I have learned a trick today about rejection.

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by rei101, Mar 16, 2015.

  1. rei101 macrumors 6502a

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    Dec 24, 2011
    #1
    I was at this seminar and we were talking about accepting NO as an answer.

    We usually do not do things because we do not like to feel rejected. So the facilitator told us a story... he used to have berries in his yard, he grow them, took care of them for six months until they were big and perfect. And he had a visitor so he took the best berries he had and place them on a plate and when his guest came he offered the berries and the guest said: no.

    So... turn to your partner and offer him/her berries and partner just say NO. Do it for 2 minutes.

    So we started to offer berries to our partners and the answer was always NO. I did it so many times that I got immune to the NO.

    After the exercise we felt so good. I may try the results in a club this weekend. I do not acre if the girl say no, I'll go to the next.
     
  2. mobilehaathi macrumors G3

    mobilehaathi

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  3. dec. Suspended

    dec.

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    #3
    I think saying "no" to a seminar is the first step.
     
  4. roadbloc macrumors G3

    roadbloc

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    #4
    That sounds like the most colossal waste of time ever.
     
  5. charlesbronsen macrumors 6502a

    charlesbronsen

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  6. Huntn macrumors G5

    Huntn

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    #6
    Is this real? If I understand you correctly, I see a problem in that, this is drill, the partner has been told to say "no", you know this is an artificial situation, so I don't see what this accomplishes. And in real life if someone says "no" it will depend greatly on what you are offering, and depending on what you are offering, will effect how you feel about it. And rejection in business is not just about accepting no, but how to get the other party to say yes. In addition, socially, depending on you, your personality, and appearance,, you may have to change tactics than just (I presume) ask them to dance. You may have to learn how to strike up a conversation with strangers and get them interested in you which in a club can be a challenge if you are a hunchback... ;)
     
  7. Scepticalscribe Contributor

    Scepticalscribe

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    #7
    There is no 'trick about [accepting] rejection'.

    Instead, as Huntn says, context is everything.

    If this rejection takes place in a personal context, refusing to accept this is not just bad manners, but a refusal to accept that they have the right to refuse you and reject you, that they have the right to turn you down. Any refusal on your part to accept their rejection is simply saying that your right to that person's time, attention and company over-rides their right to reject this.

    There is - or ought to be - no trick to accepting that another person has the same basic civil, and human rights as a human being that you insist on the right to exercise for yourself.

    Professionally, the task may be slightly different. However, again, context matters. Is the rejection a rejection of you (as in a job application), a rejection of your position (as in negotiation - which may mean that there may be room for manoeuvre), or a rejection of your product (sales, which could be product or price or demand based…..or a failure of marketing). Again, context is everything, when thinking about something like this.

     
  8. philosopherdog macrumors 6502a

    philosopherdog

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    #8
    This is called rejection or exposure therapy and was developed into a full blown thing by the late Albert Ellis. It's a serious part of CBT these days. There's a funny app that does this called failure games where you have to do embarrassing things and post evidence to the whole community. Failure Games by AppSumo
    https://appsto.re/ca/7p8XQ.i
     
  9. fitshaced macrumors 68000

    fitshaced

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    #9
    What's next weeks lesson? How to stop pulling girls hair?
     
  10. D.T. macrumors 603

    D.T.

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    #10
    Is seminar code for group therapy at the institution ... ?
     
  11. sjinsjca macrumors 68000

    sjinsjca

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    #11
    If the seminar didn't teach you how to handle rejection, this thread should do.
     
  12. heehee macrumors 68020

    heehee

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  13. D.T. macrumors 603

    D.T.

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    #13
    Now I have to start a thread about cleaning coffee off my keyboard :D
     
  14. mobilehaathi macrumors G3

    mobilehaathi

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    #15
    As far as I was giving OP some flak in my first post, I genuinely want to know how offering women berries at a club works out for OP.

    Do report back! Also please note what kind of berries you used, and if you saw better results with raspberries versus gooseberries.
     
  15. tayluftwaffel macrumors member

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    #16
    Wow, sounds like quite a fun lecture. What course is it for?
     
  16. chown33 macrumors 604

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    #17
    There's a seminar for that.

    Or soon will be.
     
  17. D.T. macrumors 603

    D.T.

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    #18
    They could combine them!

    "Clean off your keyboard"
    "No!"

    "Really, clean off your keyboard"
    "No!"

    "I'm serious, clean off your keyboard now!"
    "No!"
     
  18. impulse462 Suspended

    impulse462

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  19. Scepticalscribe Contributor

    Scepticalscribe

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    #20
    Well, in the circumstances, I rather think that our friend mobilehaathi put it well when he wrote:


     
  20. Jessica Lares, Mar 17, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2015

    Jessica Lares macrumors G3

    Jessica Lares

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    #21
    I have learned a trick today about rejection.

    The whole point is that we are all emotionally involved with the word, "NO". It provokes anger, fear, rejection, offense, lack of confidence, among other things in the various context it's used in. The exercise is done in the way it is so that the word just becomes as friendly as a "No, thank you though," and nothing more.
     
  21. A.Goldberg macrumors 68000

    A.Goldberg

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    Boston
    #22
    If you enjoyed this, you should trying laughing yoga. They teach it at the psych hospital I work at.

    Haven't we all had to deal with people saying "no" to us? I have. Rejection is part of life. I guess if you need this exercise to help you cope with being rejected, I'm glad you happened to stumble across it.
     
  22. fitshaced macrumors 68000

    fitshaced

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    #23
    Do these berries smell like chloroform?

    No...... Zzzzzzzzzzz
     
  23. MarkCollette macrumors 68000

    MarkCollette

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    #24
    I applaud people who realise they have a problem, and work to overcome it.

    I don't applaud witty cynicism intended to cut them down.

    Saying that someone should already be able to do something, without work, isn't useful. They can't, so they're fixing that right now. Like you possible already did. Or maybe you never did, and you just say words like should, that don't help anyone.
     
  24. rei101 thread starter macrumors 6502a

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    Dec 24, 2011
    #25
    The NO exercise was just that, it was just a little practice of the seminar. The berries was just an story, the point was to be ok when someone saying NO to you. To show that is not personal, is just a word and it shouldn't stop you for doing things in life like if you work on sales, or go to meet people and so on.
     

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