I need help about a girl

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by rei101, May 10, 2013.

  1. rei101 macrumors 6502a

    Dec 24, 2011
    Ok, I am 38 years old, not a kid.

    I met this girl in 2011. It was shocking, she was a waitress, the cutest girl ever, is not only good looking but such tender vibe. She was just a lady when we spoke.

    She had family issues, she was abused as a kid, it seems her father or step father had sex with her when he got drunk and with some friends of him. She is from Cuba and in Cuba families are not the same as we know them. You belong to the government and a girl working as a prostitute (they call it tourism) makes in one night what a regular worker makes in a month, so there are schools for prostitution there.

    So, she escaped Cuba at 21 and she was 25 when I met her in Miami. She didn't say all that up front, she gave me little clues during the relationship, she was very ashamed and she was overwhelmed that I was family oriented and I was showing respect and listening to her instead of just having sex with her and use her as an object.

    She had some panic attacks and stuff when we were getting to know each other during a few months. She was sweet but she had her demons, it was an strange world for me.

    She had a friend, 21, a girl who lived with a security guard of a club, he was 41. She told me "he was like a father figure". I never met him before, things were looking strange but... let me give the benefit of the doubt.

    She moved with me and 3 days later started to party like crazy with this girl, she got lost all of the sudden for 2 days. When she showed up I was ultra upset. We came down and that day she introduced me to this couple, ghetto style. The man lived ina foreclosure apartment, he was huge.

    It seems that "my girl" for being from Cube where everybody is equally ghetto and not by choice, she couldn't distinguish between communism and democratic losers!!!

    To make long story short. After 2 weeks with me she moved with them. I was devastated. Now this securty guard had 2 girls living with him, one that looked like Sandra Bullock but way hotter (my girl) and the 21 years old that looked like Scarlett johansson, in a world of drugs and parties. Non of them with any college studies, just poor immigrants, low income.

    So, I was devastated because I saw the good in her and all her situation got me for surprise, I didn't know how deep the rabbit whole was. This girl was so smart, she knew 4 languages, she was very warm but it was so hard for her to choose, you know, a person with such insecurity and traumas have their mind so scrambled by her past that need someone to chose for her, I didn't know it was that bad, I was expecting her to make a choice but she was not capable. He friends insisted her to move with them and leave me.

    So... a year and a half has passed. No contact since September. She has been living with different people since then, with a kid a year older than her, with a man who was about 50 or 60 years old. The "security guard", the door man actually, always chasing her and using the younger girl to bring her to him.

    A mutual friend told me last year, this bouncer was negotiating her with a drug dealer behind her back. I told her and she didn't believe me.

    I stopped communicating with her in September. But since January she spoke to a lady who knows me just by coincidence. The lady is a tarot reader with who I spoke last year, and in January this girl end up there and the lady called me and told me everything. She was crying, she spoke about me and felt horrible because her friend have her into drugs and she has no money and do not know what to do and she has no face to see me or contact me after all the warnings I told her were true.

    So... it seems she is going to contact me soon. I do not know what she is going to say or her state. All I know is that she was originally so incredible worth it as a person. My fears are her demons taking over again and losing her over parties again, I do not know. The situation is consuming me.

    When I saw her I wanted her to be the mother of my kids, but it seems things comes with a price.

    So, ma situation is:

    I am 38 and this girl was awesome and we had a bond deeper than any I had before. She is 27 right now. She may be probably learning her life's lesson any way.

    I could ignore her call and keep with my life ignoring her.

    I could answer her and listening to her and take the bullets with the hopes of stabilizing. I am not Superman and if I am, I am under too much kriptonite with the situation.

    Let me hear from you.
  2. mobilehaathi macrumors G3


    Aug 19, 2008
    The Anthropocene
    A lot of really awesome PRSI bait in there that'll I'll ignore. :)

    I can't recommend specific actions. However, I would suggest being compassionate but cautious, although not many are truly capable of that.

