. I mentioned this to him and his response was ‘silly cow, I didn’t ask her to do that’... He asked me for a loan and I point blank refused without giving a reason which I think shocked him. He’s ignoring me now and spends most of his days doing cash in hand work, sleeping on friends sofas and drinking in the pub.
He’s a 48 year old man and never married or had kids because he’s too selfish. He’s also a very charming lovable character but I could never lend him money.
My brother sold his house to buy his dream business 2 years ago. Everybody warned him it didn’t sound completely safe but he knew best. Within 8 months he lost everything, so £200k of his own money. Our Mum lent him £10k to get him back on his feet and paid him to do work on her house (£7k). She’ll never get the money back and he fell out with her over which company she used to hire a skip from! They haven’t spoken since April despite Mum texting him often. It’s so pathetic and in the mean time she’s paid another £5k of his debts. I mentioned this to him and his response was ‘silly cow, I didn’t ask her to do that’... He asked me for a loan and I point blank refused without giving a reason which I think shocked him. He’s ignoring me now and spends most of his days doing cash in hand work, sleeping on friends sofas and drinking in the pub.
He’s a 48 year old man and never married or had kids because he’s too selfish. He’s also a very charming lovable character but I could never lend him money.
Rule #1 Never lend out money if you can’t afford not to be paid back.
I lent about $2500 to a friend so he could a to get out of an ugly living situation with some pretty deplorable roommates... this was like 2 years ago. He doesn’t have a great job and I knew I likely wouldn’t be paid back anytime soon, if ever. He’s paid me back like $600. In exchange for the money he owes me but can not afford to repay, he’s done some work around my apartment. He’s also a chef so he occasionally cooks some meals for my GF and me.
I lent about $2500 to a friend so he could a to get out of an ugly living situation with some pretty deplorable roommates... this was like 2 years ago. He doesn’t have a great job and I knew I likely wouldn’t be paid back anytime soon, if ever. He’s paid me back like $600. In exchange for the money he owes me but can not afford to repay, he’s done some work around my apartment. He’s also a chef so he occasionally cooks some meals for my GF and me.
I've never lent money to anyone that I can recall.
But I can't ever recall being asked.
I have gifted money to friends I knew were on hard times, but I've also been on the receiving end of anonymous gifts back when I was young and poor.
But I can't ever recall being asked.
I have gifted money to friends I knew were on hard times, but I've also been on the receiving end of anonymous gifts back when I was young and poor.
You guys revived an eight year old thread. It’s funny. The lessons learned then still apply today!
Plenty of good advice here.
[doublepost=1514816665][/doublepost]
You are both good people. A great story about friendship and generosity. I don’t typically lend money but I do things for other people and ask them not to pay me back but to pay it forward. I help you and when you’re able, you help someone else in need.
Plenty of good advice here.
[doublepost=1514816665][/doublepost]
You are both good people. A great story about friendship and generosity. I don’t typically lend money but I do things for other people and ask them not to pay me back but to pay it forward. I help you and when you’re able, you help someone else in need.
Another way to describe it: when it comes to friends especially inlaws and even siblings (case by case basis) don’t plan on being paid back for any money you loan on a personal basis.
There is a high percentage that it will be rationalized that you don’t need this money paid back. Use it as a fooled me once strategy, and only if you can afford it.
This is not to imply that everyone will fail you. I was paid back a $5000 loan associated with an inlaw’s house purchase. But other inlaws with a history of being on the take, for example using money given to them for a mortgage payment, but instead used to purchase drugs, that was an easy NO WAY. When the money is described as needed for a payment to a creditor, the best option is to get the loan or account number and make the payment directly to the creditor, not through the inlaw.
[doublepost=1514817938][/doublepost]
Don’t focus on the age of the thread. You observed that there was good info, so that should be the focus, is the discussion still relevant?
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Another way to describe it: when it comes to friends especially inlaws, don’t plan on being paid back for any money you loan on a personal basis.
There is a high percentage that it will be rationalized that you don’t need this money paid back. Use it as a fooled me once strategy, and only if you can afford it.
This is not to imply that everyone will fail you. I was paid back a $5000 loan associated with an inlaw’s house purchase. But other inlaws with a history of being on the take, for example using money given to them for a mortgage payment, but instead used to purchase drugs, that was an easy NO WAY. When the money is described as needed for a payment to a creditor, the best option is to get the loan or account number and make the payment directly to the creditor, not through the inlaw.
