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I just don't get women
- Thread starter floyde
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Thanks
Don't worry, I've been listening to all the advice I've been given. I can tell if someone is right by how much it hurts when I read their posts
.Anyway, I haven't called her, she hasn't contacted me either. I don't want her to be mad at me, but I also don't feel that there's a reason why I should apologize. I just hope that she'll come to her senses.
Hey man, I was in the same situation as you, I would feel hurt just looking at her screen name and seeing that she wasn't talking to me, I felt like she kept breaking my heart over and over again, and yet I kept being there for her and helping her out. Eventually I just lost the will tried to cut the relationship off, I wasn't willing to do all this **** for her and get nothing in return, it was like a one sided friendship even though it seemed like so much more. It seemed to one sided because she was going out with other guys (guys that were bad for her, you know typical bad asses) when I was in love with her. Anyway My advice is to try to just end the relationship, you don't need what, you're not being a jerk, something that won't be is just clouding things up. My advice is to tell her how you feel it will feel good to get it out and if she can accept that and it goes well than your good-ish, or just cut the relationship off it's not going to do any good for you feeling like that, I know it didn't do any good for me, now that I'm through that point in my life I got a good girlfriend who loves me with genuine love and it's great, the sooner fix it or get it over with the sooner you can better yourself and move on with your life =/ My post is probably clouded with my own experiences so pick what you can out of it and reply to tell me if I'm perceiving anything you said wrong so I can better my response.
(P.S. In response to your friendzone thread, I also met her when she was in a crappy relationship with a guy but I helped her out being the nice guy that I am and the relationship got good, now she doesn't care much for me except for being a... friend, I'm pretty much done with her, just used me up, I wanted her, but I'm not enough of a badass or a** to her for her to want to date me, weird how this stuff works isn't it?)
(P.S. In response to your friendzone thread, I also met her when she was in a crappy relationship with a guy but I helped her out being the nice guy that I am and the relationship got good, now she doesn't care much for me except for being a... friend, I'm pretty much done with her, just used me up, I wanted her, but I'm not enough of a badass or a** to her for her to want to date me, weird how this stuff works isn't it?)
Don't worry, I've been listening to all the advice I've been given. I can tell if someone is right by how much it hurts when I read their posts
Aww dang. Nobody's meaning to make you hurt.
Reminds me of a quote. "The hard thing to do, and the right thing to do, are often the same thing."
Don't worry, I've been listening to all the advice I've been given. I can tell if someone is right by how much it hurts when I read their posts
Anyway, I haven't called her, she hasn't contacted me either. I don't want her to be mad at me, but I also don't feel that there's a reason why I should apologize. I just hope that she'll come to her senses.
you just need a clean break, for a month or more or for however long. just let her go and do her thing, and you need to move on and do your own thing.
i know its easier said than done, but i've been there, and i'm sure pretty much everyone has been there at some point to be honest.
you have nothing to apologize for, and if she can't be rational and see that you need your own personal space, she isn't even a good friend.
take a breather. go for a walk. go out with your other friends. write, draw, read, create in any form that works for you. finding a way to express yourself through art is very relaxing and mind-clearing exercise.
It gets even worse
So I talked to her today. I wanted to know if she was still going to a wedding I invited her. Somehow the conversation led to her saying "I thought you took me to the therapist because you wanted to help me, not because you had feelings for me. But anyway, I guess nothing is what it seems". And then I told her if we could talk this over the phone and she just said "well I have to go, goodbye" and she left.
I did try to help her, I swear. My main motivation was to relieve the uncertainty. I thought that if she got better she wouldn't be sending mixed signals anymore and I would know how she truly felt about me (wether that was good or bad news for me).
I had previously decided that I was in no condition to be her friend and that I had to leave her completely. But I thought that her treatment was a way for me to keep being her friend without getting hurt anymore, and perhaps finding out once and for all (not through the therapist, obviously, but by her telling me when she got better) if she had feelings for me or not.
In other words, I thought that the only way we could remain friends was if she got treatment and as a consequence of that she wouldn't hurt me anymore. I also did it because I didn't want to leave her alone while she was going through depression, I felt I was the only person she had.
