You can watch antivirus software and Windows updates and frequent reboots run on your thick, clunky, unwieldy, heavy tablet that's worse at a laptop at literally everything except for drawing on the screen. As a bonus you get a touch interface with very few apps that actually use it so you get to run desktop apps with a type cover with terrible keys and a barely usable trackpad. Try not to sneeze so it won't go flying off your lap as it leans on its kickstand. If you're lucky, the Surface won't overheat. And try not to run the battery down on your phone for tethering because the silly SP3 lacks a built in cellular option- of course you could plug a cell modem into USB but going along with the spirit of your nightmare iOS scenario, I'll assume you'd drop the heavy clunky Surface and snap the dongle off of at the port...
Give us a break
As a former Surface Pro 3 owner, very few of your complaints have merit. It's no less powerful than any other ultrabook, including the MacBook Air. It never overheated on me, even during processor intensive tasks like gaming.
Clunky and unwieldy is a matter of opinion. Though I think the iPad air is better-built, the SP3 is not a piece of junk. It makes reasonable compromises in the name of functionality vs. portability, and is overall a very impressive piece of hardware. It's lighter than the 11" Air, even with the keyboard cover. It's actually not much heavier than the iPad 3 without it. The battery life is decent, considering its size, weight, and performance.
You can make jokes about Windows 8 needing antiviruses, but I ran my SP3 for nearly a year with just the built-in Windows Defender, and it remained malware-free. I was careful, though: no malicious sites, no questionable apps or files.
The keyboard is not great and the trackpad is horrendous, that much is true. And the Windows 8 app store is pretty sad. That's main reason I hung onto my iPad Air, and it's why I switched back to carrying a MacBook and the iPad instead of a Surface Pro 3. But make no mistake: the SP3 package remains really compelling, and if Microsoft gets the Windows App store together and makes a few refinements, Apple could be in for a bigger fight than people realize. There are still a lot more Windows users out there than Mac users, and the Surface Pro line is very close to the ideal tablet+laptop combo at this point.
The pen, by the way, is absolutely fantastic. I really, really, really wish Apple made their own version of the SP3. I'd have bought it in a heartbeat.
