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I hate to ask this here, but it's like the only online community I know...

Next step??

I'm a music major and had a performance tonight. She was already planning on coming because you can write reviews on campus concerts for extra credit in the music class we are both in, she didn't know I was in it until last night.

Even if she wasn't there just because I was in it (maybe she was) I really enjoyed her presence. We didn't sit together (before and after I played) because I was with my family, but I glanced over her way after I played and she seemed impressed. At one point I caught her glancing my way, and I kinda looked back and nodded, but she didn't really smile, just kinda turned away :confused:

Afterwards I went over to her to say hi. Said I did real good, looked me in the eye a little at times as I walked her out. We were walking pretty close. e as I walked her out, but she seemed kinda quiet and in a hurry. Told me she'd see me in the morning (class). OK, right after I wrote that she IM'd me: told me again I did a great job and she's sorry she ran out, she had to catch someone to give him something. Says she felt bad she was running out. I really didn't feel she really ran that much, just had a hunch.. But perhaps this means she really did want to stick around a bit.

I'm not sure what to do next, definately want to ask her for a second date, but I want it to be special and well planned. Should I call her? Or should I keep phone/IM conversation breif? Take advantage of the times I see her in person instead...

You people rock :D
 
I'd say call her just to chat.

Again dont try to structure and plan another date - find out what she wants to do and do that. Does she have a regatta or races coming up?

One thing for sure you have found is that she has an active circle of friends, including guys, that she has committments to, so you can't expect her to drop things for you at a moments notice. See if you'd be welcome at some of her activities.
 
CanadaRAM said:
I'd say call her just to chat.

Again dont try to structure and plan another date - find out what she wants to do and do that. Does she have a regatta or races coming up?

One thing for sure you have found is that she has an active circle of friends, including guys, that she has committments to, so you can't expect her to drop things for you at a moments notice. See if you'd be welcome at some of her activities.
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So your saying talk to her casually and come up with a date sorta as a joint effort? Not like asking her for the first date??

Definately has a lot of freinds that she certainly hangs out with a lot. And yes, some of them are guys, but its nothing I have to worry about. She's just one of those girls that has a lot of freinds. I can accept that. She treats me different. I'm not sure, but it doesn't seem like she's been on a ton of dates either.
 
crazydreaming said:
She treats me different.
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Dude, I totally know how you feel. I've been stuck by one-itis more than once in my life (even recently - MR has a record of that one... :p). But let me tell you one thing... You will ALWAYS think she's treating you "different"... She hugs you longer, she seems more open to chatting with you, etc. Sure, it seems that way, and yeah it's damn convincing, but it's all in your head, friend.

Forget the mind games and just ask her out. Yeah I know it's hard to forget the mind games - ****, after two dates with *that* girl, I still have to fend off the mind games my mind tries to play. But just go and ask her out. For the first date, keep it simple and fast. You know of a cool coffee place? (yeah, even a Starbucks will do - if it's in a cool place, or has an unique feature - for example, the starbucks around here has a second floor that's purely for hanging out and chatting, that's a perfect place - I wished I knew about that one when I asked the girl out for the first time, oh well). A cool little but cheap restaurant? Something different, but still easy and fast. Your purpose for that date is to chat with her and get to know her better. And you can take it from there.

Don't expect to get an definite answer after the first date though - I still don't get mine even after two dates. Personally, I'd give the girl 2-4 dates (depending) to give you the answer. If it's still indefinite, just mark her off into the "friend zone".
 
Raven VII said:
Dude, I totally know how you feel. I've been stuck by one-itis more than once in my life (even recently - MR has a record of that one... :p). But let me tell you one thing... You will ALWAYS think she's treating you "different"... She hugs you longer, she seems more open to chatting with you, etc. Sure, it seems that way, and yeah it's damn convincing, but it's all in your head, friend.
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I've only seen her around one other guy. They live in the same building and I know it's nothing more than good freinds. I've just heard about all her other freinds pretty much and same type of thing; just people that are in her building she hangs out with... Most of the time she talks about her girlfreinds and does almost everything with them.

Raven VII said:
Forget the mind games and just ask her out. Yeah I know it's hard to forget the mind games - ****, after two dates with *that* girl, I still have to fend off the mind games my mind tries to play. But just go and ask her out. For the first date, keep it simple and fast. You know of a cool coffee place? (yeah, even a Starbucks will do - if it's in a cool place, or has an unique feature - for example, the starbucks around here has a second floor that's purely for hanging out and chatting, that's a perfect place - I wished I knew about that one when I asked the girl out for the first time, oh well). A cool little but cheap restaurant? Something different, but still easy and fast. Your purpose for that date is to chat with her and get to know her better. And you can take it from there.

Don't expect to get an definite answer after the first date though - I still don't get mine even after two dates. Personally, I'd give the girl 2-4 dates (depending) to give you the answer. If it's still indefinite, just mark her off into the "friend zone".
Click to expand...

Good advice. I'm just not sure if you knew I already had asked her out and went.
 
crazydreaming said:
So your saying talk to her casually and come up with a date sorta as a joint effort? Not like asking her for the first date??
Click to expand...

Yeah - she knows you're interested, you know she's interested. Talk to her caually for a while. I wouldn't be surprised if you call her and she suggests the 2nd date. But take your cues from her. She'll tell you how to make her happy, if you listen.

crazydreaming said:
Definately has a lot of freinds that she certainly hangs out with a lot. And yes, some of them are guys, but its nothing I have to worry about. She's just one of those girls that has a lot of freinds. I can accept that. She treats me different. I'm not sure, but it doesn't seem like she's been on a ton of dates either.
Click to expand...

All the more reason to make it easy by not pushing too hard too fast. Stay interested, call her, let her know by your example that you like her company and want to spend more time with her. Don't have to plan it like a military manouver though. Ask her what she'd like to do together.
 
What are you looking for? Love? A good squack? Capricorn's tend to love fish, and she IS a Pisces...
You need to decide now. I hate to seem harsh, but suggestions from folks my age tend to be ignored by the young (sometimes at great peril no matter the wealth of experience), but I will say it anyway:
Looking for love: be yourself, don't try to invent something. You may find a short term relationship, but since the trust thing wasn't right out front, it's doomed to failure and heartache.
Looking for a good squack? Lie away, and I will pray for your soul.
And oh, you're in COLLEGE!?!? My 12 year old daughter asks questions like that. Grow up.
(I said I was harsh)
 
I recommend having some date options thought out before-hand. Sure, you can try to feel out whatever she wants to do, but in the very likely event that she doesn't know what to do, then you can provide options.

And don't worry about other guys. She may or may not be seeing other people. In no way should that deter you from going for it. Unless she specifically tells you that she can't see you because she's in a committed relationship, which she has not said, so don't worry.

And I disagree with an above post from someone else where they recommend trying to hang with her and her friends. Sure, that sounds nice, but does not make a date. That's best left for when your situation is a little clearer.
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lacero
if she likes you, she'll let you know by laughing at your patheticly lame jokes

bemylover said:
exactly. that's the way to know how are things going.
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Good advice! But what then ? She laughs, you know it's going well.... Now enjoy it and relax. Have a good time.
 
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