I was of course wrong about all that, but that was the way I saw it. Anyway, even with the logistic problems (the therapist lives in my hometown which is about half an hour away from the city were me and my friend live) I wanted her to continue therapy (previous conflicts of interest would be gone since I'm no longer pursuing her romantically), and I hadn't denied that help to her. I didn't deny that help even though it would make it much harder for me to progress. And now she tries to make me feel bad about it
I've suffered immensely over this and now I'm the bad guy? Please tell me she's playing me again I can't bear that thought
p.s. please forgive the awful grammar, I´m in a hurry
So I talked to her today. I wanted to know if she was still going to a wedding I invited her. Somehow the conversation led to her saying "I thought you took me to the therapist because you wanted to help me, not because you had feelings for me. But anyway, I guess nothing is what it seems". And then I told her if we could talk this over the phone and she just said "well I have to go, goodbye" and she left.
I did try to help her, I swear
. My main motivation was to relieve the uncertainty. I thought that if she got better she wouldn't be sending mixed signals anymore and I would know how she truly felt about me (wether that was good or bad news for me). I had previously decided that I was in no condition to be her friend and that I had to leave her completely. But I thought that her treatment was a way for me to keep being her friend without getting hurt anymore, and perhaps finding out once and for all (not through the therapist, obviously, but by her telling me when she got better) if she had feelings for me or not.
In other words, I thought that the only way we could remain friends was if she got treatment and as a consequence of that she wouldn't hurt me anymore. I also did it because I didn't want to leave her alone while she was going through depression, I felt I was the only person she had.
I was of course wrong about all that, but that was the way I saw it. Anyway, even with the logistic problems (the therapist lives in my hometown which is about half an hour away from the city were me and my friend live) I wanted her to continue therapy (previous conflicts of interest would be gone since I'm no longer pursuing her romantically), and I hadn't denied that help to her. I didn't deny that help even though it would make it much harder for me to progress. And now she tries to make me feel bad about it
I've suffered immensely over this and now I'm the bad guy? Please tell me she's playing me again
I can't bear that thoughtp.s. please forgive the awful grammar, I´m in a hurry
She is playing again, playing you like a fiddle.
You need to get out, now. Forget therapy, forget helping her. Help yourself. There's nothing selfish about getting out of a bad situation where someone is taking advantage of you. People have this mixed up idea about how love conquers all, or how you should do anything for love, or how love is all you need. That's not true. You can't truly be happy in a relationship if you don't love yourself first, and if changing who you are or being pushed around is doing "what it takes" for a relationship, you'll never truly be happy.
She's blaming you because you make a convenient scapegoat. It's far easier for her to just load it on you -- because she knows you'll take the abuse -- than to take responsibility for herself. You are not responsible for her, and "fixing" her is not going to make her love you.
Block her on MSN, delete her contact, delete her number from your phone, don't answer when she calls, block her emails, do whatever it takes to just separate yourself from her. Do it clean, do it quick, and it'll hurt a whole lot less than you think. Take the time to put yourself first, figure out what you want, and be confident being the best you you can be.
You need to get out, now. Forget therapy, forget helping her. Help yourself. There's nothing selfish about getting out of a bad situation where someone is taking advantage of you. People have this mixed up idea about how love conquers all, or how you should do anything for love, or how love is all you need. That's not true. You can't truly be happy in a relationship if you don't love yourself first, and if changing who you are or being pushed around is doing "what it takes" for a relationship, you'll never truly be happy.
She's blaming you because you make a convenient scapegoat. It's far easier for her to just load it on you -- because she knows you'll take the abuse -- than to take responsibility for herself. You are not responsible for her, and "fixing" her is not going to make her love you.
Block her on MSN, delete her contact, delete her number from your phone, don't answer when she calls, block her emails, do whatever it takes to just separate yourself from her. Do it clean, do it quick, and it'll hurt a whole lot less than you think. Take the time to put yourself first, figure out what you want, and be confident being the best you you can be.
The End
I just wanted to thank everyone who helped. I had already been given pretty much the same advice from my family and friends, but I needed an unbiased point of view to help me reason.
I don't regret what happened though, there were a lot of good times and the experience I'm left with is very important. It's something that had to happen to me eventually, given the type of person that I am. I know it would've been impossible for someone to warn me about it, you can't possibly understand it unless you have lived it.
It's a bit sad because I did cherish her as a friend, but if we are to be friends ever again, it'll be by her initiative this time. I will put my well-being as a priority for a change.