    Also, I'd starting thinking of her as a "woman" rather than a "girl," but that's just me.
  3. iMikeT macrumors 68020

    Jul 8, 2006
    Lost me at

    You sure you're 38 and not 14? At 38, shouldn't you be seeking the ladies at book clubs and cooking classes instead of being hung up on this waitress who's living la vida loca? Just a thought.
  4. smokeyrabbit macrumors 6502

    May 19, 2005
    Escape from New England
    lol, same thought.

    I'm 12 years older than my wife, so I totally get the hot 25 year-old thing, but you need to run away from this train wreck. And get that rash checked at the free clinic lol.

    Run away!
  5. TedM macrumors 6502

    Sep 19, 2012
    The situation sucks man. But this is your decision. In the end you need to place weight on what you want to happen. You need to decide, but since you asked for the internet for help my opinion is you should accept her call. That doesn't mean you need to jump headfirst back into the game of love, but at least talk to her. Do not give her money though.
  6. Raid macrumors 68020


    Feb 18, 2003
    I'm 38 and maybe in a different place in my life so take my advice (for whatever it's worth to you). From your description she's cute, she's smart and you sense good in her. However she's a train wreck, this "security guard" sounds more like a "pimp". I know you want to save her, and yeah there's a slim chance of success. But there's a greater chance of you getting your time, money, optimism sucked right out of you. In short, my advice is:
    Don't call her. If she calls you there's nothing wrong with wishing her well, but she's the one that has to clean up her life. That should be the extent of your commitment to this lady.
  7. DeepIn2U macrumors 603


    May 30, 2002
    Toronto, Ontario, Canada

    Buddy ... you and me both! You and me both! I'm in a similar situation and the girl's mother had died, just after she made a promis to her to get off the drugs. If it wasn't for my ex and I breaking up after 16yrs I would've not ever talked to this new girl after seeing her nod-off suddenly only to tell me a few hours later what she was into (so you can see how hard I laughed watching Iron Man 3).

    The good thing is she's making an honest attempt at getting into a clinic full time where she's going to stay until completely recovered and change her home address where no temptation is.

    Sucker!! - to myself ... I try NOT to judge anyone, that is best left to a higher power (whomever you want to call it). However something tells me I'm another guys in the string of others past where this is just a rope and string. I hope I'm wrong but.

    My advice ... WALK AWAY!! WALK AWAY!!

    Girls in the western world, at least in the USA/Canada have statistics that 1/4 have been sexually assaulted, you don't really know what its like for those in Cuba (my mothers home country).

    There is going to be many OTHER issues down the road from lingering trauma that she's yet to fully deal with. What are you going to do when your family, friends accept her into their lives along with yourself only to have her suddenly run away due to ucomfortness or her feeling she doesn't deserve you. Worse yet if this is a bait and string for all your worth!

    I repeat .... WALK AWAY, WALK AWAY! Until she deals with the pain, suffering and other issues completely where you can see this over an undetermined time ... it can end up bad. I PRAY I'm very wrong as I wish no ill will to you. Let us know what you decide and how it turns out - in this same thread. I'm very curious. Godspeed.
  8. chown33 macrumors 604

    Aug 9, 2009
    Sailing beyond the sunset
    You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved, or won't recognize they might need help.

    They teach you this in Red Cross lifesaving class. Some people who are drowning will refuse assistance, and even actively fight against someone trying to rescue them. If you fight them, you can both drown. Let them pass out first, then bring them in.

    My brother is a fire dept. paramedic, and he's told me about people with broken legs who insist on standing up and walking away from medical treatment.
  9. ucfgrad93 macrumors P6


    Aug 17, 2007
    I have to agree with this.
  10. Plymouthbreezer macrumors 601


    Feb 27, 2005
    Sounds terrible.... I respect the kindhearted and good-natured intentions, but for your own sake, and safety, I'd stay out of the situation as much as possible.

