See, that's what I was thinking too. Either that or maybe his penis is shaped like a knife, and it could have possibly cut through his pocket and sliced the phone if he might have been aroused or something. Do you recall if you might have been struck by thoughts of phone's hotness on your way to work?
Srsly ... here's my 3 week, step by step advice to happiness:
1) Don't worry
2) Order another iPhone right now. You'll get it in 3 weeks.
3) The day you get your new phone, put your old one on eBay and clearly state and show that it's scratched. Since the phone is scratched, and used, it will sell for ... only $950.
Whatever you do, don't return the phone to Apple. You're guaranteed to lose money in that transaction; with eBay, you're guaranteed to make money.
I'm totally serious.