I just wanted to thank everyone who helped. I had already been given pretty much the same advice from my family and friends, but I needed an unbiased point of view to help me reason.
I don't regret what happened though, there were a lot of good times and the experience I'm left with is very important. It's something that had to happen to me eventually, given the type of person that I am. I know it would've been impossible for someone to warn me about it, you can't possibly understand it unless you have lived it.
It's a bit sad because I did cherish her as a friend, but if we are to be friends ever again, it'll be by her initiative this time. I will put my well-being as a priority for a change.
ONE DAY, you will find that women. You will know instantly. It happens to all who really really fall in love. Met my wife while I was TDY (temporary duty) in Indianapolis. Met at a bar. Saw her three weekends total before we got married. I was 30 she was 22. Went back to Germany. Talked on the phone, wrote letters, flew back to the states and asked her to marry me while we walked on the beach in Daytona one February day -- 6 months after we met.
We have been married 18 years. We both knew from the time we met, the moment we met, we would be married forever. It was the strangest feeling ever.
You will know.
We have been married 18 years. We both knew from the time we met, the moment we met, we would be married forever. It was the strangest feeling ever.
You will know.
One thing people seem to do totally wrong, when trying to go from enamoured to friend, is still being a part of that person's life, in the transition phase. Just take some time, at least one or two months, completely apart from them. No MSN, phone, email, etc. You need that real and actual distance, not this ******** where you're acting "colder", but your whole life still revolves around them.
I'll get right to the point, although there is much I could say about my experiences as they relate to your story.
The fundamental problem here is lack of experience. If you were wiser you'd be able to simply say, "Look here's the deal..." But, you can't. That's okay- you'll get there. I'll give you a major clue though, read on.
Women will make you nuts all your life and for entirely different reasons at different times. When you're a child, they're your teacher, your mommy, the little girl next door.. think back. They drove you bananas. When you're a teen, they make you want to explode all the time. They alter your entire world, changing the way you think, dress, act, plan... They drive you nuts. When you're a 20's something you go through crazy roller coaster flings, sometimes one night, others a month, sometimes years. When you're married they make you nuts on a whole new, never imagined, level.
But one thing will remain constant in all women at all stages of the game.
They're attracted to confidence. This is genetic.
That said, there's a whole lot more to it than that, but remember that concept and you'll be okay. For example, confidence does not mean arrogance or ego, but simply trust in oneself to deal with whatever happens. Weakness doesn't mean being able to share or being vulnerable, but rather not having the strength to stand up rather than sulking when you don't get your way or times are a little rough. They're two sides of the same coin really. Lack of confidence = weakness and vice versa. If you think about it from an evolutionary POV it makes sense. Women want a man that will be a rock for them and whatever children. Along with this, it doesn't hurt to be sensitive to her needs and looking good but not too good helps as well.
So... when they're young they make mistakes. They like the bad boys because the bad boys appear to be making their own rules. They come off as strong. They'd rather be taken for a ride than preached to. Then later they begin to realize that Mr. Right just doesn't exist and they're going to have to make him.
As they experiment with man making they realize that it's easier to mold than chisel, and that it's all about getting good stock to work with. All women love mates they can tinker with, but at the same time can't entirely control. It's like tickling oneself... if they control their mate 100% the pleasure is lost when the mate exerts desire for them... but at the same time they don't want the leash too loose. So the lesson there is, appear malleable but resistant- if you're like me there's no acting involved. But this lesson is for later, it sounds like this girl is still in the "take me for a ride" phase. You played it too soft. She craves your tenderness, but despises your lack of initiative. It may be too late. As I said, what needs to happen is that you put it real simple for her with all the characteristics of being strong, yet humble... "Look, here's how it is... I think I love you for whatever ef'ed up reason and I've been unable to win you over. I know I'm an idiot, but we're all idiots at times. I do know this. I know I don't like feeling like crap over you, so either we get together or I continue to feel like crap. I'm not going to stalk you, so that leaves the road. See ya later [schweet'haat][dollface]." Sorry, the Bogey pic above is stuck in my head.
And that's it man. Don't look back. Leave her with the impression that you were a damn good man, just a little green. Leave her thinking, "God I had it all and I'm letting him walk." By the way it takes time for her to ego to feel the sting. You're no doormat though, by god. You tried. You stood up like a man and layed it all out for her and basically said, "here's my heart.. it it's not good enough for you I'll kindly take it elsewhere, we're still young." Bam.
