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I don't know how to have fun anymore

Dude, I need to get myself invited to Abstract's parties.

Another idea: take up geocaching. :D Gets you outdoors, exploring the parks and areas of the city, and if you choose to interact with others, it's a pretty universally friendly community. And all tech-geeky too, which I like.
 
In all seriousness...

Find a church. In addition to Masses or Services, they often have activities, volunteer opportunities, etc.

(Please no flames -- I don't want this thread to turn into another anti-religion discussion. I'm just trying to be helpful.)
 
Everythings better when you share it with someone else. I found recently that now all my friends are either working fulltime or in their final (and therefore busiest) year of university that I only see my family. I used to love this whole area but now the people I share it with no longer want to or can afford to do anything - it's just a big load of nothing.

All I can suggest is hunting out people your own age, even though I know how hard that can be (everyone around here is either under 12, my siblings or over 40).
 
Iscariot said:
When I first moved to Toronto I used meetup.com to meet people who had similar interests.
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I second that recommendation. I just started going to meetup events here in Los Angeles. So far, so good. Before I moved to LA, I was used to going out with a large group of my friends, but I don't know many people here. So this is helpful.

Even if you don't end up becoming friends outside of the meetups, at least you have the meetups to go to and socialize at.

Actually, I'm meeting some people for drinks this evening for happy hour that I met at a meetup event last weekend...... Three-some? Four-some? Five-some!! ;) Abstract's dirty (yet intriguing) ideas are creeping into my post......:D
 
dukebound85 said:
Since moving to NY, I don't know how to have fun. No longer do I have close friends as I had back in CO, but merely work acquaintances. Everyone I work with are the age of my parents, married and have kids my age. They are nice but yea... I don't do anything on the weekends anymore as I have no one to go out with.

The highlight of my weekend is to sleep in to 12.

I try to go do stuff like go to Albany, go on bikerides but its just not fun anymore

How do I get out of this rut?
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definitely go get a haircut, go get a nice shirt and go walk around. find a hot babe.

there is a million things to do in NY - if we knew your age bracket then we could help you better (i think atleast)

i know that i fly to FL every month to visit and it helps a lot. if you dont have much to do why not fly back every once in a while?

why not have company come up?

learn something. go buy a laser pointer that burns people's skin and put it on your bike to aim at people.

get a membership at a gym.

build something

go to every public outing in your area to meet people.

become a MacRumors G5

idk there is a million things to do
 
I'm in somewhat the same boat as you duke. I moved out to LA last June and I'm still looking to make anything more than friendly work acquaintances. I might try meetup or something similar :D
 
OK a thought just struck me, and it's really pretty abstract. I'll try to articulate myself as best as I can.

It's true that you may feel that you're alone, and things seem really banal.

However, my take on this issue that its really as banal as things are. The individual can light his own bulb and sometimes - not exactly a miracle so, to speak - but things can happen.

Several occurances have happened in my life, and if I had not made myself "rise to the occasion", it would have flitted by me.

Sometimes, on the train, or even an innocuous chance occurance meeting in the lift, or even as recently as 3 days back when I was handed a flyer by a lovely lady - I just put on my brightest megawatt smile and after the initial purpose was over, just struck up a random conversation. I normally pop the champagne by giving a compliment, say, the shoes she's wearing, whether we know mutual friends in common, where she came from etc. In the event of the flyer lady, I asked her about the event she was promoting and it led to us adding each other on Facebook the very evening I was home. Several times, I met some really interesting ladies along the way and we developed a serious friendship - a random encounter that yielded a real friendship.

I'm not saying that this is totally restricted to interesting ladies or romantic encounters per se, it could be in other areas of ur life. I'ld strike up a random conversation with anyone if I had the bandwidth to just take things a lil slowly at that very opportune moment. Going by this logic, I've spoken to a few caucasion tourists to my city and there was even this once I ended up (with another friend) spending the evening having drinks and a lengthy conversation with 2 Danish ladies who were here on vacation.

All in all it adds up, the little bits, to have a more pleasant environment around my life. This does not replace other forms of entertainment in a whole - sale package definitely, but it does add the odd gloss and glitter around.

So all in all, what I'm saying is that perhaps, if we flick our internal switch on, sometimes we can be interesting and people will want to know us, rather than us despondently thinking about the banality around us.

Well, but thats me, and my outlook on life. To keep both eyes open for the little surprises that life throws at me. :)
 
1. Hang out at Starbucks or local coffee shops, strike convo's with customers - some very interesting people there.

2. Enroll in some rec/leisure programs @ the local Y

3. Invest in some videogames
 
In my experience, if you do interesting things, people will want to do them with you.