[doublepost=1514817938][/doublepost]
Don’t focus on the age of the thread. You observed that there was good info, so that should be the focus, is the discussion still relevant?
Alright, another story and perspective, this one quite recent.
A few weeks ago, returning from another city (and country) where I had had a week of meetings, to where I currently work, my attention was drawn (by a colleague who witnessed it first) to the fact that a solo western traveller - a woman - (whom I did not know and had never met - she works with the Danish Refugee Council, I later learned) was being given grief at the airport by the authorities because, while extracting the $100 bill she had planned to use with which to pay the visa fee of $50, she had torn it slightly and they refused to accept it.
She didn't have any other money in dollars (this is not the sort of place where the airport comes equipped with an ATM) and - it was clear to me, observing the scene, that the authorities were giving her grief simply because they could and they had the power to do so; anyway, on realising what was happening, I immediately gave her $50 - basically, on the principle of empathy - if I found myself in a similar situation, I would have been almost pathetically grateful had someone helped me out.
She was hugely grateful, and - at her request - I gave her my card (she didn't have any cards on her); since then, she has been in touch, - both by phone and in writing - by email - the delays in responding have been my fault not hers - and we'll meet up sometime over the coming month for a coffee when she will repay me.
"Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend..."
If I give out money, I don't expect it back. Only for family though.
The Missus loans out money (but never to family or friends), but she has them sign a contract with interest rates and collateral rights. Me and Rocko gets to breaks t'umbs if dey don't pay up.
For loan oft loses both itself and friend..."
If I give out money, I don't expect it back. Only for family though.
The Missus loans out money (but never to family or friends), but she has them sign a contract with interest rates and collateral rights. Me and Rocko gets to breaks t'umbs if dey don't pay up.
I just slowly steal **** out of their house until I think we’re square. A couple rolls of toilet paper here, a knick-knack there, artwork, thumb drives, an occasional pork chop, and of course a bottle of scotch, vodka, or gin if it looks good.
Cut them off.I should be asleep right now but I just can't seem to get some shut eye. It's been this way the entire weekend. I lent some money out to my best friend with the agreement that I'd be paid back the following day. It's now three days later and she seems to be making up excuses as to why she hasn't transferred the amount. Mind you, all of these excuses I've debunked. [Note to anyone trying to say they're delayed at an airport, flight statuses can be checked online.
I don't want to come off as an ******* but I need the money back by the end of the day because I have other financial obligations and I refuse to be late on them. My fault for making the assumption that she'd stick to her word. I didn't have any previous experiences with her that would make me question the decision to give her a loan. It wasn't a gift. Otherwise, I would've stated it was. I don't know if I am more upset that my money is gone or that she lied to me.
So how do I go about getting my funds returned and is it even worth it to call her out on the lie? I've called and texted her and each time, it's a different excuse.
P.S. I know this is a lesson learned but I never expected my BF to be so irresponsible and disrespectful of my time and money. I'm just pissed. I don't know what to think of our friendship after this ordeal.
I have as well, mostly with family members. I say cut them off, but my wife won’t let me.
I have just remembered that I do count some artists among my friends and realize now I'd love to lend any of them some money if they ever come up short... this will be partly your fault on that day when it looks to have worked out well except for the part where I'm caught trying to even up.
In all seriousness I don't generally lend money out although I do make gifts of it when asked sometimes. I didn't hatch out well bankrolled, so like most people I can recall being $20 short on the utility bill once in awhile back in the day, and can also remember being given a hand up then by a friend without expectation of repayment.
On the other hand someone who comes back the next month with the same sad tale gets a commiserating look from me and a recounting of how I wasn't great at budgeting sometimes too... and finally learned to shorten my grocery list for a week to keep the darn lights on for another month.
One guy who had lots and lots of sad tales to share finally got a Christmas present from me about ten years ago... Andrea Chesman's book detailing 366 Delicious Ways to Cook Rice, Beans and Grains...
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Hmm, I'm non confrontational by nature, so I'd advise a subtle approach. I know this thread is old, and I don't know if your friend has a pet, but perhaps you could kill it. Like a dog or a cat. Try writing your initials and the amount owed on its fur in blood. If they don't get the message, and you're a bit more assertive than me, you can move on to collecting and storing the remaining blood and using it to slowly spell out a message on the side of their house. Make it a game of hangman with real consequences. "You ow_ t_m_rollson thr__ doll_rs" Each day, you add a new letter and appendage to the hangman. On the last day, if still unpaid, you amputate your friend's analogous body part to the one missing from the hangman.
If all else fails, send a text asking to be repaid.