Win win for you, bro. Either you get your life back or you get the girl. Don't be a candy ass about it. Face the fire, and if it doesn't happen walk away with your pride fully in tact. I promise there's a gazillion more where she came from.. oh yes. You're blinded now, and from the sound of her little MSN tantrum she's a little pissed the blinders are coming off. Stupid people, god help us all.
The fundamental problem here is lack of experience. If you were wiser you'd be able to simply say, "Look here's the deal..." But, you can't. That's okay- you'll get there. I'll give you a major clue though, read on.
Women will make you nuts all your life and for entirely different reasons at different times. When you're a child, they're your teacher, your mommy, the little girl next door.. think back. They drove you bananas. When you're a teen, they make you want to explode all the time. They alter your entire world, changing the way you think, dress, act, plan... They drive you nuts. When you're a 20's something you go through crazy roller coaster flings, sometimes one night, others a month, sometimes years. When you're married they make you nuts on a whole new, never imagined, level.
But one thing will remain constant in all women at all stages of the game.
They're attracted to confidence. This is genetic.
That said, there's a whole lot more to it than that, but remember that concept and you'll be okay. For example, confidence does not mean arrogance or ego, but simply trust in oneself to deal with whatever happens. Weakness doesn't mean being able to share or being vulnerable, but rather not having the strength to stand up rather than sulking when you don't get your way or times are a little rough. They're two sides of the same coin really. Lack of confidence = weakness and vice versa. If you think about it from an evolutionary POV it makes sense. Women want a man that will be a rock for them and whatever children. Along with this, it doesn't hurt to be sensitive to her needs and looking good but not too good helps as well.
So... when they're young they make mistakes. They like the bad boys because the bad boys appear to be making their own rules. They come off as strong. They'd rather be taken for a ride than preached to. Then later they begin to realize that Mr. Right just doesn't exist and they're going to have to make him.
As they experiment with man making they realize that it's easier to mold than chisel, and that it's all about getting good stock to work with. All women love mates they can tinker with, but at the same time can't entirely control. It's like tickling oneself... if they control their mate 100% the pleasure is lost when the mate exerts desire for them... but at the same time they don't want the leash too loose. So the lesson there is, appear malleable but resistant- if you're like me there's no acting involved. But this lesson is for later, it sounds like this girl is still in the "take me for a ride" phase. You played it too soft. She craves your tenderness, but despises your lack of initiative. It may be too late. As I said, what needs to happen is that you put it real simple for her with all the characteristics of being strong, yet humble... "Look, here's how it is... I think I love you for whatever ef'ed up reason and I've been unable to win you over. I know I'm an idiot, but we're all idiots at times. I do know this. I know I don't like feeling like crap over you, so either we get together or I continue to feel like crap. I'm not going to stalk you, so that leaves the road. See ya later [schweet'haat][dollface]." Sorry, the Bogey pic above is stuck in my head.
And that's it man. Don't look back. Leave her with the impression that you were a damn good man, just a little green. Leave her thinking, "God I had it all and I'm letting him walk." By the way it takes time for her to ego to feel the sting. You're no doormat though, by god. You tried. You stood up like a man and layed it all out for her and basically said, "here's my heart.. it it's not good enough for you I'll kindly take it elsewhere, we're still young." Bam.
Win win for you, bro. Either you get your life back or you get the girl. Don't be a candy ass about it. Face the fire, and if it doesn't happen walk away with your pride fully in tact. I promise there's a gazillion more where she came from.. oh yes. You're blinded now, and from the sound of her little MSN tantrum she's a little pissed the blinders are coming off. Stupid people, god help us all.
Thanks, that's a very interesting point of view. That's pretty much what I did. That "I know I don't like feeling like crap over you, so either we get together or I continue to feel like crap. I'm not going to stalk you, so that leaves the road. See ya later [schweet'haat][dollface]." part pretty much sums up what I said to her.
I didn't need to create the impression that I was a damn good man, because I was. Best man she's ever known, most likely the best she'll ever meet. That's what makes no sense to me.
Anyway, the not being a candy ass part is the most difficult for me, but I seem to be doing it right so far. Hopefully I'll remain strong.