I surf a lot, I camp, I rock climb, and I like to ballroom dance. You can always find people that want to do these things. Usually the type of people that surf and camp and people I would be friends with anyways. If you don't do anything exciting, it's going to be tough.
 
waiwai said:
1. Hang out at Starbucks or local coffee shops, strike convo's with customers - some very interesting people there.
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Yes, one time I was in a Starbucks doing some homework for class and a guy sits down and strikes up a conversation. I thought he was interested in the tech stuff that I was studying but after a bit the guy tried converting me to Christianity. I flattered him for a bit and then left.

OP: I have had the same feelings as you, certainly more recently that I am single and no longer go to Waco (the nearest city to me) on the weekends and so I rarely get to see my friends. However, I decided to get back involved more with my hobby (amateur radio) which I think turned out to be a good move as I am enjoying myself again. So if you have a hobby that can get you to meet new people in the area I should suggest getting back involved with it. Someone suggested meetup.com which is a good site for meeting groups of people with similar interests.
 
dukebound85 said:
How do I get out of this rut?
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I don't know if that's possible. Life ultimately leads to nothing but loss. You meet people, become friends...and they eventually move away to a different city. Family, friends, pets. They leave you. They move away. They die. What's the point of forming any close relationship if that ends up only being a fleeting thing? They're all eventually going to be gone from your life anyway...sometimes suddenly. Why even endure that?

Maybe the best thing would be to just get used to a solitary life. That way, you wouldn't have to deal with the feelings of loss over and over again. I don't know what's the correct answer. Maybe find something that makes you happy which doesn't involve others.
 
dukebound85 said:
...frankly, engineering is not near as glamorous as i would have hoped it would be which doesnt help my mindset either
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Engineer?!? Holy cow, another one? :eek::eek::eek: Sorry, dude, now I know your pain. Even if you do try to engage your co-workers in a social setting outside the office, engineers aren't stereotypically the most social animals. After 15 years in the business I know this well.

But enough clowning around - I might suggest the obvious, i.e. put yourself into situations where (1) interesting people might be, and (2) there are enough "distractions" around worthy of sparking a conversation. Go to a park where people walk their dogs. Visit a car show, or something similar.

It's a lot easier for us to say it than for you to do it, I know that. I remember for the first year or two after I graduated college I didn't know what to do with all this free time I had - at the end of the work day, I just went home, and since there was no homework, I got into a rut of boredom. And I know from experience it's hard to climb your way out of it. Hang in there.

But as many others have supposed, I hope the real root of the issue isn't homesickness. I've never felt much of an attachment to "home," so I can't say what it feels like - but I imagine it's hard to overcome. I do wish you luck.

P.S. Antares, I'm a bit worried for you, is everything okay?
 
Antares said:
I don't know if that's possible. Life ultimately leads to nothing but loss. You meet people, become friends...and they eventually move away to a different city. Family, friends, pets. They leave you. They move away. They die. What's the point of forming any close relationship if that ends up only being a fleeting thing? They're all eventually going to be gone from your life anyway...sometimes suddenly. Why even endure that?

Maybe the best thing would be to just get used to a solitary life. That way, you wouldn't have to deal with the feelings of loss over and over again. I don't know what's the correct answer. Maybe find something that makes you happy which doesn't involve others.
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You've got to be kidding me. We are only on this earth for so long, so you better make the best of your experiences. Are you going to want to die one day, thinking "Wow, I've made no impact on anyones life. I know nobody, have no friends, because they're all useless"...?

I hope not.

I am an engineer as well, but I am very social. Put me in just about any social setting and I can make friends.

You've just got to be confident with people. If you portray confidence, people like that. They are more comfortable around you.

Make decisions with certainty when you're in a group or trying to decide to do something. Don't say "Wellll, we could go to X, but what do you think?" Instead, say "Let's go do X".

We've only got one shot at life. It makes me sad when I see peopel that are afraid of social interaction, rejection, etc. Who cares? If someone rejects you, at least you know.
 
Antares said:
I don't know if that's possible. Life ultimately leads to nothing but loss. You meet people, become friends...and they eventually move away to a different city. Family, friends, pets. They leave you. They move away. They die. What's the point of forming any close relationship if that ends up only being a fleeting thing? They're all eventually going to be gone from your life anyway...sometimes suddenly. Why even endure that?

