Sidebar Sidebar
Become a MacRumors Supporter for $50/year with no ads, ability to filter front page stories, and private forums.

I have too much free time and no social life.

Arrange a party with your work friends. Best way to get to know people outside of work. Things will happen at the party, and they'll be talked about for weeks (if the party was good enough!). You'll probably realise you've got more in common with your work friends than you realise.
 
wirawee said:
So much here... First off, how amazing is it that you have a best friend like that? Not everyone does. But then how rotten that you guys are so far apart! In all seriousness, have you thought of moving closer? That might really make a difference for you.

It's probably just a fact that you won't be able to make another friend that can take the place of your best friend in your social life, at least not right away. And I can imagine that engaging in social interactions that might seem trivial by comparison isn't all that motivating.

Regarding your mental block, it's hard to say without knowing you, but could it be anger, resentment and abandonment that you haven't found a way to express? In our culture, we don't really sanction this kind of grief around the loss of a friend (or a major change in circumstances, as is the case with you). But if it's real, it's real. Just a thought...
Click to expand...
I think you might be onto something about my friend, and yes, I'm VERY lucky to have him. We've got a really great and rare type of friendship. About the mental block, it could be any of those things. I'm considering seeing a therapist now. I've seen one in the past but don't feel that she helped much, she didn't get very deep into my head. This therapist i'm considering, I saw him on the Bill Cunningham Show, he seemed very insightful with the show's guests and i know the show films in NY. He actually contributes to a lot of shows and is on tv regularly. So i looked him up and he has his office right here in NJ where i live. A little bit of a drive but might be worth it.
 
likemyorbs said:
This therapist i'm considering, I saw him on the Bill Cunningham Show, he seemed very insightful with the show's guests and i know the show films in NY.
Click to expand...

Sometimes television therapists strike me as being more interested in self-promotion and personal branding than actually understanding people.

But I haven't seen the person you are talking about and I hope he can show you the compassion you deserve and act with integrity.
 
Man, I used to be in the same situation. I would never hang out with anyone and I never put any effort towards doing it. This past summer I actually reached out to people and I had a fun time hanging out with people and attended a couple parties. I also attended the gym more often to play basketball. I met a couple great friends and we play all the time. I actually just hung out with them today to play. I also started to going to weekly car meets and have fun there. Reach out a bit and just get comfortable and you will be fine.
 
See World of Warcraft or soon to be Star Wars The Old Republic.

Just ask people if they want to grab some food after school or work - ask if they want to do anything during the weekend. It might be easy since you're comfortable there.
 
hotgrease said:
See World of Warcraft or soon to be Star Wars The Old Republic.

Just ask people if they want to grab some food after school or work - ask if they want to do anything during the weekend. It might be easy since you're comfortable there.
Click to expand...

Why would you assume that? I've never played WoW in my life, and i despise star wars movies.
 
When I first moved here, I had really good experiences using http://www.meetup.com to meet people and find stuff to do socially. I made a number of good friends with whom I'm still very close. It can't provide you the willpower to socialize, but it can lower the barrier by finding you people interested in doing stuff you like, and also putting you in connection with people who are willing to do the planning and legwork.
 
mkrishnan said:
When I first moved here, I had really good experiences using http://www.meetup.com to meet people and find stuff to do socially. I made a number of good friends with whom I'm still very close. It can't provide you the willpower to socialize, but it can lower the barrier by finding you people interested in doing stuff you like, and also putting you in connection with people who are willing to do the planning and legwork.
Click to expand...

That's a really cool site! My town is kind of small and out of the way so all the events are a bit of a drive, but maybe i can start one of my own.
 
I'm almost in the same boat...except for the best friend thing. I don't have a true best friend. I hate/can't go to parties, I'm anti social, and I rather go to a bar alone and drink...

...I have a job that I just started at, but I don't know how long I can withstand working there. I am seeing this one girl right now, but I don't think she shares the same feelings as I have, which sucks. I feel like I can't meet anyone around Philly. I don't like going to parties that have a lot of people. I'd rather find a couple friends and make a dinner and we all just sit around a table and eat and talk...But even that I can't do because all of my "friends" either don't have time, or don't want to do that...

I want the same exact thing as you. A true best friend and a girlfriend. I want a girlfriend that I can share feelings with, and just spend time with. I've never had a girlfriend before so I want to find someone who is okay with me being new to certain situations. I think I found the girl I love, and that's who I'm "seeing" now. We first went to a concert in March to the Band Of Horses show, and I completely fell in love with her. I wanted to go see other shows with her but she had class. I just saw her last night. She works at a hockey rink and she score keeps for the adult league from 10-midnight, and I kept her company in the score keeping box. I just don't know how I can tell her how I feel without the fear of her not talking to me ever again...

All I really want is to be happy. I'm thinking about moving far away. Like from Philly to San Fran or somewhere on the west coast. I want to start fresh. Find new people become friends with...

Sorry for this being all over the place and having no flow. This was literally all from the top of my head and is whats on my mind. I couldn't really make it make sense.

I hope you understand man. Good luck to ya.
 
Play WOW and join a guild then show your mom all your new friends!!

Don't be alarmed I'm an introvert in my private life and an extrovert at work and I can't explain why I'm like that just our personalities I guess.
 