Not many men get women, I know I don't. I think that she is upset because she wants to be your friend, she wants you to greet her and she wants you to call her and talk to her. You being distant because you aren't able to deal with the fact that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you and only friends is probably bugging the hell out of her. Perhaps to look at things a different way, maybe she herself is fighting wanting to be more than friends, maybe she is afraid that if you two do get into a romantic relationship that it will end in heartbreak for her. I think you need to come out and be honest with her.
As for the greeting on MSN, I actually have been known to not greet people on messenger to see if they will greet me. Same with not calling someone to see if they will instead call me. I look at it more or less as a test indeed to see if the person actually does want to talk to me. Part of not understanding women is not understanding what they want. I am currently in same situation, going on a month of dating this woman and she is bothered by the fact that when I introduce her to my co-workers they ask if she is my girlfriend (this has happened on two occasions recently, and I don't understand why two people who have been dating and getting rather serious over the last month can't be considered a monogamous couple).
So in your case, you aren't going to figure her out. Stop trying to figure her out and try your hardest to give her what she wants. If you enjoy your friendship with her and she wants the attention give her the attention. Call her, greet her on MSN, go out with her, have a great time.
As for the greeting on MSN, I actually have been known to not greet people on messenger to see if they will greet me. Same with not calling someone to see if they will instead call me. I look at it more or less as a test indeed to see if the person actually does want to talk to me. Part of not understanding women is not understanding what they want. I am currently in same situation, going on a month of dating this woman and she is bothered by the fact that when I introduce her to my co-workers they ask if she is my girlfriend (this has happened on two occasions recently, and I don't understand why two people who have been dating and getting rather serious over the last month can't be considered a monogamous couple).
So in your case, you aren't going to figure her out. Stop trying to figure her out and try your hardest to give her what she wants. If you enjoy your friendship with her and she wants the attention give her the attention. Call her, greet her on MSN, go out with her, have a great time.
Another episode
Crap this sucks... I'm moving on but she keeps making everything more complicated.
I had invited her to a wedding before our split. Being the nice guy that I am, I thought that it would be rude for me to uninvite her. So I tell her that if she wants to go she is still welcome. She said that she wants to go but she has something to do sunday morning and has to be back at her place by 6 a.m. The wedding is at another city which is an hour and a half away from where she lives, she was supposed to stay at my parent's house so that I wouldn't have to drive her all the way back... She wouldn't even say what "something to do" was. I mean come on, who has an appointment/whatever at 7 a.m. on Sunday??
The people getting married are my best friends (i.e. the guy is my best male friend, the girl is my best girl friend) so I can't let them down. The wedding will be over at about 4:30 a.m. and I just can't leave anytime sooner. So I can't leave early and I definitely wont be driving her 1 and a half hours at 4:30 in the morning She is most likely playing again (she probably doesn't have anything to do on sunday morning) but it still angers me that I'm going to end up being the "rude" one on this situation
Dude, no offense, but I think you're a bit off the mark. I've given her a lot more than what she wants. That's the problem. She doesn't want to be my girlfriend, but she wants me to treat her like she is, without giving anything back. She wants my full commitment while retaining her freedom completely. That's just plain wrong, and she needs to learn that the hard way, unfortunately.
Crap this sucks... I'm moving on but she keeps making everything more complicated.
I had invited her to a wedding before our split. Being the nice guy that I am, I thought that it would be rude for me to uninvite her. So I tell her that if she wants to go she is still welcome. She said that she wants to go but she has something to do sunday morning and has to be back at her place by 6 a.m. The wedding is at another city which is an hour and a half away from where she lives
, she was supposed to stay at my parent's house so that I wouldn't have to drive her all the way back... She wouldn't even say what "something to do" was. I mean come on, who has an appointment/whatever at 7 a.m. on Sunday??The people getting married are my best friends (i.e. the guy is my best male friend, the girl is my best girl friend) so I can't let them down. The wedding will be over at about 4:30 a.m. and I just can't leave anytime sooner. So I can't leave early and I definitely wont be driving her 1 and a half hours at 4:30 in the morning
She is most likely playing again (she probably doesn't have anything to do on sunday morning) but it still angers me that I'm going to end up being the "rude" one on this situationDude, no offense, but I think you're a bit off the mark. I've given her a lot more than what she wants. That's the problem. She doesn't want to be my girlfriend, but she wants me to treat her like she is, without giving anything back. She wants my full commitment while retaining her freedom completely. That's just plain wrong, and she needs to learn that the hard way, unfortunately.