    Like other's have said, she's on a crash course, with tons of baggage. It's a noble quest, but one probably destine for failure. :(
  11. AnimaLeo macrumors 6502

    Sep 2, 2009
  12. andalusia macrumors 68030


    Apr 10, 2009
    Manchester, UK
  13. GoCubsGo macrumors Nehalem


    Feb 19, 2005
    This x10.
  14. Consultant macrumors G5


    Jun 27, 2007
    Offer to send her to rehab, and help her get a new job away from those bad influences if you really want to help. Otherwise there's no chance it'll work as she's likely to fall back into drugs to escape from her problems.
  15. leftywamumonkey macrumors 6502a


    Jun 23, 2010
    You have said that you have a physical attraction to her, but it doesn't seem like you guys have anything thing else that would keep you two together. You two are 11 years apart, a whole generation, and she is from a different world. After getting past the physical attraction to her, I don't see what there is between you two. Like you said, you are family oriented, whereas she has had a rough childhood including sexual abuse and possibly incest and now lives this life where she parties, "gives it up" and lives in the ghetto, which you said she is used to. To add to that, it seems like she isn't on the same intellectual level either. Although she speaks 4 languages, you mentioned that she doesn't go to school and can't tell the difference between communism and democratic losers. You're going to have a difficult time if you father her kids since you will also have to take care of her, emotionally and financially, just saying.

    This isn't the type of girl you want to be the mother of your children!
    You are going to have to pay so many airline fees since she's carrying a lot of baggage.
  16. DesertEagle macrumors 6502a


    Jan 10, 2012
    /home @
  17. sdilley14 macrumors 65816

    Feb 8, 2007
    Mesa, AZ
    I'll echo everyone else's sentiment...walk away. You're 38 and single, she is young and hot. Maybe when you say you see good in her, you are seeing something you want to see rather than what is actually there. She may not be a terrible person, but she is probably a terrible person for you. In your mind you are finding any way to rationalize and justify being with this trainwreck of a person because she is hot. If she was a 6 or 7 instead of a 9, would you be having such an internal struggle over this?
  18. CaptHenryMorgan macrumors regular

    Apr 27, 2013
    The District
    At the implied request of the moderators to illustrate my point that goes along with posting a gif of someone eating popcorn: This is a very bad idea. Not a chance in hell would I pursue this. However, this is my reaction if you decide to do so:


    Please do keep up updated. There's nothing better than a train wreck.
  19. dukebound85 macrumors P6


    Jul 17, 2005
    5045 feet above sea level
    Love it when older guys pick girls from my age range. Can't date around your own age or what?
  20. sdilley14 macrumors 65816

    Feb 8, 2007
    Mesa, AZ
    I don't think it's always a matter IF you can date women around your own age range. If you're 38 years old, would you rather be with a 27-28 yr old, or another 37-40 yr old (all things non physical being equal). And I think this preference is inversely true with men and women.
  21. mobilehaathi macrumors G3


    Aug 19, 2008
    The Anthropocene
    How delightfully simple...
  22. Scepticalscribe Contributor


    Jul 29, 2008
    The Far Horizon
    Yes, agreed.

    And, re nouns, I have to say that the loose use of the noun 'girl' when describing someone who is an adult woman is something that sets my teeth on edge for some reason....

    I have asked myself that same question today on reading this bizarrely compelling thread....

    Amen to that. Yep. This question has also occurred to me....

    Ah, yes. Right. Okay, then....I see.

    Seriously? What a banal and simplistic set of clichéd lenses through which to view relationships....

    Again, you said it. ;) I couldn't agree more.
  23. turtle777 macrumors 6502a

    Apr 30, 2004
    I'm sure they can.

    Maybe it's just that girls your age are sick and tired of boys that live with their parents and have no jobs :p

  24. roadbloc macrumors G3


    Aug 24, 2009
    OP. I'd take Obama's sound advice.


    It doesn't sound like you want to get mixed in that business. Don't be dumb and just find someone else.
  25. Carlanga macrumors 604


    Nov 5, 2009
    Why are you guys believing this nonsense. This thread is clearly bait, should be closed and the TS should be banned.


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