Maybe the best thing would be to just get used to a solitary life. That way, you wouldn't have to deal with the feelings of loss over and over again. I don't know what's the correct answer. Maybe find something that makes you happy which doesn't involve others.
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Great attitude. You must be entertaining at parties.


P.S. FNC rots your brain.
 
dukebound85 said:
How do I get out of this rut?
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Get out as much as possible and start building an offline life. I'll add another vote for volunteering..You not only help others,but you'll feel good doing so. And you will meet a lot of people. Whatever hobbies or activities that you enjoy,find out if there are any clubs or groups in your area for them (ie biking,photography,music etc). Join a gym or the local YMCA,get involved in sports..You also might want to look into martial arts.
Keep swinging..It isn't easy,but eventually you'll get a hit...

Antares said:
I don't know if that's possible. Life ultimately leads to nothing but loss. You meet people, become friends...and they eventually move away to a different city. Family, friends, pets. They leave you. They move away. They die. What's the point of forming any close relationship if that ends up only being a fleeting thing? They're all eventually going to be gone from your life anyway...sometimes suddenly. Why even endure that?

Maybe the best thing would be to just get used to a solitary life. That way, you wouldn't have to deal with the feelings of loss over and over again. I don't know what's the correct answer. Maybe find something that makes you happy which doesn't involve others.
Click to expand...


I was feeling great,but after reading that I'm going to drive my car full speed into a bridge abutment. Don't ever volunteer for a suicide prevention hotline...
 
Upstate NY is about to quite literally blossom into a beautiful place. Grab a camera, hop on your bike, and start exploring. Have a great time. You'll meet people.
 
Aww, Dukey Dukey! :(

Just a few suggestions:

  • Join some sports related team: whether it be biking related or otherwise
  • Join a gym - you'll meet people there for sure
  • You say your work mates are close to your parents age, does that mean they could have sons/daughters similar to your age?
  • Make a habit of maybe going for lunch on a Saturday afternoon in a cafe or a particular area, you'll get to know people that way, regulars and people who frequent or work in the cafe/area
  • I'm not sure how far away 'home' is, but take turns to go home one weekend, and bring your brothers or friends down to your place the next weekend - and go out! You'll make friends easier in a group, friends you can carry on with then your 'home' friends aren't around
  • Join a Social Networking site - for friendship or even dating. It gets you out of the house, right?

Out of curiosity, I know you're straight, but just how cute are you? (I hate you Lee :p)

Good luck. Don't be shy to meet people, I'm not saying this from a self-help book point of view, but I've always been popular and enjoy being in the thick of social events - its just weird starting out sometimes.
 
You want fun? Challenge my brute!!!111 I will winn!!1 U cant beat me I have a dog and spear!!1 LOl llOl :D :D

Okay seriously...

I would encourage you to take up something in the outdoors - geocaching has been mentioned; That's a good idea. Try other outdoor stuff as well - biking, etc. You'll need to come to terms with your own company as well as make some new friends. Sign up for dance class at a local dance academy; do something physical.
 
I also live in upstate. Where about do you live? What do you like to do for fun maybe I can suggest some places to go.
 
It sounds like your rut is not just social in nature, but as you mention a lack of motivation. Remember the old Nike slogan, "Just Do It." Use the web and seek out things in your area that match up with your interests. The library, museums, sporting events, outdoor activities, art, theatre, etc. See if there are any group activities associated with your particular interests and go for it.

You mention your shy. Don't be afraid to play the "I'm new in town card." Don't be creepy or anything, but when in a social setting ask someone to tell you about the area or show you something. "Hey nice bike... I'm new in town are there any other really good trails to ride around here...? If your genuine, people will respond to you.

Okay volunteer work has been mentioned by several people, so let's get a little more specific. Habitat for Humanity is a program that builds houses for those in need. It's a group activity where you could meet a lot of other people. You could become a Big Brother with the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program and spend some time doing something fun with someone who needs a mentor. Your profile says you like things like basketball, snowboarding, working on your car etc. There are tons of things you could do with a little brother, bike rides, car shows, b-ball at the park, video arcade, movies, etc. If you do it in a public place you will meet other people while your there and maybe make more friends. The YMCA and Boys & Girls Club are always looking for volunteer coaches or something like that. And c'mon, ladies love a guy with a big heart who gives back to his community, so that won't hurt either. ;)

For Antares: I like your "glass is half full" style. You keep looking on the bright side of life my friend and don't give up on the antidepressants. :)
 
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