Perhaps you are a stronger guy then me, because that is the same situation I am in. I am with someone who refuses to make a commitment wanting to stay free from having a boyfriend yet she wants all the benefits of having me around. I continue to give her what she wants because I enjoy her company and I enjoy being around her, despite the fact that I wish she would make the same commitment that I am making. So you are left with two choices, teaching her "the hard way" that her actions hurt you and risk losing her or continue on your current path.
Well actually, she risks losing me. I enjoy her company as well, and I respect that she's not attracted to me. But even as friends, you can't expect one person to put all the effort while the other just reaps all the benefits. That's just not healthy. If she doesn't feel that she should give anything back for my friendship, then she's clearly not giving it the value it deserves. So she has to learn to respect the value of my friendship, or risk losing me.
Okay so to answer your first question:
No, I don't think you are being a jerk. I think you are being reasonable. I think if you do decide to move on she will probably be hurt and so will you but if that is what you feel is the logical decision to make then I say go for it. I think that you have tried to make things work in some fashion or another and from reading your thread it hasn't played out like you want. Leaving her because she isn't giving back to the relationship you desire doesn't make you a jerk but only a stronger person then some. As for her trying to get your attention, you will never know I suppose. Obviously though she sees something in you if she doesn't want to let you go that easy.
Relationships are so far fetched and generally it seems from my limited experience that there is very little logic and that it is hard to analyze and that is the one reason that I have gone so long until recently before I attempted to get into another relationship. I think the bottom line is you both must be happy and if not someone is wasting their time. So you are not happy and feel that she isn't giving back what you want than leave her, it is that simple, it will hurt indeed for you (obviously) and it will hurt her and I know you don't want that but you have already expressed the idea of "teaching her the hard way" and so I say if you are strong enough for that go for it.
Crap this sucks... I'm moving on but she keeps making everything more complicated.
That does not sound complicated at all. It's logistically infeasible to accommodate her. Don't bring her. Problem solved.
Thanks, that does solve the problem. Just wanted to make sure that she'd be the irrational one if she got upset about me not taking her.
Hell, if you guys weren't having these problems, or even if she was your girlfriend, I still say not to bring her, given the logistics.
Exactly.
She's playing you. "Something to do Sunday" means... "I'm going to make this a huge pain in the ass for you." Why? Spin the bottle, man, it could be for any of 25 reasons. Who cares at this point. Unless its a funeral - and ESPECIALLY considering she didn't tell you why, NOT worth the hassle.
I'm getting pissy about it, and its not even my life. I guess I can relate to being the doormat for a chick I've fallen for. Been there done that. I especially relate to your not wanting to come off as the bad guy, the scorned one, the bitter dude.
Consider if you were somehow to really get her. Here's how this one has played out for me. You do get the girl. You make the sweet sweet love and she's totally digging you, things seem fine- but once the mystery is gone after a few days.. maybe 2 weeks.. you see things for how they really are. You really resent the suffering you undertook, the lowering of yourself, the sacrifice.. the being her little b-tch.. all of it. Then out of the complete blue sky comes an angel; some completely different, completely cool, emotionally available, compatible, and beautiful in a way you hadn't even imagined before angel. And now you're so very much wiser! Now you really know what a high maintenance, emotionally damaged -and now emotionally dependent on you, girl is all about. So this new one is even more spectacular.
And then of course after you dump the original, the new one turns out to be a complete flake and twice as nuts.
Hey- women will never make sense but there's _always_ a reason we chase. We do a lot of things we despise ourselves for. We learn that we're all broken. We learn it's human nature to want what we can't have. We learn we're a little addicted to being played. We learn whether or not it's better to suffer and play the game than not suffer and not play at all. It can make you sick later in life when you add up all the time wasted on chicks you thought were so great, but then you laugh and realize what else would I have been doing, playing video games? Would I have gotten my PhD in Nuclear Physics, or won the nobel prize?
Tell her "-you know what this is a little ef'ing ridiculous, aye?" And then let that sentiment just linger a bit. Let her either wallow in whatever garbage she spews forth or wise up. Put her to the test as the card players say. Most of all though and the point of this exercise is, lighten up. Don't be so serious about all this, anymore. Find the humor in it.