I relate to the thread starter.

Maybe try new things that require you to be alone. I love to write for example, and my lack of friends has certainly helped me write more :D

I guess what I'm saying is, don't worry too much about it. In life we are all alone, really. Sure other people can be fun and nice and sexy and all that, but at the end of the day it's you, your thoughts and the life of the mind.
 
I feel that I share some things with the thread starter too, and I'm 58. When my ex and I separated a couple of years ago I tried hard to socialize by going to parties, dances, meetups, etc, but it just didn't take. I have been a loner all of my life and it does get frustrating and lonely. I just remarried and have an extremely wonderful wife and family, but I feel like I need to develop interests outside so that I am not such a burden on them all of the time (they can't be my whole life and it is not fair to them to expect that). At least the thread starter has a best friend; I never did and don't know how to go about it (the old saying "to have friends you must show yourself friendly" is all hollow if you don't know how to "show yourself friendly"). So no I don't have any advice except to say get started now and don't wait until you are my age.
 
likemyorbs said:
I have a problem that is the exact opposite of what glocke12 has. I have PLENTY of free time, but barely any social life. My mom just bitched me out about it, because she's a social butterfly who goes out any chance she can. I feel like i'm a bit anti-social. I work at a gym and go to community college. But here's the crazy thing, when i'm actually at work or at school i'm very social, i talk to everyone and i would say i'm pretty well liked by most people who meet me. When it comes to going out with these people outside of school or work, i just don't put forth the effort. So basically i have no one to go out to dinner or a movie with ever. My best friend lives in long island and i live in NJ, about 1.5 hours away and he lives with his gf, so i see him twice a month at most. Another problem this situation is creating for me is that i can't get a girlfriend this way. I'm a friendly and good looking (so i'm told) kid, but i don't let myself out of my bedroom. Here i am, 5:35 on a saturday, my mom just went out, and i'm home alone laying in bed with my dog typing this. Story of my life. What's wrong with me? Do you guys have any suggestions for me?
Click to expand...

Yes, I do.

Please refrain from posting in the PRSI forums.

Also, try hitting up the clubs and drink a couple of beers to relax yourself, you seem tense, all that testosterone built up just sitting there doing nothing in your room isn't healthy.

Anyways, drink a couple of beers and approach a good looking girl and make small talk and ask her to dance with you. It'll serve as a first experience.

Hopefully you'll post back healthy results within a couple of weeks
 
Pink∆Floyd;13929923 said:
Yes, I do.
Please refrain from posting in the PRSI forums.
Click to expand...

You do seem to have an unhealthy fixation with likemyorbs Are you spreading disease like, or parasitically. Perhaps you could accept some of your own poorly phrased advice and go urinate in your own sandpit for awhile.
KGB:mad:
 
Pink∆Floyd;13929923 said:
Yes, I do.

Please refrain from posting in the PRSI forums.

Also, try hitting up the clubs and drink a couple of beers to relax yourself, you seem tense, all that testosterone built up just sitting there doing nothing in your room isn't healthy.

Anyways, drink a couple of beers and approach a good looking girl and make small talk and ask her to dance with you. It'll serve as a first experience.

Hopefully you'll post back healthy results within a couple of weeks
Click to expand...

Says the guy posting on an internet forum in the middle of the night.

Pot meet Kettle.
 
Make the initiative to interact with those you hang out with during school/work. If you're bored and want to avoid your boredom, why not ask them to hang out with you? These are pretty simple stuff...if you know you have nothing to do on a Saturday night, ask your acquaintances what they will be doing beforehand. Another suggestion I would like to add is find an event and ask them to join you. You have to take the initiative in order to have a social life...otherwise you'll be bored every Saturday for the rest of your life :eek:
 
Same exact situation as you, OP. I think we are the same age too. I feel like I could have typed your original post, except for the mom going out part (though she does bug me often as to why I'm not doing anything). I'm not quite sure what to do either, I've been going out a little bit more as of lately, but most of the time it's just not that fun for me. I'd rather have a girlfriend that I do stuff with all the time rather than a bunch of friends. Ever since me and my girlfriend broke up a couple of months ago I've had to pretty much force myself to go do stuff with other people.
 
It might be that participating forums and online social platforms about these things are false-socializing activities and you might satisfy your social needs here. When you start going out again you probably will get it rolling again in a short time.

Although internet is a good place for social interactions, it might replace the real thing. People must be warned about this because i see this in many people.
 
mkrishnan said:
When I first moved here, I had really good experiences using http://www.meetup.com to meet people and find stuff to do socially. I made a number of good friends with whom I'm still very close. It can't provide you the willpower to socialize, but it can lower the barrier by finding you people interested in doing stuff you like, and also putting you in connection with people who are willing to do the planning and legwork.
Click to expand...
Hey thanks for that! I just did some poking around and wound up siging up and joining a really interesting meetup group. Awesome.
 
Check out the honor/community service society at your community college. You'll be with a group of people who are working towards common goals, which is a great first step to finding new friends.

Or how about picking up a new hobby? Take an art class, join a knitting circle, attend a book club.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Register on MacRumors! This sidebar will go away, and you'll see fewer ads.
Top Bottom
Back